While they are sealioning, I think it's in very poor taste to tell a someone with a mental illness to "get back in the enclosure". I know you're mentally ill too, and I think it's in poor taste regardless of that, because of the history of people locking up mentally ill people that scare or upset them. I do not remotely agree with what they are saying or their behavior, I am pro-endo. I specifically think that this one aspect of how you extended the metaphor of sealioning was in bad taste.
You're right, Nonny. That was absolutely a step too far, and I regret it. I should have recognized the problem there and done better.
I'm sorry, I should have mentioned he is diagnosed. He stopped going because of it. I don't assume his behavior is inherent to npd, or that there's anything but his actual choices that is an issue. And I apologize. He isn't abusive. He isn't... bad, because of this. I just... don't know how to understand him and communicate with him.
...sorry, Nonny. I’m a bit defensive after a couple weeks on Quora. My bad. I... wish I had more advice for you.
The other day, Ashlyn and Ayin made a handful of posts in which we claimed to have brought the term “aspec” to tumblr.
This was a massive fuckup on our part on several levels.
First, because it’s easiest to handle: We knew damn well we were off-balance and not in the best headspace, and we decided to post on discourse anyway, knowing that our chance of fucking up was higher. Which lead to...
Second and most obviously, we’ve had this discussion before. We were factually wrong on this point. We had forgotten this conversation entirely when we wrote those posts, but the fact is, our memory problems are ours to manage, and in this instance we let them get out there and hurt people we care about - the people we thought we were helping. This was a massive failure.
More subtly and more insidiously, there’s a pattern in what we did that turns up in bad allying all over tumblr, wherein allo folks shift the spotlight to how REGs are hurting us. Which, I mean, sure it highlights REG hypocrisy, but it also shifts the conversation away from the a-spec folks we’re trying to help, and makes them secondary in their own struggle. This is something we need to stop - allo people are not the focus here. We are allies in this fight, and it’s time for us to fucking act like it.
We need to uplift and support a-spec people in their struggle. Instead, we spoke over them, erased their accomplishments, and claimed them for our own. This is a textbook example of how not to ally, and we are deeply sorry and deeply shamed for it.
This was not the only major fuckup of its sort that day (we probably should’ve stayed the fuck out of the fujoshi discourse, which is already being admirably handled by gay men familiar with Japanese culture), but it was the most egregious and hurt people we care about. We are sorry.
Moving forward, we know to be aware of this tendency to put ourselves in the spotlight over others, and we will be working to counteract it. We will be placing an emphasis on boosting others’ voices in their struggles over speaking on the matter ourselves. Finally, we will not be posting while compromised. With these measures, this should not happen again.
We are sorry, folks. You put trust in us, and we gave you a shining example of What Not To Do and hurt you. We will be better.
I’ve seen half a dozen posts today where people respond to transantagonism by talking about how Pride was started by trans women of colour. Some of them even invoke the names of the Stonewall veterans.
It is monumentally important to remember the contributions of these women, to remember just how fucking much of our community they built themselves, often against pushback from the rest of us.
But, while Pride started to commemorate the Stonewall riots, it wasn’t started by any of them. It was started by Brenda Howard. She was many things: Bi, kinky as fuck, Jewish, polyamorous, and proud of all of the above. But she wasn’t involved in Stonewall, and she wasn’t a TWOC.
You’re doing nobody any favours by conflating the two. We shouldn’t need to lie and retcon our own history to shut down TWERFs and their ilk. We can beat them by speaking the truth.
EDIT: Okay, we officially regret this post. We conveyed terribly, and have learned some things in the notes. One, as we should have goddamn guessed, of course TWOC were involved in the effort to actually launch Pride. Two, Brenda Howard may have actually been at Stonewall.
We’d seen a number of people conflating Stonewall and Pride, contributing furhter to bi erasure. Ayin was trying to address that, and did so very poorly. We’re sorry.
We need to take a step back from political debate and argument. We've been moving that way in general, but... We just got a major wake up call that the way we've been engaging in these things is hurting people we care about.
We're going to do our best to disengage while we build better tools; we will still be political, but we need to avoid being combative about it. If that's what you tuned in for, sorry, folks, but it's turning us into something we don't want to be.
We are deeply sorry for the harm we have caused in this vein.
EDIT: Well. I screwed up here. In addition to an opening line that played into existing issues I was unaware of and caused a lot of hurt feelings, I’ve been told that the first paragraph plays into the “we killed all the Natives” trope. That wasn’t my intent; rather, I was trying to play on the war fought over the foundation of my city, and the fact that I am... well, whether I like it or not, a member of an illegal occupation.
But intent isn’t magic, and it’s not up to my white ass to make this call. (And I can see how that doesn’t convey without the surrounding history.) I hurt people with this post, and I’m sorry. I’m keeping it below the readmore because I believe in transparency and accountability, but I don’t want it circulating further.
I am sorry to anyone and everyone I hurt, and I will work to do better in the future.
birdsbeesandbelief reblogged your post “Instructions for a walk in the woods”
#Every time I see this shit I just#What kind of disrespectful mistreatment of your woods have y'all been up to#Because they aren't malevolent#Like you gotta teach woods to be malevolent#That's on you#A properly respected wood gives exactly 0 percent of a fuck what you're up to#And worth spent care can even be made friendly#Seriously what the hell#It's like reading a post about a very mean dog#Except everyone is like 'low key stab the dog' instead of 'the fuck did you do to piss it off'#h o n e s t l y
Well that might be nice in whatever Disney movie you live in, but... when I said I live in a horror movie, I meant it.
This land was stolen from its rightful keepers centuries ago. (Technically, it still belongs to them.) Much blood was shed over it in the process. Poisons have been left behind by those who were gone before I was ever born. And the woods? The woods remember.
I know the basic rules of respect, as does any child old enough to venture out on their own here - take nothing, leave nothing, damage nothing. Use only fallen wood, should you need to make a fire, and offer a word of thanks to the forest for it. Stick to the trails whenever possible. Recognize and avoid the signs of predators lurking nearby. Never force your way through, should the trees prove too thick. And never, ever venture into the woods at night.
But no matter how well one cleaves to the rules of hospitality, those ancient debts and past wrongs still stack against you, and there’s only so much you can do.
Oh, the woods will protect you, if you stay away from them - they even protected my home from the hurricane, when they were in a position to damage or destroy it. But that doesn’t mean they like us; just that they want to encourage us to recognize our place, to keep out.
There are no real trails to speak of, in the woods around my home - just animal paths and hiker’s orange tags on the trees. I was confident enough in my normally-keen sense of direction - foolish enough - to think that would be enough, once.
I ventured out on what was supposed to be a short half-hour walk, carefully watching and following the orange markers... until suddenly there was none, and when I retraced my steps the last one I’d seen was gone.
It took me three hours to find my way out of the woods, emerging at dusk in near panic in a completely unfamiliar place. According to all available evidence, I was never more than a kilometer from my home, never more than half that from the edge of the woods. But I know better.
I haven’t ventured off the trails since.
Every year, the woods claim a few victims, or at least toy with a few people - someone who logically shouldn’t have gets hopelessly lost, requiring days of search and rescue efforts until it’s clear the easiest way to be left alone is to release them. Hunters suffer accidents. Beloved pets and the occasional human who live on the forest’s edge run afoul of increasingly bold predators.
And then there’s the fogs - chokingly thick, unnatural, easy to lose yourself - or your reality - in. When they happen, even the regular rules of respect are not enough - do not venture off the roads, and stay indoors if you can, lest you find yourself the latest victim.
You tell me that I need to respect the woods, and I say that I do; I respect them in the way one respects a hungry predator. I recognize that they are ancient, and hostile, and that hostility is justified in their history, and I give them a wide berth in the hopes that they won’t see me as another threat - or more prey. I wish that I could have a better relationship with them - show them that I mean no harm, and could be a friend if allowed - but I do my wishful thinking from as much distance as I can manage.
