So we sat in my bed talking about the happenings of the day, playfully poking each other. Of course the usual happened; I was in class the whole day not understanding a single thing (why did I choose engineering again?) and you running around completing errands, interviewing a local artist for your magazine article and attending another meeting which wasn't very near school.
"So there is this event coming up which I want you to attend with me," you asked, holding back certain details about said event to use as trump cards later to eventually convince me.
"What event," I demanded, which I usually do, knowing your familiar tactic.
"It's an event for my magazine. Spouses and partners invited."
"Don't want leh," I knew you were still holding back information
"It's gonna have an open bar!" Ah, trump card played. And boy, is it convincing.
"Do I need to dress up?" I ask, as if I'm uninterested and annoyed but already thinking of what I'm going to wear and what I need to buy to make my outfit perfect.
"A suit would be nice." But I wasn't listening because in my head I was already picturing us at the event, me in a black tuxedo being charming and making people laugh over some white wine and getting dangerously close to one of your female co-workers, while you infuriatingly glance at me from across the rooftop garden wanting to stab my eye so that I stop talking to her.
Maybe a beginning isn't so much something completely new. Maybe it's just opening up something similar to which existed in the past. The word 'pause', however, wouldn't be the correct word because that would mean things just continue where they had left off with the same characters and settings. This is new, with new people, new happiness, new problems. But with similar emotions. And that's where the beginning comes in.. The start of something: Not new, but different.
"So why do you want to bring me? I'm not exactly trophy material. And I'm not artsy at all, what would I be talking about to your colleagues?" I'm really not artsy which is ironic because just less than 30 seconds ago I was making some female writer laugh. Hadn't really thought through what I would be saying to make her laugh. Well, a least it saves me from going blind in one eye.
You laugh. "But I love you."
It was the start of trusting and loving someone. Again. I was scared about letting my heart go. Could I trust anyone? Yes yes, you complain about the "many" girls before you but can I just add that it went nowhere with them? Just harmless dates, no holding hands no kisses, nothing of that sort. And that I never really truly felt comfortable with them? I just somehow felt that I should wait, a bit longer. (Also: 2 isn't many. Trust me I'm an engineer.) Then you came along, with your personality and beauty. Something which drew me in. And the tension we had. Everyone could see it (embarrassingly). The more we hung out, the more we realized we were facing similar worries. That question of "What if...?". But then I realized, 'what if's may not always be bad. And I certainly didn't want to look back at this and ask myself "What if I had gone for it?".
Just over 6 months has passed and I find something new about you and us everyday. I love you with more depth each day. And I find things that, be it positive or negative, teach me how to be better and allows me space to grow and become a better person. Not just as an individual but as a boyfriend as well. And I know that there will not be enough days in this lifetime to fully understand everything about you and explore everything about us but there won't be a need to because by the end, we'll know what we want to know & what's important and that's all that matters.
