#wickednature

[ghostybbq]

First illustration from my new project: llustrate various songs from the vines (my favorite music band, i love them so much ♥♥♥♥)

Slightly Alien it's a song that belongs to the album Wicked Nature (2015) It's a beatiful song about Craig and his Asperger's Syndrome

[demrophotography]

Nature photo green , i like it . You like it ? #wickednature #nature #greenplant #margate #photography #macroflower https://www.instagram.com/p/B1gfOUDAOVq/?igshid=y0yrwode57qo

[evananana77]

nature being wicked / 2015 / unionville, PA

[paulg14]

The Vines-Venus Fly Trap #thevines #venusflytrap #wickednature #2014

[230east]

New double album Wicked Nature out September 2nd. For an instant 3 track sampler pre-order the album now at www.pledgemusic.com/thevines she never loved me

[readwriterelax]

chapter three: god and his priests and his kings turn their faces. even they feel the cold.

from the point of view of joanna king.

The disappointment plastered on my father’s face made me tremble under his gaze as I looked up at him with a tear stained face. With an angry voice, my mother had told him everything including what had happened at school. “I’m sorry,” I croaked as I clasped my hands together in a pleading manner, silently begging him to basically spare me.

He ignored me and picked the cross up from the ground. “Place it back on the wall,” he told my mother, handing the cross to her before he turned his attention back to me. “Who gave you that mark, Joanna?” he asked calmly, so calm that it scared me. “Who have you been having sex with?” he added. I shook my head right away. “No one,” I told him, sniffing. “How could I have sex when you and Mama don’t even let me go anywhere?” I said back in a tone that was slick. A little bit of bravery was starting to appear in me. A short silence took over the room right before I felt the force of my father’s hand coming down against my face. The slap was so shard that it echoed off the walls and caused my mother to jump. I gasped from the sudden pain and immediately placed my hand on my cheek, feeling it sting under my touch. Never in my eighteen years of living had my father ever put his hands on me in any way. Why was all of this happening to me? I was too good of person to be feeling such pain, yet my father stood above me with no remorse or sympathy. After I snapped back to reality, the tears came flooding back and I was crying like a hysterical fool. “You don’t talk to me in that tone of voice, you hear?” he snapped, gripping the collar of my shirt and shaking me with every word he spoke. This had to be unreal. I couldn’t believe any of it. “What has gotten into you, lying to a man of God like this? Huh?!” His eyebrows furrowed into two angry lines and I didn’t answer him. I stayed quiet out of fear of saying something else stupid and being hit again. My mother stepped one foot forward. “Jeremiah-“ she began to speak, but all my father had to do was hold his hand up in her direction and she became quiet again. Was it possible that in that one second my mother had felt sorry for me? “Get up,” he said to me firmly, snatching me from the floor before I could even get up myself. He let my body go and I stood before him, never making eye contact. “Go to the bathroom, fill up the tub, and wait for me. I’m gonna wash that sin right out of you,” he informed me and I thought I was going to pass out right then and there. I had seen this same routine when Joel had went through it; my father had nearly drowned him. “Please…” I pleaded with him one more time, my legs shaking under my body. I wanted so badly to just push past him, run out of the front door, and keep going until my feet couldn’t carry me no more. But I knew doing that would be a risky move and would only make things worse. There just had to be some way that I could get out of this cruel punishment.  My father looked at me in return with so much disgust in his eyes. “I said go,” he spoke in a sharp retort and reluctantly, I turned on my heels and started towards the staircase, my legs feeling like liquid the whole time I walked. It felt as if I walking straight towards the gates of Hell, as if an invisible force was pushing me forward and I didn’t have the strength to stop and stand up for myself. It felt like Judgment Day so badly and the shakiness of my stomach made me feel as if I was going to throw up all over the expensive wooden floors beneath my feet. I took each white step one by one with fear now in control of my body. I tried to concentrate my mind on more positive things, but that task alone was impossible, seeing that I knew what was about to go down. Before I knew it, I was at the top of the stairs and walking in the direction of my bedroom. Maybe I would be more comfortable if the punishment was done in the comfort of my own bathroom. Joel must have heard my movements because his bedroom door popped open and he stuck his head out the door, looking at me with depressed eyes. “I’m so fuckin’ sorry, Joey. I’m sorry,” he told me in a whisper, his voice trembling. It was so weird to see him like this because he hardly showed any deep emotions, but I knew it was because of how much he loved me and how close we were. It probably felt as if he was being put through the same thing all over again. I opened my mouth to speak back, but I couldn’t form any words. There was nothing I could say in return to make things any better or calm myself. I shrugged with hot tears running down my cheeks before turning away from him, going into my room. I moved fast, afraid that my father would make my punishment worse if I moved too slowly. My feet padded across the bathroom floor before I took a seat on the edge of my porcelain tub, turning the hot water on and then the cold water to mix it in. It would suck to have to be cleansed in excruciatingly hot water. I let the water run for awhile as I stripped down to my bra and panties, not wanting to get completely naked for this. There was no way I would allow my father to see me in that way. Hearing heavy feet near my bedroom door, I immediately shut off the water and got into the tub, feeling completely embarrassed. The height of the water stopped right below my chest and even though the warmness of it calmed my nerves a bit, the reminder of what was to come made me shake all over again. I had never been a swimmer nor was I ever good at holding my breath. The fact that I occasionally smoked cigarettes didn’t help at all; I had picked up a smoker’s cough and my lungs weren’t perfectly healthy. Joel had survived this because he was a great swimmer and had been healthier than me. I was worried. From the corner of my eye, I saw my father walk into the bathroom, shutting the door behind him. I sat there frozen, my breathing speeding up and my heart beating wildly. He took one knee beside the tub and stared at the side of my face, shaking his head in disappointment. He didn’t speak a single word of apology for what he was about to do to me, nor did he try to speak to me about the situation. My father was never the type to beat around the bush; when something had to be done, he wasted no time in doing it. Pressing one hand to my forehead, my father closed his eyes and I closed mine right along with him. It was best if I just cooperated. “Hear, Lord, the prayers we offer from contrite hearts. Have pity on us as we acknowledge our sins. Lead us back to the way of holiness. Protect us now and always from the wounds of sin. May we ever keep safe in all its fullness the gift your love once gave us and your mercy now restores. Amen.” Before I could even say ‘Amen’, his hand was pushing against my body and I soon found my face emerged underneath the warm water. My ears popped immediately and I could no longer hear anything around me, but my instinct kicked in, telling me to hold my breath. If you could see my tears under water, you would see that my face was full of them. I estimated in my head that he would only hold me under water for five seconds, but five seconds soon turned into ten, and then so on. I felt myself unable to hold my breath any longer, so I gripped my father’s arm trying to get up, but his strength held me down in the water. My eyes popped open right away and I stared up at the ceiling with shock before my eyes darted around the bathroom. He wasn’t going to let me up! He was purposely trying to drown me! I moved my body wildly in the water, gripping his skin between my nails in a panic as I struggled to get up. I felt my lungs feel up with water and my insides began to burn like crazy. I prayed that he wouldn’t kill me and as if my prayers had been answered, I was soon brought out of the water. I gasped for air and instantly began to cough, crying at the same time as if someone was trying to murder me. “Have you learned your lesson?” my father asked me in a stern voice as his eyes pierced my skin, as if he wanted to kill me. I nodded like crazy. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry!” I said over and over again, still gripping his arm. I don’t know what I said wrong, but once again, I was put back under water, panicking more than the first time. Was this really happening? I barely had time to recuperate and he was already putting me back under again. I squirmed under his hold, somewhat believing that maybe all of this was a dream and that my father wouldn’t hurt me like this intentionally. “DAD, STOP! YOU CAN’T KEEP DOING THIS TO US!” I heard my brother’s voice yell from outside the bathroom door as he banged on it loudly. I guessed that it was locked because otherwise, Joel would have barged in. “LEAVE HER ALONE!” I could hear now that he was crying. At the same time, I thought I was slowly but surely dying under that water. I was brought back up again, gasping and coughing as before. “If you sin in this house ever again, your punishment will be worse than what happened today. You hear me?” I hoped that it was all over as I nodded. “Yes sir,” I said in return, still sobbing. With no more words, he got up from his knees and went towards the bathroom door, unlocking it and then snatching it open. I looked back to see Joel’s face and he started to come towards me, but was soon stopped by my father’s hand wrapping around his neck. “Don’t you ever get in the way of what I do, you demon child,” my father snapped at him and Joel put his hands up in a silent surrender, nodding under my father’s hold. He was just as afraid of him as I was. To be honest, I knew my father hated Joel. They could never get along. He was let go and my father went on about his business, leaving the room as if nothing had happened. My mother was nowhere to be found like always, but I didn’t care. All I wanted to do now was curl up into a ball and fade away slowly. Joel rushed to be by my side and he wasted no time in lifting me out of the tub, cradling me in his arms and getting his clothes wet at the same time. “I got you, Joey. You’re gonna be aight,” he told me in a soothing voice, carrying me out into my bedroom. The cold air hit my body and I hissed, burying my face into his shirt. There was nothing I could say; I was too much in shock. He placed me carefully on my bed and I almost panicked when he left my side to go out into the hallway, but he soon returned with towels in hand. He closed the door behind him and smartly locked it before he began drying off my body from head to toe, just like I had done when he had received the same treatment. I shivered and he continued to rub my body vigorously with the towels, warming me up inch by inch. He even took it upon himself to dress me in clothes that were comfortable enough to sleep in. The covers of my bed were peeled back and he slipped me under them, crawling in on the other side and wrapping his arms around my body. I cried against him and he shushed me, rocking me back and forth in his arms. “Jesus still loves you, Joey…I swear he does,” he said in a reassuring voice, somehow knowing that I was starting to lose my trust in Jesus. I was starting to think that he didn’t exist. I laid there in my brother’s arms, wondering if there was a way we could get out of this Hell. 

[readwriterelax]

chapter two: we love jesus but you done learned a lot from satan.

from the point of view of joanna king.

The light of day had come too soon for my body and once I realized that I had to get up for school, I felt even worse. The high from yesterday still had me sluggish, but luckily, Joel and I hadn’t been caught. Everything was cleaned up and well hidden from our parents by the time they had got home and we had both took it upon ourselves to go to bed early so we could sleep our high off. My alarm clock continued to buzz in my ears before I finally reached a lazy arm over and shut it off. Thank God it was Friday. My throat felt extremely dry as I sat up and all I could think about was water and water only. I wasted no time in going to my personal bathroom, cutting on the sink, and splashing a handful of water into my mouth, soothing my throat instantly. The only thing I hated about smoking weed was the fact that it gave me cotton mouth and slight confusion the next day, whereas Joel never got any side effects. He could pop up the next day as if he was perfectly fine. “Joanna! You’re going to be late!” I heard my mother yell from the other side of my bedroom door, knocking a couple of times also. I cringed as she spoke my full name. I hated the name because of how old it sounded, but then again, I had been named after my great grandmother.  “I’ll be ready in fifteen minutes!” I yelled back, clutching the porcelain sink between my fingers as I stared into the mirror. My eyes were bloodshot red and my hair was all over the place. I heaved a sigh as I traced my cheeks with my fingers, my skin feeling all rough. I took my focus off my appearance momentarily as I reached for my toothbrush and ran water over it before preparing it for use.  I had to tell myself to speed up the process because I didn’t have much time to spare. Joel was probably already dressed and I knew he would leave without because he had done it before. He was always moving one step forward to try and impress my parents; he had to because of all his faults in the past. In their eyes, I was so perfect that I didn’t have to change a thing. I hurried through a shower and also hurried through doing my hair. A messy bun would have to work for today and a simple collar shirt and dress pants would have to suffice for my attired. I attended a private school anyway…there wasn’t much we could wear without being scrutinized.  Placing my clip on earring on my ear, I stared at my reflection one final time. A red mark that I hadn’t noticed before was on my neck and I knew that it was a hickey. My hands shot to my neck in shock and I rubbed the spot, instantly feeling it’s soreness. There was only one person who I could have gotten this from and it wasn’t on my neck yesterday morning. My cheeks flushed red with embarrassment as I quickly made my way over to Joel’s room, covering my neck in the process. My mother could have been lurking anywhere for all I knew. I found him on his bed with his book bag on his back, watching some sports television as he waited for me. He only looked my way when he heard his bedroom door being closed. “Finally, the princess is ready!” he teased before he stood up and turned off the television. He started towards his door but I stopped him dead in his tracks, my hand rested on his chest. “Did you do this?” I hissed in a whisper as I removed my hand from my neck and pointed to the obvious, sexual mark. His eyes bulged and he reached out to touch it. I snatched away from him. “Shit, Joey! We gotta hide it,” he said in a panic. So he had done it and I had allowed him to. This had to stop eventually…were we that high? “No shit, Sherlock!” I cussed back, just as nervous as him. “Give me one of your jackets or something! The one that zips all the way up to the chin,” I demanded of him and he didn’t disagree at all as he went to his closet and retrieved one of his many Nike jackets. He helped me slip it onto my body and I zipped it all the way up to my chin, shielding the mark. “How am I gonna hide this from mom and dad? I can’t wear this coat forever.” “Can’t you put makeup on it?” he suggested, lowering his voice some. “I don’t even own makeup. Mom would die before she even let me…”  He sucked his teeth, feeling defeated. “Fuck…just wear the coat all day for now. And then we’ll think of something to tell them later, aight?” I nodded, deciding that there was nothing else we could do right now. I was already having enough problems with ridding my mind of the images of Joel sucking on my neck. “Yeah, sure.” I said nothing else about it as I opened his door and went back to my room to get my book bag. I glanced at myself in the mirror and noticed how ridiculous I looked in his jacket that was too big for my body. It would have to work for now. I tried my best to escape past my parents and out the backdoor before they could say anything, but my father had caught sight of me. “Joanna, don’t you know it’s too hot for that jacket? Why are you wearing Joel’s jacket anyway?” he asked, his body leaning over the counter as he sipped on his coffee and read the morning paper. Joel slipped right out of the door, finding a way to get out of it. “It gets really cold in some of my classrooms and I promised myself that I would bring a jacket today. I wanted to wear Joel’s,” I told him, holding as much confidence in my voice as possible. He raised an eyebrow, causing my nervousness to return. “If you say so…have a good day at school. Did you already say your morning prayer with your brother?” “Yes, as always. You have a good day too.” I gave him a small smile before I rushed out the back door. I couldn’t stand lying to my father. I hadn’t even thought about Jesus when I woke up this morning. The mark on my neck seemed to be more important. I was lucky enough to get past my mother; she would have had a debate about the jacket. Joel had already had the car started when I walked outside and I regretted my choice of attire, seeing how blazing it was today. I got in the car and sat back with a huff. “Everything will work out aight, Joey. Don’t stress it.” Joel’s attempt at cheering me up wasn’t working at all. “You’re not the one with the hickey. Of course everything is going to be alright,” I snapped back. “You don’t think I feel guilty for giving it to you?” he shot back, furiously backing out into the street and into the road, speeding down the street with the tires skidding against it. “Maybe we shouldn’t get fucking high anymore. The sexual stuff between us only happens when we smoke.” He was definitely angry, but I could see that he was more so angry at himself than at me. “No, we can still smoke. We just have to…tone it down some?” I shrugged, not wanting to even think about the possibility of us never having weed again. There was no way he could take the one thing that kept me sane away from me. I could see his jaw tensing from the corner of my eye and I hoped that he wouldn’t blow up at me. Joel was generally a nice, gentle guy, but sometimes the episodes of anger he had scared me. “We don’t need it, Joey. It just causes us trouble if anything.” “We can start smoking separately then…away from each other,” I told him, looking for any options that would keep the weed around. My fingers nervously tapped against my thigh, afraid of what was going through his mind. He knew I needed this. “We’ll see,” Joel simply replied before he cut on the radio and turned it all the way up, probably blasting it to tune me out. His answer wasn’t a refusal, but it wasn’t exactly the answer I had been looking for. There was nothing more I could say, so I decided to just shut my mouth. The radio had started to annoy me and I was thankful once we had finally pulled up to school. Joel parked in the usual spot before shutting the engine off, his jaw still tensed. He reached his long arms into the backseat and grabbed his book bag, never once looking in my direction. He got out and immediately began walking towards the school. All I could do was sit in the car and stare at the back of his head, wondering what his problem was. Why did he want to do the right thing all the time? The late bell sounded just as I was getting out of the car, causing me to quicken my steps towards the back entrance of the school. I had gym as a first period class, so I wouldn’t have to do any hard thinking this morning; I had too much on my mind to do so. The smell of strong body perfume was the first thing that greeted me as I entered the girl’s locker room. There were a group of girls all crowded around the mirror, either re-applying makeup or doing their hair. Gym class was supposed to be the class you got sweaty in, but these girls were more focused with beautifying themselves for the guys in class. As for me, I really didn’t care how I looked; I was just here to get a passing grade. I sighed as I opened my gym locker, unintentionally getting the attention of most of the girls. A few of them spoke and I spoke back, but the others just gave me nasty stares. They didn’t like me because of my church girl stereotype, but they put up with me because I was related to Joel. Everyone loved Joel. “Hey Lauren,” I spoke softly as one of the girls came up beside me at her locker. Lauren wasn’t exactly someone I would call a friend, but she talked to me the most in school. She was the type of person who made friends with anyone, no matter who they were.  “Hey, Barbie,” Lauren said in return with a smirk and I shook my head, laughing a little. Lauren swore up and down that I was the human version of a Barbie doll. I gave her a small grin before reaching inside of my locker to get my stuff. I knew I only had a small amount of time to change into my gym clothes, so I hurried with unzipping that heavy jacket, basically forgetting why I had it on in the first place. “Looks like the church girl isn’t so holy after all,” she said, rather loudly, and I looked over her with confusion written all over my face. “What?” I replied curiously, my hand still attached to the zipper on my coat. “Where’d you get the hickey from?” Lauren asked with a smirk, pointing to my neck. I gasped and rushed to zip up my jacket and by this time, a crowd was starting to form around the two of us. “Who have you been fucking, Joey? Does Joel know?” one of the girls prodded in a teasing voice and my cheeks flushed red with embarrassment. How could I have been so stupid? I had made a promise to Joel to keep that jacket zipped up all day. “I haven’t been fucking anyone,” I retorted, turning my face away from their eyes and just about stuffing my head into my locker. I just wanted to believe that this wasn’t happening. By the end of the day, there was going to be a rumor swarming around about me, I was sure of it. If only they knew who I got it from…the thought of it alone was enough to make my stomach hurt. “Well how did you get that mark on your neck?” Lauren inquired even further, staring at me with the pair of sneaky, green eyes she had. I bit my lip and tried to concentrate solely on just getting out the stuff I needed for class. “I wore one of my mom’s necklaces to church and I got an allergic reaction from it. My skin is super sensitive,” I told them with a shrug, closing my locker door shut with a sharp slam. My level of annoyance was high and I was bound to punch someone in the face. With my head held low, avoiding all eye contact, I rushed myself into the bathroom and in one of the stalls. I nervously ran my fingers over my hair, my back pressed up against the door. “See, I knew she wasn’t perfect. I wonder who got her to finally open those legs?” I heard a voice whisper and I shut my eyes, praying that they would all just walk out of the locker room and leave me to dress alone. I couldn’t stand being talked about in this way. I was a pure girl, at least in my mind. There was childish snickering and then another voice. “Well whoever it was must have wore her ass out ‘cause she looks a hot ass mess today.” I recognized the voice as being Lauren’s and I angrily bit down on my lip. She was just as immature as the rest of them. I slid my body down against the door and clamped my hands over my ears, not wanting be put through the torture at all. I didn’t think I was overreacting or being a drama queen, it was just that I had never been talked about in a way like this. And to make everything worse, I didn’t know how to stand up for myself. What would I say to them? The only thing I could do was be a civilized Christian girl and let God handle them. My mother always told me that I shouldn’t fight back with words. Silence was the best treatment for a bully…well, that’s what she thought.  I don’t know how long I was on that floor, but soon I could no longer hear any more voices. The only movement in the locker room was coming from my own body and I broke the silence by heaving a loud sigh of relief. Calmness flooded my body as I dressed myself in my gym clothes, racing against the clock so I wouldn’t make a bigger scene by coming out late. I only dressed my bottom half in the uniform gym shorts and as for my top half, I kept Joel’s jacket on. There was no way I could let the guys in the class see my new mark of sin. The things they would say…it made me cringe just thinking about it. “Joanna, it shouldn’t take you thirty minutes to get dressed. I’m deducting ten points from your grade,” the stern voice of my gym teacher, Mr. Johnston, came barreling through my ears. I panicked on the inside as he spoke these words, seeing that I would no longer have that perfect grade. My parents expected straight A’s from me and Joel and I knew this would affect my grade more than I wanted it to. I took a seat on the bleachers away from everyone else and I was surprised to see that they were all indulged in their own conversations; none of them looked my way. “You need to remove your jacket also. I don’t think it’s part of the uniform.” His voice had said and I immediately broke into a nervous sweat. “I’m cold,” I told him simply, giving him full eye contact, trying my best to be sincere. He shook his head. “I’m sorry, but you’ll have to take it off. It’s the school’s policy, not mine.” “No,” I said in return and just like that, everyone was looking in my direction. They were probably surprised that I had talked back to a teacher because I was even surprised at myself. “Excuse me?” I shook my head and sighed. “I don’t want to take my jacket off.” I shrugged. The look on his face was more than shock and something like disbelief. He probably couldn’t believe that I was acting in such a manner and on the inside, I was ashamed of myself. The look of shock on his face then disappeared and anger replaced it. “You just talked yourself into a one way ticket to Choice, Ms. King,” he replied with so much attitude that it embarrassed me. Today wasn’t my day at all and I just wanted to go home. Choice wasn’t a place I wanted to be, but it looked like I didn’t have any other options. It was either go there or be suspended and I definitely didn’t want that. With red cheeks and a nervous feeling in my stomach, I got up from the bleachers and headed back towards the locker room, hearing laughing and whispering behind me. Everyone was probably so excited that the most perfect girl in the school had finally shown some kind of disrespectfulness. Now not only would everyone in school know about my hickey, but now, they would know about this to. I just hoped that everything would stay within the hallways of this school and not travel back to my parents. I snatched my clothes out of my locker furiously, not even realizing that I was crying until I managed to calm myself down. This wouldn’t have been so bad if I had just been a normal person that didn’t care about being disciplined. Why did I have to be put on this pedestal so much? My whole body felt hot as I dressed myself, trying my best to hurry so I wouldn’t make a bigger fool out of myself. All I wanted was to have Joel by my side, saying something funny to make me smile again, but then again he had been the cause of everything. I was angrier with him than with everyone else. After I was dressed and I made sure my face was free of all tears, I walked out of the locker room and right out of the gym, never looking up once to see everyone’s reactions. All of them could just go to Hell. It seemed as if I was taking a long walk to go and be judged by Jesus himself as I took the stroll to the Choice room. I sighed loudly once I was finally outside of the door, taking one deep breath before I made my entrance. The five different sets of eyes all locked on me, including the teacher at the front. This was my first time ever being in this room and I instantly hated the way it looked. The walls were painted a dull gray and the ceiling had pencils and spit balls hanging from it. Now I knew why they called this place ‘Choice’: it was up to you if you wanted to come to an awful place like this. “Can I help you?” the lady at the desk spoke from beside me. I didn’t know her name because I had never interacted with her, but I was pretty sure she knew who I was. She probably thought I was just here to deliver a message from a teacher or something. “Mr. Johnston sent me out of class…” I looked down towards the tile floor. Shock covered her face and I became embarrassed all over again. She straightened herself up and pointed towards an empty seat. “Well have a seat. No talking, no sleeping, and no texting,” she let me know and I nodded right before taking a seat up front, that way I would be closer to the door when this hour was up. “Wait until I tell everyone about this,” the guy sitting beside me said under his breath and I just wanted to melt into one big puddle in my seat.

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When the final bell had rung for school to get out, I was out of that school faster than everyone else and was waiting at the car for Joel. Things had gone a bit more smoothly after I had left Choice that morning, but I still just wanted to be at home and in my room. Luckily, it was Friday, meaning I had a whole weekend to be away from the nosey eyes of the people at school. I leaned up against the car and stared into space as I waited, feeling the heat of the February weather come through my jacket. No matter what month it was, California never seemed to let me down with its bright sun and hot weather. “I was looking for you,” I heard a male voice say and I snapped out of my thoughts to see Joel standing on the driver’s side of the car, dangling the car keys in his hand.  “Well here I am,” I said in return sarcastically, impatiently placing my hand on the car door, wishing he would just unlock it already. He did without another word and I got inside, feeling my sanity slowly coming back to me. As he started the engine, I could see him stealing glances at me, as if he was itching to ask me something. I was going to let him speak first. “So…” he started, his voice trailing off some before he came back to attention. “What’s this I hear about you showing everyone the hickey on your neck?” he asked before he licked his lips and looked at me again. My heart thudded in my chest. My body always overreacted to simple words. “I didn’t show anyone…” He shrugged. “Well the guys at lunch just seemed to know all about it. I knew you were gonna sit here and lie.” “I ain’t lying, Joel. I didn’t show anyone deliberately anyway…I was getting undressed in the locker room this morning and some of the girl’s saw it. I don’t know why they had to run their mouths though,” I said softly, hoping he would drop the subject soon. “Did you tell them who gave it to you?” he asked next, looking at me with pleading eyes, hoping that I didn’t spill the beans. I looked at him as if he were crazy. “Why the hell would I do something like that?”

“You can be stupid sometimes, so I’m just asking.” I sucked my teeth loudly. “Just drop the subject, Joel. I didn’t just come out and show people the mark, they just happened to see it. And that’s the end of it.” He blew out frustrated steam through his nose, but as I had requested, he dropped the subject and didn’t say another word. The ride home was in complete silence and I was just fine with that. It gave me time to think about how I could cover my mark up long enough for it to disappear on its own. There were probably also some home remedies I could do, but all of this depended on if my parents were home or not. If they weren’t, I could easily sneak into their room and steal some of my mother’s make up. We were about the same complexion. “Home sweet home,” Joel mumbled once he pulled into the driveway. My eyes darted around the area and I saw that my father’s car wasn’t present, but my mom’s was. My plan for snagging her makeup was out of the question so I would have to come up with something else. I got out and made sure my jacket was in place, leaving my bags in the car. I didn’t have any weekend homework, so it would just have to stay there. I cautiously entered the house through the back door, looking around for any signs of my mother. I didn’t see her downstairs, so I rushed upstairs, hearing Joel close behind me. I was almost to the top stair until I heard my mother’s voice from the living room. “Joanna Marie King, you better turn your little disrespectful behind right around and come back down these stairs,” she said with so much anger in her voice that it scared me. I stopped right in my tracks, allowing Joel to pass me, but he didn’t go to his room. Instead he stopped at the top of the stairs, curious to know what I had done so bad to make my mother look at me as if I was Satan himself. My hands trembled a bit as I slowly took one step at a time, moving closer and closer to her as the seconds passed. I had feeling that she had somehow been told of my day at school and I could feel my heart dropping to my stomach. “Yes?” I said to her, trying my best to keep my cool. We were now standing face to face and her hands were on her hips. “I got a call from Mr. Johnston today and he told me about how disrespectful you had been to him. Do you not know how embarrassing it is to get a call in the middle of a church meeting from a teacher talking badly about one of your children?” she spat, her eyes piercing the skin on my face. I didn’t know how embarrassing it was seeing that I didn’t have any children of my own, but I would sympathize with her as if I knew. “I’m sorry,” I said softly, unable to look her in the eyes anymore. “And all of this over a jacket!” she exclaimed, throwing her hands up in the air. I heard slight movement coming from the stairs and I knew that Joel was still there. It made me feel a bit better. “I hope you haven’t been wearing that thing all day.” “I have…” I confessed. There was no point in lying to her. I was already in enough trouble with both her and Jesus. “I was cold all day,” I added, totally forgetting about the not lying part. She crossed her arms against her chest. “Well it’s not cold in this house, so I want you take it off right now. I don’t know why you’re wearing your brother’s jacket anyway. Your father has spent plenty of money so you could have your own.” She was right, I did have my own jackets, but none of them covered my neck like Joel’s. “But Mama-“ “I am your mother and you will obey me, Joanna. Take. It. Off,” she retorted through gritted teeth and my hands nervously shook towards the zipper of the jacket. I wanted Joel to say something, anything, to get me out of this situation, but no sounds came from his lips. I slowly unzipped the jacket in front of her and she watched me closely, probably wanting to know why I had really worn the jacket. She got her answer when her eyes went for my neck and I was fearful of what was going to come next. She stepped closer to me and grabbed me by the chin, yanking my head to the side. “This better not be what I think it is, little girl.” “It’s a scratch,” I lied instantly, closing my eyes shut. “YOU THINK I WAS BORN YESTERDAY?!” she shouted and I nearly jumped out of my skin. I whimpered under her grip and bit down on my lip, fighting back tears. “WHO DID THIS TO YOU? WHO HAVE YOU BEEN HAVING SEX WITH?!” “I haven’t been having sex with anyone, Mama, I promise!” My Southern accent always came out the most when I was afraid and didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know what I could say. I opened my eyes just as she was letting go of my face.

“YOU’VE BEEN LETTING ONE OF THEM LITTLE BOYS AT SCHOOL KISS ALL ON YOU, HAVEN’T YOU?” Her voice was so loud and it surprised the hell out of me. She had never spoken to me in this manner but then again, I had never been in any trouble to be talked to this way.  “Nobody!” I exclaimed, slowly backing away from her. I backed up too much because the back of my foot hit up against the bottom stair, causing me to fall flat on my butt. I probably looked so pitiful right now and my body shook with fear. Her eyes looked down on me with disappointment and anger. She took a lot of deep breaths before she looked up the stairs at Joel. “Who gave this to her?” she asked him, her voice more calm. I looked behind me, seeing the fear in Joel’s eyes also. “It’s just a scratch, Mama, like she said,” he told her. I was thankful that he didn’t confess. My mom shook her head furiously. “That ain’t no scratch, you two must take me for a fool.” Her fists were balled up at her sides, but I knew she wouldn’t hit me. My mom never got physically violent with us. “Get up,” she said, turning her attention back to me. She yanked me by my collar and dragged me behind her, going over to one of the bookcases and removing the medium-sized metal cross that hung above it. She then placed me right at the front door and I looked at her with confusion. “I want you to kneel in front of this door until your father gets home. And when he gets home, I want you to tell him about what you did today and I want you to show him that mark of sin on your neck, you hear me?” She roughly placed the cross in my hands and tears instantly came to my face. “Mama, please. I’m sorry,” I sobbed, my body shaking as I held the cross in my hand. Then like a ton of bricks, it all came piling down on me that I was about to do the Kneel of Sin. I had seen Joel go through this same procedure when he had gotten his ears pierced and again when he had marked his body up with those tattoos. The thought of my father getting home and doing to me what he had done to Joel…it made me just want to die. “I said kneel,” she hissed, getting in my face. I was crying so hard now that I could feel my cheeks becoming sore, but out of fear, I got down on the wooden floor by the front door, placing the cross in front of me. “You can’t do this her, Mama. It ain’t right,” Joel spoke up from the top of the stairs, his voice shaking. He was experiencing the same fright that I had experienced when I watched him go through this. “Go to your room, Joel,” she said back to him before turning her attention to me. “That is why I say to run from sexual sin. No other sin affects the body as this one does. When you sin this sin it is against your own body. What chapter and verse is that from?” She asked me and I knew what portion of the process this was. Just like she had done with Joel, she was going to recite bible verses based on my topic of sin and ask me to tell her where they came from. It was torture at its best. “First Corinthians, chapter six, verse thirteen,” I said through my sobs without a doubt in my mind. Unlike Joel, I was good when it came to reciting bible verses, so maybe this would go more smoothly for me. “She didn’t do nothing!” Joel still argued from the stairs and I was proud of his bravery. “You either go to your room, or you get down here and kneel with her. Choose one,” she snapped at him and there was a long silence before I heard him suck his teeth and then a door slam. He couldn’t argue with that one. Once again, her attention turned back on me. “You adulterous people, don't you know that friendship with the world is hatred toward God? Anyone who chooses to be a friend of the world becomes an enemy of God. Chapter and verse.” “James, chapter four, verses one through four.” My voice was raspy now and my head was bowed towards the floor.” “And remember, when someone wants to do wrong it is never God who is tempting him, for God never wants to do wrong and never tempts anyone else to do it. Temptation is the pull of man's own evil thoughts and wishes.” “James, chapter one, verse thirteen and fourteen…” This seemed to go on forever and my tears never stopped. My knees began to hurt from kneeling so long and as every minute passed, I became fearful of my father’s arrival. Soon, I heard the sound of a car door shutting right outside of the house. I scooted back in a sudden panic, only to have my mother pull my body right back to the door. And then the door unlocked.

[aboutagirl06]

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