#wizard rant

[max-atomic]

I don't let my shame or cringy interests hold me back and neither should you! There's no reason! I could die tomorrow from a fucking rock from space knocking me in the brain case. The entire galaxy we live in could get a cosmic blowie from a gigantic roaming blackhole and we'll just be <raspberry noise> caputski. Life is too short and unpredictable to hide who the fuck we are. Read your fanfics, wear your medieval robes, bop your fucking friends with a beanbag and scream; Shadow Snare! Read a new comic! Romance novel it up! Sci-fi so hard you make a mechsuit! Try on a dress or a three piece suit! Wear all the patterns at once! Go to a Convention! Paint with all the good paint! Write the hottest piece of crackfic ever made and invent; Fanmeth! Fuck around in life so you can find out what happiness feels like. Quit punishing yourself because someone told you anime and manga are weird. Stop flushing red and getting anxious when people start talking about DnD because you're worried the fucking thought police are gonna getcha. Quit saying 'Haha, right?' When you don't really mean it. If your friends say something is wack because they don't like or understand it, that doesn't mean you have to pick a side to appease the parties. Fuck 'em Honey. I am saying this from the bottom of my heart and with all of my soul; Fuck them kids that bullied you, or are bulling you. Fuck those adults that stomped on your interest with both feet because it interfered with THEIR plans for you. Quit making yourself be a side character in your own story to fit some other person's irl fanfic about you. Like, honestly. THAT'S cringe. Don't get me wrong. I'm a fucking freak. I am a demonic, classically trained wizard, from a mother fucking labyrinth that was destroyed by a human hero on a quest to rid the world of evil. The last of my kind. A wizard that insists on casting nude and raising feyslugs in a Liminal Void between the 8th and 9th Demensional Axis and hellbent on avoiding my taxes. And in real life? I am a divination practitioner, and exorcist. I'm also a crafter and writer, that insists on wearing robes to the market because it makes people ask questions and drums up business for my fravorite game shop.

That's right bitches;

I am fucking crazy, but I am free.

And you can be too.

[necromancerb]

I hate fighting Gen Z adventurers. Nothing is serious to them anymore. I’ll say some cool one liner like “oh how I love to hear you heroes whimper” and the paladin blushes and says “I can do more if you tell me to daddy~” which interrupts my mental fortitude and stops the fireball I was preparing. Like what the fuck

[furrysinthematrix]

Ill never respect necromansers

They are sooooooooooo edgy and act like they are they are the cream of the fucking top when ikn reality they are some of the most basic and cliche magic users out there

Dont get me started on them acting like using a bearly modofied basic golem sumuning spell is something to be impresed by, its basically the same apell but takes more mana and gives you a shitier golem like come on man

Yea the "army of the dead" looks cool and all but once you get the rotting corpses to fight it loses all its luster in seconds

Sorry for the rant i just REALLY hate necromanses

[max-atomic]

Wizard Guild? BITCH! First off; I ain't got friends I could tolerate on the type of quests my caliber of magician is needed for! Camping? Sleeping on the ground? While the paladin snores like a hog in heat, the barbarian farts like a thundercloud, and the cleric keeps saying 'Sky Daddy' in their sleep? FUCK. THAT. Way better money in the novelty potions market! Accidentally make a potion that makes your spit prismatic and bioluminecent and is 99% feyslug lubricanting slime? You mean; Shimmer Slick Deluxe Party Potion. 5gp a pint my friend, and the slugs are sweet as cherries and cheap to keep! You just get three of those bastards the size of horses, put a grate in front of the trough where you use Maximize on a single strawberry and you're in business! Pay your meager taxes, because potions are protected under the Medicinal Potions Act 12.6, and get that money!

Extra Bonus; You don't have to wear robes and a hat all day while the ranger tries to get the guild maiden to bend far enough over the counter to look down her shirt! Or worry about the gods be damned rogue taking your FUCKIN' scrying mirror! That's right! Fuck you, Chadwick!