#wilhelmenforcer

[screamingwilhelm-archived]

@wilhelmenforcer

[||||||coordinates__███████████.001|||||_sent_to_user|||||||]

[txt] ...okay. These are the fast travel coordinates to the nearest station to my workshop on Helios.

[txt] I don’t know if you can help, but...

[txt] I seriously hope I don’t regret this.

[asthehero-blog]

     "Oh my g o d," arms open, fingers spread and an absurdly open smile on his face, he gestures to literally all of Wilhelm with the air of a child at Christmas. "Every time I see you, you keep getting cooler. What the hell, pal, what is it? New... haircut? Get the chrome polished up?      -- It's the chrome isn't it. I knew it. Whatcha' want? Come to have a drink with me, hm?"

[broughtinthemark]

wilhelmenforcer:

[TEXT: Sasha] :D  [TEXT: Sasha] Good.  [TEXT: Sasha] Are you hurt or anything? I can go check on you.

[SMS 'Wil': SENT] Nope! I got it, thx.

[SMS 'Wil': SENT] Wait shit

[SMS 'Wil': SENT] I lied

[SMS 'Wil': SENT] Hey Wilhelm

[SMS 'Wil': SENT] There's a turret on the second floor

[SMS 'Wil': SENT] Could you do the honors??

[SMS 'Wil': SENT] Pretty please?? <3

[nxrcissxs-blog]

{TEXTS!! All'a em pls}

Send ✆ for a morning text

[text]: GOOD MORNING, PUMPKIN GUESS WHAT TIME IT IS[and then he calls instead]: frIGGIN’ LATE IN THE MORNING GET YOUR ASS UP, HYPERION IS BEING ATTACKED HELP!

Send ♔ for an angry text

[text]: What’s taking you so long I swear to God you're gonna lose your goddamn job! Answer your fuckigng phone!!!1

Send  ♠ for a drunk text

[text]: dha sheje helr p

Send ☏ for a vague text

[text]: poisoned him

Send ⁇ for a worried text

[text]: You okay, pumpkin? You need to get back here[text]: ALIVE[text]: You got that? I don’t care if the mission isn’t over

Send ♣ for a text not meant for you

[text]: hurry up god my cock is friggin’ hard for hours already[text]: fUCK

Send ✘ for a text that should never have been sent

[text]: so does your dick vibrate or

Send ✺for a saucy text

[text:] …Hey, pumpkin? What’s a saucy text? Seriously what- what is up with that

Send √ for a long-winded confession text 

[text:] There’s a reason why you’re my favourite vault hunter. You’re strong, reliable, competent, loves money as much as I do, and you’re loyal. God I just love you and I’m so happy you’re on my side god it’ll break my heart if you ever leave or die someday or something idk[text]: wait whoops that wasn’t me, someone used my phone as a prank hAHA

Send ☠ for a misguided advice text

[text]: If you two are gonna bang, use condoms alright? [text]: Sexually transmitted diseases are still a thing

Send ☢ for a desperate text

[text]: Please tell me you’re alive[text]: and that you finished what I asked you to do-

Send ☼ for a congratulatory text

[text]: Congratulations Wilhelm! Despite not working today, you still get paid!!![text]: As long as you swear you’ll love me until the end

[screamingwilhelm-archived]

wilhelmenforcer replied to your post: Okay— okay… That chick with the blue j...

Slaps his shoulder. “Show some respect.”

WHAT? Aren't you even just a liitttlle bit excited about seeing a quadrillionaire?

Not billionaire-- not millionaire-- QUADRILLIONAIRE.

[broughtinthemark]

[TEXT: Sasha] Hey, what happened?

[SMS - ‘Wil’: SENT] just a sniper

[SMS - ‘Wil’: SENT] I took care of it

[SMS - ‘Wil’: SENT] :)

[SMS - ‘Wil’: SENT] dibs on his rifle!

[jackofakind]

wilhelmenforcer started following you

"Wilhelm come check this out!"

Since the vault had been opened and Handsome Jack had confined his body double to the Helios Station the man had been forced to find creative ways to entertain himself. As his privileges were limited Jack just seemed to get more desperate. Today he had found one of the few working Claptraps left on the station and was currently torturing the annoying bot.

"Look, I took its eye." Jack was positioned on a high walkway while the Claptrap circled around frantically below him. "God these things are so useless! Watch, you can still turn these things on while they're disconnected." Jack held the eye out in front of himself, twisting a knob at the back as he grinned at the optic. The eye flickered to life and the claptrap below froze. "Hey claptrap, having any luck yet?"

It was easy to hear the robot shouting in despair below about the theft of his eye, zooming forward with its arms out as if to grab right in front of itself. Instead of capturing the thief clearly in front of its optic the claptrap slammed into a concrete barrier, falling flat on its back and freezing up in that position.

Jack started cackling at the claptrap's misfortune, turning the optic off again and pushing a hand through his hair. "See that? Classic. What a waste of good parts." The eye was tossed over the railing to clatter and roll near the motionless claptrap. "Hard to break though, they get points for that. Anyway, what's up? Not going to the moon today? Or do we have you on Pandora now?"

[broughtinthemark]

☠ ♚ ❅ ∞

☠ Unpopular opinion.

Honestly, I’m not well-versed enough in the Borderlands fandom to know what popular or unpopular opinions are. Tales from the Borderlands is really my first experience with the Borderlands universe outside of about an hour of play on the first game when it first came out, so I’m still trying to catch up with all the lore and characters so that I can form my own opinions. XD

So kind of an unpopular opinion in general, I guess? I’m not big on shipping/smut. It’s cool if the characters have good chemistry and it develops naturally, but I generally prefer exploring other types of relationships than just profoundly sexual ones. I don’t really get the appeal.

♚ A list of their past muses.

Oh god ok you asked for it.

gotkindaaggro - Nick Randall from TWDG

theystrayedfromtheflock - William Carver from TWDG

thefolksyoucareabout - Kenny from TWDG

versatilityisnotoverrated - Jane from TWDG

withmyback - Riza Hawkeye from Fullmetal Alchemist (semi-active)

thevoracioussin - Gluttony from FMA (one day I’ll eventually set him up)

Plus a metric frick-ton of OCs, though most of them were on forum-based RPGs that are no longer active.

∞ Tell us something about their life outside roleplay.

I’ve been injured in pretty much every way you could think of in horse-related injuries. From biting to kicking to being landed on to having one flip over on me to being launched into a fence to being trampled to being concussed via smacked-in-the-head-by-a-concrete-slab.

Once, I was told by a doctor that my legs were, and I quote, “crunchy”. To this day I still don’t know what the medical definition of ‘crunchy’ is, because when they x-rayed me, I had no broken bones.

I can also fall down a flight of stairs and crash into a dryer without spilling a single drop of tea. I blame that on my mystical Canadian powers.

❅ Another muse they’d like to play.

I think Krieg would be really interesting to play, but there are 247 really, really good interpretations of him already, so I’m content to stick with interacting with them for now. :D

I haven’t seen any Felix blogs yet, though, and I think that’d be pretty wicked too.