So... I am creating an in-depth timeline of the "what really happened" Waiting for Forever fanfic I am writing... and idk if all of it is gonna be in the fanfic, like beat for beat... but it is helping me understand where these characters are coming from and where they are going and why.
I have mentioned in some of my updates about some of the changes I am making... like Will's full name being Willoughby Finn Donner... but I am making other changes too. Will is an artist now... Emma is also a dancer... and Emma is a lesbian. Instead of Aaron, it's Erin... also, at some point Will has a dog; a Australian Shepherd named Molly... I am really fleshing things out. Making both the characters feel more grounded and realistic.
Doesn't he look like he'd have an Australian Shepherd named Molly? 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰
The timeline is being worked on slowly. I still need to work on Jules and the music her band makes, what it sounds like, what the influences are. I have also tried to root the world in reality more, having issues like Columbine come up and have affects on Jules and her crew... and 9/11... or the housing crisis that started in 2007 and didn't end until 2010... There is also Y2K that happened. Idk... just having some ideas to help root the story in reality more.
Also, I looked at the budget of the film... and the how much it grossed... yikes... that shit is insane if you look into it. Like career ending insane... Budget of 5 million.... made 25 thousand back... like ouch. Crazy how it got interviews of cast and crew and a red carpet premiere... and did that bad in theaters. I have plans on how I am making the film canon in my fanfic, and all this about when it came out and how bad it did and all that is in the plan.
I am mostly just getting my thoughts out there... who knows if anyone is interested... ya'll are more into Dream, Nigel and Jake as far as Tom Sturridge characters go... but maybe ya'll care about Will Donner too and want to see him get the story he always deserved.
If ya'll are interested, let me know. If any of you want to see the monstrosity that is my timeline that I have so far on Google Spreadsheets, let me know.
💬 0 🔁 10 ❤️ 15 · Forever Waiting Chapters Master List · Note from Tarot:
This is a WIP. It will be more mature, more explicit and more an
Check out the reposts on the MasterList too... I have reblogged it with updates and such a lot... lolz
Willie looked at me through those long lashes of his. His lips were slightly parted. He looked nervous and all I could think to do was reassure him.
“Tell me to stop, and I will.”
Willie licks his bottom lip and then nods his head. It seems he can't quite find his voice at the moment. I smile and reach out, brushing my hand against his. He lets me take it.
“You'll enjoy it. I promise.”
I take a step closer and look up at him. He watches me with those pretty blue eyes of his. God, I could lose myself in them. He's so pretty, and I don't think he realises it. I reach up on my toes and kiss him softly. He inhales sharply through his nose as soon my lips touch his. I smile slightly. Slowly, I reach up and caress his cheek. I run my thumb along his cheekbone.
He shivers.
“Do you like that?” I ask softly.
“Yes.”
I chuckle and do it again.
If Willie reacts like this to a simple touch, how will he react when I have my whole body pressed up against his?
How will he react if he lets me go all the way?
“I'm going to look after you, sweetheart. Okay?”
He nods and chases after my lips again. I chuckle softly. He wants kisses and he can have them.
This time, I wrap my arm around his shoulders and guide him back toward the bed. The moment the back of his knees meets the mattress, he goes down.
I chuckle and let him get comfortable before straddling his lap. I reach for his hat and toss it to the side carefully.
His hands settle on my waist. I smile and lean back in to kiss him. I let my hands settle on his shoulder and slowly bring them down his chest. He tilts his head down to see what I'm doing, so I reach up and tilt his chin up.
“Eyes on me, love.”
I go slow, giving him plenty of time to stop me if he wishes. I remove his vest, letting it fall on the bed behind him. I keep kissing him, distracting him a little as I work on the pyjama top, pushing it over his shoulders.
He lets out a shuddering breath.
There's only one layer left on top. I can see his cheeks turning slightly pink. He's bound to be bright red when I remove his pants.
I kiss along his jaw and down his neck, keeping him occupied with my lips. He's panting. I have to smile. He's getting so worked up and hasn't yet asked me to stop. He's enjoying this.
I want him to enjoy it.
My hands grab at the hem of his tee, and I tug at it. He gets the idea and lifts his arms up, allowing me to remove it fully.
There's a moment of utter stillness and silence as he takes in the fact that I can now see his body.
I smile.
“You're perfect.”
Willie smiles and leans forward again, claiming my lips for his own once more. I run my hand down along his bare chest and feel that shudder again. He's excited. Very excited judging by the tent in those pyjama pants.
I can't help smiling again.
His arms try sneaking around my waist, but I tell him off lightly. “Ah, ah. Now I have to take something off.”
“Let me,” he says quietly.
He grabs my own shirt and pulls it over my head. He lets it fall to the floor. I place my arms around his shoulders and pull myself closer to his body. His lips inches away from my own.
My breasts are pressed up against his chest with only my bra preventing further contact.
“It's going to have to go if you want to see everything,” I say, chuckling.
Willie exhales quietly, and I feel his hand trail up my back gently. His fingers are soft as they inch up toward the clasps. His other hand follows, and I rest my head against his as he pulls the claps apart. My bra becomes slack, and I pull away from his body so I can reach up and pull the straps down my shoulders.
I watch him as I toss the flimsy bra to the side. I reach for his hand and lift it up to my chest.
“You can touch.”
His fingers wrap around my breast, and he squeezes it gently. I chuckle.
“It's okay. You won't hurt me. Do whatever feels right to you, Willie.”
He kisses me again, giving him reason to hide his warm cheeks as his hands carefully cup my breasts. He's being so careful, as if unsure of himself. It's rather sweet.
I lean into the kiss some more, moving my body further up his lap. He gasps against my lips and a smile.
His hard cock was right under me now.
“Those pants have to go.”
I slide off his lap slowly, trailing my hands down his body until I reach the top of his trousers. I look up at him as I tug them gently. He knows he has to lift his hips up off the bed for me to remove them completely.
He takes a second. I can see him thinking it through in his head. I told him I'd stop if he asked, and I meant it.
Then he lifts his hips, and I smile at him. I tug his pants down, leaving his underwear on for now. I tug the pants off his legs and toss them down where my clothes lie.
I lean back up and kiss him again.
“I'm proud of you, Willie.”
“Yeah?” He voice is soft.
“You're doing so well for me, baby. We're taking it nice and slow, yeah?”
He nods. Willie reaches out with a bit more confidence to touch my body again. I smile at him.
I give him another kiss and stand up. He looks up at me, his hands settling on my hips. I smile and tug off my trousers, taking my underwear off with them. I want him to get comfortable with my body.
“Give me your hand.”
He lets me take his hand in mine, and I guide it down between my legs. His lips part as he looks up at me. I guide his hand to massage me.
Willie bites at his bottom lip as I press his hand harder against me. I guide his fingers across my clit, letting him get a good feel of me.
I let go of his hand slowly. Willie's breath seems to catch in his throat.
“You're fine, Willie. Go on.”
I feel his fingers twitch a little before he continues the motion I helped him with before. I gasp softly as he pushes a finger in. I nod at him, wanting him to carry on. Willie keeps his eyes locked on mine as he works his finger in and out gently.
“Go on,” I encourage again.
His other hand grabs at my hip, kneading the flesh there. I don't care if he leaves a mark, I want him to enjoy himself. His other hand keeps a steady rhythm in and out my pussy. Willie inserts a second finger, almost shyly, and I tilt my head back a bit as he fingers me. I moan and Willie breathes out sharply.
I return my gaze to him to find him looking at me with a glazed over look.
I reach over and place my hand on his chest. His heart beats wildly under my palm. I can still see his cock begging to be free from the only piece of clothing between us, so I let him finger me a little longer before I move his hand away. His fingers glisten and he looks at them curiously.
I want to remove his underwear, but I decide to wait. Grasping his wrist gently, I bring his hand to my lips and take one of his fingers into my mouth.
Willie looks surprised.
I slowly drag his finger out, licking it clean, but leaving it covered in my saliva.
I then bring his hand close to his face.
“Do you want a taste?”
His cheeks are beyond flushed.
He hesitates, but I can tell by the way he looks at his finger he wants to.
I push his hand closer to his lip, and I watch his tongue dart out to lick his finger. I smile softly. He's so cute.
I pull his hand away and kiss him.
“Alright, sweetheart, let me see you. You can't possibly be comfortable.”
I sit on the bed beside him and tuck a finger down the waistband of his underwear. He leans toward me, seeking any sort of contact. I kiss him once and free his cock to the air.
He inhales a little sharply, and I leave his underwear with the rest of our clothes.
He's glorious. The poor darling is clearly aching for release. I've worked him up so much.
“You're so beautiful,” I whisper in his ear.
He chuckles softly.
I signal for him to move further up the bed. He does so. His breathing pattern is uneven, and he grabs the sheets beneath him. I hover over his body and lean down, pressing my lips to his chest. I press kisses down his chest, down his belly, and all the way down to his waiting cock.
I kiss the tip lightly, and he makes a small whining sound.
It was perfect.
I kiss it again and watch as his fists tighten on the bed sheets.
Without much warning I take his cock into my mouth. The groan he makes is one of the sexiest sounds I've ever heard.
I go slow to start with. Willie's never experienced this before. He makes even more beautiful sounds as I take as much of his cock into my mouth as possible. I suck and lick him, getting my fill of him.
The moan he makes turns me on. There is plenty about Willie that I consider beautiful, and the sounds he's making right now top that list.
He makes little gasping sounds the closer he gets and I go just a little longer.
He starts whimpering my name and at that point I remove his cock from my mouth and look up at him.
His eyes are pleading with me. “Please,” he whispers.
“Don't worry, sweetheart. I'll let you cum, just not like that. Okay?”
He nods his head, and I move myself to straddle him. His breathing is heavy as I lean over him. I press my lips to his forehead. He closes his eyes.
“I love you.”
He smiles. Another beautiful thing about him. I kiss his forehead once more and position myself over his cock. He's sensitive to my touch at this point, so I guide his cock in carefully. I love every little sound he makes while he waits.
I sink myself onto his cock, gasping as I take him in.
His head tilts back, and once again, his lips part, wider than before. I look down at him and smile. He's panting loudly. That's when I roll my hips, and he makes another gorgeous moan. No wonder I'm so fucking wet.
I start slow, finding a rhythm. Judging by the way he reaches out and claws at my thighs, it's far too slow for him. Proud doesn't even cover how I feel about him right now.
I start bouncing in his cock, leaving only the tip in before sinking back down on him again. He squirms under me, trying to thrust his hips with mone. He wants me. He needs me.
I place both my hands on his chest and focus on making him feel fucking amazing.
Willie deserves all the love I can give him.
I pick up the pace and find the exact speed he wants by his moaning alone. I can't get over how beautiful he looks and sounds.
I run my hands over his body. His heart is racing, and it's all because of me.
I can't even praise him because the only sounds I can make now are the moans that match his.
My name tumbles from his lips in a broken whine. He's looking up at him through those long lashes again. His eyes are watering, and I lean down desperately, kissing him.
He clings to me in desperation, and all I can do is wrap my arms around him.
I ride him like my life depends on it, and he clings to me like his does too.
He's so, so beautiful.
My darling Will.
I hear how strained his voice is becoming and press my lips against his ear.
“Cum for me, Willie. It's okay.”
He buries his head in my shoulder and I keep riding his cock until I feel him cum. I don't stop, riding it out. He holds onto me tight.
His breath is warm against my skin. I reach up and brush my fingers through his dark hair. His whole body is shaking. I kiss his head and continue to hold him until he's ready to move again.
“You were perfect,” I whisper.
I feel him kiss my shoulder softly. I smile and slowly tilt his head up. His blue eyes meet mine, and I lean forward, kissing him again.
Everything was perfect.
I let go of him slowly and climbed off his lap. He lies back on the bed and watches me. I simply bring myself to lay down on top of him, resting my head on his chest. His arms wrap around me, and we stay like that. I can hear his heart beating, and I smile once again.
Even when he eventually drifts off, I don't let go of him. I stay just as I am.
I'll still be there when he wakes again.
I'll give him all the love he deserves because he's far too precious for anything less than that.
This is a WIP. It will be more mature, more explicit and more angsty than the film but I am planning to keep everything fairly within the continuity of the film. Our beloved Willie will be portrayed as accurately to being in character as possible. This is 18+, minors DNI/DNR.
Brief Starting Summary:
Willie has come back into town because Emma has returned to their hometown of Taft, PA. He is faced with connecting with another old friend first, Jules, Joey's twin sister.
Jules has been in love with Willie for as long as she can remember. But Willie's love for Emma has always stopped Jules from telling him her true feelings.
Will Jules finally admit to her feelings and completely derail Willie's plans to tell Emma everything? Or will Willie finally start to see what was right in front of him the whole time? How long will Jules be stubborn and how long will Willie be dense, clueless and confused?
Read to find out.
Warnings/Tags:
Angst. N S F W. Self - Harm. Original Character Self - Unaliving (later on in the fic). Swearing. Pining. Unrequited Love. Slow Burn. Slow Build. Mental Health Issues. Emotional Health Issues. Dated Mental Health Terms (to fit in the with time period we are in). Ableism. Possible Political Climate at the Time (Gay Rights, BIPOC Rights).
Chapter One: Don't You (Forget About Me)
Chapter Two: No One Hurts Me Like I Hurt Myself
Chapter Three: Bitter Sweet Symphony
Chapter Four: The Promise
Chapter Five: TBD
I will list more chapters as they get done.
Helpful Blog Posts:
Waiting for Forever FanFic Spotify Playlist
Jules Visualization
Waiting For Forever, Research, Review, Character Analysis... + FanFic Talk
Beta Reader Call/Some FanFic Details to Keep in Mind
@dragon-kazansky's One-Shot Unrelated N S F W Willie Fanfic Reblog
@thoughtsfromlayla and @dragon-kazansky are wonderful folks that have helped me so much with this fanfic, give them love.
Just so you know, I have my first draft of my first chapter written. Because I have the structure of the film to go off of, I have some ideas of where I am going, but Willie chickens out for 5 days before finally talking to Emma, so I want to brainstorm with some folks about what happens in those 5 days... That still doesn't derail Willie's plans of telling Emma how he feels. Beta readers needed. Let's have fun 😊
Also, my first smutty scene is in chapter 1, but not with Willie. My OC is really going through it guys...
How many of you were reading my Will Donner Waiting for Forever fanfic? Were people enjoying it? Do y'all want more? I guess I am just looking for motivation to continue the story... I love Willie, but I am just hoping others love him too enough to want to read a story about him getting the love story he really deserved in the first place...
Waiting For Forever, Research, Review, Character Analysis... + FanFic Talk
In the past 6+ months I have probably seen the 2010/2011 indie "romance" drama film Waiting for Forever at least 20+ times. To say I am obsessed with Tom Sturridge is an understatement, but this film, mainly the character of Will Donner/Willie Pajamas, has completely won my heart.
Disclaimer: I have ADHD and I suck at planning out what I write, so, this may be all over the place, so I will try to stick to the points as much as possible. No promises though, lolz.
This film is a lot of things, but good is not exactly one of them. There are many reviews of this film from over the years that yes, cover how clunky this film is. And I might bring up some of the same points but I think it's deeper that everyone first thought it was.
Firstly, this film was written by a man named Steve Adams. Yes, a man wrote the story, which explains why Will's character is the only fleshed out character in the film, even though they tried to go back and forth between Will's POV and then Emma's POV. But if the past reviewers had done their research on the writer, maybe it would make more sense why that is the case.
As you can see, Steve's early life surprisingly mirrors Willie's own early life. Waiting for Forever is almost auto-biographical. That both explains why Willie's character is the most fleshed out and why the script stayed fairly the same without many rewrites, as both Sturridge and Bilson have stated in interviews for this film. Willie is Steve and Steve is Willie.
Rachel Bilson and Tom Sturridge Interview WAITING FOR FOREVER. WAITING FOR FOREVER movie stars Rachel Bilson, Tom Sturridge and Blythe Danne
One of the biggest complaints of this film is the casual acceptance of stalking... though the film both calls it out and then rewards it, seemingly. Though I have many thoughts on the ending, how both Sturridge and Bilson talk about the ending doesn't make me think it is rewarded completely, just open-ended. I don't think Emma chose Willie in the end purely based on what Sturridge and Bilson have to say about it:
My personal opinion of this is that I am glad that Emma likely did not return Willie's affections as that would make me dislike Emma even more than I already do. If she chose Willie, the message would be clear; stalking unrequited love is rewarded by getting the girl you want even though Emma was right; he does not know her, but also Emma would be choosing Willie as a last resort after her father died and her fiancé finally got arrested for murder. If I was Willie (which I will actually talk about later), I would feel pretty insulted by that, but that's just me.
But the thing is that I think what the author intended and how the actors portrayed their characters and story don't exactly match up.
I believe that Adams very much intended for Emma to choose Willie in the end, and the proof of his life mirroring Willie's in the story he wrote is proof of that.
There is not much out there about Adams, trust me, I tried to look for even more than just his Wikipedia page, but other than a Twitter account and his penname and couple novels out there, there isn't much about Adams that is known.
Adams did move to Massachusetts after both his parents died 2 days apart from one another; father died in a train wreck and then his mother died of cancer. And him and his siblings moved to MA after.
Now, I couldn't find where Adams grew up before that, but it is likely Pennsylvania.
It's funny, when doing research for Fan Fiction plans, I found that this film was mostly filmed in Utah. Main proof of that is the name of the appliance store that Willie's friends Joey and Dolores work at/own; Smith-Crown Co. which is a real place... in Utah... and there is only one, so...
And it struck me a strange; why be insistent that the film takes place in Pennsylvania? Why not just have it take place in Utah if that is where it was filmed? Answer is likely I am correct and Waiting For Forever is auto-biographical of the writer of the story; Steve Adams.
I am going to make many assumptions going forward though I have already with assuming based on the limited evidence that this film is auto-biographical.
I do think Adams meant for Emma to choose Willie in the end. If the story is auto-biographical, and Adams was born in 1947, which means he's in his 80's now, was in his 60's around the time the film came out. But I suspect the criticism of stalking was added only for 2008/2011 sensibilities to the topic. I say that because of a recent trend of TikTok, yes, Tiktok, I know, of many folks coming forward with stories about their grandmother's "love stories" and the amount of stalking that was acceptable in the 1960's-1980's when Adams would have been in his 20's to 40's. So, I think this was Adams' way of normalizing the cuteness of his own love story with his own wife.
I am purely talking about Adams and not Willie as I do think how Sturridge portrayed Willie is different than how Adams intended the character to be.
During the 1990's and early 2000's stories about The Manic Pixie Dream Girl was rampant in indie rom com dramas. I have made a playlist with videos that I think really go over the trope in it's entirety and I will list it below, but the main take away is that characters that are autistic coded, often portrayed as quirky, weird and a bit wild get paired with characters that are bland and have lost a love for life but only through the pairing with the MPDG will that bland character find their love for life again, usually at the expense of the MPDG. This is of course an oversimplification and I will list my playlist below:
Willie firmly falls into being a Manic Pixie Dream Boy and Emma is the Stale White Wonder Bread Girl.
A few clues into this is that Willie is very much neurodivergent, likely was before his parents' accident, but the accident traumatized Willie more than I think even Willie knows. His whole thing with Emma isn't even love, it's a trauma bond. Even Sturridge confirms this to an extent:
Willie enjoys the feelings that Emma has given him and he is chasing that high again because he doesn't want to feel the pain of his reality.
And Emma even says in the film that Willie doesn't know her, and that is true, he doesn't. Even his "good love letter" he still shows that he doesn't know her at all. He is content with the version of her that he has in his head.
Now I have said that Willie is the Manic Pixie Dream Boy and Emma is the Stale White Wonder Bread Girl, but something that is key with the original trope (Manic Pixie Dream Girl, etc) is that the guy never fully sees the MPDG as human, hence the pixie-ification. But the problem with Waiting for Forever is that neither Willie or Emma see each other as human. Willie has put Emma on such a pedestal that even when she admits to being a cheater that he makes excuses for her actions and then Emma infantilizes Willie, calling him a little boy at least once if not a couple times in the film.
Mental health is such a big deal in this film it isn't even funny. And it sucks that it came out in 2010/2011 and was filmed in 2008 be cause the stigma towards mental health issues is riddled throughout this film. When it came out the biggest trend was the "Don't Label It" trend cuz people thought that was somehow limiting and put people in boxes and as such giving folks excuses for being mentally ill. This trend was and is ultimately very harmful because it gave people, and Jimbo in the film, the right and excuse to call folks crazy without feeling the need to understand and research what was actually going on.
As someone that has ADHD and autism, labels are so helpful. It explains so much of our experiences, both similar and not as it is all a spectrum. I have learned so much about my own experience and the experiences of others because of the labels we have. And I wish that Waiting for Forever was not so afraid at the time to really give Willie's mental health issues a name. Many of us, me included, do relate to him so intensely it's not funny. Representation is such a big deal, especially when it is very close to real experiences that folks have gone through.
Before I get back to some of my more critical critiques of the film, I do want to share a bit of why I deeply relate to Willie.
As I have stated, I have ADHD and autism as well, and I will be honest, I have done very similar things that Willie has done. I have had unrequited love, gone to the places that that person would likely be just for the off chance of seeing them and or trying to catch up with them to talk to them. And I did not exactly know what I was doing was likely stalking. The reason why I think Sturridge's portrayal and Adams' original vison differ is because Sturridge's Willie genuinely does not understand what he is doing is harmful. I didn't either. I had no emotional regulation to be able to handle the rejection that inevitably happened later on too. That does not excuse my or Willie's behavior, but it does give it some understanding and clarity.
Now, I have never traveled across the country to follow someone, but I do get where Willie is coming from. He meant no harm, he truly did not understand what he was doing would hurt Emma.
But I do think Adams knew better, hence the adding into the story that stalking is seen as a bad thing. And if he intended that the story be read as Emma choosing Willie in the end, and the story is auto-biographical, then that puts of a bit of a more sinister twist on the story.
Willie is a Manic Pixie Dream Boy that is autistic/has ADHD and likely PSTD induced talking to people that aren't there to cope with his trauma. Willie was written by a man that was seemingly trying to self insert, and so all other characters and story beats suffered from that. Not only is Emma the Stale White Wonder Bread Girl, but she just is unlikeable and is basically a piece of carboard for Willie to put all his hopes and dreams onto. And if after everything, if Adams vison is what is more true than Sturridge's and Bilson's portrayals, Emma chooses Willie, that is basically rewarding Willie for his efforts that were toxic through the lens of not understanding his mental health issues (though even with understanding them they should not be rewarded). That rewards Willie's fantasies about Emma, it rewards him not really knowing her. And that my friends, is the pipeline to Incel culture.
Incels have a need for the fantasies to be fulfilled by their idea of the ideal woman. They don't care who she is, the less personality the better, as long as she is hot to them and they want her, it does not matter. What the Incel fantasizes about a woman in his head is all that matters.
Do I think Willie is an incel? No, I don't. But I think Adams may be and or intended for Willie to be...
So, with the perpetuation of The Manic Pixie Dream Boy trope while also having Willie put Emma on a pedestal as if she was actually interesting when she isn't (men should stop trying to write women, I swear), I don't think this is as cute of a story as Adams intended it to seem. It almost feels like he was looking for validation for his own real life choices if this film was indeed auto-biographical.
There are many interviews, video and written, as well as reviews that go over actual story points and all that, but that was not my main focus for this review of mine. I will list all the resources below so ya'll can check them out.
What would you do if you found out that a dear friend from your childhood that you haven’t seen in years has been silently following y
I told you I’m pretty outdated. Actually, I wasn’t meaning to write anything about this movie at all. But I met a friend one day, and as we
Belated film reviews: Waiting For Forever
So, I have covered my speculations on the writer of the story, what I think the writer was trying to convey, Willie's possible mental health diagnosis, the perpetuation of the Manic Pixie Dream Boy trope while still having the male character treat the fem character as if she is more than human while not really knowing who she is at all.... That makes it sound like I don't like Willie. That can't be further from the truth. I love Willie. I firmly believe Sturridge's portrayal is different than what Adams wanted to put out there.
Yes, Willie has autism and ADHD as well as PTSD with the possibility of trauma coping induced talking to people that aren't there. Willie genuinely does not understand why what he is doing is wrong, and it isn't incompetence, like he really doesn't know.
Strangely, Emma's mother Miranda and Willie have a lot in common when it comes to their characterizations; neither one can, or wants to, admit the harshness of reality. Now, Willie may or may not be doing that on purpose, because both in the beginning of the film with the couple that pick him up and then in the car with his brother at the end of the film, Willie does show that he knows what happened to his and Jimbo's parents. But I don't think Willie is playing stupid, I really don't think he can cope with the reality of it, hence the talking to his parents off to the side and his trauma bond with Emma.
Willie also struggles with anxiety/panic attacks, which I really wish had been correctly identified in the film, but oh well.
He is also very nostalgic and sentimental; the tree house scene and then the scene at the soda shop turned bar where he gets excited to see that they kept the same stools.
As for his pajamas, Tom puts it best:
That leads me to sexuality. Willie is a hopeful romantic. I do think that Willie is a sexual person, but I really think he is more focused on romance that it takes up more of his thoughts and energy than sex does. Also, with how long Willie has carried this infatuation with Emma for, I speculate that he is a virgin. Which I think both fits him well and is very sweet, as far as Sturridge portrayed.
I have written about Willie and Waiting For Forever in the past on past posts, so I will post those snippets and links below.
CW/TW: 'R' word, 'S' word, self-un-aliving, drug5, a1c0h01, s3x, gr00m1ng, murd3r, neurodivergent diagnosis speculation, swearing, character
Disclaimer: I have ADHD, so, please forgive me if I jump around and go on tangents... I have lots of thoughts about this man and his project
Personally, I do plan on writing a bit of a fix-it/add a character to the story fanfic as well as lead into a sequel story.
I don't think Emma chose Will at the end, not with how Bilson and Sturridge talk about it in interviews. It took me a while to come to that conclusion, but it is the only one that makes sense with the film we got.
Willie's first love was also unrequited. It is my hope that I, or even others cuz hell I am only gonna write what I wish I could read instead, can write Willie both an epic love that is his true love.
He needs someone that matches his energy. The only time The Manic Pixie Dream Person trope works is if the couple has both folks fit the Manic Pixie Dream Person trope, aka they are both neurodivergent as fuck.
The one film that comes to mind that fits this idea to a T is Watching The Detectives with Cillian Murphy and Lucy Liu as the couple. If you haven't seen the film, please watch it, it is worth it. But both Murphy's character in the film and Liu's character match each other's energy throughout the film and that is why their characters work.
So, if Willie is going to find his true love it is someone that is going to understand him and get him completely and vice versa. And they both should challenge one another positively to encourage growth. Willie would have never gotten that with Emma. Not only does Willie not know Emma, but she would have never been able to live up to his fantasy of her.
So, Willie needs a partner that is his match in every way.
I will say that if folks are trying to place the timeline of when the film takes place, likely between end of September 2008 and then a screen shot I took has the date set October 8th 2008, the day Willie finally talked to Emma.
But that is purely for folks that would like to write fanfics that are accurate for when it takes/took place.
Films that I take inspiration with the idea of Willie finding his match is the 2007 film Stardust, specifically Yvaine's confession and then Tristan later confessing he heard everything and that his "true love was right in front of him the whole time".
And then the other film that I would say kind of fit the idea of both characters being MPDP would be Drew Barrymore's Ever After. Yes, Danielle as a character is more of a MPDG than Prince Henry being a MPDB, but I do think that Prince Henry is not exactly a Stale White Wonder Bread Boy either as he does match Danielle's energy more than not. Though if I am wrong about this, let me know.
In the meantime, here is a link to the first fanfic that has ever been written for this film, and it is smutty, so if you are under 18, don't read it.
In fact, I am not sure if I was able to get more points fully across cuz of ADHD and yeah, I never plan out what I am gonna write, so if there are flaws or things I missed, please let me know. I would love to discuss this with ya'll.
just a non-binary demi-girl witch trying to survive in this capitalist hellscape... with Tom Sturridge filth
And I have made a playlist of music that remind me of Willie, Waiting For Forever and just some music that are likely going to fit story beats in the fanfic I want to write. Also, the film itself needed better music. Some of the 1980's and 1990's music in my playlist should have been in the film instead, in my opinion.
Well, I think I said I want to say for now. If I need to go back and clarify some talking points, let me know in the comments and we can discuss.
Personally, I would marry Willie in a heartbeat, I mean look at him and just the way Tom Sturridge portrayed this character? Regardless of Adams intentions, though important to keep in mind, Tom made Willie his own deserving of love cinnamon roll that must be protected at all costs.
I am working as fast and as hard as I can to finally get something out for y'all when it comes to my Waiting for Forever fanfic that I am writing. I can't wait to show you the start of the journey to show Willie the love he deserves.
But for now, here's what my OC Jules looks like, for the most part. Maybe, just maybe, someday I will have one of my artist friends make art of her, Willie and some scenes, but we'll see since I am broke AF right now...
Anyway here's Jules, the would be future true love of our beloved Will Donner/Willie Pajamas.
Let me know what you think. I personally think they would look so good together.
Here it is guys, the first chapter of my little fanfiction about our beloved Will Donner/Willie Pajamas.
It is more mature than the film, so I will try to add the proper tags and warnings as we go forward.
I would like to thank @thoughtsfromlayla for being a beta reader and editor for me. Thank you for letting me show you this film so that you have the context needed for understanding my crazy plans and ideas for this fanfiction.
And I want to thank @dragon-kazansky for beta reading and just being my biggest encourager and cheerleader when actually getting started on writing this crazy wild fanfic. She has also made and provided the Chapter Cards. Thank you so much, and I love you!
I am excited for y'all to meet my OC Jules, she is cool and complicated and totally in love with our princess Willie.
Without further ado, here is Chapter One of Forever Waiting. Enjoy!
Jules Smith is the twin sister of Joey. She has been in love with Will Donner, Willie, ever since they were children. But with Willie's constant fixation being Emma Twist, Jules has been content to suffer in silence. And then Willie has come back to their home town in Pennsylvania, but for Emma, not for her. How will they handle seeing each other after so many years and barely speaking in that time?
Warnings/Tags:
Over all angst for this chapter, some swearing if that bothers you. One-way pining. Clueless man is dense as fuck.
Chapter One: Don’t You (Forget About Me)
Friday, October 3rd, 2008
Taft, Pennsylvania
10:23am
Jules’ POV
Sitting in the back room of my brother’s business, even as messy as it was with boxes of over-stock scattered everywhere, I was wasting time on my Blackberry playing Solitaire with one earbud in. The sound of the electronic bell of the front door of the store barely registered with me. Not much was happening in the shop this early in the morning so I was taking my break early. I was going to be leaving soon anyway because of an event I had this evening to get ready for.
I hear my brother yell for his wife, my sister-in-law, to come here, even the sounds of Peter Steele’s sultry voice in “Love You To Death” can’t keep me from being mildly interested in what was going on. Closing out of my game app, I pause my music, taking out the one earbud I had in and then wrap the cord around my phone before stuffing the device in my side pocket of my cargo pants.
My heart both drops when Joey says, “It’s Willie!” Dolores repeats the name. He is back. That can only mean that so was she; Emma.
Getting up from my reclined position in the chair I had chosen to take my break in, I stand, stretching. Then finally I made my way through the doorway, going down the small hallway that led to the sales floor.
As my twin and his wife greets Willie, I settle behind the counter, leaning against it, just watching. He hugs Dolores, or Dee as I called her, and then got up on a chair to better hug my abnormally tall brother. Biting my lip, likely chipping the matte black finish of my lipstick, my heart beat faster when I notice how good Willie looks.
“You gotta introduce me to this one,” Willie says as he moves around to sit in my nephew’s kiddy chair, my sister-in-law urging Gabe to say ‘hi’ to Willie. Part of me finds this very endearing but the other part of me is mad at him for not being here for his birth. Yet my brother still named Willie Gabe’s godfather.
The last time I saw him was when he came up briefly from Oregon to be the best man at Joey’s wedding, and I was Dee’s Maid of Honor. I had barely spoken to him then. I hadn’t seen him all throughout high school because he had stopped visiting in the summer after middle school. It had hurt every time. Though he had stayed with my family because Joey was his best friend before the accident, Willie was never here for us, his best friends. He was always here for Emma.
That’s when it dawns on me.
Joey had gone to the local grocery mart downtown about five days ago on a big shopping spree to stock up on stuff for the house. With him providing for himself, his wife and his kid on top of me living in their basement, we go through food pretty fast. The thing I realized though was that if Willie is back, that means Emma is back, and the only place my brother gets his Emma gossip now is from the loose-lipped older lady cashiers at the mart. That is also where Emma’s mother, Miranda, shops. Miranda is almost as bad as Willie is when it comes to Emma; ‘Emma this’ and ‘Emma that’.
Watching Willie sit in one of the kiddy chairs, playing with Gabe, made my heart just ache. He was always beautiful to me. He has definitely come into his own style, really leaning into the vagabond hipster look with the black bowler hat, blue and white plaid pajamas, cherry red hightops and black up-buttoned vest over a well worn graphic T and pajama top with the sleeves rolled up. And his smile? To die for.
Finally his gaze lifts from playing with Gabe, his eyes meeting mine. I must have looked shocked because his expression changes to one of delight to confusion and another emotion I couldn’t quite place. He blinks his eyes multiple times as he looks at me. Seeing this well known tic of his had all our childhood memories flooding back.
“Jules?” He almost whispers the question as both Joey and Dee turn to look back at me. I almost wish I had stayed in the back to finish out my break.
“Hi, Willie,” I answer back almost as quietly, giving him a small smile that didn’t quite reach my eyes.
Putting down the rubber duck he had been playing with to entertain my nephew, Willie gets out of the child’s chair and bounds over to me. Not exactly wanting him to jump up onto the front counter, I move from behind it onto the sales floor.
Willie pulls me into one of his signature all encompassing embraces and I barely have time to register what is happening. For a moment my arms hang at my sides, unsure what to do. My eyes meet my brother and he gives me that look that is basically telling me ‘Don’t be weird’, so I return Willie’s hug. He holds me for a few more seconds and then pulls away.
“Look at you, when did you grow up to be so pretty?” Willie muses as his fingers found my exposed waist, making my heart flutter but I pull away from his grasp before he realizes the effect he has on me.
“You saw me three years ago, at their wedding, did I not look good in pastel pink or something?” I counter as I drop my gaze, my hand reaching up to tuck my hair behind one of my ears.
“No, you just look different, that’s all. The purple is new,” Willie indictates with his pointer finger towards my hair, which is in a longer shag cut and a plum purple color.
“Well, maybe I was sick of being recognized as his sister,” I motion my head towards my brother, who puts his hands up in surrender.
“With how short you are, sis, I don’t think people mistake us for twins as much as you think,” Joey chimes in as he walks up to Willie and I, leaving his wife to play with my nephew.
Dee turns her head towards us to look over her shoulder at her husband, smiling teasingly as she plays with the bead maze to entertain Gabe. “If Jules had been taller, I would have married her instead. She has nicer… assets…” Dee finishes with a wink at her husband, who rolls his eyes at his wife in response.
Feeling slightly uncomfortable with the line of conversation, I start to inch away ever so slightly from my brother and Willie. “Well, it was either someone helping you reach things in the top cupboard or curves that could kill, it’s not my fault you chose my flat-assed brother.”
Willie just giggles at the exchange and my heart almost stops at the sound of it. He is such a dork and yet that is the very thing that made me fall for him when we were kids before his parents passed.
Joey feigns an offended look on his face, putting his hands on his hips in a mock scolding stance. “Hey, young ears are present. Secondly, I take offense to that, I think I look just fine,” He twists his body so he can get a look at his khaki-covered behind. Dee stands from playing with Gabe, my nephew completely oblivious to the ribbing that is taking place, and moves over next to Joey.
"Whatever helps you sleep at night, dearest," She says as she links arms with him. They give each other a challenging look that to me says that this conversation should not be happening in my brother’s business, let alone in front of his 2 year old.
Willie and I share a look, he appears amused as he has always loved - well - love. I blush, quickly diverting my gaze back to my brother and sister-in-law. And as if my prayers were answered, a couple of customers, an older man and woman, opened the glass door, stepping inside.
“Oh, thank god, I thought I would have had to remind you two that you have an audience… but hey customers! You got this, right, Joey? Yeah? Good. I’m gonna dip. I need a smoke.” I say as I turn on my heels, not even as much as glancing at Willie. Though I feel him watching me walk away towards the cash register counter.
As I make it back to the backroom to grab my purse, a very worn black and white tie-dyed hippie purse, I hear Willie ask, “Is she okay? Something felt… off? I’m not sure.”
Hearing him ask that makes me pause and listen for a moment as I grab my phone from my pocket again, unraveling my headphones.
“I’ve got them, and Dolores can be with Gabe. I think you should talk to her, Will.” I hear my brother say to Willie. I just can see in my mind's eye that Joey likely put his hand on Willie’s shoulder, and Willie having that very confused yet concerned look on his face.
My anxiety spikes, my craving for nicotine getting steadily worse. Joey knows how I feel about Willie, Dee does not. I made Joey promise to never tell anyone. I think that he is trying to help, but with Emma in the middle of it all, I know that my brother knows that I don’t want to make things more confusing for Willie.
Leaving the backroom with my purse on my shoulder, I turn left to go to the back door. Opening it, the heat of early October is still clinging on as I step onto the back landing and walk down a couple steps to sit down. Fishing out my lighter and pack of cigarettes, I light one, take a drag, and immediately feel a calm wash over me. I put my phone in my lap, stuffing one earbud in my left ear, the melodic strains of ‘These Things’ begins to play.
I don’t even turn my head when the door creaks back open and out of the corner of my eye I see the flash of red, well worn Converse. Silently, Willie sits next to me, his shoulders and thighs pressed against mine, the closeness familiar as though it was still the summers between our middle school years.
“When did you start smoking?” He asks quietly, his eyes studying my face as I kept my eyes forward.
The back of the shop had a street and park on the other side of it and there were just kids playing and parents talking while they kept watch over them. In the grassier part of the park had both couples and individuals laying on blankets, either reading or having picnics. People watching is what I usually do when I have a lot on my mind.
Taking a drag then blowing out the smoke away from his face, I sigh. “Why? Are you judging me?” Turning my head to meet his gaze, I keep a serious face. He has that deer in headlights look for a moment. I smile at him and nudge him gently. “Fucking hell, Willie, lighten up. You’re fine.”
He smiles at me, but it isn’t as bright at that first smile he gave me when he hugged me. Sighing again, I answer his question, “Oh you know, got in with a bad crowd, picked up bad habits just to deal with those two.” I gesture my head back to the closed door behind us to emphasize that I am in fact talking about Joey and Dolores.
Flicking my cigarette so the ashes fell on the ground, I leaned into Willie to whisper close to his ear. “And on full moons, I run naked in the woods and bite the heads off of live chickens.”
That gets a laugh out of him and he nudges me back. “There she is, my dark humored best friend,” he says as he reaches a hand over to tuck a strand of hair behind my ear. It takes everything in me to will the heat away from rising to my cheeks.
“I am kinda surprised you are working for Joey though, appliances don’t really seem like your thing,” he comments as he does an up and down look at me. I had always been edgier than Joey and even Willie, favoring darker colors and more macabre topics and music.
My current outfit has Willie overanalyzing me and I shift uncomfortably next to him. I am suddenly conscious of my dark camo cargo pants with my tight altered cropped band T of Rob Zombie, the print of it cracked and fading. Willie’s eyes stay on the exposed skin of my midriff for longer than I would want him to, especially since he has friend-zoned me. Luckily his eyes moved down to my shoes. I have on my crimson red Doc Martens.
“Did you ever start that band? You look like a rockstar,” he says, the sincerity coming through his voice, but also he sounded regretful. The last summer he had stayed with my family, I had expressed that I wanted to start a band with some school friends.
“Yeah, actually we did. I have a gig tonight downtown,” I say, taking another drag of my cigarette.
“Really? That’s amazing. What’s your band’s name?” Willie asks, excitement in his voice as he catches my eyes. I had forgotten how blue his eyes were and I couldn’t look away.
Smiling at him with a knowing smile I say, “Suicidal Wyrms, but with Wyrms spelled with a ‘Y’ instead.”
Willie chuckles. “Wait, you named your band after a conversation we had over a decade ago?”
Nudging him again, I laugh and say, “It was a good name, though obviously we had to make it more metal. I even got a tattoo of the logo on my thigh.”
Leaning away from me on the steps, Willie eyes me up and down again. “You got a tattoo? Can I see it?” His hand finds my thigh, poking me in a teasing manner.
I lean away from him a little more, pushing him as I laugh at him. “No, I’d have to pull down my pants and we’re in public, Willie. Jesus fuck.”
Dropping my cigarette on the cement step by my feet, I put it out with the ball of my shoe.
“Fair enough, Jules,” Willie chuckles again. He takes off his bowler hat and puts it on my head. I scoff playfully, making him laugh again. “I missed you, Jules, really.”
Sighing, I lean forward resting my elbows on my knees, my head resting on my hand. Turning my head, I met his gaze. “You could have written to me, you know.”
His expression softens to one of regret. “I know… I guess I just assumed Joey would have updated you on my comings and goings.”
Groaning, I stretch my legs out on the steps, breaking eye contact with him. I place his hat over my face for a few moments before taking it off again and placing it in his lap. He is peering down at me with worry etching in his brows. I can feel my phone start slip from my lap, so I put a hand over it to hold it in place.
“I thought we were closer than that, Willie. I taught you to juggle. I let you steal this hat that last summer. You shared everything with me. When you lumped me in with my brother and just the ‘family’ when it came to getting updates on your life, I guess I was just a bit…” I trail off realizing I maybe shared more of my feelings than I wanted to, but I couldn’t stop myself.
“A bit hurt?” Willie offers. As he tears his eyes from me and focuses forward as he sat on the steps next to me, I could see shame on his face. He feels bad.
Sitting back up, I reach out to pinch him on his thigh right above his knee. His eyes followed my movements, but he didn’t react. I knew he couldn’t feel a thing right there as the nerve endings were severed from a childhood accident.
“Yeah, a bit hurt. You’re my best friend, Willie. I have hated the fact that we grew apart. I really could have used your friendship in highschool.” I say as I lean up against him, resting my head on his shoulder. He put an arm around me, his fingers cool against the skin on my ribs.
“I know, and I’m sorry. Just before highschool I got the impression that you didn’t want to hear about my life anymore.” Willie sadly muses.
“One frustrated disagreement did not mean I never wanted to hear from you again, Willie. I was just frustrated, that was it.” I admit to him, hoping to start to clear the air between us.
His answer to that was to kiss the side of my forehead, squeeze me one more time, before releasing me. He grabs his bowler hat, putting it back on.
“I wish we had been able to say these things a long time ago then, Jules. I really missed you too. I have done so much, gone to so many cool places. It would have been nice to talk to you about it, specifically,” he says, catching my gaze again.
“How is Emma? You being back here must mean she is back,” I ask him and there is an emotion that washes over his face that I can’t quite read before he shakes it off and smiles at my line of questioning.
“Joey called me four days ago. Her dad’s sick,” Willie explains.
“Joey didn’t tell me…” I say, my words kind of veering off at the end. “And what is your plan? Are you finally going to tell her?”
Willie drops his gaze to look at his shoes, his fingers clutching the fabric of his pajama pants. He’s nervous, I can tell.
“I plan to… either today or tomorrow,” he confides in me.
“Well, if you don’t tonight, you should come see my band play. It’s at a bar next to your brother’s work. I’ll make sure you get the VIP treatment, no cover charge and free drinks.” I hope I am more enticing than Emma. “And besides, you said you wanted to see my tattoo, my get up tonight will be showing it off for all to see.” I nudge him, teasing him a bit.
He smirks and looks at me with humor in his eyes again. “Yeah, sure, maybe I could do that.”
Leaning over, I kiss him on the cheek. When I pull back I smile and say, “Good.” Reaching up, I lift his hat and ruffle his already kinda messy brunette hair. He laughs at me, grabs the hat back before flattening down his hair again and putting his hat back on.
I stick my tongue out at him and help fix his bangs so that they are hanging over his forehead just right in his hat. “There, gorgeous again,” I say as I smile at him playfully.
He blushes, but tries to recover quickly. “What are you listening to?” He points to the earbud that isn’t in my ear.
I hold it out to him so he can take the earbud. “Just a bit of Siouxsie,” I say as he puts the earbud in his ear to listen with me. ‘Spellbound’ is playing and he smiles.
“Moon child,” he muses, his little nickname for me.
“Sweet summer child,” I answer back, my nickname for him, though he was born in December.
My brother has once called Willie the sun to my moon as Willie was always someone who could cheer me up when I was down, and I had been able to anchor Willie when he got dragged out on the tide. After my brother’s wedding, even though I hadn’t reconnected fully with Willie back then, I had gotten a sun tattoo over my heart. I am thankful I am wearing a T-shirt that has it covered right now as I am not ready for him to know that I had gotten that tattoo, let alone that he is the reason for it.
Before he had to leave because of his parents' deaths, Willie and his older brother Jim had been my family’s neighbors. We used to see each other every day, and Emma was always his topic of choice. We all went to school together, and Emma lived a couple of neighborhoods over, a playground and park separating us from her.
Though I saw him everyday, he was always so excited for his playdates with Emma. I don’t think he really remembers that Joey and I were there whenever she was around. I might have been Willie’s moon, but Emma was his North Star.
There were times where I thought just maybe he noticed me staring at him, but he never did. If he did he never mentioned it. I think he just saw me as Joey’s twin sister, one of his oldest bestest friends.
Willie had always had his head in the clouds, easily distracted, daydreaming, talking to himself if he wasn’t gushing about Emma. Joey and I, and then Dolores when Joey had started dating her in middle school, had always been understanding of what Willie was going through. He had always been different, even before the accident, but after the accident, he changed. That’s when the talking to himself got worse and his attachment to Emma got all encompassing.
Jim never understood it, and it really pissed me off. In my eyes, Jim was always trying to clip his brother’s wings, and that made me hate him.
As the song changed on my phone, I take the earbud out of Willie’s ear. He turns his head to look at me questioningly.
“I gotta go get ready for the gig, Willie,” I explain as I wrap my headphones around my phone again and grab my purse from the top step behind me. Putting my phone away and slinging my purse over my shoulder, I stand up, walking down the last couple steps.
He just simply nods and looks at me with those baby blues that just melted my heart.
“The door is unlocked, go visit with Joey, Dee and Gabe. They have missed you too. I can’t monopolize all your time after all,” I say with a reassuring smile. He smiles back at me in such a way that makes me just wish I could tell him how I feel, completely derailing his reason for coming back to Taft. He stands and stretches then makes his way back onto the top landing.
As he reaches for the handle of the backdoor I call out to him, “Please consider coming to the gig, Willie. It starts at 10.”
He grins again, nodding, then opens the door to go back inside my brother's appliance shop.
Sighing, I begin to walk the couple blocks home. Making sure I keep my feelings for Willie a secret might be harder than I thought. Or will I be able to count on him being dense and his focus staying on Emma? My mind raced as I made my way back home.
I thought back to why he may have felt like he couldn’t confide in me anymore.
It was the last day of summer. Well, for me it was. Willie was going back to Cape Cod tomorrow so he could get ready for the beginning of his school year. The first year in high school for all of us; me and my twin Joey, Dee who just started dating my brother a year ago, Willie and then Emma.
It was hot and muggy, so Joey suggested we go to the swimming creek on the other side of the park, past Taft Woods. We all thought that was a great idea, even Emma, who Willie had insisted on hanging out with us. Never wanting to deny Willie his happiness when it came to Emma, saying no didn’t feel like an option to me.
After we got dressed in our swimsuits, we raced each other on our bikes, pedaling our way across town.
I was pretty proud of my restored Schwinn bike that I was riding. I had spray-painted it glossy black with gold accents, giving it a very gothic appearance. Even my wicker basket I had painted black and nailed old baby doll heads and parts to it, all made to look dirty with red paint to make them look bloody. Willie had told me he thought it was cool, but Emma had turned her nose up at it.
The boys were just biking in their trunks, whereas Dee, Emma and I were in shorts and our bikinis. Both Dee and Emma wore pink tops and had blue denim shorts on. I, however, had started to favor black more than girly colors, so my shorts were gray and my top was black. Willie wore blue and my brother wore red.
What we wore stood out so intensely in my mind, though I don’t know why. My hair was still mousy brown and so long it touched the top of my butt. I usually wore it in ponytails.
As we got to the creek on the other side of the woods, our excitement heightened. It may have had something to do with us being as hot as we were in the heat and biking as hard as we did to get here.
The dock came into sight and we abandoned our bikes on the top of the ridge, running down the grassy knoll as fast as we all could in flip flops. Us girls stripped out of our shorts, and the boys bounded forward ahead of us, only having to kick off their sandals.
Joey cannonballed off the dock and Willie? Well, he was more of a show off. Willie caught Emma’s eye, winked at her before he got a running start and did a backflip off the dock. Emma laughed, racing after Willie, then jumping off the dock into the water.
Joey was doing laps in the water, something about building endurance, but I have no idea what for. Willie had motioned for Dee and I to hurry up and get in the water.
“Come on, the water is great!” Willie called out to us. Emma then splashed Willie, earning her a splash back in return.
Dee and I exchanged a look, smiling like silly teenaged fools.
Then we were all in the water; playing, laughing, enjoying ourselves.
Dee and Joey were the first to get out. They found a nice patch of grass to lay down on. I tried not to think too much about whatever they could be doing. My brother was getting too ‘coupley’ with his girlfriend, and that was all I wanted to know about it.
Willie on the other hand was way more innocent. We were all fourteen. Though I know Willie had gone through puberty; his voice dropping and facial hair coming in all patchy (luckily he shaved it on the regular), he was always so sweet and respectful to us girls. Willie always blushed when my brother made dirty jokes and comments. It was the cutest thing I had ever seen.
As the day went on though, I felt more like a third wheel for whatever was going on with Willie and Emma. Granted, I didn't think Emma was aware that Willie was flirting with her, but I knew him. He always came to me, because I was a girl and I knew what girls liked, right?
As I watched Emma just let Willie show off for her; juggling, rock-skipping, flipping off the dock, and holding his breath under water in record times for someone our age; I realized that she and I couldn’t be more different. She didn’t see him. Not really. She was dazzled by what he can do, but I could tell she has no idea what was at the heart of him.
At one point, I just climbed onto the dock to sunbathe with my feet dangling over the edge. Feeling the water come up over my ankles felt nice. I put my arm over my eyes. Willie was showing Emma how many skips he could get with rocks. He had gotten to ten so far. She was kind of obnoxiously impressed, but I was just proud of him. Yet another thing I had taught him. All for her.
In the distance I could hear Dee giggling at something my brother either said or did, and I just groaned, rolling my eyes under my arm.
“Joey! Please, for fuck’s sake, don’t make me an aunty yet! We’re only fourteen!” I shouted at my twin.
“Fuck off, Jules!” was the only response I got out of him. Willie and Emma just giggled and I think Emma breathed an ‘Eww’ under her breath.
A few minutes passed and I heard Emma say something panicked. “I can’t believe it, I lost track of time! My dance lesson is at 6pm!”
“It’s 4:38 right now, do you want us to bike back with you?” asked Joey as he looked at the waterproof watch that he had on.
“No, no, I don’t want to take you guys away from your fun. I can manage,” Emma dismissed Joey’s suggestion.
“I can bike with you, if you want Emma,” Willie offered genuinely, the hope of just being able to spend time with her in his voice.
“No, really,” Emma started as she pulled on her shorts, slipping her flip flops back on. “I have to race home and shower, not really fun for anyone. Just stay, enjoy the water more. I gotta go.” She made her way back up the hill towards her bike.
Sitting up on the dock, I twisted around to watch Emma get her bike ready to ride away, Willie in tow. He was between saying goodbye and still offering to go with her. She kept brushing him off to the point where he just stood on the hill, an almost defeated expression on his face.
“Dee and I are gonna go back anyway,” Joey said as he and his girlfriend stood up. Dee grabbed her things and puts them back on. “Willie, stay with Jules, okay?”
Willie just nodded at Joey as they made their way back up to their bikes and followed after Emma.
There was a silence that washed over the space. The breeze made a pleasant rustling sound through the trees. Birds chirped and the water flowed. It was peaceful. Willie and I were alone, finally. Maybe I could tell him how I felt and he’d forget all about Emma.
He walked back down to the dock. Sighing, he sank onto his butt behind me, leaning his back against mine.
“I didn’t know she had dance class today… of all days,” he said quietly. It was his last night staying with Joey and I, I knew he had high hopes for tonight.
Pressing the back of my head against his, I sigh in return. “I know, Willie. But hey, I’m still here. And Joey will be back at the house. I think dad is planning to have a campfire in the back tonight for s’mores.”
I could almost feel Willie smile at that as he leaned against me. “I wish Emma could join us.”
Internally I had to tell myself to bite my tongue. She made him happy and Willie being happy is all I wanted. Unfortunately, I couldn’t help that I didn’t like her. She did not see him. She did not know him. I could always feel how much she looked down her nose at him. ‘Just sweet baby, Willie’ I overheard her say once to a preppy friend of hers at school after she had gotten a letter from him. She infantilized him. I hated it. Maybe I was only just about to start high school, but I knew seeing Willie as less than in the way that she did was just wrong.
Instead of responding to him, lest I say something I didn't mean to say out loud, I just hummed at him. “Emma was telling me that she is going to be taking acting classes at the local theater. She wants to be a movie star. She’ll be the prettiest movie star ever,” Willie gushed with admiration in his voice.
Without meaning to, I groaned. “Willie, can we please talk about fucking anything else, please?” I said, my agitation apparent.
He slowly pushed away from my back, twisting to eye the back of my head. I turn to meet his gaze.
His expression goes through many emotions; first I see hurt and surprise flash in his eyes, but he shook that off, settling on a questioning smile. “What? Do you not like the theater or something?” He asked, teasing me as if that’s what he believed I might possibly be irritated with.
Groaning again, I get up on the dock, looking down at him. He really is deflecting, thinking it had to be something other than Emma that I could find annoying. He tilted his head up, putting up a hand to shield the sun from his eyes, confusion clear on his face past the squinting.
“Theater? Willie, I love you, but you are fucking dense sometimes,” I said, lifting my arms in exasperation.
Willie scrambled to his feet to meet me at eye level. “I don’t understand. Jules? What did I say?”
“Emma this. Emma that. I know you are in love with her and all that, but can you ever just shut the fuck up about her? Like for once?” I raised my voice at him, making him flinch and take a step back from me.
Lowering his eyes from mine, his bare shoulders sag. “I’m sorry,” he said so quietly that I almost didn’t hear him.
My eyes softened, but only just a bit because he then said, “I was going to tell her how I felt today…”
My anger came back in full force. Scoffing, I pushed past him, leaving him stunned on the dock as I snatched up my shorts and shoes, roughly putting them on.
I stomped up to my bike and I yelled back at Willie without looking at him, “Come on, Joey wanted you to stay with me! I’m going home!”
Just barely did I give him enough time to get his shoes and bike before I was racing through the woods. He had a hard time keeping up with me. I think we were both crying on that bike ride home. It was his last night here for the summer, and all he could think about was Emma. It was always Emma.
