Daxuan was used to being called to his master's room to wake him from nightmares. When Ranyang typically awoke, he didn't remember the terror that plagued him.
That night was different. No matter what he tried, Ranyang wouldn't wake.
That was when they brought in Ruyue, who Azure Supreme had increasingly become attached to.
Dongfang Ranyang had no memory or knowledge of the night terrors. It was better to keep it like that. Knowing he showed weakness against his will would drive him insane. It was usually only Daxuan who woke him, but the terrors had become worse since Ranyang had brought Ruyue to the palace.
The guard stood aside as Ruyue was let in. On the bed, Ranyang lay on his back. His head tossed now and then, sweat beading on his forehead. His fingers grasped the sheets, and his eyebrows knit together. It was the only time anyone saw this type of emotion from him.
"Usually, I'm able to wake him. He won't remember what happened. I can't seem to shake him from it tonight." Daxuan watched Ruyue nervously, his eyes glancing over to the Azure Supreme.
"The theory we have is that it must have originated when he shut away his emotions. He wasn't naturally emotionless like this, so I suppose they were simply buried somewhere. When it becomes too much, he has these episodes at night. He's always disliked the night, too."
The guard's eyes lingered on her, as if there were more to the mention of the night that involved her. As if he were waiting for her to respond in some way. Perhaps to give away if she knew more than she told them.
When he seemed content with the situation, he stepped away and started to shut the chamber doors.
"I'll leave you two alone. When he's awake, fetch me." With that, the doors shut and silence settled in the room.
Silence, other than Ranyang's labored breathing and movement. His fingers held the sheets under his hands so tightly that his knuckles turned white. It was almost like he were in pain, not only having a nightmare.
When the Emperor set his tea down, Yiran lifted his head up. He was lucky to be summoned for a favour for the Emperor, and he was already aware of what it consisted of.
"You're the greatest tutor for my children," the Emperor began, a confident look on his face. "You're young, but you even set aside marriage proposals for your knowledge. I find it interesting, though. Why won't you marry?"
Yiran smiled faintly as he kept in his amusement. The Emperor was interested in him. What a strange idea.
"It's much easier to focus on my works without distractions. A wedding is too distracting."
The Emperor's smile and nod of approval seemed to mean he was appeased by the answer. The two men stood and made their way to the room the Emperor had set up for the study lessons.
On the way there, he turned to Yiran and continued their talk.
"You should know my sons are young. I also invited my daughters for the lessons, but it seems they aren't interested. They would much rather do embroidery and learn their instruments. I'm sure my sons will keep you busy enough though."
Yiran silently smiled at the subtle warning. He knew from talk among nobles that the princes were rowdy.
"No need to worry. I'll try and keep them focused."
When they arrived at the room, the Emperor entered first. Yiran heard his voice from outside the doors, his interest piqued when he heard the Emperor's tone.
"Xiyue, you're joining your brothers?"
Yiran followed the Emperor into the room as he finished speaking. His eyes scanned the room, not surprised to see the princes' faces. Four of them, ranging from nine to fifteen. It was the older daughter who surprised him.
His eyes met hers as he stared at her. Yiran thought the feeling that he got was simply interest in why she was there. That was the reason he couldn't take his eyes off of her for seconds and his mind seemed to blur everything else out.
"I thought none of the girls were coming. It seems like Xiyue decided to. Well, that's good. You have a bigger class now." The Emperor seemed to not notice the way Yiran seemed confused for a moment, having finally gotten his mind back. "This is You Yiran. He's a scholar and one of my counselors. You will all be educated properly if you listen well." His eyes fell on the middle sons, giving them a stern look.
When the Emperor left, Yiran turned to his students. Suddenly, with the princess sitting there, he felt nervous.
"I did bring scrolls for you to read. To give us a place to start." The family maid he had brought with him passed the scrolls to each of them. Yiran glanced at Xiyue again before dropping his gaze to look at his own belongings he laid out. "All of you are at different levels. I'll probably have to help catch the younger ones up."
You see, they finally figured out what made the prison disappear. Love. To be friends, to love. That opened the prison through sovereign power, through the most powerful spell. If you don't have love, you remain in death. But where sympathy springs up, life springs up again.
Dear brother,
It wasn't that I didn't love life.
It just wasn't for me.
I had loves throughtout my life. None of them worked out. I longed for the love that left you feeling whole. I was close at one point, but it faded.
I was the kind who left when I wanted to. Stayed when I wanted to. No one had managed to hold me down. I never belonged to anyone. I wasn't someone who could be tamed.
I was a fleeting word on someone's lips, the sound taken by the wind.
I had no point in my existence. I painted. That was all I did. I was a burden to you, my brother, who loved me when I was unloveable. I was often like that. A boat tossed in the ocean. A wreck.
That was, until Kaei.
I had managed to make somewhat of a name for myself, thanks to you, of course. You being an art curator, made connections for me. My art in an exhibit was new.
I wasn't used to being around so many people. I drank wine to keep my mind relaxed. I wasn't sure what the wealthy spoke about.
When I saw him, I thought he was handsome. A little shorter than me. Someone with money. I could see it on people, those who were raised unlike me. Yet, in his eyes, there was a ruin I was familiar with.
How sad, to recognize someone's mind as tainted as mine.
I didn't think I'd fall in love. I didn't want to. I had already made plans for the end. It wouldn't be right to drag someone into me and swallow them like a black hole, leaving them with nothing but the idea of me.
Though, that was all I figured anyone liked of me. The idea.
I might have enjoyed the idea of being able to put someone else back together when I wasn't able to do it for myself.
I loved the concept of life. I wanted everyone to see it was worth it to be alive. To see the beauty in the world. It was my own tragedy that I couldn't face living it on my own. Everyone was destined to a cold end. I only wanted others to not feel like I did.
Could I make him feel okay, before I left?
Maybe love started gently like that.
Maybe it didn't start like a fire.
Maybe it didn't burst into colours like in my paintings.
It might have started with me understanding.
The first time we held each other, he didn't know that I shut my eyes as tight as possible because the tears wanted to come. That I listened to his heart to remind myself what being alive was.
His touch made colours burst behind my eyelids. It hurt. My existence hurt. I wanted to run from the heavy emotions.
I stayed. I wanted him to know how wonderful life was. That there were gentle and soft people. I wanted what I left behind to not just be hanging on a wall.
Some days, I didn't get out of bed. Sometimes, Kaei would come to visit and my home would be dark, with black paint marks over the art. I would smile like nothing was wrong.
I'm sure he thought I was broken somehow. At times I wondered why he would keep coming around human trash like me. When he was there, I was always able to muster energy. I suppose I didn't realize he was keeping me alive.
He stayed. If he stayed, I had a reason to stay.
I never told him that Paris used to torment me when he wanted to move there. It haunted my dreams. I was afraid to see a certain face around every corner. For once, I was haunted in the way Kaei was. I didn't have to tell him. He knew.
I went to Paris with him. In my mind, because he needed me. In truth, because I loved him.
I paint in my studio, the sun warming my skin. I pretend I don't know he's watching me. I know.
We have our moments when we suddenly seem lost. Far away stares, frozen hands. We don't have to ask. Kaei's hand will touch mine, and I'm back in reality. He keeps the insanity at bay. I haven't had a spiral in a while.
You can't erase a painting. You can paint over the existing one, but it will always be there. I see Kaei like that. I don't need to erase anything. I can simply cover it, and while it might linger beneath, the new painting shines beautifully on the surface.
I do everything I can to keep his life peaceful. He treats me with more care than I've ever experienced. We decided that we would stay.
I found a reason to live. I found something that eases my mind like painting. I found something to stay alive for.
Once upon a time, there was a boy who would never have imagined that someone would love him like her.
He would never think of someone saying that she would find him in the next life.
If you told the boy with the cast on his arm how someone would love him in the future, his heart would swell.
One of the most wonderful things I noticed about you is how you heal my inner child. The time we gought the first time, you didn't yell at me. I was so surprised that I was breathless and fell in love with you even more. You made me feel so loved. I was safe with you. When you said you would find me in the next life, I was moved too. Things I never imagined someone saying to me. I never thought someone would love me like that.
Is it possible that you do? It still feels surreal. How can you love me so much? Those are reasons I love you like I do, but I always wonder if I give you the same love for you to love me like that. I will always try to give you my whole heart to make you feel the depth of my love for you.
I want you to know when I say I would give my life for you, I do mean it. I would die for you. That is my sincerity. The only thing I can think to do to show you how I feel about you. Nothing else would be enough to show.
Find me in the next life. Every life after that. Don't ever leave me alone in any of them. I would never be whole. When I met you, I lost half of myself. It's with you now, and half of you is with me. In that, I feel more myself than I ever have in my life. I will always run to you.
I would die without you. I don't know if you know I mean it. I would die of a broken heart. I don't think my heart could keep me going with half missing.
She now asks for nainai messejis here too? I feel shy doing it publicly. I don't know if it can be as good as other ones I sent. The past few days have felt wonderful. I didn't know I could fall in love deeper with you. I realize how much you love me and I feel happy. I never wonder why I'm here or if I could live a better life. My life is the best because you're here. There's not a day where I think it would be better if I give up. I never need to as long as I have you. You're the reason every day comes. I love you.
