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Answers in the stars

I look to a sky Unable to deny The beauty of it all Before the morning comes and they fall Looking at these stars Sent to me from afar From a soul as kind as can be Full of joy they lead. Yet at times I feel a disconnect But the memories recollect The lights being a shine Giving me hope, a positive line. Hardships being old Taken down by colours so bold A rope of leather and yarn Pulling close that made of tree from a farm. A difficult spot Fixed by a knot Keeping close the kind Not leaving me behind. As I look to the stars of colour Sent by not just another I feel hope, faith Filling an empty space. My gratitude is there, Followed by uncertainty Of which I must bear. As I look for answers in the sky I cannot lie. My hope was low, Soon the positive energy will flow. This fear I will defeat, And with a bow I will one day send you my greet.

#load 'em poem #words within

Ink

The canvas starts clean

Pure, with a gleam

The corrosion of time

On a soul so benign

Turning sweet to sour

Ever heartbeat ever hour

Cuts and tears

The canvas bears

Yet the soul fights, climbs

The story, canvas combines

Tears become lines

Cuts that defines

The trip from below

Seeds of courage, joy, wisdom will sow

Up top in the end

Stories of joy will be around every bend

The canvas coloured

The heart fluttered

The battle did not define

The soul so benign.

#words within #load 'em poem #ihopeitmakessense

Typing

I could’ve said writing as the title but if I truly wrote. Only a handful would be able to read it. Not that I have bad handwriting but regular writing is a bit special in it’s own way and my cursive was so neat. The slanted grades makes a measurement triangle blush. But I digress

I’ve noticed I’ve been typing more and more and more and it actually helps to get stuff out and to find solution etc all that magic. One thing I didn’t notice was that holding onto things can be both constructive and destructive. Old messages between friends I never heard from in like 3 yrs? Old pictures from before the changes heck reminders that I don’t need since I haven’t once forgotten. Why keep all that? It’s taking space for new friends, new reminders, new pictures. So if I know I won’t forget and I still keep all the old that’s in their own way being destructive and setting me back then why didn’t I let it go before?

Simple answer : fear.

Being fearful you’d forget and then not trusting your own memory. It affects your self esteem indirectly and also directly, depending on how you look at it.

I’ve just decided to say screw that fear because I haven’t forgotten who was in my life and what they meant to me then. Yeah stuff is different now and they’ve been gone so long that maybe they had to play a role in me meeting other ppl who are still in my life? Or perhaps there is something else to it that I have yet to find. Either way I still haven’t forgotten where it began.

So, in short. I cleaned out some inboxes and stuff that came from ppl I haven’t heard of for a long time. All the reminders of things that happened or mementos to remind me of them, I have let go.

I should’ve done this sooner but better late than never. Time to let in the new that I’ve been pushing aside or even keeping away due.

Ps. To a certain person that to this day after all we went through together and what I’ve put her through. Thank you again for your support recently and for just in general the talks and all. It honestly goes a long way, Becca.

#words within #time for a change

Mayday

May it be the day where quite a lot goes well o ly to end the day with my pc speakers catxhing fire. By the smell it’s electrical so probably some wires that died but still. I did not need this xD

Please all. No matter what happens to you today. Make the best of it and enjoy every moment. You never know when it’ll be your last or when something happens that could lead to that

#words within

Tired

Is it a bad idea to use an electircal outlet to gain energy because you’re tired?

Why yes it is unless you like the smell of barbecues.

Now the question is. What is the right way to emotionally gain energy? Is there a metaphorical outlet? Is there medicine to boost your levels?

No there are only two ways that I know of. If you are extrovertic then having a long conversation over coffee or tea or even ice cream is your way to go.

If you’re introvertic then getting away from it all and relaxing or even napping works wonders. That cut off from the world that’s draining you.

If you’re me then a hot bubblebath that smells like bubblegum and takes you back to when you were a child and adulting was out of your league, is the way to go. Do not forget your rubber ducks!

#words within

The title is Title

Ok, I’m most likely annoying ppl by postung texts like this but I’m not keeping you from going.

Why I placed the title as “Title” simply there is no good title that comes to mind that can describe the feelings I have and that I’m dealing with.

The summarized situation (I guess?) I was doing ok and with the unnecessary crap irl from person I rather not name( because the person made himself worthless to me with what he has done) more crap on top of all the crap and where I was happy and calm I am currently feeling emotionally exhausted, physicall exhausted (it’s late but brain not shutting off), hopeless and a bit ticked off. All this because more threats, more of my rights being just taken away and hell not only mine but family members’ as well.

On one hand I question what the heck did I do or am I going to do to have to still be in this struggle. On the other hand I ask what is God’s plan with me and why is he putting us all through this? Is He trying to prepare us for the world as it’ll be forward which apparently is going to be worse than it is now or what? What is the plan?

As much as I search inside for any joy or positivity, I still came back to nothing left. I’m just that emotionally exhausted. As much as I look at everything and try to at least make sense of even my feelings and emotions. More and more stuff from unnamed man (I’ll mention gender since why not?) just comes up.

Why I use let’s say Tumblr. I use this because in person, I have trouble talking to anyone outside my family circle about things. I had a councellor and welp it was extremely hard to mention things. Same goes for trust in which I just can’t trust easily. I’m still kind and respectful towards anyone because my logic and humanness (? Is that even a word?) tells me that everyone deserves a chance to at least in a prove themselves. What’ll change is if I let you in and tell you my problems (which is highly unlikely unless I know I can trust you) or if I just put a mask on and try to do my work. If you see through the mask and you don’t ask then I won’t tell.

On here I put my thoughts and feelings down because then I can go back for myself and recollect my thoughts by reading through it, by ‘dealing’ with it. I only know of one person who would read these and God bless her soul for all the good she does. I honestly hope all the best for her and that she doesn’t get to deal with unnamed man type ppl. I would never wish such a creature upon someone.(btw he’s a narcisisst and a real bad one....) back to the topic. This is basically like a dairy into my brain and my heart. My thoughts, advice, questions all of that I put here. Heck I leave advice for myself because practice what your preach right?

Sometimes I’m blinded by my own feelings and need to read my own advice or something.

Ok I think I’m kinda done ranting or venting or whatchamightcallit

It’s long and mixed so the title is title. It’s the main thing I’m stuck with.

#words within

Quiet night

Late morning

Paired with some yawning

Calm hours

Work devours

Break free afternoon

Much more useful than a spoon

Tasks finished