I am, in fact, a baby masquerading as a woman...
Sooo. I have been holding off on my long term fasting episode.
I've done several days worth of intermittent fasting, but when I think about having to get anything involving major interaction or I ingest media (or conversations about objective reality of the state of the world around me with my boyfriend) that stress me out (somehow without the anxiety)... I ingest food and look for supportive reasoning in myself to uphold a fast.
I am not gaining weight which is good. I also know there are a few health fluctuations that'd likely better if I just backed off from food for even a few days... But I'm not going to stress myself out trying to go for perfection just yet. Step by step and I'll get there. I've done it before I know I'll get there again.
But I have found that I am having to take things even slower than I expected and soooo I,
I start school for my second degree, this time in Computer Science, and I'm excited to somewhat anxious like it's the first day of high school albeit 7 years after graduating.
I find myself studying my interests more and more. I feel like I finally have a plan of action that is secured by my ever budding rebuilt confidence... And that is better than hope.
Hope implies having to pray or guesstimate certain variables, and in most ways the way I am moving not only is beyond the idea of hope, but encompasses the ideals of that hope.
I finally feel like what I can control is enough to make decisions and take things forward.
Now will my plans actually unfold to completion? I'll have to wait and see.