The Art of Tipping - Weddings
To tip or not to tip? That is the question (that vexes so many couples footing the bill for their own nuptial celebrations)! Of course, the preferred answer would be that you don’t have to. But the real answer is that when you are looking at the overall budget you should be thinking about tips as well. Not only would you appropriately tip anyone else bartending, doing your hair, or waiting on you in a restaurant, but everyone doing those same tasks at your party will be expecting and depending on a gratuity for their time and efforts. “But I’m already paying so much for this wedding!,” you say. Fear not. While it is appropriate to tip at your wedding, let us share with you some helpful insight into just how much and to whom.
“She gave us drinks, to drink…”
Let’s start with not only the most critical, but everyone’s favorite location at a reception: the bar. One of my biggest pet peeves at any event is seeing bartenders with a cup out looking for tips. Unless it is a cash bar, then the tips are all on the host. Bartenders are usually included in the venue or catering estimate, so make sure that you are aware of their line item cost and be prepared to tip them at least 20%. Fifteen percent could be appropriate if you had really bad service or they were underprepared, but to be honest, it’s probably not their fault. One of the more common issues that I see when it comes to poor bar service is simply a staffing miscalculation. I don’t care how good a bartender is, if she’s the only one for over 100 people, you’re going to have to wait for your pinot. Know your bartender costs, know their staffing numbers, and know the expectations for getting these libation serving all-stars their tip at the end of the night.
“I now pronounce you…”
Next up, the officiant! The average cost for someone to officiate over your nuptials (if you don’t any friends or family to ask) is $300.00. Sometimes, depending on traditions, this can be in the form of a gift. But cash is king, plus it’s everyone’s favorite. If your officiant is religious, they usually like cash, in the form of a “donation.”
Something with “hair did”
Your hair and makeup artists – yes you’re compensating them directly, but you can’t put a price on some of the intangibles that go with this aspect of your day. You already know that one of your bridesmaids is going to be a pain because she doesn’t like something about her hair. Moreover, depending on your artist(s), these people, in order to be available all day for you, might inadvertently be losing clout with regular customers in their salon who had to reschedule the routine appointment they’ve had for six years running. This gratuity doesn’t have a specified amount, but do make sure that it’s suitable to make up for that potential. And yes, cash still rules this kingdom.
“Something about photos”
Stepping into the mix of wedding day all-stars is the photographer. I’ll admit, I have mixed emotions on this one. I also think it’s appropriate to wait until you receive the final product to determine an appropriate gratuity. Of all the things you’re committing to on your wedding day, this one gives you the most time to “think it over.” As for me, I think if it’s a family friend - definitely tip them; they did you a favor with their craft. If someone is already charging a pretty high fee for services and final product, and they seem inflexible in their price, then I would say forego the tip; they’ve likely built it into their fee. Conversely, I think someone that is reasonably priced, easy to work with and does a phenomenal job editing your pictures deserves a tip. What constitutes a phenomenal job? Service and personality. Are they asking you the right questions? Are they providing you direction or suggestions for what types of scenes to compose? Did they craftily tie in scenes or poses from your engagement photos? These are all things to factor in. For a photographer, I say 10-15% would be a fair.
“All the single ladies (all the single ladies)!”
Are you thinking flower toss? Wondering about whether to tip the florist? We’ll get to that. In the meantime, music. Music’s a tough one. On the one hand, you wouldn’t go to a concert and be asked to tip Justin Bieber or Queen Bey. Have you seen ticket prices lately?! Definitely built into their fee. On the other hand, you could go to a piano bar and be expected to pay if you wanted your song bumped toward the top of the play list. Heck, you might even toss a great street performer at least a meager sign of your appreciation for his talents! Sorry to do this to you, but this one’s your call. Like the photographer, it’s probably best to wait to determine this until after the party. If I had to give you some input, I would say no more than $100 per person would be fine. But even then I would add: only if they are really cheap, really good at their craft, and you think they’re really undervaluing themselves. Of course, if they stayed a bit longer for everyone to belt out and shake it to a few extra Queen Bey tracks, that would be good reason too. Oh and as for the florist, follow the “three-really-rule” above.
“Everybody on the bus!”
Remember when I said that the bar and the bartenders were the most critical aspect of your wedding reception? Well this set of folks is the most crucial in making sure that all your guests’ hard work at the bar turns out well (a.k.a. safe) for everyone. First of all, if you have out of town guests and hotels booked to host them, you should offer transportation. Next piece of advice: always tip the bus drivers! They get to haul your drunk guests home at the end of the night – guests who maybe can’t handle their appletinis as well as they could in college and wind up wearing some sassy pants by their 4th one, or wind up making a mess with the extra slice of cake after appletini #7 that decides to make a surprise U-turn. Bus drivers can go through the ringer sometimes, enough so that an extra $50-$100 goes a long way for them. Rarely are they expecting anything, which means they’ll light up when someone hands them money at the end of the night!
“Why, you shouldn’t have!”
Ok, this last one is tricky, if not potentially controversial – the planner! You might be skeptical, or even annoyed, that as a planner I say “absolutely!” I have mixed emotions, though, based on conversations that I’ve had with clients who have used a planner in the past and have been hesitant to use another one the second time around. I hate to say it, but some planners are awful. Sure, some bad luck might see a few filets come out a bit more on the well side than requested, but if the food is burnt, the beer has gone bad, and the DJ’s playlist has one too many records that skip, odds are the planner didn’t do the best job hiring the crew tasked with executing your vision. To say more bluntly: There are bad planners out there – do not tip them! Perhaps I’m being overly principled, but if more people would refrain from tipping shockingly bad planners, it might provide an attrition rate high enough that their performance wouldn’t give the rest of us a bad name.
I like to think that I go above and beyond for my clients, but my personal M.O. is to treat my clients the way I want to be treated. And how is that you ask? I am extremely responsive, I make sure my clients get all their first choice vendors and venues, and I create very detailed timelines of the days I am involved in – not just for my own sanity, but so all the vendors know when and what and where they are doing their thing. Quick anecdote: I had a mom hug me before she signed our contract because I was doing so much set up for another client’s wedding when she was doing a walk-through for her (son’s/daughter’s)! People are touched by my commitment to our partnership, and that’s something I’m proud of.
To reign it all in… I truly believe there is an art to tipping, and if someone is going above and beyond what you’ve agreed to pay them to do, and you are extremely satisfied with their services, then by all means, tip them. If this isn’t the case, well – hopefully they charged enough for their time.
