#writeordietrying

[writeordietrying]

Random Writing - Unfinished

02-21-16 4:18am A tear fell down my cheek as I took one last glance around the room that I had called my home for the past 6 months. It look remarkably similar to every place else I had called "home," although that might have been due to the fact that I always requested the attic at the local tavern as soon as I arrived in town. If anyone bothered to ask, I couldn't really say why I always requested the attic; it was most likely my way of keeping some normalcy to my life, as I traveled almost constantly. These 6 months were the longest I've ever stayed in one place, which is why it was time I got moving. My hesitation to leave was new. It made me anxious and reminded me why I never stay in one place for long, why I never made friends with the locals. Attachments and feelings never ended well for anyone, at least in my experience. With these thoughts going through my mind I set off out the door and down the stairs. I had already paid the bar keep for a breakfast to go, and so I stopped by the kitchen to pick that up and then was on the road, my favorite place to be.

[writeordietrying]

Pillar

Being your support system is really draining me. I'm supposed to be your friend, not your pillar of support. I can never tell you anything without you shutting down and acting as if I personally attacked you. I love you and I'm not giving up on you I just don't know how I can continue on like this.

[writeordietrying]

Giving up

5-15-15 I miss you so much I can’t sleep. I’m afraid I’ll see your face in my dreams. And I’m afraid I won’t. This week has been so hard without you. I wish I didn’t still cry over you. I wish you were here with me or waiting for me at the airport when my plane lands tomorrow. But you won’t be. You will never be. 
I’m giving up. It’s a slow process and sometimes I think I’ll be okay; sometimes I think I’ll find someone. But then I think of your smile, your laugh, your arms around me… And I know that I’ll never love another person like I love you. So I’m giving up. I don’t need love.

[writeordietrying]

I want a love that is so fierce, so intense, that I never for one second doubt its existence.

[writeordietrying]

"Enough"

11-15-2014

It’s 6 am I can’t sleep I’m afraid I’ll dream of you And terrified I won’t

The memory of you Is slipping away from me Ever so slowly But not slow enough

I can no longer remember The tone of your voice The scars on your hands The feeling of your arms around me

But I still remember The look in your eyes When you would say You loved me so much

Soon that will fade too Soon everything will fade Soon I won’t remember you But not soon enough

[writeordietrying]

Random Words

Sometimes when I’m anxious I notice that I hold my breath and I have to remind my self to keep on breathing. “Breathe in; breathe out,” I tell myself over and over again, “Breathe in; breathe out.” It becomes my own personal mantra, as if I need any more. Never have I truly stopped to ponder the reason beyond each and every one of the quirks of my anxiety, but today I did. I was standing in a crowd, feeling overwhelmed, and I noticed that I felt rather tense and that I had stopped exhaling. For how long I did not know, but it couldn’t have been very long, for I did not yet feel lightheaded. It was then that I questioned my body’s motives for holding in my next breath. And do you know what I believe to be a true reason for my involuntary reaction to an anxious environment? I believe that it is my body’s way for trying to slow down time.

[writeordietrying]

Prose in Progress

01/09/15 My thoughts are not my own They are ballerinas in the midst of an intricate dance Of which I cannot detect a rhyme or rhythm Pirouetting and sashaying across the dance floor In and out of view

[aprileslie]

I've been calling Barry and Patty spallen. I don't know if that's right but hey

Yes, I just saw that and I like it better than ‘Parry’ so i’m going with that too. Thank you!