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[neekbchillinbmorethandance]

50 nuggets for $10? W#wtdta #NY

[baladaibuibu]

Edisi: What they don't talk about.. when they talk about motherhood

The loving process.

I used to hear this magical thing called ‘birthing and seeing your child for the first time’. I grew up thinking that being a mother is a natural AND instant process. You gave birth, saw your child for the first time, voila! You’re surrounded with flowers, stars, and a happy-dramatic tunes, the burst of love happened at that very same time and you know you’re a mother, you’re finally whole. The end… OR NOT.

That magical thing didn’t happen to me. As a secarian mom-I had to go under surgery because at 40w my son’s heartbeat was already very weak, my birthing process was somewhat quick and weird. So when the nurse brought back my son to me, I FEEL NOTHING.

It doesn’t help that I have to wait 7 hours to finally see my child again. If my first thought when I saw him on my breast trying to feed himself was ‘whose child is this?’, then my first thought when the nurse first brought him to my room was ‘okay, where’s the magical feeling? Where’s the background music and the flower?’.

So for me, the surge of love-that magical feeling, came long after that. Bit by bit. It kinda grew on me day after day. It still does. Nothing instant about it.

Not ONE person has told me that, so there are times when I doubt myself as a mother. Am I really up for it? Am I really not designed to be a mother? Am I a bad mother because of the way I feel (or for this case, not feel)? But as time goes by I just realize that as no child is really the same, so does the mother. And at this time, I’ve grown to love this whole process too.

So for those out there who felt the same way as I did: YOU ARE NOT ALONE :)

[sial09-blog]

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[sial09-blog]

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