Why I Am the Way I Am (Inspired by the song Gustavo by Mark Kozelek)
I started off living in a tiny brick duplex
Stereotypical with its white picket fence
I know my parents started off without a lot
But their love and affection is all I sought
Born out west in the city of Anaheim
Where Disney treats kids with pantomime
My dad was in school and supporting his family
Working hard so we could have money
He studied Spanish and went out to Chile
The terrain there was truly more than hilly
Then surveyed old sites in Puebla Mexico
Finding old relics colorfully decorated indigo
Met my mom who came from Colombia
Saw that she enjoyed dancing la cumbia
Got into things that were hard on his body
He is still my dad and I called him pappy
My mom is an angel that loves her family
She went through a lot to make us happy
Delayed finishing degrees every time we moved
Dad’s habits hurt her she wouldn’t approve
She shrouded these things from our vision
Because our promising future was her mission
I’m an amalgamation of both my parents
I try to show the best of their essence
After Cali we moved together to Napoli
At the summit of Vesuvius was like fantasy
Then we relocated to southern England
School uniforms dressed me like a penguin
Flew across the Atlantic to Ontario Canada
After more moving I’m now in Atlanta
I list the destinations and I say oh damn
This is partly why I am the way I am
I value positive people and I love my friends
I’ll be there for them till the world finally ends
Honesty and loyalty are virtues we all should have
I expect that from myself and want people to laugh
I want to be in love and build something with someone
Don’t know when that is or who I should couple
Hate sometimes that I am innately a romantic
Because it’s hard to contain something so pedantic
I have patience for things that don’t affect emotion
But when it comes to love it can wear down like erosion
Friendships can fill in many things we need as individuals
But the desire to have a companion is beyond subliminal
I was once in love with someone that was abusive
She was troubled and the solution was so elusive
Stuck around too long cause I thought I could save her
In the end I did what I could but became her enabler
Being open and honest about myself can be difficult
Not sure when people read this how it will result
On paper words such as these help rationalize moments
Or handle feelings expressed in stories by epic poets
I just hope that when people understand me better
They support and appreciate me like an old sweater
Dependable to many and full of great intentions
Willing to help another through selfless intervention
You may ask what gets under my thick skin?
People that hurt others leaving one in chagrin
Those that bail on those that care about them
Bigots and bullies that seek to harshly condemn
I understand that everyone has their own motives
But you shouldn’t exploit those that won’t notice
If someone asks for help and is genuinely desperate
Reach out and love thy neighbor on that merit
They ask for a quarter to call thru an AT&T payphone
Just to hear their family that are safe at home
I know saying these things are easier said than done
But remember they are human beings that succumb
To the mistakes that many of us could make in life
Or hit rough times from being stabbed with a knife
Made my own mistakes and try to respond positively
The alternative is to do something super ugly
In the end I work hard and try to be a good person
In the end I hope God sees I try to be my best version
In the end I hope as a professional I try to help people
Wielding my skills as precisely as a needle
Providing for a partner that is proud to be with me
Supporting her dreams and not an absentee
Making an effort to reignite and stoke the fires
So that she doesn’t grow bored and forced to tire
The words in a song can really connect with me
Adding potency like the odor of strong french brie
I want to journey to places tucked in distant corners
Feeling out of place but excited to cross borders
Marking each stop with a pin on a world map
With her using my shoulder to take a quick nap
Life with regret I won’t ever understand
Friends this is Why I Am the Way I Am
Written in February 2014 after listening to the album Perils Of The Sea by Mark Kozelek and Jimmy Lavalle
