how will i know?
pairing: wonhao genre: angst + fluff, non!au a/n: i listened to sam smith’s cover of “how will i know?” the entire time whilst writing this words: 1150 summary: how will wonwoo know when he’s finally gotten things together? minghao doesn’t give him an answer with words, but wonwoo already has one anyway.
Some nights they find themselves in a pile of blankets and limbs, wrapped up in each other's warmth and arms.
Wonwoo can't pinpoint when it began between them, but he knows that one wrong move and Minghao will retreat. He'll take his fragile, shambling heart and lock it away again until he thinks it's safe once more to come back out.
Wonwoo knows this, but it still doesn't keep him from being reckless sometimes.
If you were to ask him if he had feelings for Minghao, he'd have to tell you that he doesn't know. He doesn't know what being in love feels like or what it means to crush on somebody either, but he knows that he isn't too preoccupied with gender either. Wonwoo has no idea really what it is that he feels for Minghao, but as the younger boy crawls into his bed when they get back to the dorms late, Wonwoo always lets him. He puts his arm around Minghao's waist and sighs as Minghao presses his face into Wonwoo's chest. They lay like that until they fall asleep, the others in the dorm quickly following suit.
The life of an idol constitutes that they are constantly thrown in front of a camera, meaning that anything too careless, a simple touch or a lingering hand, will always be interpreted the wrong way. All thirteen of them knew this when they became trainees and Wonwoo had no intention of building a relationship like that when he accepted his place in Seventeen because they were only children after all. Children buffed up and made to look pretty in front of the whole world as they performed and tried to make a name for themselves. Wonwoo was set on writing his lyrics and showcasing his best abilities to the public, but then Minghao looked at him with a gleam in his eyes and asked him if he could sleep with him in his bed one night and the rest was already decided then. They were only children after all.
But neither of them are kids anymore. Wonwoo is grown and he knows right from wrong, but when it comes to Minghao, his thoughts always grow muddled. He's left breathless and confused every time because Minghao isn't a boy anymore. He's taller and leaner too, but wiser and more confident, unafraid to embrace what he likes and speak up about what he doesn't.
Minghao is a man now, but it isn't uncommon to find him in Wonwoo's bed most mornings. It is, however, unheard of to find Wonwoo in Minghao's.
Which is why Wonwoo frets about it as he stands before the boy who isn't really a boy anymore. Minghao stares at him with wide eyes, the blankets still tangled around his legs.
"You want to sleep with me?" Minghao asks, his voice so quiet that the others would be hardpressed to claim they can hear their conversation right now.
Wonwoo nods, confirming that yes, Wonwoo really had asked that. Minghao keeps staring at him but quickly makes room, lifting the blanket up for the elder to slide in beside him. Wonwoo does so without any hitches, breathing a sigh of relief of when Minghao's familiar scent engulfs him. Minghao lays a tentative hand on Wonwoo's waist and when the elder makes no move to push it off, he tightens his grip and scoots closer.
Wonwoo's body moves before he can even think about it and then his face is pressed into Minghao's neck, the tan skin soft against his cheek. A sound rumbles in Minghao's throat that doesn't escape past his lips and Wonwoo curls into his comfortable heat, doing his best to beat back the ugly thoughts in his head. The others are moving around the room, slowly drifting out one by one as the atmosphere on Minghao's bed darkens bit by bit. Minghao shifts until his arms have circled around the elder and it isn't until someone turns the light off before closing the door behind them that Minghao dares to speak.
"We're alone, hyung."
That's what sets Wonwoo off. He chokes on a sob and twists even further into Minghao's embrace, trying his best to muffle the sounds. Minghao runs his fingers through the elder's hair, holding him as tight as he can. Wonwoo's entire body is shaking and he doesn't know when Minghao became the person that Wonwoo trusted enough to witness this, but it's much too late to think about that now as he sobs into Minghao's soft shirt.
Minghao holds him, not saying anything at all as Wonwoo falls apart and he appreciates that. Wonwoo's always hated it whenever his mother would tell him everything would turn out okay as she held while he cried. Words never speak as loud as actions do and right now, Minghao is saying a lot while he holds it together for him.
Wonwoo's chest is wracked with sob after sob and he doesn't know for how long he cries, but he knows that by the time he's done, both he and Minghao look like they've aged a few years within a few moments. Minghao grabs the pack of tissues on the dresser beside his bed and pulls out a few before he hands them to Wonwoo. Wonwoo takes them quietly, his eyesight still a little blurry with tears, but he blows his nose and wipes his face as clean as he can get it - for Minghao.
"Do you wanna talk about it, hyung?" Minghao asks, his voice so soft and quiet that Wonwoo could pretend that he didn't even hear him.
But when it comes to Minghao, Wonwoo knows he wouldn't do that so instead he just shrugs and lets Minghao pull him into his arms again.
"Tell me what's on your mind, hyung."
And Wonwoo does, letting out a large breath before he tells Minghao of his worries, of how much he misses his family, of how much he and Junhui must miss theirs when they're countries apart from each other. Of how sometimes he doesn't think the idol life is worth it, of how he sometimes ignores the aches and pains he has just so that everyone can get through practice or rehearsal or an interview without hitches. Of how hard it is and how little he was actually prepared for it. Wonwoo lays it all out, clinging to the younger as he speaks quietly, his breaths coming easier and easier with each passing second.
Minghao listens, not saying anything again as Wonwoo talks. He plays with the elder's hair and settles them more comfortably atop the sheets while Wonwoo nuzzles into him, speaking into Minghao's neck now. But Minghao doesn't mind and lets him continue, simply being there for the elder.
Maybe now if someone were to ask Wonwoo if he has feelings for Minghao, he'd be able to give them an answer.
(Yes.)
a/n: i got this out earlier than expected!! yay me :D
hopefully you liked this! thank you for reading! remember that you can always yell at me about this fic!