#wordspit

[mx-marlynnx]

Y'all ever need to put headphones/earbuds on in your own home cuz every little noise is enough to set your brain on fire?

Cuz same

[ultrajacket]

Character Analysis: Velvet Crowe

I know I shouldn’t be adding more fuel to the whole Berseria discourse that’s been happening since it’s definitely been beaten to death like a dead horse. Yes, there is misogyny and sexism prevalent in the game. Yes, I agree that it’s quite irksome at times and it gets me annoyed at certain characters as well. 

But put all that bullshit in a blender, shit on it, and pour it into the sewer and put it aside, then honestly, in my own personal opinion, Berseria has one of the strongest and memorable cast I’ve seen in a Tales game in a pretty long time. Plus, I’ve been itchin’ to do Berseria character analysis’ for awhile now.

I don’t speak for everyone or anyone other than myself for this one but I want to start off with how much I love Velvet.

I actually really disliked her in the beginning. She was just too damn edgy, hell bent, and fucking moody. She didn’t have much going for her other than her revenge and my first playthrough definitely had me cringing a helluva lot because of her.

But then that plot twist happened. You see her break and wane from what little mental stability she had. After all, the only thing that kept her sane was her revenge against Artorius. When she was shown the truth, when she faced it, looked Innominat straight in the eye, it destroyed her, reliving everything once again but this time knowing everything she knew and loved robbed her of her happiness.

She had everything she had ever known and loved taken away from her by someone she trusted. She was left to rot and die in prison. And I have no idea why people think Velvet would become some mentally stable person and steer to a path of righteousness the moment she bust outta prison? But she continued to spiral down this path of hate, spite, and revenge and if you want to chalk that up as bad writing, I personally find it refreshing.

This girl has been through so much. She was a normal village girl with hopes and dreams of a happy life but was then turned into a literal daemon to be used as a tool for someone else. Of course that deep rooted trauma is going end up as PTSD and I feel Berseria, surprisingly, handled that quite well.

I’m on my third playthrough right now and I got to the point where Velvet gives “Malak Number Two” a name. I don’t know how anyone can get infuriated by Velvet during that whole anime cut scene in Vortigern. Phi is literally about to plunge to uncertain death the way Laphicet did. She saw it with her own eyes, she relived that traumatic night again within that instant. She desperately tried to save Phi because she didn’t want the same mistakes to happen again.

Her revenge is obsessive and her projecting her dead brother onto someone else is problematic. But this is what makes her interesting as a character. She is so goal oriented that she’s willing to use anyone as tools to fulfill her own objectives. She’s a selfish character and even admits this.

But that moment she broke, hit rock bottom, she realized that even if the world and the people she loved turned on her, she still, absolutely truly loved them all. She realized and remembered how happy she used to be. All she wanted was happiness. But at that point, she was already too far in. She had to fix things but she did it in her own selfish yet selfless way. Velvet knew what needed to be done so that no one else has to suffer the way she did anymore.

And that’s why I legitimately love her? She surprised me so much the more was revealed. One can argue this is really shitty writing if you can’t relate to a character half way into a story but once shit hit the fan ¾ths into the game, that’s when you piece everything together. Velvet isn’t just some edgy one dimensional character for the sake of being 100% EDGE. It was all a gradual and manipulative process that drove her that way. And if you can actually sit down and let that all soak in, it becomes very heavy.

Although I can’t necessarily relate to that sort of PTSD with actual murder, I can relate to obsession or addiction to the point of self-destruction. The reason why I took nearly a 2~3 year hiatus off of tumblr was because of my anxiety and bad drinking habits. Alcohol was my obsession, my addiction. It made me feel happy, sociable, cleared my head from negative thoughts. But it messed me up to the point where I had to go to the hospital, go through therapy, and nearly tried ODing on my own medication because I couldn’t handle the withdrawals. But even before all that, a lot of my own traumas stem from my physically and sexually abusive father when I was growing up.

I apologize for getting real heavy here over a video game but this is why I love Velvet’s character so much. I personally found her really relatable ¾ths into the game when shit really hit the fan.

Velvet’s actually the vindictive woman I wish I could’ve been. I wish I could’ve at least stood up against my father all those years ago instead of letting those experiences hinder my own happiness even as a 26 year old adult. 

But I’ll say it again, it’s just so beautiful Velvet literally weeps over how she used to be so happy, how she used to love everyone. I really struck a hard chord with me. But even if you’re broken, you have to stand up, rise against it all. You have to accept your ugliness in order to move on. 

Everyone wants to be happy.

[mx-marlynnx]

The other day I want to a bar for the first time since 2019

Had a first date with a lovely enby

Kissed them at the end of the night, the first time kissing someone romantically who was not a cis-het male

And now thinking about it makes me really giddy and happy

I'm most definitely Not Straight

[mx-marlynnx]

Femininity and other falsehoods

Growing up, my family was always pretty chill about what I liked, what I played with. Growing up with my brother and two male cousins, I found myself as likely to play with hotwheels as picking up a barbie doll. And it was never an issue. I liked what I liked, and that was enough. 

So, why can’t it be like that now?

I’ve been not-as-open with my identity with people as I’d like, mostly for professional reasons. But, for the record - Hey, I’m Marley, and I’m agender and queer. I’m AFAB, however, I was diagnosed with a genetic disorder called Turner’s Syndrome since I was 13. Among other things, Turner’s is a condition that means that my secondary sex characteristics won’t develop as normal AFAB people’s. 

Now, this would make for a pretty nice transition back then. But I had begun my series of hormone replacement and after a few years I was a Certified Woman. 

Only, it really never felt like that. I took the treatment because there were other dangerous health issues that would have resulted if I hadn’t. But as I’m growing, learning, accepting, it’s starting to hit that almost every part of me being a Woman is fake. It’s engineered by a cocktail that I had to inject into myself nightly. Of course, that’s not gonna stop me from rocking a dress or some sick heels when I want to. But, why is it a big deal if I choose to wear a cool button up or my cool gray Converse that I’m proud to say I beat to hell?

“Boy or Girl”

No. 

Human

[ultrajacket]

AU where Eizen and Magilou teach Velvet how to be goth

Bad Berseria fanfic by Jacket

Velvet stares at Magilou and questions why she’s even helping, “Eizen, I get. But aren’t you too pink to be goth?” And Magilou thwacks her on the head, “I’m pastel goth, you pleb! And Eizen’s a cross-fusion between vampire goth and steampunk goth.”

Velvet furrows her brows, “There’s different types of goths?” Eizen is about to open his mouth and go on a tangent about the history of goth subculture but Magilou slams her finger on his lips to shut him up.

“Worry not, n00b, for I, The Great Magilou, will do all the explaining and Eizen can do your eyeliner.”

Rokurou is just chillin’ somewhere in the background watching this hot ass mess unfold and yells, “I bet Magilou had a rawr XD phase when she was younger!” Magilou throws her giant ass hat at him and yells back, “URUSHUT THE FUCK UP, ROKUROU. YOU DEADASS BAKA-FACE.”

Eizen is already applying his sharpie brand eyeliner on Velvet and he doesn’t even need to do her eyebrows because they’re already fleek af and beautiful on their own. Magilou does all the commentary like a sports game commentator but with makeup and Rokurou leans in, super interested but also doesn’t have any idea what the hell she’s talking about.

“Why do you use sharpie for eyeliner?” Velvet asks.

“It stays on even after hours of crying,” he replies. “Trust me, you’re going to need it when we reach late game.”

“Oh, well thanks, I guess.”

Magilou helps Velvet paint her nails and Eizen gives her a pair of tripp pants to try on. Velvet takes a liking to them because they have lots of belts and chains on ‘em but something feels off about ‘em so she asks Rokurou to slice ‘em up a bit and he gets excited cos he can do something useful but also slice shit at the same time.

Days later, Velvet is level 200 goth, the edgiest of edge, so edgy that Rokurou wants to fight her. “Meet me at the back of the abandoned Blockbuster,” Roukurou says. Eleanor walks in on Velvet getting ready and applying sharpie eyeliner and stares at her with concern.

“It’s not a phase, Eleanor,” Velvet says as she makes sure her eyeliner game is even stronger than Eizen’s since she’s gotta beat Rokurou’s ass in 10min. “It’s a way of life.”

[ultrajacket]

I legit??? I have so many magivel feelings that I???? have to share this unedited version of one of my wordspits??? so like?????? LEMME FEED THIS THIRSTY ASS FAMILY WITH MY SHIT ASS MINIMALIST WRITING REAL QUICK

This is just a fucking arrangement.

This is just a fucking arrangement.

You can stress different words out in this sentence but it all remains what it’s supposed to be,

A fucking arrangement.

Or at least, that’s what they keep telling themselves. If this is purely a fucking arrangement, then why are soft gazes and gentle kisses tossed around so casually? Usually this fucking arrangement is rough, harsh enough for both of them to feel anything at all. But they’re both perhaps just so fucking stupid that they failed to realize there are so many other ways to feel again.

The way Velvet just ever so casually brushes her thumb against Magilou’s lips, how she gently slides her hand into Magilou’s, wordlessly lacing their fingers together.

Honestly, what in everloving fuck is this?

Magilou hates it but she doesn’t fight against it. After all, try as you might,

People can’t fight against happiness.

And that’s what literally fucking vexes Magilou to hell and back. She can’t believe that when she simply gazes into the eyes of The Lord of Calamity herself, she finally fucking feels something. But that feeling frankly fucking scares her.

You’d think there isn’t anything a wicked witch is afraid of. You’d think there isn’t a better duo than a daemon lord and a witch. Fuck, they go perfectly together. But she can’t say it.

Magilou can’t say she loves every second of this. But she’s used to this, stomping out feelings and not feeling anything at all. Velvet’s a selfish mistress and so is Magilou. She acknowledges they both have their own agendas.

That’s why it’s just a fucking arrangement. Nothing more, nothing less.

[mx-marlynnx]

to the masc who approached me in the men's section at Target today and asked my opinion on jackets:

you're lovely, and sorry I'm socially inept

mayhap we'll run into each other again

so mote it be❤️

[mx-marlynnx]

Y'all my partner falling asleep while I play with their hair is the cutest fucking shit