#wordsofdisarray

[wordsofdisarray]

god ghosted

I kneel, keel, keen at an empty rock shrine

Worshipper to my sinfulness:

When you were mine

I warded off witches 

By picking your tree

These arbours, your ardour

sowing seeds of unease.

You peeled away my bark

Yet I gorged it down whole

Etched into our roots

Mocking fateful footfall.

My moss on the pillar

To cushion my pain,

But roughness and toughness

Sprouted worms in my brain.

No buck, just rut

Not wed stones 

But headstones: violent gemstones uncut.

Target locked but misfired and damn, misjudged!

Cupid’s arrow wept softly and

Only begrudged.

Could these petals supplant? 

Could I have inspired your sap? 

Let my lungs drown in honey and invite the ants?

Oh, but so sweet! So warm, the taste!

Succour to a sucker: palms pressed to the wastes.

We’d be a sylvan family: Belvedere, 

Prick your ears up and hear those bells, my dear

Taming Medusa, your roaring great lion,

My chiselled Greek seraph atop Mount Zion.

Deity, I cradle, offer kindle up

Lay my flower to a bower once heady with lust

Now, god ghosted

I know how it felt. To have pined,

to have knelt

At my empty rock shrine.

-

[wordsofdisarray]

golden

Bronzed arms, dans mes bras. Dappled.

Shimmering sunset on a broad, soft curve.

Your soles press against white-hot ash. Deserted.

She beams. Her maternal heat spreads across your bones.

Iron drumming eyelids, burnished ingot weighing light in your mouth. Champagne fizz.

Does last night even matter?

Take a dip, full immersion. Azure, assured, gelatine haze.

But eternal warmth to shroud you.

See the Madonna, weeping out not in grief but in reverie.

A wide-brimmed halo and linen wings. Donned!

You sway, as the auspicious palms do.

And you are all right.

[wordsofdisarray]

magic

i touched you once

scaly hands, scabby nails

thought you liked me like that

bony, snarky, pale

i lay on my throne

my lavish riches consume me

but a stranger could devour them

if i could once more meet thee

our skin never did kiss again

oh boy, we couldn’t fly

did I touch you or claim you

treasured memory, mind’s eye?

[wordsofdisarray]

narcissus

look at me!

i am the jocund jonquil

toot my horn

dusk ‘til dawn

perfect pout, oh?

daffodils are out.

i paint my petals carmine

if I bind these pretty petals of mine

will you see me as a rose?

discover me, rare rose exposed.

your petals thin, you wilt.
your stalk is tangled, your dirt is dry.
your pallor is sallow. you are bald and disgraced.

*lo, I am graceful!*

feel my pull

my tantalising beauty –

look at me, look at me!

creation
to mutation
to inspiration.

[wordsofdisarray]

willow

I grew up with you towering over me

Holding my parents in your leaves

So clear, gilded dancer

Blonde fronded movie star

New house: A coffin,

Pre-crumbling, all-fumbling

You went, then: Sakura

(Though probably magnolia).

Now you are born again,

My parents indentured - like then.

But you do not have to weep over me

I do - I will never be you.

[wordsofdisarray]

conspiracy

they put it in my head

seed to sapling

unloveable but mouldable

a rotten rose

when you said it

I thought it was a lie

paralysis - stay, sis

horrid goodbye

friendliness = flirtation

(at least in my almond eyes)

swallowed inside my prison

(but only metaphorically)

[wordsofdisarray]

rot

every morning, every night

i inhale a clifftop high

or low lake, sunk

drinking and drunk

all things are dust, said He

but would she want me?

this noxious waste,

phantom, foul taste,

oh, she would vomit

this liminal spirit

wanderer, mourning

whilst others spin

I will embellish myself

afresh, good health

so she might devour me whole

the good, the bad, all

[wordsofdisarray]

eden / gardenia girl

she comes in hot flashes

pixie, vixen, minx

locked gate to my heaven 

does Eden exist?