Feb 14, 2025
//Hell was the journey but it brought me heaven//
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//Hell was the journey but it brought me heaven//
..man, i can feel Zain nearby
/just a lil thing to make your wait for my comics more enjoyable;>
@divearyxxx i shall grant your wishes:)
Wait a minute
How long have I been hot?!
I can't sleep, so hey, my .2 cents on what happened.
First, disclaimer: I am a cis-bisexual woman who was lucky enough to be born to two very open minded parents (and, ironically a match made in homophobic heaven. My dad was gay, and only married because he wanted kids and he didn't want to come out to his mother, My mom is a lesbian who, up until three years ago, was in the most transparent closet in the universe and ALSO married just because she wanted children and didn't want to come out to her family, AND the other option was a convent. So, yeah) and while I had had that one very awkward "but are you SURE you are not 100% gay? I mean, you can be gay and we'll love you anyway" conversation I think every bi and pan person has had at some point in their lives, I never had the impression that I had to HIDE that I liked both boys and girls when I was growing up from my PARENTS.
Clear point there: My parents.
So in a way, the whole "Coming out to family and friends" is a bit alien to me.
Even now, I didn't really came out as much as I stopped denying it when asked point out. So, when the first news came out about Misha's slip of tongue on Friday? I was happy for him because THAT's exactly how I -and many, many of my Bi friends- ended up coming out. Casually, by accident, and trying to change the subject to a different thing.
HOWEVER... I also don't blame him for correcting himself ("taking it back") for two reasons:
If his current label is straight? Then good for him that he corrected the record as soon as he could -even if I find it weird that he didn't know about it until now as I assume there were a lot of bi-fans squealing the whole weekend- because doing otherwise WOULD be really bad and leading on fans (See: T.a.T.u for the best example of that. RL Queerbaiting, no joke) And yes, I said CURRENT label because I 100% believe that sexuality is fluid. A person can identify as cis-straight at one point of their lives, then as cis gay, then as trans-gay after a long road of discovery, then as trans straight when they realize that they were attracted to the opposite gender (To their REAL gender, not their ASAB gender) all along, and it is ALL Valid.
However... IF he is Bisexual? Then we have to consider WHY he might have felt he had to take it back, and it was not JUST that it was made a big deal out of it in the Media and Social Media.
I mean... the reactions that were not 100% supportive? Were a cesspool of horrible biphobia that just reminded me of the one truth that every queer person knows: No matter how safe you think you are, no matter how much you trust the people around, no matter how much society insists that it's OK to be GAY now? Coming out is ALWAYS hard, and it will always HAVE backlash.
Coming out as Bi, Pan, Ace or Aro? Same thing but in HARD modality (And when you add coming out as Trans? That's Nightmare difficulty and I am so sorry it is so)
So yeah, I can see someone trying their toes in the queer pool, coming out as a bit of a joke, as a bit of a casual thing, trying to see how the label fits. And then being first love bombed -because as far as I know, in the con itself? It was all love, rainbows and puppies- but then coming back to reality and social media and... well, reading all THAT.
Some queer people could say "Ok, my bed, I laid on it, I can do this." But others? Well, others could go "yeah... no. This... This is not worth it. I can go back to the safe presenting side and... just hide part of me". AND BOTH ARE VALID. BOTH ARE OK. BECAUSE we all have to remember that every individual's path is, well, individual.
So, as I stand, for me there are two possibilities: Either Misha is Straight, he misspoke, he apologized and we should all respect that -which doesn't necessarily means forgiving him or accepting the apology. That's something YOU have to decide on your own. Just, respect that he APOLOGIZED- or he is Bisexual, got very spooked at coming out and ran back into the closet, which should ALSO be respected if it's the truth because rule number ONE of the Queer fight club is : WE DO NOT FORCE ANYONE OUT OF THE CLOSET.
So TL;DR? If Misha is identifying as straight? I respect that. If he at a later time changes his label? I WILL respect that and NOT take this incident as a point against him. Is it FAIR and OK if you felt hurt by the REACTIONS around it, but it is also important to remember that he is human, he also has feelings and, INCLUDING his apology? He has NEVER once gave us a reason to believe he is not at the very least a great ally who is willing to learn, to listen and to CHANGE his attitudes if needed.
And I think that's what we all should take out from this (Besides the importance of re-visiting at a later time the fact that for a very gay friendly fandom? There's also a lot of virulent biphobia going around)
OH! And if you need a safe place to come out? My DMS are open. Seriously, I can be your trial run for typing those words if you need one. My services as queer fandom auntie are always, always open for everyone.
This time last year, I had just finished “Who She Is In the Dark” and was working up “A Breach of Professional Boundaries” -- the first two multi-chapter fics in the smug oc SWTOR series I’m working.
I’m now on Rishi, which has turned into a quasi-epic. This is partly due to ad-libbing with the Rishi storyline (which is surprisingly short when you think about it) but also because I’m filling in the gaps of my smuggler’s life to this point that seem to collide on Rishi. Theron has few moments of revelation as well, so that takes time to build as well. I would like to finish the fic I started on Halloween by April 1.
Progress has been slower going because of medical issues on my end. I had a baby a few weeks ago ... baby is perfect but I’m not. I’m actually pretty fragile at the moment, physically and emotionally. None of the problems were anticipated, so things had been ideal going into February...and then they weren’t. I’m not depressed, just traumatized, honestly; it was like SullustanGin’s Nightmare World Tour of medical phobias, emergency situations, and frustrations.
I haven’t copped to any of this on my regular social media, so yeah. This is my confessional at the moment. The writing is good for me because it’s normalcy in an abnormal situation. But even that’s going to change, since this writing has partially been a product of the pandemic, which (hopefully) shall come to an end soon.
Just going to go to sleep just as sad as I was last night. Good night everyone
Ok i think everyone may need to watch this at some point. It has huge points that i still see happening now a days. I also know that this won't stop people from acting that way but i hope it will at least make people think before they do things.