#wheredowefindtheseguys

[talesfromtrumpland-blog]

Aw, bless your heart

Tinder guy is talking to me about a potential new conquest. He's all upset that she asked him who he voted for.

"She said she wouldn't date a Trump voter. Can you believe that? I asked her why she'd think I voted for Trump, and she said she 'just had a feeling.' How is it okay that she's judging me like that? She doesn't know me."

I joked that the girl wasn't wrong, was she?

"But that's just as bad as what they accuse Trump voters of doing, being racist or whatever. You can't judge me just based on who I voted for or who you think I voted for."

I avoid the whole "being intolerant of intolerance is somehow as bad as actual racism" conversation, because that way madness lies, at least in my workplace.

I point out again that the girl isn't necessarily wrong in her assumption that he's a Trump voter, so why is he so hot and bothered? And then, possibly because I'm the only "out" liberal around, Tinder guy tells me that he doesn't like Trump at all.

Now, I have heard this guy hit *all* the right wing bro talking points with my coworkers. The outrage over confederate monument removal ("It's history, how can people be so stupid?!") and the fanatical anger at gun control advocates. Tinder guy is the one who told me he'd vote for Kid Rock for Congress in a heartbeat, and he is all for nuking North Korea (and maybe creating an resultant influx of refugee Asian women he could date). I wish I were kidding. Tinder guy has participated in some of the most revolting shop talk I've heard, a damn high bar in this environment.

But now...Tinder guy tells me he thinks Trump is a con man and he doesn't understand why people fell for it. He saw right through that guy, right away. What does a guy as rich as him know about working people?

"But you voted for him too, didn't you?" I ask.

He says, sheepishly looking at the floor, that he didn't vote. He wasn't going to vote for Trump, no way.

"But I couldn't vote for Hillary, because she's a *socialist*"

...

My inner anthropologist is kind of fascinated by how much there is to unpack here. But I am also so, so tired of spelunking in the caves of right wing irrationality. I'll let you draw your own conclusions.

[talesfromtrumpland-blog]

Bad ideas spread like the plague

"If I ran for Congress, would you vote for me?"

This, today, from the most arguably incompetent and useless guy we have, the guy who is a year into his "project manager" job and still doesn't know what serial number we're making or how the project actually works.

He can't even print out correctly numbered shipping labels and work orders, but now everyone's a political expert, I guess. A Trump-voting, right wing noise machine devotee responds:

"I don't know. I'd have to know what you stand for, what your platform is. I don't take any of that stuff lightly. It's a serious decision, who I vote for."

I'd like to point out that responder here is a guy who said recently that he'd vote for Kid Rock, would have been willing to vote for Ted Nugent, and frequently calls Hillary Clinton a "murderess" for Benghazi. Still. Also, he thinks she was endorsed by the nationwide KKK organization and has a Grand Wizard as a BFF and mentor. I mean, these views are what passes for normal in my workplace. A different coworker for real told me today he'd vote for Kid Rock in a heartbeat.

Our newly minted prospective Senator says:

"My platform would be freedom."

I'm not even kidding. I'm stuck in between these two guys, trying to fill in my time sheet on the computer, trying to keep a straight face and not get involved. My. Platform. Would. Be. Freedom.

A few beats later, "And smaller government, of course."

A few more beats, and he glances at me. "And women's rights."

Mr. Bastion of American Values here once asked me, when he found out I was a single parent, if my son's dad was a "strong male role model in his life," in a tone of serious concern. That little bit of coded language right there...yeah, so not engaging with that, then or now.

I finish on the computer and retreat as quickly as I can. On the way out, I hear him say:

"I really mean it. Would you vote for me?"

[talesfromtrumpland-blog]

A random sampling of my week

Had to listen to a whole discourse about how chicken and waffles is a "black people thing" and whether the chicken and waffles restaurant near work would be safe to attempt.

Post-chicken and waffles field trip by the peanut gallery, we got another series of conversations about whether Racist Bastard should spend more time with those people, whether he is qualified to date black girls now, whether Mr. Corvette started "talking black" while he was there, why they expected there might be a shooting (or at least a fight), and some extremely detailed description of the process of said chicken and waffles through their digestive tracts.

"He was talking about how he doesn't believe the Holocaust really happened. Or at least it wasn't as bad as everyone says it is." Apparently, Resident Troll has leveled up.

"All I'm saying is you have to tell me where I can meet one of those cosplay chicks."

Lots of commentary about how stupid Ford owners are, particularly Mustang drivers. The peanut gallery is aggressively pro-Chevy.

Discussion about the one guy's (supposedly) porn star ex-wife. "They'll do anything. They've seen it all at work anyway."

Racist Bastard is maybe now interested in a girl from Serbia. Or Kazakhstan. If only he could pronounce "Kazakhstan." He likes to talk about how exotic they look.

And apparently, politely asking the tech who works with me to do his job and fill out his paperwork counts as me "riding him" and pressuring him, he says. He told our lead engineer that he doesn't respond well to my "negativity" and he needs more positive reinforcement. And he needs to not be asked to stay on schedule. The struggle is real.

I swear I am not making any of this up. I really wish I were.

[talesfromtrumpland-blog]

And the dysfunctional workplace award goes to...

Tfw the guy you've accurately labeled Racist Bastard abruptly rage quits because there's another employee who's honestly even better at pissing people off.

And seriously, where do we find these guys?

[talesfromtrumpland-blog]

On the weirder side

"I voted for Hillary Clinton because Scarlett Johansson told me to. I mean, I didn't want to have to lie to her about how I voted if I ever meet her. I think I might start stalking her."