i’m catching up on and another lovely day and oh my god i’m about to cry. the portrayal of amatonormativity is just. crushing. i’m alloace but i feel crushed by amatonormativity and all the ridiculous assumptions and expectations people have about romance all the time, and just… seeing nora get boxed in, and seeing her loved ones treat romance as some sort of essential experience for growing up and being seen as a real human being… and not allowing people’s friendships to be meaningful life-changing loving friendships without going “omg so are you two a couple ??” and… okay i’m going to take a break and catch up on the last two episodes later but god is this webtoon amazing
“Meanwhile, all it takes is for a girl to walk next to him to be seen as his significant other.”
going to sob about this line from idiots don’t catch colds because yes. this. this is why i have such a hard time being friends with men this is why i get so anxious talking to men it's literally exactly. it.
because i know what people think. i know what they say. and i know it doesn’t make me less of a lesbian to be around men, i know i know i know, but i refuse go back in the closet. it just feels so wrong to be put into that box again, even if it’s just in the mind of some random person on the street. i can’t be anyone’s cute little straight girl anymore. i think i've done my time already. i’m not that old, but i’m too old for that. i’m too old for “oh, but he’s so nice! and you two get along so well! why not just date him?” i want to scream even thinking about hearing that shit again.
reading my writing like wait why am i literally just akihiko from our walk home ??
The sentence in question: “I get so caught up in grammar, the flow of my writing, meeting expectations, presenting the right face to people, talking in a way that won’t be made fun of, writing in a way that will make people believe I’m worthy of respect…”
My Top Ten Favorite Things about Falling From Cloud Nine (So Far!)
Okay, so I started reading FFC9 sometime last year—I don’t exactly remember when, but I do know that it quickly took over my brain and shot its way up my list of favorite Webtoons. Season 2 just started (THE FIRST EPISODE WAS POSTED YESTERDAY !! AND I REALLY LIKE IT !!), so I wanted to finally write out a post (which I’d been thinking about doing for a while, actually) articulating as much of my love for it as I possibly can. A major reread is in order to celebrate the new season, for sure (though I’ve already reread the whole series once and some episodes probably three or four times). Some spoilers in this breakdown, though I’ll try to keep things vague—I won’t go into the details of any major twists. Anyway, enjoy my deranged fangirlboy ramblings!
1. Ameri Itou
Okay, this one is obvious to anyone who's seen my other FFC9 posts, or heard me talk about this comic literally anytime ever. I can't discuss FFC9 without discussing Ameri being one of my favorite characters ever. See, I'm the kind of guy who likes to project onto underwritten women characters, especially the 'mean girl' type, because I relate so much to having my hyperfemininity be mischaracterized or used to render me two-dimensional and irrelevant. (Hell, sometimes I use it to render myself two-dimensional and irrelevant—it's a good masking tool for when I want to hide or lie about something. But even though it can be valuable for me, that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt, and I have a lot of insecurities about how I'm perceived.) Now, Ameri is NOT AT ALL underwritten, and that's what makes her so amazing. She's the type of character I would usually project onto and be disappointed about the lack of development for—girly, cutesy, seemingly shallow. In a less amazing story, she would be sentenced to becoming Public Enemy #1 for getting in the way of the main ship or whatever, or she'd become a cardboard-cutout cheerleader character who's dully supportive of the main ship and nothing more interesting than that. But then, in FFC9, she's written beautifully? From the dedicated arcs exploring her past, to the development of her friendship of Hiroki (which we get to see from her perspective alongside his), to the smallest character moments that I gleefully overanalyze and THAT ACTUALLY REWARD ME BY BEING INTERESTING AND WORTHWHILE TO OVERANALYZE, Ameri is amazing. She's not a perfect character, and that's what I love about her. I love that she's sometimes obnoxious, and that she makes decisions I wouldn't have made, because she's so well-written that every one of those moments makes sense. I don't feel exasperated confusion, I just feel like it makes the writing even better, because it develops her as a high schooler? Like, of course she's impulsive and sometimes tactless—it would be weirder if she wasn't, if she was airbrushed into just a nice friendly girl or the coolest awesomest woman ever. She's way more than that, and I love her.
(For fellow fans: I think it's debatable if this one even has a 'main ship', considering uh... everything, but like you get what I mean.)
2. Sumiko & Souh's relationship
Okay, so, FFC9 is by no means a sibling story, but it is to me. There's not a lot of screentime for Sumiko & Souh's relationship to be developed, but the panels that are there are used well. The scene in "CONCERN." where the two of them have lunch is so charming, and I love revisiting it and just ruminating on the details of their characters. And their dynamic is so compelling? Sumiko is so obviously lonely, and Souh is so obviously so important to her, but she barely gets to see him. And she can't even be mad, and she knows she should just be grateful for what she gets, because it's not even Souh's fault he's gone all the time, and he doesn't want to leave but he has to? And then Souh trying to be a good older brother and make up for all that missed time during the times when he is able to spend time with her, even though he knows he can't fix the real problems? Yeah, so Sumiko & Souh's relationship isn't the focus of FFC9, but I think the comic is a brilliant sibling story nonetheless—and it's even cooler to think about how much it accomplishes so efficiently, with not that much time dedicated to seeing the two of them interact.
3. Now THIS is how you handle codependency
FFC9 enlightened me to the fact that I have a guilty-pleasure trope—a trope that I'm very aware is not a good thing in real life, but that I love regardless. It's the character who has like no friends and just focuses their whole life on this one other person they're obsessed with trope. But the thing is, FFC9 does it so well? mono_krm tells a story that resonates with my love for this not-good dynamic, because it doesn't feel inane. FFC9 doesn't gloss over any meaningful emotion in favor of omg isn't obsession so cute?? loyalty is so romantic!! I relate to Hiroki a lot, in ways you probably wouldn't expect (including developing a physical disability that impacts my ability to walk and causes me intense pain because of an experience with someone I was obsessively in love with to the point where I isolated myself from other relationships and aspects of life but couldn't make peace with my feelings for because of internalized homophobia... look, it's a long story), and to see his obsession with Souh portrayed as, like, pretty sad and pathetic, is something I actually find really beautiful and resonant. To be clear—this comic isn't a story about bashing Hiroki for being in love, but rather it's honest about Hiroki being in love in a way that's really tearing down his whole life and his well-being. It's a sad dynamic, but it's complicated by Souh's charm as a character. FFC9 does a great job of communicating why Hiroki loves Souh so much, and why he just can't bring himself to walk away. You can see why Hiroki shuts himself off from the rest of the world, for one. And Souh is a ridiculously magnetic character, with the style of the art (expressiveness, bright color, energy and motion) and the small details of every panel with him in it communicating just how charming he is. As a reader, you get obsessed, too, even as you learn things about Souh (and what a red flag he is) that Hiroki doesn't actually know. You see a more honest version of Souh than Hiroki does, but the charm gets you, too. (I say you because I think, judging from the comic’s comment section, that most people understand where I'm coming from.) So, yeah, this is how you do toxicity. I don't mind toxicity in stories, even when it's kinda romanticized? Like, in this case, I actually love it! I just think it can be romanticized without being completely ridiculous or painfully insensitive to read, and FFC9 is perfect evidence of that. FFC9 doesn't make me go, what. why., it makes me go NOOOOOOOOO... oh my god no... watching stuff unfold that I knew would happen because it's perfectly consistent with the characters, but that still hurts to watch because it hits so close to home (okay, that part might just be me, but like...). If you've ever obsessed over someone to avoid your problems and then ended up causing even more problems because of it, this is the Webtoon for you. (I'm sure I'm not the only one!)
4. That hallucination sequence
So, I'm not going to say where this sequence happens. I'm just going to leave this here, because if you were there? You remember. And if you're going to read FFC9 sometime in the future? I won't steal this surprise from you. For one, this sequence is just absolutely gorgeous. It's visually shocking, and it's also shocking from like a things that happen in it perspective. It's amazing. It definitely stopped my heart for a minute there when I first read it, and it still makes me jittery upon rereading. Damn.
5. Ameri & Hiroki's relationship
Fair warning, this is not the last Ameri-related item on this list. Anyway, I love pretty much every interaction between Ameri & Hiroki, especially when we get to see them becoming friends. I love Ameri's crush-totally-not-a-crush on Hiroki (I get you, Ameri, having crushes is my most tried-and-true way to make friends, and it's surprisingly effective!), and I love seeing Hiroki's world start to expand—albeit in the most awkward ways possible, because that's just what both of them are like, but maybe that's what makes their friendship an even more welcome diversion from the General Codependency Angst that drives FFC9 (not that you ever fully get a break from said angst, so be warned, I suppose).
6. Souh & Maya's relationship
Of course I love the scene from "STRESS." But I also love the scene from "DISTORTED." The latter scene makes it really obvious that Souh has spent basically his whole life around Maya—Maya's like an older brother to him, but Souh's also like Maya's boss, but Maya's also like symbolically everything wrong with Souh's life, but again he really is like an older brother to Souh since Shouhei isn't there (and Maya and Shouhei are maybe friends)? Maya could have easily been a character who exists just for narrative convenience as Souh's chauffeur and gang representative, but he's so much more interesting that that. It’s not even because the comic gives us very much personal information about him, but rather because his relationship with Souh is unique, complicated, and just really compelling.
7. The part from "INTERSECT." about Ameri masking
Yeah, more Ameri. I'm biased. Sorry. One of my favorite things about Ameri’s character is actually the emphasis on her fakeness, and I especially love this moment that shows how much of her public existence is a performance. It’s my favorite character type—the sunshine-y character who has to fight to keep up that sunshine persona, because it's not at all as effortless and natural as it seems. Throughout FFC9 we see that Ameri is a real person, that she has depth beyond her surface-level persona. Every assumption you can make about her based on her cutesy, popular-girl aesthetic falls apart pretty quickly in the face of just how much time FFC9 lets you spend around her as she lives her life, and how much the comic revels in her inauthenticity. The way she presents herself is a conscious choice, and I find it really powerful. I love this handful of panels in particular because I relate to them, and because they don't feel judgmental of Ameri. For a moment, she feels like the main character.
8. Outfit designs, just generally
Souh's fingerless gloves & his jacket with the neon blue stripes are my favorites! In general, though, I think that mono_krm does a really good job of using outfits to support characterization, especially all the tiny details.
9. Gremlin Souh
On first reading, Souh's antics are funny because his pure chaos is just really entertaining. And then upon rereading, when you know more about his feelings and motivations, THEY BECOME SO MUCH FUNNIER? Let's just say watching Souh be faced with the very obvious consequences of his actions because he's just that much of a reckless thrill-seeker is a new layer of delightful. I won't go into too much detail because of spoilers, but like. Souh. IF YOU DON'T WANT TO KNOW THEN DON'T BRING IT UP ? AND THEN DON'T BRING IT UP A SECOND TIME ???
10. The "Souh Is..." dream sequence
It's amazing. All the background text in that sequence is amazing, really covering the spectrum of all the possible ways you can feel about coming out, all the large and small anxieties, opening up room for complexities and directly referencing stereotypes and how personally hurtful they can be. I appreciate that this Webtoon tells a story about carrying the burden of a lifetime of homophobia—it's not about how some mean people are mean sometimes, it's about losing part of your own soul to the accumulated weight of a lifetime living in... well, in the world you live in. And it's not even really about that, it's just a really well-done character element that becomes a story of its own without actually dominating the story's narrative? It's a dream for literature studies, that's for sure.
Okay yeah so that's that! I finished most of a bag of goldfish while writing this. This is like an accumulated year and a half's worth of thoughts on this comic, and I'm actually so happy I got to finally put them on paper. Shoutout to all the people who have listened to me ramble about FFC9, including my wonderful friend Ghost and Matty Bites's comment section. I must say that the rambles won't be stopping anytime soon, and will almost certainly be getting worse as season 2 progresses—sorry!
Postscript: I've actually been brainrotting more than usual about music lately, and not reading as much Webtoon (I'm still way behind on Maho Shonen and TIOS). Somehow, though, FFC9 is what got me to sit down and write again, after many stuck-in-the-drafts attempts to get back into writing long-form stuff about music. Works for me, I guess!
me when a webtoon comments section is actually good ?? this episode of i want to be a cute anime girl made me SO emotional and THEN all these comments ?? god.
