Oct 4, 2018
I just realised that what I aspire to be physically is what I try to avoid in my partners. I want to be small and skinny and delicate. But when I feel a great attraction towards a woman or in complete awe of them they are chubby, uneven, tall, awkward. I appreciate all their oddities, scars, cellulite, all things stigmatised by society or other. But when I see all these things in myself I look to change it so quickly I almost trip over myself on the way. I look for myself in women apparently but cannot see I am the woman I need. I have no love for myself but endless love for people just like me. Wack!
