Ajax: Yo Enid! You're not gonna believe the dirt I heard about your new roommate. She eats human flesh, totally chowed down on that dude she murdered. You better watch your back!
Enid: 😐
Enid: *steps aside to reveal…*
Wednesday: 😑
Wednesday: Please. According to my visions, the only human I will be “chowing down” upon is, in what must be some merciless cosmic joke—
Wednesday: —a mystery woman who wears abhorrently colorful socks decorated with anthropomorphic cats—
Wednesday: —neatly trims her netherhair to resemble an anatomically incorrect heart in lurid shades of pink—
Wednesday: —and possesses a uniquely vexing habit of screaming the letters “O”, “M”, and “G”—in escalating pitch and with quite frankly astonishing enthusiasm—throughout intercourse.
Enid/Ajax: 😳 😯
Wednesday: *eyes the two in suspicion*
Wednesday: Does that description toll a bell?
Enid/Ajax: 😒☝️😲
*POW!*
Enid/Ajax: 👊😒 😵💫💫
Wednesday: *appreciatively* Superb form.
Enid: Thanks! So uh… any chance you’d like to get a coffee with me after this?
Wednesday: *looks from Enid’s bruising knuckles to her enchanting vaguely intriguing blue eyes*
Wednesday:
Wednesday: I am amendable to the idea.
Enid: Perfect! *grabs Wednesday’s hand* So up next is…
Wednesday: The only things I raise are one’s blood pressure, Hell, and on at least two occasions, the dead.
Enid: *knowing look* Uh huh. Sure thing, babe. Just think about it.
Wednesday: *eyes narrow* Don’t give me that look. How you could possibly imagine that I’m a suitable candidate for raising children with is be—
“Wednesday, I did it!”
Enid/Wednesday: 😒😒
Agnes: *runs up* I ace’d the test! I remembered your every instruction and they worked perfectly.
Wednesday: *nods approvingly* Of course they did. Congratulations. You may reward yourself with a gold star.
Agnes: Thank you! And um… *fidgets* …what about this weekend?
Wednesday: Grenade fishing at the lake, Saturday, 9 am sharp. You’ve earned it.
Agnes: *misty-eyed smile*
Wednesday: *snaps* Just do not be late or—
Agnes: *cheerily* Or you’ll hang me upside down by my toes over a pit of flesh-eating earwigs. Don’t worry, I remember.
Wednesday: Very well. Now get to dinner. I expect for you to clean your plate with the same efficiency that you showed with last week’s surveillance footage.
Agnes: As you wish, M-uh— I mean Wednesday.
Agnes: *anxiously curtsies and vanishes*
Wednesday: 🙄
Wednesday: *turns back to Enid* Now then, about this absurd notion of raising—
