#wirintg

[hazymoments]

[lilacvino]

Nonsense.

I think about killing myself on the daily, and I even talk about killing myself all the time but I only joke. I know I would never actually go threw with it. I know the price of life, and how precious it is. I have no right to end my life nor does anybody else. Yes life is hard, and cruel, and just simply fucked up. But you know what? On real good days, life is beautiful, romantic, uplifting, and wonderful. I look outside and stair at nature and I see life. Real life, the life that has been here since the world was created, life that has actually had evolution, life that has wisdom, life that has been harassed by the developmental society, life that has been discriminated and disrespected by humans, life that has been forgotten in time, life that we ignore, and life that we destroy because we rather have houses and tall buildings. 

And that life that we pass everyday and ignore, is the life that keeps me going. Is the reason I smile, is where I see magnificence, justice, grace, and peace. Because even when humans hurt you, discriminate you, judge you, punish you, and treat you terribly, there is still a point on living. I just quiet haven't found it yet, but I know there is. 

But Yes I still have my very bad days, where I just wonder about death, and what blissful joy it might bring upon me. To feel n o t h i n g, no love, no hate, no pain, no anger, no sadness. And feel rested, gone of all the worries and struggles this daily life brings and simply not be alive. To put my body in rest, my mind in sleep, and my body in peace. No worries. What would it be really like ? To just die. I do cross between that question.

But what would it be really like to not be born at all? Never know of laughs, smiles, love, and beauty.

I don't know.