oh look another giant thing from the braincell @wlwhq || ivy & rowan
The festive season was a fun time of year, there was no doubt about that. Ivy loved doing themed activities with her student - inclusive as possible of course, and she spent a lot of her free time buying presents, wrapping presents, volunteering with the needy, doing Christmas baking, everything you could imagine. Cute headbands, cute Christmas jumpers, countless hot chocolate. Ivy was a cosy girl who liked cosy festive times. But, there was something that bothered her about Christmas.
There were a few years in her life, where Christmas was not as fun. Her ex boyfriend was an awful man. Didn't really get along with her family, was toxic - in so many ways that it hurt to think about, and he had kind of crumpled up some of her love about Christmas. Sure, Ivy was doing all of the things and enjoying herself, but some things were very much difficult to cope with. For someone who enjoyed Christmas, she wasn't the kind of person to write her own Christmas list. If Rowan asked what she wanted, she deviated the conversation. if she saw Rowan putting some presents under the tree, Ivy kept clear for a little bit. Ivy would have talked till the cows came home about presents for other people, but every time the conversation became about her getting things, she seemed to stiffen. Every now and again she found herself looking at the tree, almost hopeful that maybe she'd actually get some of the presents this year. It wasn't Rowan's fault, it was never Rowan's fault. Rowan didn't seem to push or shove or demand to ask what was wrong. Rowan tended to sit back and observe, at least that's what Ivy thought. It was difficult. How could a time of year that brought so much joy, also bring so much angsty and trauma to the surface?
Ivy, well, hadn't thought Rowan had even noticed her slight angst and anxiety building about the Christmas period. Ivy had been trying to shove it down, trying not to think about it. Her ex boyfriend was the problem, not Rowan. But Ivy had been deluded into thinking that certain things were normal, certain things were going to happen. If she was bad, then she wouldn't get any of the presents. If she upset somebody, they'd be taken away or broken. There wasn't any point to asking for something she wanted, because she'd either be laughed at or be told she was getting something, and then have it be taken away. Ivy had even been hesitant to bring her presents from the students home. One year he'd broken mugs her students had gotten her, and Ivy had been shattered. Those kinds of things were special to her. Rowan had asked if the kids had gotten her anything, and she'd given a bit of a half answer, not saying much, showing a drawing or two, not really alluding to the fact that she had a giant pile of things on her desk she had taken home yet.
But, Ivy tried to ignore all of that. Tried to ignore her anxiety about it. It would be a good Christmas, right? Today she was introducing Rowan to her family, and then next week, on Christmas day, she'd actually get to go meet Row's family. That was so exciting, so fun. There was a decent pile of presents in the trunk, for her parents, along side their bags - and of course plenty of goodies for her family's dog Daisy too. It had taken about two hours to get to her parents place - Rowan offering to drive, as Ivy was a little anxious about driving in the not so amazing weather. Also, the idea of bringing Row home for the first time, that was a little nerve wracking.
But as soon as the door opened, it was fine, right? Her mom had pulled Rowan in for like the biggest hug ever, her dad had gone straight to give Ivy a hug, gushing about how good it was to see them and to have them stay for a couple of days. Ivy had visited for a weekend a little while ago, but this was the first time Row had gotten the time off work to fit around a visit, and Ivy was grateful.
Her parents had insisted on helping them bring everything in, her dad taking their bags up to her childhood room and her mom insisting on getting some food after their drive. They chatted to Rowan like they'd known them for ages, wanting to know about work - Caleb being particularly interested in the mechanics of the ambulances, enjoying some of her mom's delightful cooking. It was a relief to Ivy, that Rowan seemed to like them, and that they seemed to like Rowan.
A few hours had passed off them being at the Winters family home, mama insisting on showing them around the house and having a lot of introductory chats. It was good, all going fine. Dad kept asking Ivy about work, and Mom kept up asking about if she'd tried any new recipes, but Ivy just quietly deflected the conversation to things about Rowan and and her students, not really talking about herself. Ivy felt a little out of sorts, especially when she kept catching the glimpses of the Christmas tree out of the corner of her eye, noticing her name scrawled on so many presents in her Mama's handwriting. Her dad caught her eye a few times but Ivy was quick to move on the conversation, participating, not wanting him to be worried.
That was until they'd settled in the living room to chat more, over hot chocolate and cookies. Ivy was kind of zoning out, just a little. The chats were nice, nothing was wrong with that, but she could just feel her anxiety swirling, feel her mind drifting. It wasn't until she heard her dad call her name a couple of times and place a hand on her arm that Ivy jolted, realising she wasn't paying attention. "Sweetheart?" Caleb gave her a look and Ivy quickly brushed it off - or at least she hoped so, giving him a smile, her hands smoothing out her little plaid skirt. "Sorry Dad, I thought I heard Daisy, I think she wants to go out," Ivy lied smoothly.
"Oh, I can take her out, you stay here in the warm," he went to get up and Ivy quickly shook her head, standing up. "It's okay dad, you keep getting to know Row, I can take her outside quickly," Ivy didn't stop to see if he was going to agree or see if anyone was giving her a funny look. She simply went to find Daisy - who arguably had just been lazing about in the kitchen, and coaxed her outside into the backyard. It was a little cold, to be honest, but Ivy didn't overly care. She watched Daisy scamper around for a moment - Daisy clearly didn't care about the cold for the moment either.
Tears welled in Ivy's eyes, her bottom lip quivering as she did her best to take a shaky breath, facing out into the garden - so nobody could see the look on her face. Her fingers worried the sleeves of her red reindeer sweater, teeth sinking down into her red lipstick for a moment. Ivy rocked on her little heeled black boots, legs shivering ever so slightly in her black tights, her gaze watching Daisy run up and down, trying to catch some poor insect. She'd be okay. She just had to have a moment, go back inside, and she'd be fine. She didn't want to let anxiety win this moment. Row had only met her parents merely a few hours ago, and they seemed to all love each other, she didn't want to take away from that.
Caleb went to stand up to follow Ivy, as she'd clearly moved away a little hurriedly, and Kimberly's hand shot out, grabbing his arm for a moment and shaking her head. "Give her a moment, mi amor. Don't go crowding her, " Kimberly offered gently, before her gaze moved to Rowan, offering a sympathetic smile. Kimberly wasn't quite sure how much Rowan knew, or how much Ivy wanted Rowan to know, or if Rowan had dealt with much of Ivy's anxiety yet.
"She might just need a moment, perhaps it's a little overwhelming being home," Kimberly spoke to Rowan - but she wasn't quite sure if she was trying to reassure them, herself or her husband. She was a little worried about the blonde that had gone to help Daisy - as she was pretty sure it was just one of her excuses. Maybe Rowan would know if Ivy had been a little more off lately, after all, they would have seen each other a lot more often. Ivy called her parents all the time, but perhaps she wasn't giving them all the details.
"Has Ivy been alright lately?" Caleb spoke up. It might have seen like a bit of an intrusive question, but considering he'd felt like Ivy was a little out of it, and now she'd disappeared from the room completely, he was allowed to be worried about his little girl.
