#xargon post

[xargon]

me: yeah so a few years ago someone invented infinite scrolling and really it was a terrible idea

the elf I just hooked up with, taking the lavender and honeysuckle lollipop from their mouth: An infinite scroll... most elfmaidens learn to enchant a scroll to never end before they're a mere 300 years old. It saves on paper.

me: oh see that's just writing, with social media it's really bad, it just leads to people doomscrolling all day

the elf I just hooked up with, spluttering and panicked: The Doomscroll! Be silent human, thou shoulds't not speak the name of that fell parchment

me: oh so you get it

[xargon]

me: see look this bit turns and pulls the cable up, and that makes it move

the knight that lives in my building and refuses to use the lift because he thinks it's a room cursed by a wizard, lifting his visor and narrowing his eyes: Verily, though how'st doth the pulley turne of it's owne accord? P'raps this be where the witchcraft lies, winding itself 'pon the spindle akin to a serpent coiling 'pon itself!

me: it's electric, it's an electric motor

the knight that lives in my building and refuses to use the lift because he thinks it's a room cursed by a wizard, his hand flying to his sword handle: Zounds! Lightning yoked to the will of man, 'tis witchcraft if I ever saw't!

me: you ask to use my microwave every day man

the knight that lives in my building and refuses to use the lift because he thinks it's a room cursed by a wizard, slamming his visor down: 'tis different.

[xargon]

me: so it doesn't bother you at all

the goblin working nights at the petrol station, counting out my change: Nah not really, it does its job well and doesn't take breaks so it's not like I have to take over for it any point. Besides, it's not like it's a goblin skeleton

me: that's the thing, whose skeleton even is it?

the goblin working nights at the petrol station, closing the till and handing me my receipt: My boss said it's someone who donated their body to science, and I guess magic is a kind of science here? Anyway it only works nights and I don't have to talk to it

me: well I guess if it was voluntary it's okay

the shelf stocking skeleton: rattles ominously

[xargon]

Sometimes goth music will be called "I Live in Quiet (London's Haunted)" and sometimes it'll be called "SEX FUCK" and it's important to know that both of these will go so incredibly hard

[xargon]

California snails our shells are helical

Slimy feet with eyes out on stalks

[xargon]

me: no I see what you mean, plants are just plants

the fairy who likes to hang out on my window ledge, frantically gesticulating: Right! So I got so excited when I heard that someone was making a farm just for weeds! But when I got there it was just another monoculture, I didn't even stop in to bless their little leaves!

me: oh right yeah, in this case what they meant by weed farm was actually cannabis

the fairy who likes to hang out on my window ledge, suddenly stopping in its tracks: Ohhhhhhh 😮

me: how did you say that with your mouth

[xargon]

A forsaken frost death knight is a kind of strong as fuck ice mummy, to me

[xargon]

me: so I said to him, "if you had actually taken the time to read my email, you'd see I'd covered that in the outline of the project"

The necromancer I usually get the bus home from work with, looking up from her Lightless Orb: Hah! Excellent jab! That reminds me of when I caught that adventuring party in a Sigil of Flensing, cleaved the skin right from them!

me: it IS like that, it's exactly like that

The necromancer I usually get the bus home from work with, holding out a leathery pouch she pulled from inside her robe: Would you care for a Withering Pastille?

me: nnnnnno, thank you