He wasn’t the jealous type.
... Well, that’s what he liked to tell himself anyway. He would shrug his shoulders and smile, stuffing his hands into his pockets and sway his hips with a laugh. Everything was fine! What was there to worry about? His tears were of joy! Glorious sweet happy joy! Don’t worry so much!
But he still found himself there at least once a week staring.
The man with the starlight hair and the angel face smiling.
The man with the sun in his eyes laughing happily.
Their hands intertwined momentarily before their smiles met for a kiss.
Why did he keep watching? Was it for some gluttonous punishment to have ever to puth is hopes up in the first place? Was it some sick voyueristic tendancy where he could at least privatly imagine himself there in his place? Or was it just to further prove to himself that he really wasn’t needed.
He was too slow last time, he worried and gave him space.
He doesn’t like you like that, you know.
The burning tears in his eyes whispered to him.
He’ll never like you like that, you know.
World chewed on his lip, making sure to keep his appearence in the mirror invisible. He knew, he always knew. Some part of him hoped for something else though.
For just a moment he could imagine it all in his mind.
A quiet home by his lake, a small garden to tend to the crop, the sun shining through the trees. Reading books in the light of the fireplace, spending cold nights bundled up in bed.
Slowly, he slid off his glasses, rubbing his fingers against his damp eyelashes. He couldn’t keep doing this. But what else was there to do? ... Other things of course but... god.
Why was he such a worthless crybaby?
He wouldn’t want me acting like this. You’ll worry him. Keep that smile up, even when it hurt. If anything, it was be a reminder. A punishment.
Love was for people in the realworld. He was just a dream, a fantasy, a fleeting thought. There shouldn’t be pain in dreams, don’t make it hard for them. They went through enough as was.
Even if it hurt in his core, he just had to keep smiling and stop wishing.