❛ did you ever love me? ❜ william
THE QUESTION COMES AS A SURPRISE, eyebrows raising and features sharping almost instantly. here, in the land between the said and the unsaid, lies a truth that she has never once dared to voice out loud : how many times did you tell yourself that your heart beat for him the same way it did for henry, and pretended it was enough? how many lies did you tell yourself to make it more bearable, to make him good, to make you happy?
( but he did make you happy, didn’t you? didn’t you smile, when he called your name, moan when he kissed your skin, felt yourself fuller when he was around? did you not smile, truly, when you were with him? you —— when he was there, when he was kind —– did he not make you feel alive? he did. he did. he did. )
did you ever love me? yes. no. maybe. she runs her fingers through her palms, words getting caught on her throat, eyes never once leaving his —– they’ve been through this before, they’ve wanted each other before. we were never friends. if she closes her eyes, she still remembers everything : every touch, every word, every whisper, every moan. did you ever love me? tell me, tell me, tell me —— she’d love to know it, too.
can you look past the mistakes the two of you made together ( the mistakes you two are making together ) and remember what it was that made you come back in the first place? yes. no. yes. ❛ don’t do this. ❜ she says, as cold as she can, head as high as it can be : she can’t remember it, she can not allow herself to remember it. think of the screams. think of the words. think of everything but the way you thought he made you feel. don’t think. don’t think. don’t allow him —— ❛ you’re married. you’ve made your choice. ❜ she can hear his voice already : you were the one who left.
WARSAN VS MELANCHOLY : @xbetterfeared