𝑀𝒾𝓃𝑒
Summary: how do you find your way back to eachother after a tragedy?
Warning; established marriage, mentions of miscarriage, grief, f!receiving, piv, humping, creampie, public sex, bathroom sex, dragging the sex scenes, pet names (daddy, baby, etc), male begging, trauma, awkwardness, song: mine by Beyoncé (lyrics in pink)
Word Count: 2.5k
I've been watchin' for the signs. Took a trip to clear my mind, oh. Now I'm even more lost
From the day you came home from the hospital, you and Joel have been apart. You spent your hours in the bedroom, bed rotting, barely eating, taking baths every few days, talking to no one, and avoiding all sunlight.
He spent his days sleeping in his recliner, drinking too many beers, watching too much TV, talking short to Sarah, Tommy, and Maria when they took their shifts to come over to make sure you both are still alive, and occasionally standing outside the bedroom door, hesitating but never going in.
3 weeks ago, it was just spotting, it was supposed to be nothing, that's what you both tell yourself, that it was supposed to be nothing, instead it turned into something.
Joel hasn’t seen your face since then; he hadn’t smelled your hair, held you, kissed you.
I'm not feelin' like myself since the baby. Are we gonna even make it? Oh
That was until today, when you looked at yourself in the mirror and felt sick at the sight. You forced yourself to shower, open the curtains, comb your hair, and deep clean the whole bedroom.
Once you finished, you stared at the doorknob, hesitating to touch it. Last time you left the bedroom, a huge piece of your soul died. Last time you left the house, you were pregnant. What’s going to happen this time?
You shook off the thought, whispering to yourself some encouragement, “Bad shit happens every day, and I can’t hide from it.”
You took a deep breath and left the bedroom. The house was spotless, probably the work of Maria or Sarah. It probably looked like a pigsty at one point because you knew you heard many nights consisting of Joel yelling and glass breaking. You never bothered to check it out, even though you probably should’ve.
With me bein' wherever I'm at. Worried 'bout wherever you are
Joel looked up as you walked into the living room, his eyes were hooded and mean, his beard was long and disgusting, and his stomach had obviously gotten a bit round in the two weeks from all the beer.
“He seriously needs to shave and shower,” you thought to yourself
His eyes widened a fraction as he looked you over. Your hair was pulled up and clean, you wore a clean matching sweatpants and hoodie set, you had your engagement necklace on, and your wedding ring. You looked beautiful and tired.
“You’re out of the bedroom.” his voice was hoarse and just as exhausted as yours.
You bite your cheek, wanting to retreat to your hiding place, but forcing your feet to stay put. “Yeah, I am. “
He nodded, not saying anything further. The silence and tension were loud and suffocating. It felt like you both were drowning, and you didn’t know which way was shore.
A commercial came across the TV, causing it to momentarily get loud. You both jumped out of your skin. Joel muted the TV immediately, earning a small smile from you.
“You’re beautiful…are you going somewhere?”
Got everything I'm asking for but you
He mentally cursed at himself for not being able to compliment his own wife without sounding like a mathlete that’s talking to his first woman.
You nodded, pinching your thigh, looking at him. “I was wondering if you wanted to go get dinner.”
All I'm really askin' for is you
He jumped out of his chair, “Yes, I mean yeah, sure.” he grabbed his keys and searched for his wallet, digging through his chair, finding nothing but crumbs. “Have you seen my wallet? I do-“
You interrupted him, “Joel.”
“What”
“You should probably shower and maybe shave first.”
He touched his beard, food crumbs falling, and he caressed it, feeling disgusted for allowing himself to get this lost. He nodded curtly before walking off to the bedroom.
When Joel came back, you were sitting on the couch fiddling with the strap of your purse. He cleared his voice, and you looked over, smiling softly. His beard was shaved to the normal stubble, his mustache cleaned up, and he had on a clean flannel, your favorite blue flannel with a grey shirt.
Long as you know who you belong to
You stood up and stood in front of him, running your hands through his hair, murmuring. “You have more grays…I really like it,” his hand reached up to grab your wrist gently. “We should go.”
The car ride was slow and still tense. Nothing but old rock softly fills the cabin
He took you to your favorite Mexican restaurant. You both sat across from each other, the waiter took your drink orders immediately, and another brought out chips, queso, and salsa just as fast.
You both quietly ate the chips. There was a time when you had everything in the world to talk about. You don’t know what happened, well, you knew what happened, you miscarried and lost what was supposed to be your first child together, but you didn’t know how you could sit in front of the love of your life and not have anything to say.
His cologne faintly filled your nose; it was the cologne that was responsible for half of the sex you always had, the cologne that immediately soaked your panties. This evening was no different; you didn’t even think you had a sexual drive anymore, but from the way you just squeezed your thighs closed, apparently, you did.
Joel didn’t miss the discomfort and surprise that etched your face. “Are you alright?” His voice was laced with concern that gave you butterflies from the thought of him still caring about you.
This whole thing got way too deep and we should. Stop makin' a big deal out of the little things.
You nodded, swallowing the chip in your mouth. “Yeah, I’m okay, a chip just stabbed the roof of my mouth, “ you lied. He knew you were lying, but he wasn’t going to press you any further.
“You know…” he started looking over your face and thinking to himself again how beautiful you really were. He knew you were beautiful, I mean, that was one of the thousands of reasons he married you, but somehow some weird way, you were more beautiful now, today.
“I missed this, I missed you, baby.”
You closed your eyes and quietly groaned at hearing your favorite word again. *baby. Fuck.* You never knew how much you missed being called baby. You reached out, looking at him, waiting for his hand. He slid his into yours with no hesitation.
Let's get carried away. Come right now, you know where I stay
A smile, full smile graced your face as you replied, “I missed you too. I’m sor-“ he cut you off immediately. “Don’t apologize for grieving, never apologize for struggling, baby no. Okay?”
You nodded, and your voice was apologetic, “Okay.”
He scooted closer to the wall and motioned you over. “Come here.” You stood up and walked to his side of the booth, scooting in and under his arm, and for the first time in a long fucking time you felt comfortable. You could breathe again, and shit made sense.
I'ma let my hands do the talkin' when I see you, baby girl. I miss feelin' on you.
The silence was no longer uncomfortable, and the waiter came back with your drinks, setting them in front of you both. He smiled politely and questioned. “Ready to order”
Joel looked down at you and mumbled into your ear, “You want your normal sweetheart?” You nodded, and he ordered you and half shrimp, half fish taco plate and ordered himself a burrito. The waiter wrote on his pad and verbally confirmed your order before walking to the back.
For a moment, you just sat there under Joel, but as you sat there, his cologne kept further seeping through your nose. He noticed as you shifted, squeezing your legs tightly, and his hand found its way on your thigh.
His hand slipped into your sweatpants, and his thumb ran across your panties, causing you to gasp. He leaned down and asked lowly, “Do you want me?” You nodded with no further thought to it.
“Lift your hips, baby.” You lift your lips a little, and with one hand, he somehow pulls your panties down to your upper thigh, and his thumb immediately starts to rub your clit.
“You’re soaked, poor thing.”
You bury your head in his shoulder, whimpering and moaning.
His thumb moved in circles, moving between fast and slow pace. Your head dug further into his shoulder, biting his shoulder. He groaned and grinned, mumbling words of encouragement.
“That's it, sweetheart. Take what you need.”
You rode his fingers, letting little moans continue to slip from your lips. Joel's other hand found the back of your head, grabbing the back of your head, pulling you back, and leaning down to kiss you.
You kissed him back, moaning in his mouth all while his fingers hit your spot over and over, pushing you closer to the edge, and you leak precum, indicating your near finish. He pulls out, causing you to whine and pull away from the kiss. “What are you doing?” you whine.
Joel kissed the corner of your lips. “I need to feel you.” You pursed your lips and started to climb into his lap. He grabbed your thigh gently, stopping you. “Slow down, bunny. I'm not about to fuck you in front of families.”
Of course, he wasn’t having human contact for a few weeks blurred the lines in your head a bit. Joel smiled, caressing your cheek, watching the little pout on your lips.
“Go to the bathroom and wait for me. I’ll knock three times. Be naked and waiting on me.”
You got up and went to the family bathroom and locked the door. You stood in the mirror and pulled your hoodie over your head. You stared at your body in the mirror, your hand running over your stomach. Just a few months ago, a baby was growing inside you. Tears filled your eyes, and you closed your eyes, thinking about how ready you were.
Joel had started painting the nursery, and the furniture was covered up in the nursery, so he didn’t get paint on any of it. You and Joel argued over baby names, debating on if he could give your daughter a boy name, debating who would be the godparents to your child.
You pulled off your sweatpants, laying them on the sink with your hoodie. You hadn't bothered to put on any real underwear other than your granny panties. You wondered if he would still be attracted to your body. You didn’t even find your own body attractive; how could anyone else?
I miss everything that's real about you
Three firm knocks interrupted your thoughts. You walked to the door, unlocking it and pulling it open. Joel walked in and pushed the door closed, looking at you behind it. He looked at your face, reading your expressions, “What happened, baby?”
He grabbed you, gently pulling you into him, looking down at your face. You shake your head and lean up to kiss him. He picked you up and you hiked your legs around your hips.
He pinned your back against the wall, his tongue dominating yours, and his hand already in your panties, pleasing your clit.
And that's everything about you, that's just how I feel about you
“joel,” You moaned.
His hips ground against your heat, his bulge desperately seeking entrance inside your warm, wet hole.
His fingers picked up the pace, causing you to grip the collar of his shirt and pull away from the kiss, moaning loudly.
“Fuck!”
Joel's hand grabbed your throat gently, his hand over your mouth. His fingers draw you closer and closer to the edge, his ministrations from earlier already having you at your peak.
You pushed his hand down from your mouth and whined, “Mm, so close.”
He groaned, his hips grinding slower, “cum for me”
His other hand slid into your shirt, pinching and rubbing your nipple, sending you straight over the edge. You trembled straight through your orgasm, your legs suffocating his hips as you finished on his fingers.
As you came down from the high, you stared into his eyes and reached down to rub his bulge. Joel pushed your hand down gently, whispering, “I don’t have a condom.”
“Oh”
You bit the inside of your cheek, your mind running, but ultimately you reminded yourself in your head, “It was just a non-viable pregnancy. It wasn’t your child, the next one will be, you will carry the next one to full term and birth it.”
You smiled softly, “I’m ready. I’m not fully healed yet, but I never will be. I lost a pregnancy, not a child, and to be a mother, I need to come out of my hiding place, out of my comfort zone, and have the child I dreamed of.”
Joel looked at you lovingly and smirked, “ You know I’m about to fucking rock your world right, baby?”
Joel set you down and started to unhook his belt when someone knocked on the door. You called out, “Come back in five minutes!” You looked at Joel and giggled before getting dressed.
“Tonight, baby, tonight you will be mine”
Long as you know who you belong to
Midnight came, and you woke next to Joel, your stomach had finally settled from earlier's dinner. You looked over at Joel, seeing him look up at the ceiling. Your hands touched his stomach softly, and you murmured, “You have a beer belly.” He looks down at you unamused.
“Sorry,” you whispered apologetically, “I’m just nervous.” He nodded and rolled over on top of you. You pulled down your shorts and panties while he pulled off his sweatpants. You closed your eyes, breathing softly, you don’t remember the last time he fucked you; it made you feel like a 30-year-old virgin losing her virginity for the first time.
He slid in slowly at first, causing you to gasp at the feeling of his cock inside. He sat there letting you adjust.
“Do you want more baby?”
You nodded, and he pushed himself further in the wetness, allowing him to slip in like it was a slip and slide, your warmth swallowing him whole. He buried his head in your shoulders, groaning at the feeling.
He started pistoning inside you, not too fast, not too slow, and hitting your spot at the perfect angle he had memorized to hit your spot every time.
”Fuck baby, I missed this pussy.”
He thrusted deep, gripping the pillow underneath your head. Your hands clawed into his back, scratching, and your legs wrapped around his hips.
He leaned down, rubbing your clit, focusing completely on your pleasure. Joel moaned in your ear, “You feel so good, baby fuck you're gonna make me cum.”
You moaned an incoherent “Yeah?”
He grabbed your left leg and flipped you onto your stomach, kissing your back as his hips slapped your ass with each thrust. His hand found the back of your neck, grabbing it gently as he fucked you.
“Feels so good, daddy.”
Joel groaned, picking up the pace, “Say it again. Please, I need you to say it again.”
You moaned and cried, “Feels so good, daddy.”
He thrusted one last time, his hand briefly tightening around the back of your neck as he came deep within your pussy, filling you up.
Joel collapsed next to you and pulled you onto his chest, kissing your sweaty forehead. He looked down at you, smiling.
“I missed you, beautiful girl. I’m not going anywhere else, got it? and you aren’t either.”
All I'm really askin' for is you
Authors Note:
I don’t know if I’m the only one but I was soaking wet writing this. How do you little freaks feel about this? Maybe this was just my freaky fantasy.