Hey here is your friendly reminder to not tell your nice boss stuff.
I’m at the executive management level for my very small company and I have 4 people who report directly to me. I am a nice boss. I’m friendly with my employees, I treat them like professional adults, I actively try to create a positive work environment, and I mentor them and make sure they’re advancing in their careers. I do my best to shield them from the rest of management doing stupid shit. My employees like working for me.
The other day one of my employees came to ask if she could change her hours on Mondays. I said yes immediately because it’s helpful for me to know when she’s here and when she’s not, but as long as she gets her work done I don’t care when and where she does it. She then proceeded to tell me that it was so she could attend therapy and like … I will never use this information but … as a general rule don’t fucking do that.
Do not tell your employer shit about your mental or physical health except for the bare minimum needed to request a reasonable accommodation. Even your nice boss can fire you, even your nice boss can unfairly change your working conditions, and even your nice boss at some point is probably going to face pressure from their superiors.
I’m not saying don’t trust your boss with anything ever. I’m just saying that anytime you are in the workplace you need to keep your private information private. You can still have a good relationship with your boss. Your workplace can still be pleasant. But if it ever feels like disclosing private information is required in order to have a good relationship with your boss, please see that as a red flag.
Always remember that, even if you love your job, it is still just a job, and no matter how good at it you are or how well you get along with your coworkers and supervisors, at the end of the day it's just a job and you are just a cog in the machine. Never feel guilty for separating your work and personal life, never feel guilty for refusing to work off the clock, and never feel guilty for taking your allotted breaks. Don't feel guilty if you choose to be selective about who you hang with outside of work hours, don't feel guilty for being specific in which information you give to your employers and coworkers. It is imperative you understand that regardless of how well you get on there, you are just a bottom line to the company, and do not let them convince you otherwise, nor feel guilty for treating it exactly as it is - a job, whether you enjoy it or not.
I generally don’t find it hard to live my values in my personal life. I vote. I’m conscious of where I spend my money, which is another kind
Woke at Work: How to Inject Your Values into Your Boring, Lame-Ass Job
If you want to be a good ally in the workplace, I believe that the first and most powerful thing you can do is to be solid and cool to your fellow workers. Be kind and respectful. Don’t be a shitty, judgmental, gossipy, mean coworker. Don’t work unpaid overtime. Take your vacations. Share salary information. Support unions. Expose harassment. Use your privilege for good.
But today we’re going to focus more on what you can do in your job roles.
Keep reading.
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Just contacted my workplace HR to request a reasonable accommodation for sound sensitivity and auditory-induced anxiety due to ASD, and I am very nervous about my manager denying it or outright being aggressive with me about it.
I had a coworker who also filed an ADA request for additional time off in accommodating mental health issues, this coworker told me when they were reprimanded about absences and brought up the ADA request, the manager said “It’s just keeping us from firing you.”.
My manager is very cruel and often disregards employees he views as “problems”, meaning anyone AFAB, BIPOC, disabled or neurodivergent. He has gone out of his way to ignore complaints or comments from said groups of employees, and even worse has directly mocked or harassed them for doing so.
I honestly am terrified, he has been reported to HR and upper management so many times and still he is here, for more than 6 years. I don’t know what it will take for him to finally get fired, and even then I think the company would rather just transfer him somewhere else.
If anyone has any advice, or a story to share, I would love to hear about it. I know I rarely post anything personal on my blog anymore but I am truly feeling alone in this fight and am looking for support.
In the meantime, I will continue to make art for people to enjoy, and I thank you for your kind words, reblogs and likes, they truly warm my heart and make my day. 🖤
Responding to a racial slur by -- letting it all out
Amy Dickinson
3 December, 2020
Dear Amy: I am a Black man who works in a warehouse setting.
In the last three jobs I've had, a White co-worker has used the "N" word to me, while not specifically calling me the name.
I find even the mention of the word hurtful and I do not use it myself, even in description or when greeting a fellow Black person.
At my previous job, a co-worker used the word three times, and when I complained to HR, they really didn’t do anything, so I found another job.
At my current job, two co-workers have used the word, one to describe a movie he loves from the ’70s. The other guy just thought it was OK to say it casually about nobody in particular.
This made me feel hurt and angry inside, but I didn’t say anything because honestly, I felt (and feel) powerless.
I've dealt with this kind of behavior since elementary school.
I realize I can’t control others’ thoughts or actions. I also believe that going to HR is useless; that office being in another part of the country, and they will do nothing.
I can’t believe how painful this is, and for how long in my life I have had to deal with it.
What can I do?
— Disgusted
Dear Disgusted: I shared your question with Maurice Ruffin, a New Orleans attorney, professor of writing, and author of one of my favorite novels, the powerful “We Cast a Shadow” (2020, One World).
Here is his response: “I’m sorry for your pain. I know how it feels to have random acquaintances use the ‘N’ word. I’ve been called the ‘N’ word myself; most recently by a white woman who thought I was out of earshot. I let her know what I thought of that. She was ashamed to have been caught and called out.
“Toni Morrison said that racism is designed to distract you. And I believe it. I also think the work of racism is to silence you. I’m sure all the people you mentioned are aware that the word is a slur. No doubt, that’s why they used it in the first place. Maybe they think it's cool or dangerous to use it. That's not your problem.
“If you feel offended, you should speak up for yourself because if you hold it inside, you’ll feel even worse. You should tell your co-workers you don’t appreciate their comments. If you don’t feel safe telling them, go to your supervisor, because that’s the job of management: to resolve issues that affect your ability to do your job well. And if your supervisor is not helpful, report the issue to their superior, and so on up the chain.
“The work of racism is to distract and silence you. Don’t let these co-workers distract or silence you. My mama said, ‘Don’t ever let them run you off, because you’ll never stop running.’”
Derek Hale perfect captures my mood and reaction to this ask. Because, no. Hell no.
Putting the rest of my response under a cut, because I got ranty and salty.
First off? Fuck off for having that impression and trying to convince people that that is the truth. Because that couldn’t be more true. That “shit” might fucking save someone’s job who didn’t know how to approach and have those conversations with a manager. You think I say that shit in a vacuum? You think I haven’t been on both sides of all of the conversations I listed?
You want to know what’s true? You want to know the number one thing that makes sure you don’t have good managers?
Shitty fucking employees.
I don’t deny that there are shit managers out there. I’ve had plenty of them in my 14+ years of being in the workplace now, especially as a manager, and especially in very large corporate companies. You know what turns a good manager, who has the best of intentions to do amazing, into a bad manager?
Horrible fucking employees.
But I digress, and will come back to that point. Let’s address what you sent me in that less-than-eloquent ask.
Here’s probably what you meant to say. Most companies that are hiring folks in “live my life” full time jobs don’t have those programs that I mentioned in my rant. Or if they do, they are woefully understaffed and unable to help. Or that even understanding managers have their breaking point, but you can’t help the fact that your kid is sick for the 10th time in 6 months. Or that, when you open up and confess, some managers don’t understand and think of you in a negative fashion as a result, and you are passed up for promotions or chances to move forward.
And you know what? You’re right. Having to leave work repeatedly is an attendance issue, and managers are paid to hold people accountable to a policy that isn’t written by them. Some managers will take a confession of ‘anxiety’ and ‘depression’ and make sure you never get considered for a promotion for years. Those programs that promise help are staffed by someone who is paid close to what you are, and can’t really help other than offering a listening ear. You hear the same level of tiredness you feel and know that they are in the same spot you are - if they exist at all.
That is a shitty fucking reality. It is, and I don’t deny it. I have seen people lose jobs who don’t deserve it because of their health. I have seen people desperately need help, and who fail, because they have no one who can help them. I can’t change that - it would take massive systemic change to impact any of that.
Here’s the flipside of that reality.
Majority of managers? Fucking despise firing people. It’s a legal and logistical nightmare. It’s exhausting. The paperwork, documentation, and conversations with what is effectively a brick wall of an employee burn you out like nothing else as a manager. If you are being fired by a manager who you know to be a reasonable person, guess what. They’ve been backed into a corner and know it. They likely hate themselves for what they are doing (I know I always do).
I’ve had to fire people with kids for attendance issues. (Makes me evil, right?) Here’s what you didn’t see. I risked a final warning on myself (and was being performance managed myself) for not documenting the employee properly. I did this? To buy them more time. I gave them every single opportunity I could to improve, I offered help, ideas, suggestions, and then when I ran out of those, I looked the other way until it became an issue in my department. I hurt so much more than just one person because of how far I pushed my advocacy for them.
I fired someone last year for quality issues. It took 4 months to fire them. They knew it was coming from day 1. I still dumped resource after resource into them, trying to get them to improve, to get them back to expectations. I burned out myself, my team, my assistant manager, and basically had to ignore the rest of my team to try to pull this off.
Why do I say this? Because in trying to save these people - I destroyed something even more important. I destroyed my team, and damn near myself. They didn’t see it as me trying to do everything in my power to help someone struggling - something I would do for any of them in a heartbeat. They saw me dumping resources into a “hopeless” cause, trying to save them, while ignoring the rest of the team.
When this shit gets you fired? It’s because it is the last possible resort and the manager no longer has a choice. That doesn’t make it right, or easy. Employees? Need to take some ownership of that. Even if it’s stuff out of their control (sick kids) and things they simply can’t fix (less hospital visits for sick kids), the employer has expectations.
Employees cannot ask managers to break everything else they have to save just one person. It breaks my fucking heart to realize that sometimes I need to cut someone loose, because pouring resources into them hurts so many more.
So when “that shit gets you fired”, recognize it’s because the firing is the last possible step and managers often don’t have a choice.
Also recognize that “bad” employees - the ones who take advantage of the system. The ones who “milk” it, the ones who “never” get performance managed (because guess what, no one ever teaches the managers how to performance manage, which is a whole different problem)? They’re the ones who destroy good managers. I nearly got torn apart by them. They’re the reason that good managers don’t listen, and aren’t empathetic.
If you want “good” managers to continue to exist, you should always recognize your part as an employee to help make sure they continue to do what they do.
tl;dr - Because I ranted. TALKING TO YOUR MANAGER DOESN’T GET YOU FIRED. It can have consequences, sure. I acknowledged that in my first post. What gets you fired is a pattern of behavior that isn’t considered acceptable by the business. People need to recognize and acknowledge their role in that pattern, whether it is within their control or not. Managers, especially people managers, are likely making shit up as they go along, because they don’t get trained to do their jobs either.
Help! The Ungrateful Youths of Today Don't Appreciate the Value of Anything, and by 'Anything' I Mean the Worthless Shit I Am Trying to Sell Them
Ask A Manager, 12 May 2023:
Several years ago I was frustrated with the way people went about looking for jobs. I’m a small business owner and even before running my own company, I always networked. Through networking I’ve managed to do so much. Today I run six networking groups.
Again, several years ago I created a t-shirt designed to network for you. It lists various fields, each with a checkbox by it, and comes with a small sharpie so you can check off the type of job or career you desire. By wearing the t-shirt everywhere you go, it starts the job seeking conversation.
I marketed them inexpensively to college grads. I went to colleges, job fairs, and even graduations. Not one t-shirt sold. I was so angry. I was on popular talk shows and in the paper and still nothing. Today I sit with every size t-shirt in my garage. Many ask why I don’t still pursue this idea. They are the ones who got the idea and believe in it.
Perhaps I was ahead of my time. I marketed towards college grads who texted as a main form of communication. However, today communication is even worse. Young adults can barely look someone in the eye.
Please tell me what your opinion is of my t-shirts. I hoped people would wear them daily and maybe while filling their gas tank this would start a conversation that would change their lives forever. Networking will always be the way to get what you need. Referrals, physicians, mechanics, plumbers, electricians, landscapers, housekeepers, financial advisors, accountants, babysitters, trainers, real estate agents, tutors, and whatever I have missed. Am I wrong? Would my product help those unable to network?
There is one reason and one reason only that your revolutionary clothing business has failed to see the success it so clearly deserves: young people today are appallingly poor communicators who, for reasons that likely include video games and participation trophies, are actively unwilling to appreciate the awesome one-on-one human connections that can only be made by going about life wearing a t-shirt and hoping someone reads it and decides to enter into a business relationship as a result. Yes indeed, it is specifically and only the modern youths who have refused to purchase your t-shirts who are very, very poor at understanding how to build valuable and meaningful relationships with other humans. There is definitely not anybody else here who is bad at communicating.
Every single person on planet earth who is under the age of, say, 25, lacks the foresight and vision to appreciate the radically lucrative possibilities of wearing the same t-shirt every day every single place they go. Every single person who didn't buy one of your shirts did so because they are young and stupid and don't know a life-changing idea when they see one. But you do! Because you are old and smart, which are the same thing.
After all, you are great at networking and have managed to do incredible things as a result of your great networking skills, such as running six networking groups. If that's not proof positive that networking works, what is?
The only way to know for sure whether your shirts will help poor communicators understand exactly how bad they are at connecting with others may be to try your product out for yourself.
Every single TV at work is playing CNN. Even though Fox (three times the ratings), and MSNBC (two times the ratings) have more followers.
I knew this coming in. However, now I have heard one teammate consistently speak up against Trump.
I, like many conservatives, have a hard time rebutting him, not because of any physical reaction but because it could hinder my position within the company.
How should I handle this situation?
Peter
Peter: First of all, unless you work in media, I don’t see why it is necessary to have any television on at work. But you don’t seem to object to the television itself; you just don’t want to watch the news.
Throughout time, people (women, or people of color, for instance) have been forced to suck it up and keep their opinions to themselves at work, if their views were in opposition to bosses or more powerful co-workers. You are now experiencing what it is like to be quiet on the outside, but pretty loud — inside your head.
The workplace isn’t the place to discuss politics. Topics at work should be confined to work-related matters and benign personal interchanges about vacations, sports scores and the most recent episode of “Game of Thrones.”
According to my research, speech is not necessarily protected at private companies, so your job could be in jeopardy if you express a political opinion that your boss or the business owner finds offensive, or merely disagrees with.
But — you knew all of this going in.
The current political and media climate has fostered a level of personal discord that has infested many relationships — destroying some.
At work, keep your political opinions to yourself; it is within your rights to benignly suggest that others do the same. I also think that — unless consuming the news on a loop is vital to your profession — the televisions should be turned off.
In fact, I would love it if all of the televisions — at the airport, in the dentist’s office or the tattoo parlor — were all either off, or turned to the gardening channel.
