Checkmate - The grave of kindness
Summary: As a new dawn lights the city of Chicago, Marian Eaton is tasked to make the most important decision of her life, in what faction will she choose to belong? Can a broken and scared girl survive in a world where kindness is weakness and nobody is truly you friend? Marian is not sure, but staying in Abnegation is not an option.
Since my birth, everything around me has been grey: houses, clothing, furniture and, after a while, even people.
Life in Abnegation has always been this way, simple and repetitive, and that’s how it’s supposed to be, it’s the Abnegation way.
Ironically, my father, one of Abnegation’s leaders, never cared to follow the rules. He always makes sure to put on a good show in front of others but I know how he really is.
Me and my brother are the only ones to, but it doesn’t matter because in the end, he escaped, leaving me alone with him.
I’ll never forgive him for that.
I wake up before my alarm has time to go off and, still dazed and half asleep, I push away the grey sheets and stand up tentatively.
The sleepiness doesn’t seem to go away, it makes sense, as I spent most of the night turning and tossing in my bed, thinking about today's choosing ceremony.
Getting out of my room and into the hallway, I’m careful not to make any noise, as to not wake Marcus up.
I tiptoe down the stairs to the living room and go straight to the kitchen to make breakfast for the both of us.
Nothing fancy, the usual, just two bowls of plain milk and cereal and a mug of coffee for my father.
I don’t drink coffee, I find the taste revolting but my brother always loved it, he used to drink it all the time even if we weren’t allowed to because my father saw it as a form of self indulgence.
As I move around the kitchen, heavy steps inform me my father woke up from his slumber and I already know he’s in a bad mood.
When he reaches the table, pulling out a chair from underneath it, I flinch, almost spilling boiling coffee all over myself.
“Mornin’” he grunts, not even raising his head to look at me, and I’m quick to go back to making him his coffee “Good morning” I repeat, setting the table for breakfast.
I serve him quickly, worried he might get angry if I take too long, then put down my food and sit awkwardly across the table from him, mixing my cereals in silence.
In Abnegation, us children aren’t allowed to speak during meals unless directly questioned or spoken to.
I pray to myself this will be one of those days where he ignores me and we spend the whole meal staring at our food in silence.
“You need to get ready for the choosing ceremony,” he mutters, staring at me through his mug, the coffee’s steam makes him look like his head is fuming, I nod “I won’t ask what faction you’re going to chose” his eyes pierce right through my soul “You’re staying here, with me” the mug collides harshly with the table and I jump so hard on my chair I almost fall backwards on the floor “Is that clear?”, his voice sounds like a bark, mine’s barely a whisper “Of course”.
The truth is, I’d love to stay in Abnegation but I just can’t, even if the test says I should. I just can’t, being here is slowly killing me and I don’t know how much longer I’ll last
Marcus nods, seemingly satisfied with my answer and in response, I shrink further in my seat.
My brother left Abnegation three years ago today, our father never told which faction he chose, maybe out of fear that I’d choose to follow him, but the beating I got that day sent me into Erudite’s care for a while and it’s something neither my mind or my body will ever forget.
To this day I’ve never seen him that angry.
I’ve never seen my brother since either.
After breakfast I go get dressed, I find my clothes neatly folded in my dresser, I don’t own that many so almost half of it is empty while the other is occupied by small grey piles of similar articles of clothing.
I stare at it for a second before grabbing the usual: Grey long skirt, grey midi skirt, grey sweater, grey jumpers, grey shirts and jackets…
Everything looks either the same or similar so it’s never hard to choose what to wear.
After washing myself and getting dressed, I find trying to tie up my hair today is more annoying than usual.
My hair’s way too long for abnegation’s standards, reaching almost my mid back but I don’t have anyone to cut it for me.
Mrs. Prior used to do that for me but since her daughter left, I’ve avoided doing such things as to not remind her of Beatrice’s absence.
I get out of the house earlier than I should, I don’t want to go to the ceremony with my father, so I take the bus right before his.
The Hub is further in the city centre than my school is and today, being a city event, the bus is particularly packed.
While the bus goes from stop to stop, from Candor to Erudite, I stand in a small crowd, barely keeping my balance and almost tipping over an Erudite woman a few times.
“You should be more attentive” she hisses, pushing up her glasses while the bus brakes hard and I’m once again shoved into her.
I apologise profusely while the doors open and I try to make my way out the bus “I am so sorry miss” I blurt out, stepping into the pavement, hurrying to not get crammed in the crowd waiting at the stop.
The Hub is a monumental building, standing at a hundred stories, it almost looks like a deity, judging us from above, ready to come down and destroy us at any minute.
Trying to zig zag through colourful dressed groups of people, I make my way towards The Hub’s square which somehow is even more crowded than the inside of the building.
Sometimes I forget how many people live in this city, every year we reunite for the choosing ceremony and each time, I’m shocked by the numbers of people that show up.
Each member of each faction is invited to assist the ceremony but not all choose to participate, some for choice, others for work reasons.
Most Abnegants prefer not to indulge in this, choosing instead to keep working or staying home to take care of their houses and their children.
The Erudites say it’s because our numbers are dropping each year and we’re ashamed to show ourselves to the other factions, but it’s not true.
My hands tremble as I walk through the big glass entrance,I look around, “I wonder why all these people are here” I say to myself “How many of them are like me? Are these their families or just people that are here for tradition?”.
The way to The Choosing hall is quite intricate, a labyrinth of halls and rooms leading to the stands.
Every faction has their own, most people haven’t sat down yet but it’s clear that the smaller one is reserved for Abnegation, while the bigger is Amity’s.
The “Choosers’” stands are mixed and we’re made to sit in alphabetical order, creating a weird mismatched rainbow of colours.
This year's Ceremony is hosted by Amity, it’s clear by the colourful decorations of the hall.
Drapes of flowers and green branches animate the room, new rugs have been put in place since last year, a golden hue accompanying each of my steps, the podium where the faction’s leader makes their speech is decorated with Orange tree branches, fruits hang from one of them while others are ornate by small white flowers.
When I reach the choosers stands an Amity man touches my shoulder lightly “Hello,What’s your name, sister?” I instinctively retract from his touch “Eaton, Marian Eaton” I answer, and he points me to my seat, which is higher than I expected.
From up here I can see most of the stands well, the room is almost full now, each faction has taken their place and Johanna, Amity’s leader is taking her place on the podium.
While I dry my sweaty hands on my skirt, a small figure makes her way towards me, eventually plopping down on the empty seat on my left, she looks calm, peaceful, sitting criss-crossed on the seat and humming something under her breath.
I look at her with the corner of my eye, careful not to seem intruding, she’s pretty, even for Abnegation’s standards, her long blonde locks almost reach her lap and her brown eyes seem to glow under the warm lights of the room.
On my right there’s an Abnegation boy, he sat down right before me and now he’s staring at his shoes.
I know him, Isaac Elliott, he lives a few houses down the street from mine, I never really talked to him but he still greeted me when I sat down.
The room is very noisy, but as Johanna raises her hand to call everyone’s attention to herself, trying to start her speech, everyone quiets down,-
When she starts reading the manifesto of the factions everyone listens attentively, looking at her.
Everyone but one, I feel a gaze burning through my skin and I turn to Abnegation’s stands, to find his eyes.
Marcus watches me intently, stoic for a second, then he smiles, I shrink back from his gaze, cringing, his smile is empty, void of any emotion or good intent.
For other people, a smile is a sign of joy, maybe kindness but for him, it’s a warning, one he only gives when we’re in public, it means “Don’t try me”.
It’s right when Johanna finishes her speech and starts calling out the names of the choosers that I make my choice, I’m not going back to Abnegation, I can’t, I won’t, it doesn’t matter what faction I’ll end up in, it just can’t be Abnegation.
I’ve dedicated all my life to that faction and I love everything it stands for but I can’t live like this forever, I can’t go on knowing about the willing ignorance of the members, the insincerity of the Council…
After a while, the Amity girl beside me is called to choose, her name is Daisy Drayton.
I watch her as she makes her way down the stairs with confidence, stopping only once he reaches the bowls.
They all have their own table and each contains the element of a faction.
Johanna hands her a knife, similar to the one in the simulation test, and she cuts her palm with it.
A small red line forms on her small hand and, expression unbudging, she goes over to the furthest bowl,putting her hand over it and watching the blood drip.
I watch the small frizzle of blood come out of the bowl. She chose Dauntless.
Suddenly a roar of claps and shouts fills the room, Dauntless members are cheering her on, inviting her to sit amongst them.
She smiles, heading to her new faction without even looking back towards her old one. I admire her decision, it must have been hard if she’s so sure about it.
After watching her sit down and being congratulated by the other members, I’m convinced I know what I should choose.
I just hope it’s the right thing to do.
After a bit, Johanna calls my name and I stand up, trying to seem as confident as the girl before me as I make my way down the stairs.
I don’t dare to look at my father, I know that if I did I’d falter so I look ahead, towards my future.
When I near the bowls, Johanna greets me with a smile, handing me the knife.
When I reach to take it from her, she hesitates, leaning towards me “This is your time,” she whispers “Make your choice”.
I nod, then look straight at the bowls, they’re all perfectly lined up in front of me, from the left are soil, water, glass, stones and hot coals.
Amity, Erudite, Candor, Abnegation and Dauntless.
Everyone is looking at me now, I feel their eyes on my back, I stare at the bowls, then the knife, then the bowls again.
I can feel my heart thumping, my chest feels like it’s going to explode, I want to scream, run away and not choose but I still go on.
My hands tremble as I slice my palm open, the blood feels almost too hot now.
I straighten my arm over my faction’s bowl, waiting for the blood to drip, an abnegation staying in their faction, nothing new.
My gaze fixates on the bowl, I can hear its call, the grey rocks are the lure, trying to convince me to stay.
The rocks, they’re simple, small, modest and… Insignificant.
Do I really want to be this for the rest of my life? A grey spot in a world of colour, living like an ant, always forgetting myself for the greater good?
My arm jerks over the bowl on my right just before my blood spills on the rocks.
I hear the sizzling of the hot coals before I realize what I’ve done, an eerie smell fills my head and suddenly, it feels like I’m deaf.
The whole Dauntless stand is shouting and clapping for me, they’re cheering me on, calling for me to join them.
I’m paralyzed, my legs feel like wood and I just stare blankly at them for a few moments.
Dazed, my thoughts run to my brother, his choice and how I’ll never see him again.
When I finally walk towards the transfers’s stands I’m met by big pearly smiles and handshakes. I try not to falter, being as polite as I can.
When I sit, taking a breath of relief, a small voice surprises me “I’m Daisy Drayton” I turn to meet the warm eyes of the Amity girl from before, her hand extending to take mine.
I oblige and she leans over to place a kiss on my cheek, I instantly blush and she laughs.
It's Amity's form of greeting, I think to myself, I always forget about it even though I’ve been to Amity many times before.
Her handshake is firm, mine is quite the opposite “I’m Marian” I answer, trying to put on a smile, us Abnegants don’t do it often.
After that, we stay put, patiently waiting for the ceremony to end, watching as the remaining choosers make the decision that will shape them forever.
Some of them choose Dauntless, but most, opt for either Erudite or Amity.
When the last girl is called I realize that only two Abnegants transferred to this faction, as almost all of them stayed with their families, it’s me and another boy.
The last girl chooses Amity and, after cleaning the knife, Johanna starts her closing monologue.
I barely pay attention to it, instead I look around the room for a bit, then I focus my gaze on the Priors.
I don’t know why they’re here, both their children abandoned them just last year, It doesn’t make any sense…
Then Mrs Prior smiles at me, hers is a sincere smile, warm, exactly what I imagine a mother’s smile would be.
Her smile doesn't hide any second meaning, it’s simply reassuring.
When Johanna finally finishes her speech, the factions members start to disperse and the Hub slowly empties.
Not knowing what to do, I stand when the other Dauntless do and follow them out the room.
They’re running, I’m not sure why, but I follow them down the stairs and out the building.
My clothes make it difficult for me to keep the pace, but the other transfers also seem to be having a hard time so I don’t beat myself up too much for it.
I feel free, running carelessly, with no apparent destination, alongside my fellow transfers and the dauntless.
We’re like a flock of birds, flying together in the sky. I don’t know anybody here, but I don’t feel alone, for once.
It’s as if we’re one big entity, each of us is a bone in the skeleton of a much bigger creature.
For the first time in forever, I feel alive.
