BACKSLIDE
🚨post season 2-mid season 3 timeline (minor spoilers)
summary: after his arrest at graduation, weevil broke up with you to keep you safe. but then he gets out, and sick grandmas and spilled secrets mean a not so clean break. a breakup turns to hookups and ex-love turns to lust. but this time it's just sex...right?
pairing: weevil navarro x reader
tags: 18+ mdni, exes to friends with benefits (fwb) to lovers, hurt/comfort, angst w a happy ending, some fluff, domestic abuse, side character dies, plot driven smut? (nothing graphic but heavy sexual tension, vague descriptions and the whole Iead up to)
wc: 11.8k
a/n: ummm why are there like NO weevil lovers on here? how have i only found ONE fic. he's so hot and his character is just…damn. hope this fixes that xx.
break
There was nothing special about the day it happened. Just a regular summer morning.
Or as regular as it had been since Weevil’s arrest at graduation a few weeks ago.
That moment replayed in your head pretty much everyday. The buzz and excitement of leaving school vanishing the instant Lamb had shown up. You had promised each other a summer of fun and freedom. A reward for how hard you’d both worked this year. Then it was Hearst College for you and a job for him. All those plans? Gone. Now, the days were filled with anticipation and ache as you waited for any progression on his case.
You shivered, stepping out of the sticky heat and into the ridiculously cold jail cell. You’d been here enough times now that it wasn’t terrifying, but still, it hurt being here. Weevil sat up on the bed, softening when he saw you.
“Hey.” He said, gently.
“Hi.” Your fingers coiled tighter around the metal bars. You hated seeing him like this, and he knew it.
“How are you?” He smiled unconvincingly, trying to make this seem normal. It really wasn’t.
“I’m fine.” You chuckled a little.
“What?”
“Why are you asking about me? Who cares? How are you doing in there?” His eyes darted to the side. He hated talking about himself. Even now, he didn’t like it when you worried. You stared, waiting patiently for a response and he relented.
“I’m good too. How’s my grandma?” His knuckles flexed, immediately deflecting.
“She’s alright.” This time it was his turn to stare you down, waiting for a real answer. “She’s pretty sick Weevil. But I visit her everyday. She misses you.” He nodded slowly. His greatest fear was that he wouldn’t get to see her again.
“Tell her I’ll be out soon. The lawyer says I might be able to get off on parole if I make a plea deal.” Those few words completely filled your heart. The hope in his voice was reciprocated in your own.
“Really?” He nodded, lips curling into a smile.
But the way his eyes drifted to the side told you something was off. “Eli. What’s wrong?” His sharp breath echoed through the room, making your heart catch in your throat. What was he about to say? Had something happened in there? Was he in trouble?
“I…I don’t think we should do this anymore.”
Everything stopped, and all you could hear was the ringing in your ears.
“What?” You scoffed, taking a step back. You had to have misunderstood, right? But the way he said it. What else could he mean? “Are you joking?” His head tilted down, suddenly intently focused on his hands.
“I’m sorry.” His voice warbled a little. Your heart pounded. This was coming out of nowhere.
“Why?” You let it out in a shaky breath, trying to hold the flood that you knew was about to come.
“It’s too hard like this. It’s not fair on you.” His responses were short. Matter of fact. Like six months of dating, two months of “I love you”s had all meant nothing.
“But you’re getting out soon?” You half begged.
“Still-"
“You can’t seriously be breaking up with me from the inside of a damn jail cell.” You were almost laughing at how unbelievable this all was.
“I just…I keep putting you in danger. It’s not safe.” In that second, your pain turned into pure anger.
“You aren’t my protector, Weevil!” You yelled, completely forgetting everyone outside.
“Baby.” He squirmed uncomfortably in his seat. Good.
“Don’t you baby me. You don’t get to tell me what’s safe for me!”
“We can’t-"
“No, ok?” By this point, the tears were stinging your eyes as you paced. You could see officers outside staring but you didn’t care at all. Not when everything you’d known was being turned upside down. And not when it made no sense why. “I’m not some weak idiot. I can look after myself.”
“I dragged you into my shit with the Fitzpatricks, the PCHers and now this Thumper stuff. You should stay away from me.”
“Fuck. You. You think you know everything about how to keep me safe? You don’t know shit! I took eighteen years of my dad’s punches without you!”
He shifted completely, uncrossing his arms and looking up. Glassy brown eyes stared back at you through the bars.
“What?” His lips quivered. Slow, inquisitive, scared. You throat let out a sound like you were being strangled, as you processed the words you had never meant to say. You’d never so much as brought him to your house, because you knew it would change everything. That look on his face proved it. Because now, that’s all you were to him. “Has your dad-" You wiped frantically at your cheeks, trying to clear the tears. Not that it helped much because they were still rolling.
“Why does it matter to you? We’re done, right?” You didn’t bother listening to his response. You didn’t even look at him, turning on your heel. With cloudy eyes, you went through the officers’ checks, head completely spinning. It felt like an insult now. Like you would ever sneak something out for him. Like you would ever risk your safety for someone who treated you like you were literally nothing.
When you finally got out, the wind slammed against you like yet another reason to take you down. It shouldn’t have been there in the middle of summer. But it was, and it was cold and biting, exactly how you felt inside. You had never been more furious. How could he think he knew what was best for you? How could he destroy your heart like that? And worst of all, after all that, how could he still look at you like he was willing go to war for you? Your insides twisted. You couldn’t hold it in anymore. You let your knees give out, tears streaming down your face quietly. Your breaths were short and ragged, chest tightening like it never had before.
How the hell did you end up here?
a mistake
As Weevil stood in the courtroom, every single sound seemed louder than before. The screech of the microphone as the judge spoke into it, the rustling of his lawyer’s papers, the scrape of the chair as he stood up when beckoned. He wasn’t sure why he was nervous. This wasn’t even a trial. Just a hearing. But still, it’s like he knew something wrong was going to happen. And then it did.
A painfully loud scrape rang out through the echoey courtroom, making Weevil turn his head to the double doors. Like slow motion, his eyes settled on the figure standing between them. Chest heaving and face red from running. A little flustered and yet so. fucking. beautiful. You.
Suddenly, everything else around him blurred. He hadn’t seen you in a month. Since the breakup. Since he punched himself in the teeth so that you wouldn’t be hurt by him anymore. Since you’d screamed out unspoken secrets you had never meant to say and he’d been left reeling.
He thought about you a lot. Wasn’t much else to do in 4 by 4 cell. In the night, he imagined how you were, if you were safe, whether you’d cut your hair like you’d been thinking of. But nothing in his imagination compared to the real thing. Here, in the flesh. You looked fresh, lighter than you had last time he saw you. And still gorgeous as ever.
He couldn’t explain why his heart jumped the way it did as your eyes locked and he felt his jaw fall open at the sight. Your expression was unreadable, quickly averting his gaze and slipping into place next to his grandmother. It was clear by the way she took your hand in hers that you were there for her emotional support.
“Mr Navarro,” the judge spoke, catching Weevil’s attention again. “I’m going to need an answer.”
“I uh-” He spoke but his eyes flicked back to you immediately and then back to the judge. Focus, Weevil. “I…” He spoke like he was breathless, eyes floating back to you every few seconds without his brain even telling them to. And yours were right there with him, caught in a silent moment.
“Mr Navarro,” the judge repeated, stern, snapping him out of his trance. “I won’t ask again. How do you plead?”
“Oh, right.” He remembered where he was. In a court trying to save himself from a life of pain. “Guilty.”
This plea bargain meant getting out free this afternoon. Finally. At first, when the lawyer told him about it, you were part of the reason he’d jumped on it so quickly. But the more he thought about it, the more he realised that this was bound to happen again. Some way, some how, even if it wasn’t on purpose, you were going to be in pain because of his bullshit again. That’s when he’d made up his mind. And maybe he’d missed you ever since, and spent most nights regretting his decision but looking at you now, so much brighter, he decided it was definitely for the better.
⋆˚꩜｡
Your car pulled up to the curb of the county jail with a painfully harsh screech of the worn, old tires. Mrs Navarro and you stepped out, leaning against the car. Her because she couldn’t stand so well by herself and you because your legs were shaking with the flurry of emotions building inside you. Seeing him there in the courtroom had shook you. The way his eyes had locked in on you, splashed with something that made your heart burn weirdly. It wasn’t love. It was history. The strange recognition of a once familiar figure. That was not so familiar anymore.
Everything felt sharper as the seconds ticked on the clock, waiting for Weevil to come out. Mrs Navarro had insisted on picking him up from herself. This had been his longest stint in jail for a while. Thanks to you, she claimed, but you knew that wasn’t true. Weevil was growing all on his own. Still, with her condition, she could barely stand let alone drive on her own and you already had a car so…here you were, waiting to pick up your ex-boyfriend from the jail he had broken up with you in. Real golden situation you had found yourself in.
The groan of the automated gate rolling open caught your attention. Mrs Navarro fell over herself running to Weevil the moment she saw him. “Mijo!” She screamed, wrapping her arms around him.
“Woah, Abuelita be careful.” He grinned teeth and all, hugging her back. You hadn’t seen that smile in so long, but it warmed your heart when you did. You leaned back on the door, watching them. He was still wearing his outfit from graduation. The brown slacks his grandmother saved up for and a navy shirt. One you’d picked out for him.
Your hand clenched tighter against the door handle as he began helping his grandmother over to the car and his eyes caught yours. You gave him the smallest smile. Not rude but short, reserved. You opened the passenger door for her and he helped her in. As he retracted, your shoulders brushed and your body tensed. You didn’t look him in the eye when you rushed over to the driver’s side, starting the car.
The ride to his house was filled with Mrs Navarro’s excited chatter, filling Weevil in on all the things he’d missed while he was gone. There wasn’t much. She’d been at home almost the entire time but somehow, she managed to spin that into a positive too. She finished a puzzle, his cousin Anna got engaged, they celebrated an aunt’s birthday. Weevil smiled and nodded the whole time, excited to listen to his grandmother’s voice. Despite the way it shook as he talked, he was happy it was there at all.
Your face clenched as you pulled into his driveway, and the tires of your car screeched yet again. For the first time, he addressed you. “Still haven’t gotten that fixed?” He chuckled. Easy. Unaffected.
“Yeah I just haven’t found the time.” You smiled back. You could deal with this. Simple, surface level conversation like your world hadn’t crumbled at his hands. “Well, I should probably get going. Let you guys catch up.”
“Are you crazy?” Mrs Navarro practically jumped in her seat. “You’re joining us for dinner!”
“I really shouldn-"
“I won’t take no for an answer sweetheart.” On instinct, your eyes shot up to the rear view mirror, sharing a knowing look with Weevil. If there was one thing you both knew, it was never to question her authority. You could get through one dinner. It’d be fine.
“Ok, sure.” You nodded, making her beam.
⋆˚꩜｡
“Oh my god, this food is delicious.” Weevil scarfed down Mrs Navarro’s cooking like it was the first meal he’d had in days. He sat at his usual chair on the dining table, changed back into a worn black top you’d seen him wear a millions time, finally at home and at peace again. “I missed your cooking so much. Thank you for this.”
“You need to start learning to cook yourself.” She scolded in that strangely endearing way that only grandmas could.
“Abuelita, nothing will ever match this.” He said through mouthfuls. You held back a laugh, watching the crumbs spill out of his mouth.
“I don’t know about that. This one’s getting pretty close.” She tapped your shoulder affectionately, making your cheeks go warm. Weevil slowed, swallowing the bite he had in his mouth almost comically hard. “We’ve been learning new recipes everyday. I think it was a summer well spent, don’t you?” You nodded.
You’d settled into a routine together; coffee, cards, board games and cooking in between. When she was too tired to stand, she’d direct you from her spot on the dining table. You could tell how much she liked it. Chanelling all her energy into someone else. It helped her forget her sickness.
“That’s…great.” Weevil said, still in shock.
“This is the least I could do to thank you.” Mrs Navarro took your hand in hers. “You’ve been such a help.” Your heart melted at those words. Spending the summer with her had genuinely felt so…full. Like she let you into this little world and you actually got to be a part of something.
Mrs Navarro yawned, the tense day obviously catching up to her. “I should turn in.” As she unsteadily raised herself up, both of you made the move to try and help her. “No. Finish eating. Both of you. Good night.” Shakily, she hobbled to the hallway. Neither of you looked away until she turned a corner and physically left your line of sight. Then, it was just the echoing of forks scraping against plates. You sat like that for a while, neither of you making eye contact when suddenly, a bang ran out from the bathroom.
The two of you snapped in sync, running towards the noise.
“Abuelita!” Weevil called, panic ringing in his voice. Between the hallway and the bathroom, Mrs Navarro lay flat on the ground, groaning lightly.
“Shit, what happened?” You asked, rushing to one side of her as he did the other. She wrapped an arm around each of you, and you raised her up.
“I just slipped.” She was still winded, and incredibly shaky.
“This is why you shouldn’t go anywhere without your walker.” He scolded. With a grunt, you laid her down in her bed. He stepped back, arms crossing and let you scan her for injuries. Summer first aid training was coming in handy.
“Can you follow my finger?” You held it up, moving from side to side.
“I’m fine.” She whispered weakly.
“Abuelita.” Weevil said, stern, but wavering underneath. She sighed, but complied, following your finger fine.
“Ok, no sign of a concussion. I’ll get you some ice for your leg.” Her ankle was already starting to swell up. Weevil followed behind you as you rushed out and quickly grabbed a pack out of the freezer, tossing it over to him.
“She’s so stubborn.” He huffed, before turning back to the room.
⋆˚꩜｡
The two of you stood on either side of the room, waiting in silence until she fell asleep. It didn’t take long at all for the soft snores to come, and both of you breathed a sigh of relief when they did. Like this, she wasn’t in pain.
So she could stay in peace, you both stepped into his room, still half reeling from panic. He paced back and forth near the window, looking at nothing in particular. Finally, he stoped. “Has anything like that happened before?” His voice was so small as he asked, taking a tiny step towards you.
“Not like that. I mean, she’d stumble, but I usually make her walk with me.” You paused, considering your next words carefully. This time, you stepped forward. “I think she was just excited to see you. Wanted to show you how healthy she was. She told me she spent all morning cooking that up.” You gestured vaguely to the now forgotten dinner in the living room.
He shifted a little, smiling lightly to himself. “You’ve gotten to know her pretty well, huh?” He closed the gap between you till you were standing an actually normal distance apart. Like people that could actually stand being around each other, not the strangers you felt more like.
“Yeah. I have.”
“She really likes you.” A silence fell over you for a moment.
Then, like it couldn’t possibly be true, he asked, “You really visited her everyday?”
“Of course.” His strangely adoring look made a lump form in your throat.
“Wow. Thank you. I can’t believe th-“ You him off before he could finish, placing your hand lightly against his arm.
“Weevil, when you were in jail, you asked me to check on your grandma remember?” He nodded, confused yet intrigued. “So, I’d come over, we’d have coffee, chat, get to know each other. And surprisingly, we really got along. But then we broke up.” After a month apart, that was a lot easier to say. “And I was terrified to tell her. I didn’t know if she was going to hate me or kick me out… But when I told her you know what she did?” He shook his head. “She took my hand,” You grabbed his hand between both of yours, demonstrating it. “And she asked me if I was okay.” His eyes softened, head tilting to the side. “This goes beyond us. I came because she’s my family now too.”
As you finished talking, you realised that we were inches apart. At some point, you’d drifted so close you could study every familiar scar on his face. The scent of his cologne overwhelmed your nose, pumping through your blood. You could feel his breath as he exhaled, realising your closeness too. Something shifted. Your heartbeat sped up.
It was one thing when he was in jail, but having him here in front you had put you both back in your natural rhythm, and now you’d ended up here, faces so close if you moved, you’d be kissing. Like you had a thousand times before…Your breath hitched as you looked into his eyes. They scanned yours with the same inexplicable and overwhelming want that was suddenly filling you. You couldn’t stop your eyes when they flicked down to his lips for just a second. Oh, you needed to get out of here.
You exhaled sharply, about to let go of Weevil. “I should-” He snatched your hand, pulling you back into him. His lips crashed into yours; messy, hungry, and all consuming. Yours moved with his, almost involuntarily. Just as messy, just as hungry. It was like a magnet had drawn you two together and it wasn’t letting go. His hand snaked up your waist, the other cupping your jaw and you practically fell into him. You couldn’t help it. He began his way down your neck, nipping at all the places he knew would coax a moan out of you before you could even stop it.
“Weevil…” You exhaled. The rest of your body was working against your brain; lips parting, hands wandering, knees buckling into him. Breathlessly, you tried to speak between kisses. “This,” His mouth swallowed each word as it came out. “…is…a…mistake.” He broke apart.
“Then let’s make it.” He spoke against your lips, eyes still burning with a fire. Your skin tingled. Fuck it.
You clasped his face, pulling him back to you. The two of you moved back and forth, practically falling over each other. Like no matter what you did, it wouldn’t be close enough. You ended up pressed against a cabinet, the push and pull causing Weevil’s things to fall over, but neither of you cared. As you kissed, he grabbed your legs, hooking you around his waist in one smooth motion. He carried you over to his bed like that. You were still practically devouring each other as he laid you down under him.
You had craved this for months, in one way or another. Before it was about being back together again, in love. But right now? Right now it was about lust and greed and want, and you didn’t care about anything else. He let go of your lips just long enough to pull off his shirt.
“Fuck, I’ve missed you.” He groaned, leaning back down to kiss along your jaw. You didn’t respond. You didn’t want to think about your past. Because if you did you probably wouldn’t be doing this.
He worked his way down to the collar of your blouse and paused, a sly smile coming across his face. You knew this game. With each button he unbuttoned, he kissed down your torso. First they were light, barely perceptible, but the lower he went, the deeper they got. It was slow, teasing, just right to build the desperation. But as he reached the last button, he stopped.
A shaky breath exited him. A scared one.
You propped yourself up on your elbows, as he pulled back. The lust in his eyes had transformed to something else as he looked down at your stomach, where a blue-purple bruise sat. Oh right.
Your dad.
The thing that you hadn’t talked about. The thing that you never wanted to talk about. His shaky hand ever so lightly caressed it, like he was scared if he put anymore pressure on it, you would break. You could already see the words forming in his throat, and you couldn’t let them. Reality was not going to ruin this moment.
You grabbed his neck, pulling him back up to you and kissing him as deep as you could, hoping to take whatever stupid words he was going to say right out of his mouth. He tasted like sweat and the salt of a single tear that had rolled down his cheek. You pulled your blouse off quickly, and kissed the sensitive spot behind his ear that you knew would make him shut up. He exhaled, hot breath crawling down your neck. Good. It worked. You didn’t want real right now. You didn’t want love. You wanted to be greedy and selfish and make a mistake. And you sure as hell were gonna.
⋆˚꩜｡
The next morning, Weevil stirred awake with the calling of the birds. His body felt it before he fully woke; the warmth of your body against his. How right it felt. How much he missed this. It was wrong but dammit, he wanted to stay like this. Slowly, he blinked his eyes open to see you. You were turned away from him but his arm had wrapped tightly around your waist, almost like if he loosened it, you would just fall away. Your breaths rose and fell, catching slightly on a light snore every few seconds. He smiled to himself. That snore. He’d almost forgotten about that snore. A part of him wanted to nuzzle his nose deeper to your neck like he used to. But he didn’t. He knew how temporary this moment was.
Under his arm, you shuffled and his breath stopped. You were waking up. With a groan, you stretched lightly. He couldn’t see your face, but felt the shift as you realised where you were. You turned over to him so slowly it was painful. Your eyes were filled with something unreadable.
“Morning.” He whispered, more of a question than a statement. What happened now?
“Morning.” Your response was casual and a little confused, like your brain was catching up to everything that happened last night. And then it did. His heart clenched when you got up, leaving his arm to drop flat on the bed. It felt like losing a limb.
You cleared your throat, pulling at the shirt he had given you. “I should…I should probably go.” He expected you to say that, but still, his fingers twitched. You ran around, snatching up your clothes which had flown loose across the floor. As you reached to pull off his shirt, he sat up.
“You can…” he slowed down, trying to hide the desperation in his voice, “keep those. It’s easier.” He shrugged, leaning against the headboard, like it was casual, and not some desperate way to make sure he’d see you again. He broke up with you. He knew it, and he knew why but it was gross how much he didn’t want you to leave. He couldn’t fight the words that came up when you reached for the door. “You can give it to me later.” You paused, hand dropping from the door and turning back to him.
“Weevil, I’m finally in a place where I feel good on my own. Yesterday-I mean, you just got out of jail, the stuff with your grandma… We were both emotional. We said it last night right? This was just a mistake. A backslide.” The words were cold, worse than any punch Weevil had ever received. It hurt. Bad. But it was also the truth. This couldn’t happen. “I‘ll still come visit Mrs Navarro every once in a while. We’ll smile, make nice…for her. Friends. We can do this?”
He swallowed hard. He wanted you, and this was the only way to do it without ruining your life. So, he nodded. And then, the door closed behind you, leaving him alone in his bedroom with the pounding of his heart and a lifetime of regrets. He looked around. All the trinkets from his cabinet were scattered across his floor. A reminder of the chaos of the night. He hadn’t been thinking in that moment. All he saw was you, and the endless amount of love you had for everyone. That’s what he had adored about you. He wanted- No, he needed you.
He curled into his bedsheet, where the scent of your perfume still lingered. Friends… You couldn’t be together. He was terrified of putting you in danger again and you were terrified of getting your heart broken again. So, yeah. Sure.
Friends.
friends
The first visit after that night, was a week later.
Weevil was in the kitchen drinking water. You said hi, he said hi, and then he rushed out of the house and didn’t come back. Later that afternoon, when you were watching TV, Mrs Navarro mentioned he wasn’t meant to have any plans today.
The second visit, was the last week of summer.
Weevil was out at a job interview. You and Mrs Navarro sat on the couch, playing a game of Go Fish. She used to teach you the more complicated stuff but this was one of the only games she could remember now. “Any 7s?” She asked.
“Go fish.” You had already reached out for the deck, handing her a card.
The door flew open and Weevil practically bounced in. “Abuelita, guess who got a job?” He announced with childish glee. When he spotted you, his smile flickered for just a second.
“Really? That’s great!” She tried to get off the couch and you rushed to help her.
She hobbled over, wrapping him in as tight a hug as she could. You awkwardly stood to the side, but you couldn’t help but smile too. “I’m so proud of you, baby.” She leaned back, pinching his cheek. He went a bit red, eyes flicking over to you and then back. When she let go, she turned around to you, waiting patiently for a reaction. Right, manners.
“Congratulations, Weevil.” You didn’t know what to do, but your hands moved faster than your brain, heading into an awkward hug. It held for about half a second, as you patted his back. The universal friend hug. Still you couldn’t help but feel that familiar tingle before you pulled back.
“Thanks.” He nodded, looking down at his feet. He retreated to his room for the rest of the night.
Three visits. It took three visits for the whole friends thing to fall apart.
College had just started, and you were savouring every moment of living on your own. During a free period, you drove down. Weevil was sat on the porch steps, fists clenched together, deep in thought. The loud screech of your tires as the car pulled to a stop grabbed his attention. “What are you doing here? Haven’t you got college?” He asked.
“Gee, thanks for the warm welcome.”
He dropped his gaze. “Sorry.” There was silence for a second.
“I get to set my own schedule now. All my classes are in the afternoon.”
He chuckled. “Never were a morning person were you?” It was true. On high school mornings he’d come to pick you up (from the end of the street, obviously). You were almost always late, sleeping in til the last possible minute. Maybe it was because your parents fights kept you up at night. No, you just weren’t a morning person. That was it. His eyes drifted again, twiddling his thumbs. Something was wrong. You reminded yourself he wasn’t your business anymore. You didn’t have to care. He didn’t want you to either.
“How’s your grandma today?” You said, before you could get yourself invested into his bullshit. “Not good. She hasn’t gotten out of bed.” She didn’t most days now, and it broke your heart.
“I’ll go keep her company?” His eyes were wide as he looked over to you, nodding slowly. Suddenly, this urge rushed through you to reach over and squeeze his hand. But you didn’t. With a clearing of your throat, you stood back up, shaking whatever affections you had for Weevil away.
The day was spent inside, reading a magazine to Mrs Navarro. It didn’t really matter what it said, it was more about the company. She was weak, but excited to see you. Around lunchtime, though, the tiredness overwhelmed her and she drifted off, hand still clutched to yours. You sat for a bit, watching the rise and fall of her unsteady breaths. It worried you, seeing her like this. And it was only going to get worse.
The grumbling of your stomach finally got you to stand up to make yourself some food. You moved through the kitchen like it was your own, grabbing all the ingredients you needed for a simple soft taco recipe Mrs Navarro had taught you. Outside, the sound of metal clanging was the music accompanying you as you moved, tossing the chicken on the grill. You couldn’t see what, but Weevil had been outside, spending the day working on some car stuff you didn’t understand. He must’ve been hungry too, you thought, so you sliced up some extra chicken, adding it to the pan. You hummed a non specific tune to yourself, chopping up the vegetables and adding the spices to the chicken almost at the same time. It was second nature at this point. One of the recipes you made the most now that you lived on your own. Simple, quick and absolutely delicious.
As you stirred the chicken, something compelled you to look over at the window. Weevil stood right outside, wiping grease stains off his hands. You knew by the way his gaze averted instantly that he had been watching, and you liked it. With a shy smile, he looked back to you. You lifted up the tortilla pack, silently asking if he wanted some and he nodded, turning his attention back to his hands. Apparently, there was a lot of grease, because he just stood there, in front of the window, wiping, for what felt like an eternity.
Not that you were complaining. The view was pretty nice.
His greasy white tank clung tightly to his skin, ripped at the collar so his tattoos were just peeking out. Beads of sweat glistened along his muscles, shining in the sunlight. As he squeezed the rag, the veins down his arms flexed, making a lump form in your throat. You were ogling and you weren’t even sure you cared if he noticed. The sizzle of the chicken on the pan grabbed your attention again. Shit. You ran quickly to switch the stove off.
The tacos basically assembled themselves and soon enough, you and Weevil were sat at the dining table, ready to dig in. You bit your lip nervously, watching him bite into the taco. “Mmm.” He nodded. The way his eyes lit up made you weirdly giddy inside. No. You didn’t care about his opinion. You couldn’t. “My grandma was right. You are getting pretty good. Still not quite at her level though,” He smirked. “Chicken’s a little overcooked.” So he had caught you. But the way he looked at you, he didn’t seem to care.
The rest of the meal was shared in silence. Every so often, your eyes would catch each other, something buzzing beneath the surface. Unsaid words. Unspoken desires. But neither of you vocalised them.
As he cleaned the pots and pans, you began to pack your bag. There wasn’t much to pack but you found yourself standing at the sofa, hand lingering on the zip, watching for a moment. He scrubbed at the dishes, a rag slung over the shoulder of the greased tank he was still wearing. He was in his element out there and in here. And for some reason, that was incredibly hot. You knew if you stayed here, it would probably drive you insane.
“I’m gonna go.” You announced, making him turn his head.
“Alright. See ya.” He smiled weirdly, like he knew something you didn’t. You hated that it intrigued you. The second you stepped out the door, you realised what he was smiling about. Across the street, your car sat, with a brand new set of shiny black tires. Oh my god.
The smile grew across your face instantly, rushing back into the house.
“You didn’t!” He was leaning against the countertop, arms crossed, like he was expecting you, and a smug smile across his face. “They were due for an upgrade.” He shrugged. Your stomach fluttered. You couldn’t care about this as some romantic gesture, but it didn’t stop you feeling incredibly attracted to him. Besides, what was the problem with a little fun?
“You wanna take it for a test drive?” Your voice was silky, thick with suggestion. He perked up.
⋆˚꩜｡
You made it about three blocks before you pulled the car over in an empty alleyway. You didn’t waste a second, pulling him to your mouth and melting together in a hot clash of teeth and tongues. It didn’t take long for you to be straddling him as you ate each other whole. You broke apart for a second, both catching your breaths. His eyes flicked across your face, like he needed to memorise every inch of you and it made you shiver.
He exhaled. “You’re…“ From its place on your hip, his hand raised up to your face, twitching for a second, deliberating whether to brush your hair back. “You’re so-"
“Don’t talk.” You pressed your lips back to his. You didn’t let him finish his sentence. You didn’t let him touch your hair. Because any moment of actual intimacy would only remind you of real, of love, and of him. That’s not what this was.
This was just…fun.
bad habits
That was the beginning of stolen moments in the backseats of cars, alleyways and cheap rooms at The Camelot motel. Soon enough, there were unspoken rules between you two. No houses because they were too personal, no kissing unless it was to fool around, and most importantly no talking about feelings. Fun didn’t concern itself with overdue deadlines, or getting fired from jobs, or dying grandmas or fathers you wish were dead some days. Fun was no strings, fun was lighthearted, fun was carefree.
You ignored the moments when he would breathe your name out like a prayer, or when he’d curl his hand in yours as you were having sex, gently but desperately, as if it were an anchor. And the time he kissed your temple before he left in the morning, you pretended to be asleep. Those were just residuals from the relationship.
A bad habit.
What started as his arm draped loosely at your waist as you drifted off to sleep became waking up with your head nestled into his chest and his arms around you like a security blanket. But you just needed a warm body. And neither of you dared speak about the time you woke up from a nightmare, gasping “Dad, stop!,” when he’d silently wiped away your tears and held you until your breathing calmed down.
You didn’t think about those things. Because if you did, it meant there were feelings involved. And feelings meant giving your heart away again to the person who broke it the first time. So no, you couldn’t be having feelings, only fun.
Fun lasted exactly a month, before Mrs Navarro died.
different...but not really
The funeral was solemn but a celebration of her life. At the wake, people filled every inch of the house; neighbours, church-goers, family members. Weevil’s little cousins who you’d meant once or twice switched between weeping and laughing every few minutes. She had that effect on people. Sure, Weevil’s the one who lived with her, but she had treated them all like her little babies. Even you. In those moments when you’d felt totally alone, like your family wasn’t even your own, she was there as a light.
So you didn’t hide your tears as her children read out speeches for her, and you giggled to yourself as you filled your plate, imagining her shovelling spoonfuls on it, saying “Eat, sweetheart, eat! You’re going to starve,” even though your mouth was already full. Slowly, people filed out of house, arms filled with boxes of leftovers, just the way Mrs Navarro would’ve wanted.
You were talking to Weevil’s cousin, Anna, about her wedding plans as you two cleaned up dishes by the sink. “You know…you should come.” She smiled such a warm and comforting smile it threw you off.
“Are you serious?” You almost jumped with excitement.
“Of course! Look, I know you and Weevil are…” She trailed off, like she didn’t want to say broken up. And you weren’t sure why, because that’s exactly what you were. “But, look at you, staying behind to help clean up. You’re family now.” You couldn’t help but smile the brightest smile. You loved your family but sometimes the distance between you felt so large that you didn’t even know them. Between the fighting there wasn’t much time for the, well, family stuff, like weddings.
But here the Navarro family had invited you in like one of their own and you’d never felt more at home. Your mind drifted to the whole reason you even met them. If a certain stupid biker hadn’t helped you with your car troubles at school, none of this would have even happened.
For about the hundredth time that day, you glanced back up to Weevil’s bedroom door, shut so tightly you could feel the ice cold emanating from it. He hadn’t left the room since the wake started. “You talked to him today?” Anna asked, as if she was reading your mind. She wasn’t. You were obvious. You shook your head in response. “He’s been really quiet since it happened. I think he still needs to process it.” That was Weevil. Sitting, stewing, never talking it out. You’d stopped trying with him. “You know he asked if you were coming today. He said he really wanted you here.” That shook something in you. He’d never done that before.
Before you knew it, your legs were carrying you to the door. You knocked on it lightly, scared that somehow any harder would injure him. He didn’t respond. It was so silent, you questioned if he was even in there. But then, you heard a small, shaky breath. Slowly, you twisted the doorknob and peered in.
Weevil sat at the foot of his bed, a piece of paper clasped between his hands. He didn’t turn to face you as you walked in and took a seat next to him, but he knew it was you. “You know, I’ve been staring at this thing for like an hour now.” You got a good look at what he was holding. An envelope with the words ‘To Eli,’ written in Mrs Navarro’s handwriting. The same writing she’d used on the countless crosswords you’d watched her do. Your fingers felt numb looking at it. “I was there when she wrote this. It was the day before she…died.” He choked on the word, like it couldn’t possibly be real. “She was so tired those days but she asked me to get her a pen and paper. I just got so excited that she had the energy to do something. I had no idea she was writing this.” He tapped it against his fingers, slow, then ridiculously fast. “She knew…and she didn’t say goodbye.”
He threw the letter against the bed, springing up. “I hate this.” He paced as he talked. “And I hate wearing this stupid suit, and this thing is choking me.” He yanked at the tie around his neck so hard it looked like it was going to rip. “Hey.” You sprung up, taking his hands into your own, forcing him to stop. With a sigh, he slumped down. “How could she leave me?” He looked up at you with tear filled eyes, voice cracking. Those words, the broken way he said them, and the way he looked so fragile. It was all enough to ruin you.
He reached out and suddenly you were in the tightest embrace possible. In an instant, he started sobbing into your shoulder. Unashamed and unguarded, like he never had before. The wet tears pooled up on your clothes but you weren’t even paying attention. In that moment, you didn’t care about anything but him, and you let yourself. Your throat tightened at the way he clutched onto you, like it was the only thing keeping him standing. With each ragged breath, each aching cry, you felt his body sinking into yours, completely losing steadiness.
Through his tears, you guided him to the bed and laid down. He kept crying into you for a while, sobs turning into chokes and silences that stretched until he would think about something that would make him cry again. “Eli…” You whispered, kissing his forehead. That was the first time you had called him that since the breakup. It was just his name, but it was all you had. Eventually, he fell asleep right there, completely and utterly drained. In the dark light of the moon, you observed him. He his pace was puffy, and his sleep looked anything but peaceful. He was small…human. It hit you that this was the most vulnerable you’d ever seen him.
Every rule was broken that day: houses, kisses, feelings, but you didn’t really care. Not then, at least.
⋆˚꩜｡
Things were different after that.
You still called each other once in a while, a little drunk and high on whatever was at the parties you went to. You still hooked up. But the air was thicker. Heavier.
When you saw each other at Hearst, you’d look at each other, sometimes smile, but never talk. Sometimes he’d catch you lingering, watching as he tinkered with a light or an AC vent, and sometimes you’d catch him glancing when you passed him, laughing with a guy from one of your classes.
Once, Weevil had a job across the hall of your dorm. When your roommate opened the door, he caught a glimpse inside your room. His breath hitched for a second, seeing the cork board on the wall, filled with people he didn’t know and memories he hadn’t made with you. Two thoughts struck him then. That he was proud of you for everything that you’d achieved and that he hated that he didn’t know anything about your life anymore.
And you. Even though you tried so hard to shake it, that day at Mrs Navarro’s funeral kept coming back to you. In the quiet moments, when you were sitting in your room trying to finish a ridiculously hard essay, in the painfully loud smoky haze and sticky skin of a frat party your friends had drug you to. It didn’t matter. It was always floating at the edges of your memory, like a slow repetitive knock in the distance. Watching him break like that split you in two but in a way that mattered. He had let you all the way in.
But neither of you thought about those things in the quiet of the night, when you curled your finger around the phone wire, suggestive voices asking to meet up. Then, it was just the two of you tangled together in an instant of pure pleasure. Because that’s what this was for. Pleasure. It was just convenient that you’d picked him. You had already studied each other’s bodies inside out, and you aced the exam every time.
Sometimes, it was hard to kiss him through the dull ache that sat in your chest as his hands tangled into your hair and sometimes, you’d both feel tears stinging in your eyes when you remembered that you were leaving each other when the night was over. But the pain of acknowledging these things was even worse.
So, you pushed it down. That night was just a fluke. That’s all it could be. Then, you got a call that made everything ten times more confusing.
⋆˚꩜｡
It was winter this time when you entered the jail. You were already wrapped in a warm jacket so the cold didn’t shock you when you stepped in.
“What. The hell.” You threw your bag against the bench, turning to face the cell where Weevil sat.
“Well hey to you too.”
“Robbing a poker ring? Really?”
“I didn’t do it, I swear.” He’d explained it all on the phone and you knew just in the way he was saying it that he was telling the truth. But still, he felt the need to repeat it, because no one else seemed to.
“We’ll see about that.” A voice chimed in. Suddenly, you were alert to the other person that had been in the room the whole time. The familiar blonde stood with her arms crossed, staring daggers at Weevil, but as she turned to you, she smiled.
“Hey Veronica!”
“Hey yourself.” She said, wrapping you in a hug. You couldn’t exactly call her a friend, but you were more than fond of her since high school. At Hearst, you’d only seen her once or twice but you’d always giggle to yourself hearing the rumours about all the cases she was solving. That was Veronica. Making waves wherever she went and not caring who she pissed off in the process.
“If you two are done your little reunion.” Weevil chimed in, making you both turn towards him. You remembered you were angry. All that talk about protecting you and when he gets arrested, he calls. And seeing Veronica here only made it more confusing.
“Why’d you even call me? You’ve got Veronica right here.”
“She’s not here to help me.” Weevil stiffened. Then the way Veronica was looking at Weevil made more sense.
“You don’t really think he did it?” You asked. She shrugged. That was the thing. Blind trust didn’t exist with Veronica. You weren’t even sure why it was working on you right now, but you knew it was.
“Ex-con slips back into his old ways. The sky is blue. What’s new? Besides, they have proof.”
“A prepaid pizza was delivered to my apartment but I didn’t order it.” Weevil pleaded. For a second, you thought about how weird it was that you didn’t know what that house looked like. “What’s a working man gonna do in that situation?” That seemed to sway Veronica.
“So when I look into this, and I will look into this, I’m gonna find out you didn’t order that pizza?”
“Or you could just save yourself the trouble and take my word for it.” That made you all laugh.
“That was good. Well done.” Then, without a word, she turned on her heel.
Just as she reached the door, she stopped, swinging back around. “To spare us all some time, you two didn’t happen to be together that night did you?” You shifted.
“Why would we have been together?” She knew you’d broken up, and neither of you had told anyone else about your…situation. She shrugged, a little smirk appearing on her lips.
“Oh, I don’t know. Ex-cons slip into their old ways, exes slip into each other. The facts of life. Watch it now at The Camelot.” Holy shit. Of course. She staked out that place all the time. You didn’t look at Weevil, but you knew he had the same reaction you did. Jaw dropped, speechless and going red with embarrassment. How many times had she seen you? Did she have pictures? And worst of all, how much had she seen?
“Veronica I-"
“Don’t worry. Thankfully, I didn’t see anything that would permanently traumatise me and I don’t have proof. I just need an answer. Were you together?” You shook your head. “Good.” And with that, she vanished out of the jail.
⋆˚꩜｡
“I used to be so much better at secrets.” Weevil laughed. You turned to him but he kept his eyes fixed on the floor, too scared that if he looked at you properly, he’d die. He was maybe a little embarrassed that Veronica found out like that, sure, but he wasn’t ashamed. Not even a little bit. If anything, he was relieved. But he was terrified about what you were going to say next.
“Weevil, why’d you call me?” You asked, forcing him to look up. That wasn’t what he expected, and he wasn’t sure he wanted to answer.
“I probably shouldn’t have but, uh…” He shrugged. “I don’t know.” The way your shoulders slumped and you began turning away hit him in the chest. He was doing it again. The same thing his grandma had told him he kept doing in that letter. Shutting everyone out. Shutting you out. “That’s not true actually. I called you because you’re the only person I thought to call. Not because I need your help to get me out, I just wanted you here. I wanted to talk to you.” He stood up. He wasn’t scared of saying these things anymore. He wanted you to know and he wanted you in his life. Whatever that meant.
Your lips pursed and you nodded. “Thank you for being honest.” His stomach did knots trying to read your expression. After a moment, you sat down on the bench across from him. “So what do you want to talk about?”
It was a small gesture, but it was something, and it made him smile harder than anything. Maybe he was pushing his luck, but he couldn’t help what he said next. He’d been thinking about it for a while now.
“Actually there was something…Anna’s wedding.” You perked up. “She told me she invited you.”
“Yeah I’m sorry I don’t ha-"
“Don’t be. I’m happy you’re coming. I wanted to ask you…” His heart was thudding. You still made him nervous. “We could go together? It doesn’t have to be like that. But you’re going and I’m going so…y’know.” So y’know? Fucking really?
“Is my bracelet gonna be jail cell silver and need a key for me to get out of it?” You chuckled.
“Hopefully not.”
“Then, yeah, that’d be nice.” He breathed a sigh of relief, leaning back.
You both stayed like that, keeping each other company till you had to leave for college. You told him about your new classes, the friends and the assholes you met and he told you about those same assholes making his job harder but ridiculously entertaining. You both fell back laughing as he explained the weird things he found abandoned in corners of the college you’d never think to look.
It was nice. The two of you, just talking, catching up on a whole lot of things that you’d never spoke about. There were still…things. Words that bubbled beneath the surface that you probably hadn’t even realised yet.
But for right now, this was enough.
should've said
The day of the wedding came faster than you’d expected and with a lot of completely inexplicable emotions. You rocked back and forth on your feet, examining yourself in the full length mirror. You’d been anticipating tonight. Let yourself. Even bought a whole new outfit for it; shiny new dress that fit you just perfectly and a cute pair of heels that were barely broken in.
That was your excuse. When you had run into Weevil in the Hearst cafeteria and started chatting—because you did that now—he had asked to pick you up at your dorm tonight, and you agreed. Only cause of the hassle of walking in heels, of course.
The knock at the door made you jump. You found yourself weirdly nervous about today. If you thought about it hard enough, you’d have noticed that your heart was pounding the exact same way it had on your first date with Weevil. But you didn’t think about it, cause this wasn’t that at all. You practically bounced over to the door, taking a deep breath before you opened it.
There in front of you was Weevil, wearing a black button down, sleeves rolled up so his tats were peeking out tastefully, and a look on his face that made your head spin. His eyes were wide, lips parted slightly as he blinked for a moment, like he was gaining consciousness. Then, like it was part of breathing, he whispered “Wow.” You felt your cheeks get a little warmer at the way he looked you up and down. Not with heat, but with genuine adoration. “You look stunning.” He chuckled, nervously.
“You look great too.” You smiled as politely as you could, trying to ignore the weird feeling you had inside. “I’ve gotta finish my makeup can you wait one second?” He nodded, standing unmoving at the doorframe like a demon who couldn’t enter a church. You kind of knew why. It wasn’t exactly like he’d ever been invited inside before.
That’s why you tried to be calm when you asked, “Aren’t you gonna come in?” His face shifted a little when you said that, a toothy smile appearing.
“Yeah.” He stepped in, just at the edge, feet barely past the doorframe. As you finished your makeup, you watched from the corner of your eye while he soaked in every inch the place like it was a foreign world. His eyes fixated on the cork board near him, flitting over each and every single picture, like a digester version of your life in the last few months. His hand grazed over one: an old picture of you with your family. Back when things used to be happier because you didn’t understand much.
With the finishing touches to your lipstick, you turned back to him.
“Ok let’s go.” You said, forcing him to drop the picture. He looked back at you again, and whatever he had been thinking about vanished, and he exhaled dramatically. As he followed you out the door, he leaned over to whisper in your ear.
“That lipstick’s smudgeproof, right?”
You rolled your eyes, but met him with a simple, “Maybe.”
⋆˚꩜｡
When the two of you pulled up to the beachfront hotel where the wedding was happening, your jaw practically hung open. It was… indescribably gorgeous. Large and old but in the vintage way, an off white that stood perfectly against the green-blue of the ocean waves behind it. Before you could even reach out for the door handle, Weevil sprung out and opened the passenger door for you. You felt yourself blush as he held out his hand. “You’re quite the gentleman today.” You said, taking his hand.
“Well hey, if the occasion calls.” He smiled.
As you stepped out, the sea salt air rushed into your blood, immediately making you buzz in excitement. As much as you hated to admit it, you were a cliche. You loved weddings and you’d been dreaming of your own since you were a little kid. But being here to watch two people loudly declare their love for each other in front of the whole world. How could you not love it?
You entered the wedding with a short, sharp breath, taking in the place with a smile. You didn’t know most of the people here, but you still felt like you belonged. That was only because of Weevil, who introduced you to everyone like you were a celebrity they just had to meet. As he talked about you, he was practically glowing, acting like you had won the Nobel Peace Prize rather than become a freshman at a mid-tier college.
It all happened like it was natural.
He guided you around the place with his hand pressed to the small of your back, not assertive or controlling, just present. The whole day, your conversation was light, easy and you couldn’t stop smiling. As Anna and her fiancé said their vows, he handed you a pack of tissues out of his pocket, like he already knew you were going to tear up.
Because he knew you.
At the reception, he ordered the exact drink you wanted before you even opened your mouth, pulled your chair out for you at the table, and literally just as you were starting to feel hungry he asked if you wanted to share a plate at the buffet. When you agreed, he went to stand almost immediately.
“No.” You sprung up. “I’ll at least get the plate.” He nodded. “Still hate potatoes?”
“Always.” He smiled so fondly, it made your heart go crazy.
Walking across the hall, you tried to shake it off. If the occasion calls. Wedding dates acted a certain way, right? This was just politeness. You turned your attention the ridiculous buffet in front of you, frozen with indecision.
As you scanned the colourful array of foods, a string quartet began playing a beautiful slow melody. Couples around you started floating to each other, congregating on the dance floor to sway. You inhaled watching them all, staring into each other’s eyes in pure adoration and right at the centre of it all, stood the bride and groom, completely unaware of anything but each other. Your heart couldn’t help but feel warm. Damnit, why were weddings so beautiful?
Then, without thinking, your eyes went past the couples and found Weevil across the room. He was already looking at you, smiling from ear to ear. You always liked his smile. This specific one, when he wasn’t just amused, but genuinely happy with the moment he was in. He held a hand out, eyebrows raised, head tilted just a little to side. An undemanding question. And you couldn’t explain why, but you put your plate down and walked over, meeting him in the middle of the dance floor.
Your hand slipped into his like it belonged there, his other one finding your waist and yours at his shoulder. You’d touched him a million times before, but something now, felt more…important. “You ever done this slow dance thing before?” You asked.
He shook his head. “You?”
“Once or twice.” You shrugged. Then, with a blush, “In my room, with my teddy bear. I was practising for my wedding day.”
“No way! With Max?” You nodded. He still remembered the name of your favourite teddy bear. “Tell me I’m better than him?” You couldn’t help but chuckle, leaning your head into his collarbone. It felt good. Truthfully, neither of you were great at dancing, but you were finally having a second to yourself.
You kept moving, half in time with the music, head mindlessly resting on his shoulder. All you could feel was the warmth of his body against yours, and the way his fingers held you, so soft and yet so sure. Against your ear, you heard the beating of his heart. It was fast. Too fast. You titled your head up, eyes meeting his. They looked down at you, brown and full of…love.
As he pulled you in, just a fraction closer, your stomach leaped forward. “Listen,” he began. That’s when you realised your heart was beating way too fast too. “You should know…” No. People having fun didn’t need to know anything about each other. People having fun shouldn’t feel so comfortable dancing like this. People having fun definitely couldn’t want to kiss each other just for the sake of kissing, but you were suddenly feeling a very strong urge to do exactly that. And whatever he was about to say, you were going to fall for it if you stuck around. With a sharp breath, you stepped back from him.
“I-" You couldn’t even finish your sentence, rushing out of the room, completely flustered.
You turned quickly took your right, running as fast as your heels could carry you. You didn’t know where you were going. You just had to get out of here.
“Wait!” You heard Weevil calling after you, but suddenly your name was the most terrifying word in the world. It felt like everything was spinning. You turned sharply again, trying to find somewhere, anywhere to escape. It was no luck though, and Weevil had caught up to you not a second later. “Please, would you just stop?!” His voice was desperate, almost cracking. Every bone in your body was screaming but you turned around. You had to turn around.
“Don’t do this.” You begged, lump in your throat already forming.
“Do what?“ He knew what. You both knew what. “Say the truth? That I still love you? I tried really hard to just let this be sex but I loved you this whole time and it’s not gonna stop.” There it was. The fact had been looming over the two of you. You tried to throw it away, pretend it wasn’t happening but he was tossing it right back in your face. Your body shook. You hated him for doing this but… “You love me too.” He said it as a sentence, but the way his voice wavered was more of a question. Not about whether you did love him, but whether you could.
You shook your head, taking a step back. “I can’t.” By this point the tears were stinging in your eyes.
“Why not?”
“Because!”
“Because what?”
“Because last time I loved you, it destroyed my heart.” You choked the words out in a sob. He’d known you were upset, but just how bad it had ruined you, you never let him see. His eyebrows pushed together, reaching for your hand but you snatched it away. You looked down to your feet, knowing you would melt if you saw the way he looked at you. With so much love and so much regret.
He sighed, stepping once towards you. “I fucked up.” His voice was gentle, barely above a whisper. “Breaking up with you was the worst mistake I ever made. I’m so sorry.”
“It’s not just the breakup. Even when we were together… I wanted to be with you, I wanted to love you, but you kept shutting me out.”
“I was just trying to keep you safe I thought-"
The dam broke then. “I didn’t need you to keep me safe, I needed you! All of you! I wanted to know about all of the ugly stuff too, Weevil! You should’ve told me! But you never let me in!” You were fully crying, but finally, you let it all out and it was like a massive weight off your chest.
“You should've told me about your dad too!” And as he said that, the same thought dawned on both of you. The anger and pain swirling around in the air shifted into something else entirely. He let out a small chuckle.
“I guess we both kept a lot from each other, huh?”
You swallowed the lump in your throat, wiping at the tears flooding down your cheeks. A small smile of your own broke out.
“Yeah. Yeah, I guess we did.” He reached for your hand again, and this time you let him take it, pulling you close to him.
“I swear,” He pressed his forehead to yours. “I’ll never shut you out again. I want you to know all my ugly, and I wanna know all yours. Cause I need you.” He squeezed your hand tightly and brought his spare hand to your chin, tilting you up to look at him. He looked at you with absolute devotion. It wasn’t just a promise, it was an oath. That was it. The thing you needed to let yourself go. It wasn’t a fight anymore, and you didn’t have to keep your sword up. You were surrendering, but so was he.
Slowly, you brought your lips up to his. The kiss was light and careful. His fingers came up to cradle your cheek, holding you like you were the most precious person in the world. You hand found the back of his neck, pulling him in just a little closer. You let it be just that. It was a moment to take each other in again just as you were: messy and broken, but here, now, perfect. As your lips seperated, you pulled him back for a hug. Just a hug. Wrapped in his warmth, you felt truly safe.
You weren’t sure when it happened or why, but right there, in the middle of the hallway, the string quartet playing distantly in the background, you started swaying softly to the music. At some point, your heel slipped and knocked his shoe and he stumbled over himself, leaving you both slammed against a wall. But you didn’t care. You just laughed. This was better than any wedding dance you’d imagined. The comfort of being in his arms again, and letting yourself feel it made everything inside you whole.
“Listen,” his arm rested over your head where you were both still pinned to the wall. “I don’t wanna sound like I didn’t mean anything I just said. I did, but…” He leaned down, biting his lip like he was nervous to ask. “You wanna get out here?”
You exaggeratedly gasped. “So you do just want me for sex, huh?” He smiled.
“Think you should get your facts straight, baby.” Baby. You’d missed being called that just to be called that. “Who was calling me last we-"
“Shhhh.” You chuckled, pressing a finger against his lips so he’d be quiet. He simply kissed it. “Let’s get out of here.”
You grabbed his hand, leading him back to the function room so you could grab your stuff. You could be slow now, and you could let everyone see. As the two of you crossed the hall again, you caught Anna’s eye from her place at the table.
“Finally!” She mouthed, a look of relief on her face. You felt yourself blush but you just squeezed Weevil’s hand harder.
“Congratulations.” You mouthed back, before slipping out of the hall.
⋆˚꩜｡
His hand stayed in yours the entire ride home, grazing your knuckles ever so softly. Every so often you’d steal little glances at each other, smiling coyly as you did. Everytime a stoplight hit, he’d lean in planting a peck on your cheek. You’d never been so happy about the shitty light system in Neptune. The butterflies weren’t just in your stomach. They were flitting around the whole car, blinding the both of you and you didn’t care.
You reached the dorm past midnight, and you would’ve both been tired if it weren’t for the adrenaline of long over due confessions and painfully needed touches. You pulled his arm around your waist as you walked down the hallway, leaning into him. There was no one there to see it, everyone either out at parties or inside sleeping, but it still felt important. It wasn’t about showing everyone, it was about showing him you wanted him.
The door closed behind him and the two of you both stood in your room. Actually, fully in it.
The air between you buzzed. You felt your heart pounding, weirdly nervous. With a careful step towards you, he brushed your hair back, stopping on your jaw, and pulling you in for a kiss. Slow, careful. A soft breath. Lips brushed, then tongues twirled, then hands got involved, sliding up and down bodies.
It wasn’t greedy or rushed, it was patient and eager. With each touch, you were exploring each other all over again. Reverence. It was a long time before you even shed your clothes. And when he pulled the zip down, and your dress finally hit the floor, you felt a shiver down your spine. You guided him over to the bed with gentle hands, pulling him down on top of you. Skin against skin, lips against sweat, you were savouring each other.
This time, you breathed his name out like a confession. This time, when he held your hand, you held it back. And with your arms wrapped around his back, you buried your head into his neck and you called out. “I love you.” Raw and real.
“I love you, too.” He whispered, pressing a soft kiss to your forehead.
You let him take care of you after. You let him hold you, drew lazy patterns on each other. When you went to sleep, it was with his head tucked into the crook of your neck, his arm around your waist and your legs strapped over him. There was no going back now. You were intertwined. You always had been; your lives, feelings, your hearts. All of it was just finally laid out for each other to see.
You were finally, fully, vulnerable and it had never felt better.