What’s the next write thing?
I’ve been mulling this idea around in my brain this whole week. It’s been an interesting couple of months for me with a lot of writing highs and lows. Many of the lows I really think have had to do with early pregnancy hormones. In the midst of which, I pitched my YA novel idea to an agent during a conference, with the hopes of gaining experience but no real expectations that she would request. When she did, I reacted with fear and avoidance. I still haven’t sent her the ten pages she asked for and it’s been two months. In fact, I ended up taking six weeks off of writing altogether. Following the high of success, I hit my ultimate low. For a week, I stared at the blank page and wrote nothing. I felt like taking my computer and throwing it into the wall. Self-deprecating thoughts flooded my psyche telling me I was a fraud, that I sucked, that I might as well give it up and try to live a normal life free of the torture. The pressure - all self imposed of course - suffocated and crushed my lungs of creativity. I was lost in a black hole and I needed time away.
And then, one morning, I felt the twitch in my fingers and picked up a draft of a short story I had written a few months back. I was ready to try again. I began reading like a crazy woman, falling in love with others’ writing and letting it pull me back into wanting to craft my own stories once more. I crept out of the pit and reconnected with my local writers’ groups again. I read Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert, reminding myself to disconnect from the expectations and attachment to the final product and infuse myself in the moment and the passion of the process.
So now, I ask the question to myself: What’s the next write thing? I have two options that I’m playing with - the YA and the NA. One is half-finished and the other requires an entirely new, overhaul third draft. Or, I could do something else, something fresh. A few friends have voiced their suggestions, further muddling up my brain. But I want to ask me - the quiet, still me inside - what do YOU want to do? What is the story that you have to write right now? What voice is speaking inside and needs to be let out?
Nanowrimo begins next week. Until then, I have some dates with myself involving some excavation style free-writes to embark upon.