#weight obsessed

[dreamsyouwishwillcometrue]

I miss how I looked when everyone said I was getting too skinny. I desperately wanna get back to that and tone up 😩

[perchanceapoet]

Nobody likes a (tall) fat girl. Weight obsession and why I try to avoid it.

My mother caused a small scene today because she now weighs as much as my brother. My brother, however, is not fat by any standards. Also, there’s the fact that my mom probably should weigh more than my brother because she is a woman and her body needs to have a bigger fat storage than his, period. This is, by the way, not a solitary instance in our household. Oftentimes my mom has pulled out her bag of weight obsessed tricks(/insults) and, yes, I have been at the receiving end.  

Therefore, you might understand how bothered I can become with my mother’s obsession with weight, which she vehemently and with considerable success passes on to her husband and children. However, before I get any further into this text, I need to specify something important. My mother’s mother (my beloved grandmother and godmother) both suffered and died from (the consequences of) type 2 diabetes. She was a wonderful, amazing woman but her past eating habits cost her her health, her vision and, eventually, her life. I was a young witness to the destructing effects of her diabetes and it is truly a disease which I wish onto no one.

Thus, from the standpoint of someone who has seen what bad eating habits can do to a person, I fully understand my mother’s emphasis on healthy food and weight(loss/control). I know that, in a way, she is just trying to protect us from her mother’s fate and that, in itself, is only praiseworthy.

There is, however, a line in the sand which must be drawn and which I intend to draw here. Look, I’m not going to sit here and tell you that you should just eat all the *insert unhealthy food here* you want because life doesn’t come with a replay button. No, we all know that if we only eat giant triple layer chocolate cakes all day we’re going to end up really fat and really dead really fast. It’s just that this entire take a run outside every day, count ALL the calories in your salad, mentally flog yourself over eating and/or looking at three cookies culture isn’t the answer either. If only because an eating disorder is also a disease which I wish onto no one.

Ladies and gentlemen of the world, let us begin the process of looking for the right way to approach these weight issues by acknowledging that we’ll never be perfect. Those glitzy magazine models are all totally photoshopped. Secondly, let us remind ourselves that, in the end, the only person you have to defend yourself and your self image to is you. It doesn’t matter what your mom, my mom or society defines as skinny, fat or beautiful. What matters is what you define as skinny, fat or beautiful. That is something which I often wish my mom would understand.

Here’s my philosophy on weight loss/control/obsession. Eat your fruits and vegetables, keep your diet varied and at least try to get some form of exercise in once in a blue moon. Everything else is up to you. You want to eat a scoop or three of ice cream every Friday? By all means. Cannot live without the brownies? Don’t. There’s no greater pleasure than pumpkin pie? Enjoy it! Whatever happens, do not allow yourself to become a weight obsessed zombie. There’s so much more to life than the number on the scales.

Or to say it with an inspirational song from Passenger: Life’s for the living, so live it. Or you’re better off dead.