#work_life

[explorerdiaries-blog]

How to Balance Work and Life in This Busy Lifestyle.

What is Work-Life Balance? What is its importance? Is it useful in today’s lives? Amongst corporate these days, Work-Life Balance ...

[sungoddess]

Oh Dear... Trouble on a Stick!

So yesterday was insane.

I took four client meetings, and didn’t make a red cent. Does that sound fair to you?

Anyway, everybody loves the benefit of my expertise, yet somehow to pay me for it is like drama chile, drama!

The day ended on a very interesting note, though.

I met a man.

A very interesting man.

A very interesting man who’s at LEAST fifteen years older that me. (As in I don’t know exactly how old he is, but this is an educated guess…)

A very interesting older man, that wants to hire me to do work. (Oh dear, the shit where you sleep issue….)

A very interesting older man, that wants to hire me to do work, and has some of the most beautiful skin and hands I’ve seen on a man for the longest time. (I’m a sucker for creamy skin and long elegant fingers… I was captivated, I didn’t check his feet out ONCE!)

A very interesting older man, that wants to hire me to do work, has some of the most beautiful skin and hands I’ve seen on a man for the longest time, and a seasoned intellectual. (Oh dear, big words go straight to my coochie with a bullet…. say something else papi!)

I doan know ’bout allyuh, but Big Mami smelling trouble! That is a potent combination. A deadly mix for me…. and I mean that in the nicest possible way.

Trouble, trouble, trouble.

I like him! WOW! Never had the hots for an older man before. They usually creep me the fuck out. Not him, he was smooth and charming and quite flattering in an unassuming way.

Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear.

Did I forget to say he was handsome? Not, ‘cute’, not ‘nice’, handsome.

Trouble, trouble, trouble, I say!

De Talk running hot on this very subject in Tribe Life!

Oh Dear… Trouble on a Stick! was originally published on The Goddess ☥ Room

[sungoddess]

Letting Go, Holding On

I had a marvellous day of rest yesterday.

I slept until almost 1 o’clock. You know you are sleep deprived when look at the clock and realised you’ve slept for 13 hours….. and punch the air and pump your legs for joy! A whole marvellous 12 hours, with no ringing phones, no TV, no music, no dogs freaking out with the barking (or at least I tuned out the dogs……..).

I stayed up until 4 pm and then slept for another two hours; then got up, cooked my dinner, watched “Dead Like Me” then crashed again. (I love that show!!! It is so hilarious!!!)

I got up this morning bright eyed and bushy-tailed, feeling more energised than I have in at least two months. I divined on the situation with this back-stabbing underling, and made a decision. I was resolved…….

I sure there are my own consequences that I have to face about this decision. Maybe things will get better.

Besides, it’s not like her back-stabbing did it, it was just the final straw. She had been unproductive for weeks and weeks. Someone will be in to take her place tomorrow. That is the way it is.

I am hungry as I type, since I haven’t eaten as yet. (It’s 6.21pm) I’ve been rushing around adjusting the workflow to accommodate the lag, but since I’ve been doing most of the work myself for the last two months, it hardly seems like an unusual thing, but I guess I felt it more today because I wasn’t lying to myself about the workload. Today was probably not the best day for this underling to take a two hour lunch.

I am learning how to let go of responsibilities that were never mine to begin with. I am deciding that I can only truly be responsible for what I am responsible for….. me and my own behaviour; whether the moochers appreciate that or not is no longer my concern. I have to keep something for me. Another marvellous lesson, leader learn…. the amazing power in delegation.

———————– Accept that some days you’re the pigeon, and some days you’re the statue.

– Unknown ———————–

I am still in love, no matter what I say, no matter how and where or to whom I deny it. My feelings are real and not fucking going away. There are days when I deeply, deeply wish they would. I guess I am going to have to learn how to deal with what is and not what I want to be. Love is as it is, the package, the surrounding details all fade as the core of it burns brightly and undeniably. I continue to struggle against the paralysis that reciprocity, or rather, the lack of reciprocity causes. Maybe I continue to wait because the reciprocity is there and I just don’t know it. Maybe I continue to wait because of the revelations in divination. Maybe I am waiting because my responsibility has not been dispatched as yet. Maybe it’s just my fucking karma to wait.

Maybe I am not waiting at all.

Me, I just have to deal with what is, not with what I want to be.

That, I am realising is one of the hardest lessons to learn. We get so wrapped up in who should be doing what and when and why, that the actual thing itself gets away from us, escapes into our fears and we lose the ability to track it.

Not me–I do not have the luxury of self-deception. I may experiment with it from time to time. but ultimately my brain and spirit are not built for anything other than truth. As apetebii, I am bound to speak the truth, to be sincere and honest.

What I want is not something I know whether I am going to get or not. I want to work for myself and be a successful businesswoman. I want to change the Caribbean for the better. I want to be a force working to alter the negative energy that has accumulated in the world. Sounds ambitious, right? Something is calling me….

Sounds crazy, right? Or do you believe it somewhere deep in your gut too.

Oyadele, my cousin, told me once that the result is almost unimportant….. to pay more attention to the process….

A true traveller, knows not his destination.

Is this too much like riddles?

I want my husband to open his arms and his heart and welcome me, the returning goddess and I can worship him as the god he is. I want children and be the kind of mother that heals wounds instead of opening them and pouring salt in.

All I can do is try and be open to the experience.

I am deep into catharsis. I am rising out of my own ashes, and as overused a metaphor as it is, I am still rising out of the ashes of the house I have burnt to the ground around me. I do it every once in a while to remember that all things are impermanent and change is the only constant. I think this too, is the way it has to be. I am learning my own grit, feeling my own traction, feeling the importance of internal friction in this growth process. Maybe the day will come when all things will be simple and easy, maybe they will never be that way.

All I can be is me.

Mama Osun wants me to come back to the river.

Letting Go, Holding On was originally published on The Goddess ☥ Room

[sungoddess]

Disappointed

posted Fri, 01 Aug 2003 22:11:41 -0700

Yes I was wrong to mention my problems about the production flow on this project to people on my team.

It turns out though, that the person I thought was at the root of this problem, is actually a secondary character. The real problem was even closer to home.

Earlier this week, I spoke to my direct team member about the quality of the work that she was producing, her commitment level to the project and my problems that I need her to help me to address. She looked at me with a cold, distant gaze and smoothly left the discussion after I spoke to her about what I needed from her.

She then proceeded to use a discussion I had had with her two months ago, in which I mentioned all of the problems with the way the production team was producing the project, pointing areas where other team members were weak and showing her how to avoid the same errors, and went to another member of our team, and told her I said that she couldn’t do her job.

This has caused the young woman to pull out of the project all together and leave the entire undertaking with a distinct weakness.

This young lady claims to be a Christian, she has professed friendship to me and what is more, I have literally defended her job to my superiors because I thought she had potential.

For her to do this, is nothing short of stunning. I now have to go and make restitution to the offended girl and plead with her to stay with the project.

I am quite disgusted to be honest. I am absolutely stunned by this immature girl’s behaviour.

My mind races over the may conversations with this girl, where I encouraged her and showed her how to get better. All the times I was understanding about her being sick and having to go to the doctor and being accommodating about her not being physically able to manage to some of the more strenuous requirements of the job.

I have calmed her in panic attacks and I have given her all kinds of support so she could actually get things done.

This is why this betrayal hurts as much as it does.

I defended her job to at least three separate superiors, where they wanted to get rid of her and I pleaded to give her a chance. For her to do this to me is stunning.

I am unsure now how to handle the situation. Should I send her home, should I work her ass off and demand excellence, should I force her to apologise to the girl and to me for her sneaky underhandedness?

I do not know what to do.

I thought this girl was my friend, but now I am beginning to realise I have no friends at work. I am alone. I find I do not think I can trust any one, because I do not know who is talking behind my back.

I know it just can’t be her.

I am so naive, I always believe the best about people, it always shocks me to discover that people can be real shits.

—– Today I actually went and thanked my somewhat anally retentive boss for his support. He has been a little annoying here and there, but he has been supportive of my efforts and has given me a lot of material to work with, if not the most accomplished staff. I felt I owed him that, because without some of the work and help that he offers me and this project, I would not make it through.

Disappointed was originally published on The Goddess ☥ Room

[sungoddess]

All nighter

Last night I left the office at midnight.

I was working most of that time, although I took time out to have a long and neccessary conversation with a very good friend.

This was the same night that our girl Laura had the family, uhhhhhh, explosion…. so I was working, being supportive as well as preparing to have this important convo.

When I got home it took a few hours for me to unwind enough for me to sleep and I only just managed aboout four hours when my neighbour knocked to tell me she was leaving to go to Tobago for 10 days.

I had to get up and help her out the door, keep her keys and lock her apartment after she rode out.

Then the phone rang about five or six times over the following hours.

Another friend, a cast member of the Trinidad staging of ‘Carnival Messiah’ asking me to come to her performance, which I agred to do. I was quite touched that she invited me. She’s been inviting me to all her performances, so I have to make a special effort to attend this one.

Then people related to projects I am working on, workmates and such called a few times. I never actually go to sleep until about noon.

I slept until about five before I got up and went down to the Croisee to get some dinner.

I am seriously fucking tired.

I want to be clever and insightful, but the brain and body are running on fumes.

Need some new blood for Tribe Life, and where are our old yardies? Where is everyone? Keifel, what? have you abandoned the Yard?

All nighter was originally published on The Goddess ☥ Room