Coil
Windowpane (1990)
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Coil
Windowpane (1990)
Katja Oxman - Upon the Windowpane, 2006
via https://www.pinterest.com/pin/84161086783311897/
Coil
Windowpane (1990)
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Reflections from the windows that I first saw you through.
🌸You know that moment when some minor bullshit happens, and you stop and realize, “Okay, what the fuck??? This is not me...”
That just happened to me.
After years of feeling lost and just existing—floating somewhere between my true self and a version of me that was shaped—I finally saw that something was off. What I had become wasn’t really me, but a side effect of a relationship where there was a constant attempt to change me at the core. A relationship that suffocated not just me, but my higher self, inner self, shadow self—basically every part of me that exists—under the disguise of love and care.
Since I’ve been observing myself for months now (because the brain fog finally cleared), I can see myself. I see that I’m not made of gold. I see the behavioral patterns I need to accept, and the ones I absolutely have to root out.
I see where I fucked up in past relationships, and I’d never repeat the same mistakes.
You learn as you live, and we’re all here for the first time—none of us knows shit, really.
I’m learning through... well, I wouldn’t call them spiritual practices, because I don’t like to label myself as a spiritual person, even though I’ve been told that I am. I don’t like that label because I used to get mocked for it—“what, are you a fairy now, talking to elves?”—because I’ve always been into certain things, but those parts of me were constantly shut down.
But you know what? I love myself and I embrace myself exactly as I am—whether I’m spiritual or not, whether I act like I’m 18 even though I’m 28—because hello, I’m ME, and that’s just who I am.
And at the end of the day, I’ve only got myself—and I protect that.
You claw your way out of your old routine, piece by piece, and slowly start finding yourself again. You begin to understand yourself and rediscover your sense of purpose—at least in this form of existence.
And I can honestly say, I get why people are the way they are—traumas, dissatisfaction, projections. I also understand why I still care about peoples opinions about myself, because I’m sensitive and empathetic (even though I’ve been called narcissistic). Especially when it comes to other people’s malice—I feel it.
But I’m growing from that.
And I just want to say this—this is the whole point of this long-ass rant:
🍄**DON’T LET OTHER PEOPLE’S DARKNESS AND MALICE DIM YOUR LIGHT. LET IT GLOW EVEN STRONGER, AND LET YOUR STRENGTH GROW FROM THAT—BECAUSE YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW MUCH POWER LIVES INSIDE YOU.**🍄
And to all the darkness in this world, I wish you to realize that goodness always wins.
And that everything will be okay—actually, not just will be okay...
It already is okay.
Just love. And karma. ✌️🌸