#whatiwouldsay

[theantelope]

what i would say to you

I would start by saying I love you, and I would say it 50 times. I would say I always wanted to be the woman in the snow looking in the gift shop window. I would tell you that I’m sorry, and I know you would hate it.

I would tell you I can’t be with you, and look at the ground. I’d cry more than I already was, and wish I was wrong. I would explain how my habits have changed, and have become unhealthy. That my anxieties have grown tenfold, and I can’t eat anything without feeling like it is wrong. 

I would tell you I sometimes don't feel like myself. That I do not feel like I am good enough, or ever will be. That I am a project to you, something you need to change and mold and fix and frame, and that none of those things are true. I would tell you I liked who I was, and I like who I am, and most importantly, I like who I am becoming. 

I would make sure to say you are my favorite. That if we both have a little more growing to do before we are ready to come together, I would be the happiest woman. I would find you again someday when we were ready, and whisk you away to the life we have dreamed of. 

I’d tell you my time with you was perfect. My time with you felt like no time had passed at all. Like we were the world and it was all spinning for us. 

And then I would say thank you. Thank you for loving me too, and for listening with me. Thank you for holding me and letting me cry and not ever letting go. Thank you for pushing me to grow in my most stubborn moments, for loving God and showing Him in my world, and for reminding me that I am ok. 

I have loved you since I met you, and I will love you, I am sure, til I am cold. Your impact has been the greatest thing, something I struggle to live without.

[underneath-ya]

Thank you for being so kind to me.

to everyone, really.

[colesosly]

Ache

My heart hurts and is aching not only because of every bad thing you've said to me... But because I let you say that to me. It hurts because despite all the awful things you said to me I somehow still want you. I cared about you, this, us so much and now it's all gone. I feel like a part of me is missing and I don't like that. I feel like I'm not my complete self. I feel like I'm pretending to be happy to show everyone and everything that I'm okay when I'm not. I'll be okay when I'm forsure over you. But for some reason I can't get over you. It's now been three weeks since I've seen your face in person and it's been the hardest three weeks yet. Yes we've talked here and there but it's not the same. Why couldn't I get myself to hang out with you... There was obviously a reason. You caused to much heartache for me which wasn't healthy. But want to know what's fucked up most out of all of this.. Is even tho you caused me so much heartache, I somehow still want you. You had an affect on me that I can not explain. It baffles me that I cared so much when I shouldn't. Why?!?!!?! Why the fuck do I care... You sure as hell don't. You've probably already fucked at least 3 people and if you did you would throw it in my face because you do shit like that. It's not okay that I feel like this. I won't stand it.. I can't stand it. These twisted mind fuck games are fucked. Why is it like this?! Nothing's fair... Maybe this is what I need to let all my heart ache and anger out. Maybe after this I'll feel better... Or maybe I won't because this is all the shit I want to say to you but I can't and I won't. I'll save my time and your time because it isn't worth it. I need to move on and so do you. We can't keep coming back and making each other feel like this. It's not right and we will never be right. What's done is done. Goodbye Matthew.

[lovethedisaster]

I think about you almost every second.  I know you don't think about me.  I miss your hugs, god they were great hugs.  Your cologne, the cute turtle in your car, just staying up and talking until 3 in the morning. You were an adventure to me, but I was your distraction.