Dear John,
John.
I think everybody would agree, when I say, that it has taken us way too long to figure this out.
And yet I feel utterly grateful to be standing here with you today. Because we cannot change the past, but what happens from now on, us together, will be getting right.
So, John.
I know I say your name at any given opportunity, which I know is too much and annoys everybody.
Yes, I am aware and yet I can’t stop, for it is the most beautiful thing I could ever hear myself saying out loud.
John.
The moment we met I was drawn to you. I was fascinated by you. Your kindness, your actions, and the way you didn’t call me a freak. Instead you were to be amazed by me.
And I thought I had been happy with my work alone, but your existence in my life changed everything. My whole world was turning. You became my sun. I suddenly needed you to breathe.
Day after day, week after week, I adored you. I fell for you. Hard and without control.
Remember when we had dinner after our first case? Your eyes were curious. You giggled when I bragged about all the crimes I had solved so far. You had a bit too much wine already. The light was dim, but your presence was lightening up the whole room.
And I thought about how much it would hurt when you would be apart from me.
Remember when I had to trick you. And I had to leave you. Your voice was so scared, but I couldn’t see your face. I was glad, I couldn’t have beard to see you hurting.
The minute I left, my heart ached so much for you, I thought, oh how deeply I was in love with you.
Remember when you kissed me for the first time. After all that had to happen first, all the misunderstandings and all the pain. Your lips so soft against mine. So gently, so calming. I felt your heartbeat against my skin and I wanted this moment to go on forever. And I thought I could not love you more than this.
Remember when I came home after a long night of chasing a murderer and you were waiting for me. And when I laid down next to you and asked why you didn’t just go to sleep without me, you placed your hand on my heart and told me, because you needed to know I was okay. And I thought there wasn’t a way to love you more than this.
And not so long ago, you stood in front of me in our living room, and I thought I was gonna faint, because people really do that, when you got down on one knee for me. And the flickering light of the candles was reflected in your loving eyes. Your cheeks flushed with excitement. Your whole being vibrating with expectation. And I could feel myself tearing up and I thought it was impossible to be more in love with you than this.
And now I stand here, and I hold your hands, and I look into your eyes. And John Hamish Watson.
Let me tell you that right in this moment, I am loving you more. More than this.
More than ever.
And I know tomorrow when we wake up and I hold you in my arms and I feel your warmth against me, I will think exactly the same.
Because my love for you is infinite John. It doesn’t end. It never stops. It never will.
