#writerisms.

[neuroweird]

I hate when I have an idea for a new short story and all I have are vibes and no plot

[neuroweird]

If you find my writing mojo, please help it get back to me, it gets lost a easily.

[neuroweird]

I may not love every angle, but I will respect every inch.

m.e.l. ( royaltwee ) 

I initially came up with this line when I was half asleep early in the morning wondering about a few of the characters I am hoping to write stories for. It struck me how much this one line resonates so much with all of them, and how much, by extension, it means to me. The character who inspired this line struggles with self hated and guilt, and her whole long story is one of finding her inner harmony, finding love, and healing from both physical and mental wounds.

The quote was on my mind all day, and I ended up using it when I sent a heart felt message to a friend after seeing some of her posts about her struggle with negative body image. It fits, don't you think? Into this deep pit of body-image and self-injury, and most importantly recovery. Self love is so important, and I've been learning to love myself for the past three years. I've still got a lot of road ahead of me, but I'm loving myself more and more bit by bit.

I can write paragraphs about how this quote is relevant to all of the characters and story lines running around in my head, and I just might, on another occasion. Not everyone will interpret it the same way, but it'll always come back to the body you were given, your body, that you're free to make yours however you want. The character I mentioned earlier (Etta is her name) would say this as a reminder, possibly after she glances at the distinct scar on her wrist. It won't make her feel guilty anymore, because she'll be alive and have regained the agency she felt robbed of for so long.

My character Juliet would say this when being fitted for a new prosthetic leg, and that would remind her that just because a part of her is missing that she can still express herself through dance. She'll regain the confidence she had before she got hurt. My character Perry would say this as she looks over her tattooed and scarred body and remind herself that, even if she can't remember her previous life (she is an amnesiac), that they are reminders to live her life to the fullest.

As the writer behind these personalities (which hopefully one day you'll meet) I was surprised that the quote was relevant to each one, and considering I have at least 6 stories full of characters, that says a lot. So that made me think of how it might make real people feel. I know it means a lot to me— someone who is dealing with a herniated disc in their lumbar spine, something that will be with me for the rest of my life, someone who had tried to attain a healthy life style before getting hurt.

I'd love to remind you all that even in unedited photographs, many poses you will see of young women are meant to accentuate certain parts of their body. Standing a certain way can give the illusion of the infamous thigh-gap, can accentuate the breasts, appear to flatten the stomach, make the rear look larger. It's all angle— in fact I have always felt my prettiest when taking a selfie from an upward angle and slightly to the side. I find I look less round that way, you can see more of my jaw shape, and the nice way my neck curves. 

The same can be said about my naked body, I am at a point where I can step out of the shower and look in the mirror and admire how I look. But I will always pose, stretch my arms up and suck in my tummy, push out my chest. I have nice curves, a nice shape. I like this angle, I love this angle. Damn boys and girls you are missing out I am gorgeous. But other times, if I'm lying around on the couch I'll catch a bit of that same tummy peaking out, and think that I must look like an utter slob. But I have to remind myself, "Who cares if I look like a slob now? Who am I trying to impress?" 

I don't love every angle of me, and maybe I never will, but I will respect every inch of me because it is carrying me through this life. I will not deprive it, I may criticise it, I will give it what it needs. I will not give in to anyone's desires but my own, especially when it concerns my body because it is mine. Just like yours is yours. You decide what angle you like best. You can love many angles, you can make improvements to your habits or aesthetic changes so that you'll love even more. But everyone has their limits. Everyone will love in different capacities.

That's why you remind yourself "I will respect every inch." Two definitions of respect are, "admiring something as a result of its abilities, qualities, or achievements" — and "avoiding harming or interfering with". I can respect my body because if survived the months of pain I felt when I was hurt, and because it tells me when something is wrong. I can respect my body by giving it what it needs, and having a healthy relationship with food. I won't refuse myself the Chinese take out or the french fries, I will love every bite, and I will keep smiling. I can also respect when my body wants nothing but to watch the nine hours of The Hobbit: Behind the Scenes, or listen to the same song on repeat for several hours.

Maybe one day I might love the angles that I hate today. Like my meaty hands and my funny pinky toe, and the weird way my leg hair grows, or even that one of my boobs is slight larger than the other. Maybe I'll love them just like I love my eyes and my ears, and my height, and my wrists, and my very well hidden freckles. But who knows, right? Because I've got a lot of road ahead of me, and life is like a pathless jungle, so I should get back to trekking. Or go find some ice cream.