Ok, I’m most likely annoying ppl by postung texts like this but I’m not keeping you from going.
Why I placed the title as “Title” simply there is no good title that comes to mind that can describe the feelings I have and that I’m dealing with.
The summarized situation (I guess?) I was doing ok and with the unnecessary crap irl from person I rather not name( because the person made himself worthless to me with what he has done) more crap on top of all the crap and where I was happy and calm I am currently feeling emotionally exhausted, physicall exhausted (it’s late but brain not shutting off), hopeless and a bit ticked off. All this because more threats, more of my rights being just taken away and hell not only mine but family members’ as well.
On one hand I question what the heck did I do or am I going to do to have to still be in this struggle. On the other hand I ask what is God’s plan with me and why is he putting us all through this? Is He trying to prepare us for the world as it’ll be forward which apparently is going to be worse than it is now or what? What is the plan?
As much as I search inside for any joy or positivity, I still came back to nothing left. I’m just that emotionally exhausted. As much as I look at everything and try to at least make sense of even my feelings and emotions. More and more stuff from unnamed man (I’ll mention gender since why not?) just comes up.
Why I use let’s say Tumblr. I use this because in person, I have trouble talking to anyone outside my family circle about things. I had a councellor and welp it was extremely hard to mention things. Same goes for trust in which I just can’t trust easily. I’m still kind and respectful towards anyone because my logic and humanness (? Is that even a word?) tells me that everyone deserves a chance to at least in a prove themselves. What’ll change is if I let you in and tell you my problems (which is highly unlikely unless I know I can trust you) or if I just put a mask on and try to do my work. If you see through the mask and you don’t ask then I won’t tell.
On here I put my thoughts and feelings down because then I can go back for myself and recollect my thoughts by reading through it, by ‘dealing’ with it. I only know of one person who would read these and God bless her soul for all the good she does. I honestly hope all the best for her and that she doesn’t get to deal with unnamed man type ppl. I would never wish such a creature upon someone.(btw he’s a narcisisst and a real bad one....) back to the topic. This is basically like a dairy into my brain and my heart. My thoughts, advice, questions all of that I put here. Heck I leave advice for myself because practice what your preach right?
Sometimes I’m blinded by my own feelings and need to read my own advice or something.
Ok I think I’m kinda done ranting or venting or whatchamightcallit
It’s long and mixed so the title is title. It’s the main thing I’m stuck with.