Got home after spending time with my family and it really hit me that the gifts I got weren't really that well thought out since I got my late birthday gift which was a metal basket with a lid so it can also act as a table and for Christmas I got a sowing machine. Which I have said many times im scared of (I do like to sow though. And yes its ment to be a beginner sowing machine but I still don't even know how to set it up and I still can't help but be extremely intimated by it. And I don't know i know its stupid and it's all about the thought. And maybe I'm being spoiled but I guess I can't help but feel hurt that despite all the talking about the things I like and don't like they can't even remember anything ive said, and get me things that seemed like so little thought was out into while I spend months thinking about something that seems would be of use and of their interest. And even when I can't I will ask them straight up, what would you want. So as not to disappoint them, because I actively want them to love their gift. And it's not like this is the first time they done this either they seem to be getting me gifts that I feel like they just grab something random and than wrap it up. I mean sure I know I'm the unwanted and least favorite of all my siblings, but it still hurts to be reminded of that. But than again its always like that unthoughtful things from the parents nothing for friends, and my sister asking for money because she can't afford something. Sometimes I just wonder why I even get my hopes up that I will be loved in any sort of way. After all when you're the unloved on should just be greatful that they even notice you.