Him In The Tight Pants.
A black box theater years ago.I sat in the dark, in awe of this angry boy and his guitar.
He became the fix of the year. I couldn't soak up enough of him. standing at the back of a room just to hear him sing. I pined and I yearned.
But he had a girlfriend and I was a loner.
Of course this was soon forgotten and became a distant memory. I mean I was a silly girl who fell in love at the drop of a hat.
5 years later.
Still a loner. Still falling in "love" at the drop of a hat.
A friend reminds me of his existence and that he is coming back to town.
I laugh it off. I think nothing of it. The feeling's had been long digested and thrown away.
6 months later
Two meeting's over tea. Long, honest conversations. Exchanging of neurosis and troubles that haunt us. I feel like vomiting before every meeting but try and ignore the chunks of truth.
I pine and I yearn.
I give up, I am exhausted with this strange courtship, and don't wish to participate any longer. I lay my cards on the table and walk away.
Third meeting, over tea, in my sad excuse for an apartment. An appropriate mirror of how I feel inside. The sorry state of my mind and my crumbling foundation.
Conversation is what I decided to concentrate on. Enjoying and respecting each moment. Blocking expectations, not wanting to be pulled down by fear.
He asked if he could kiss me. It is as if I have forgotten what I wanted, and have be blessed with the remembering with the lips I have been studying.
The force of two peoples will, trying to discover each other with fingers and tongues. With stares and deep inhales.
Lit on fire from the inside. Trying to get closer to that spark.
A night of carousel love making followed by a restless night while he sleeps. I got it bad.
Now.
Now, I can't sleep without my heart hurting. I feel as if I have a cold and can't seem to do anything.
Now I don't want to see him.
Now I can't bare to be touched.
I now know what I want, thank you.
Now I have to let you go.
