Oh wow last night was rough. I had such a good week too! Made banana smoothies, spent days with my love, went for walks and bought veggies and fruits, made chocolate chip pancakes, spent time with my sister. A beautiful week; back to work I go and this town turns me into a tense electric wire.
Seeing her just ruins my day, then I have to repeat the countdown in my head to calm myself. I’m getting out of this town, 3 months, 3 months, 3 months.
And just the stress of a job, that’ll never go away but small town means friends stick together and I am on the outside of my coworkers. Most of them either grew up together or have been in the same area for as long as ever, and I wasn’t friends with a lot of the people who live here. I am also newer at the job than any of the other girls, which makes that worse. I just try to joke, to be nice, make conversation. It seems to work most of the time, but this is exhausting.
Starting to simplify my things, sell the unnecessary stuff in my space. Trying to create more air to breathe and grow as a person. It feels like it’s taking longer than I anticipated, but I am positive by the end of May I can simplify down to a peaceful, simple, clutter free space.
On another note, Alistair is wonderful and loving. As time goes on he has been getting more cuddly, he’ll eat and then curl up with me and sleep, as long as dad isn’t here. Then he’ll climb all over him and be excited and want to play. Hopefully he can be cuddly with the two of us, perhaps Skyler will be more comfortable with Alistair out and about if the little trouble maker isn’t just trying to tangle himself in Sky’s hair.
I want to be at peace with work.
I want to be positive all the time.