#writingtofeel

[silentscarsjournal]

The Journal that made me emotional....

[coloringtheworldwithwords]

I know exactly where I’m supposed to be, same skies never feeling just right -  I love the ever-changing backdrop, the freedom of my feet walking different pavements, eyes, glancing at different mountain tops, hands, plunging into different riverbeds. They say every water source on earth, flows into the ocean, and I, am the intensity of a waterfall,  not quite knowing where I’ll land, or which ocean I’ll flow into. The beauty in life, for me, rests in the ability to always be changing, to always be growing,  to always be challenged by a different idea...a new place to rest my head. These feet aren’t nearly worn enough to tire, and so I carry on with my luggage and head held high, aiming towards the sunsets and, holding my breath until the new day brings that light I can feel. You can feel the light, can’t you? When it radiates your skin and makes you feel like the world is at your fingertips? I can - I am a forever traveler falling in love with every corner of the universe, and you should hear of the stories I’m making, you should listen to the pounding of my heart. - To love the life of a traveler, is to find the love in a travelers life, (coloringtheworldwithwords)

[coloringtheworldwithwords]

The way you looked at me scared me because it reminded me too much of forevers, empty promises proven in my past to be nothing but a silly cliche, and I’m not in the business of living this life to waste my breath. My past has proven that the words we promise each other when awake are lies, poorly constructed verses as a desperate attempt to keep people, but the way you looked at me was different, there’s no ownership in your embrace. You don’t speak promises with your lips, and what scares me most is that you mean them, pretty soft eyes gazing in the morning light, soft enough to keep me sleeping but strong enough feel. When I break down in the darkness your body falls into me, gives into all my inhibitions and makes me feel guided. I’ve never known a love to not ask so much out of me, to fall for what I so poorly offer in these beaten shaky hands when I don’t offer much but uncertainty. I can’t promise I won’t ever flinch when you go to touch me, but I know you’ll touch me anyway, reminding me to be soft with the hands that are gentle, but respecting that I’ve trusted hands that haven’t been before. You’re here to teach me so many lessons in love, and I’m here to be myself unapologetically, to love through everything that I’ve lost, to accept the love I deserve for the first time in forever. No more fixing the broken because you are more put together than most, pieces put together in grace and in beauty, and my soul is so happy to have met you. Pretty girl on the West side of the world, teaching me what it’s like to feel, teaching me that actions speak louder than words.

And you are more than enough for my shattered healing soul, (coloringtheworldwithwords)

[coloringtheworldwithwords]

I searched for you in summer like our last warm embrace, tried to find you in the ocean breeze, tried to taste you in the sea salt air. I remember us as chaos in the wind, the way you'd twirl your hair round and round and round, making me dizzy with the way you went about only caring for yourself. I searched for you beneath weeping willow trees, looking for the answers I've never been able to find, holding onto the hope, that somehow, somewhere, you loved me once. I followed the sound of invisible footsteps to lead me to the nowhere I am today, the point of being unproven in my loss. I searched for you in every corner of the universe, and still, I haven't found myself; the me you took from me.

I'm still searching for myself, (coloringtheworldwithwords)

[coloringtheworldwithwords]

Mornings used to smell like, blueberry pancakes, like the comfort of my mothers voice in the morning, like her gentle smile when I sit at the kitchen table to eat them. I miss how...safe.. words sounded in her mouth, how her love was so fragrant, how you could tell how important you were just by one glance. Everything used to feel so, simple and complete, like nothing in this world could ever be bad enough for heartache. This morning, smells like burnt toast and dirty laundry, the chaos from our lives colliding into one heaping mess, so busy in our routines that we forgot how to touch one another. I, am so fearful of distance, awkward in my placement - I do not know where to stand when everything I do is a misstep. I grew up in a loving home where love had no boundaries, where mornings were the waking of our hearts, not the preparation for disappointment, nor the predetermined way of acting heartless. You, are so cold to hold sometimes, like, my arms could never be warm enough to thaw you. I, don’t know how we got to this place of gloom and defeat, but I used to wake up on Sunday mornings by your kisses on my cheekbone and the morning sunshine in my eyes. Our love, has never seemed more complicated and doomed, used to value the feeling of home in your presence, now I feel nothing but the bitter draft through our broken frame. This morning smells like burnt toast and dirty laundry, chaos overcoming the life we once built for ourselves. Chaos, destructing us in its path, Chaos - when a love like ours can’t even stand a chance.

I used to feel safe with you, (coloringtheworldwithwords)