gaps [toppdogg, yanissi]
help me breathe // rated T // 1,086 words
The door to the cage is wide open and there’s nothing stopping him. (behind the scenes)
[more]
--
There is a point in time where sick fascination either morphs into obsession or revulsion.
Taeyang knows that they’ve already gone their separate ways long before Taeyang actually brings it up. Sangwon is obsessed, and Taeyang is repulsed.
Taeyang tells him in public, because he knows Sangwon won’t do anything if there’s people around. He has some semblance of dignity. “I’m leaving.”
“Hm?”
“I’m leaving,” Taeyang repeats, unfolding and refolding the napkin before him. “Not here, just you.”
It takes a few moments for it to sink in, of course, because Sangwon never believes anything Taeyang says. Taeyang has said something similar before, then never did it. But this time, the door to the cage is wide open and there’s nothing stopping him.
Sangwon has a sweet smile on his face when Taeyang bothers to look up. “Why?”
Taeyang says in his most polite voice, “Because you are fucking unhinged. You always have been, sweetcheeks, and you always will be. I thought maybe I’d stick around after the sect dissolved just to see if you’d, I dunno, get a fucking grip? But you’re still, god, I don’t know- killing birds and preserving fingers. That’s bullshit.”
“You never thought it was bullshit before,” Sangwon says, mimicking Taeyang’s sweet tone in the most irritating way possible.
“That’s because I didn’t have a choice.” Taeyang lays his hands palm-down on the table. Sangwon goes to put his hands over his; Taeyang pulls his hands away. “My informant group never cared about me or what I did. The attention was nice and appreciated but you are a fucking mess.”
“What, like you aren’t?” Sangwon snarls, like he always does when Taeyang criticises him, because he can’t take it.
“You’re a baby, Sangwon. Throwing fits and trying to bend everyone to your will.” Taeyang layers the politeness on extra thick, clasping his hands in front of him. “Now, let’s have a nice meal.”
Sangwon, in turn, stands up. “Nope. Have a nice meal by yourself.”
Taeyang shrugs, watching as Sangwon walks away. “Suit yourself. Dickhead.”
--
Once Taeyang realizes he really isn’t scared of Sangwon anymore, he finds out where he lives (through an awkward conversation with Hansol) and goes to get his things.
Sangwon still has many of Taeyang’s possessions as a result of Taeyang only taking his clothes and just leaving. Taeyang thought that maybe it wouldn’t be such a bother, but after moving out of Yoonchul’s house and getting his own place, he found that he missed his books most of all.
His original intentions go out the window when he sees Park fucking Sehyuk sitting in Sangwon’s living room, however.
“Taeyang!” Sehyuk says, visibly surprised, and Sangwon’s head whips around.
“What the fuck are you here for?” Sangwon asks, and Taeyang disregards him deliberately.
“Sehyuk, where the hell have you been?” Taeyang asks, stepping into the living room, and Sehyuk exhales.
“America! I’m going to college, it’s very fun. I’m- I’m on break right now, I was coming to visit Junhee but decided to come visit everyone else…” Sehyuk shrugs, raking a hand through his hair. He looks good with long hair, Taeyang decides. “I dunno.”
“What are you here for?” Sangwon repeats, and Taeyang tsks, turning his attention to Sangwon.
“Impatient ass, I’m here for my shit.”
“I sold it all,” Sangwon shoots back, lip curling up in disdain.
Taeyang turns to Sehyuk. “Can I beat his ass, right here, right now?”
Sehyuk looks alarmed for a moment, looking between the two. “I- if you think you can not get totally fucked, then, I guess?”
“Okay, cool.”
And it’s very clear Sangwon didn’t think Taeyang would do it, based off of the fact that he could have easily blocked Taeyang’s fist and didn’t. Nothing cracks, Sangwon barely falters, but there is such satisfaction blooming in Taeyang’s chest.
That is, until Sangwon counters, and there is definitely a crack and definitely a falter.
“Jesus!” Sehyuk yells, rising to his feet. Taeyang waves a hand to calm him down, steadying himself and holding his nose. He doesn’t know if it’s bleeding, but if it isn’t currently, it will be soon.
“Don’t worry, he’s done this before,” Taeyang says, voice coming out nasally. “Haven’t you, sweetcheeks?”
“Shut the hell up,” Sangwon says, and Taeyang notices with increasing joy that there’s a red spot high on Sangwon’s cheek. Taeyang hopes to God it bruises. “The fuck do you think you’re doing? This is my house, and you just-”
“I don’t know if you’ve forgotten, Sangwon,” Taeyang interrupts, feeling unusually daring, “but you’ve done a whole lot worse to me than punch me. Fucker.”
Taeyang spares a glance to Sehyuk, seeing that he looks horribly scared. It’s strange, because Taeyang always thinks of Sehyuk as a strong figurehead, even now. He wonders briefly if this is what Sehyuk was like before sect life.
That is, until Sangwon starts spouting his bullshit again. Taeyang tunes him out until he starts flapping his arms.
“Will you calm the hell down, you big baby?” Taeyang asks, venomous, and Sangwon surprisingly does. “God. If you have anything of mine left, go get it.” Taeyang waits a few moments, filled with Sangwon looking at him with all the rebellion of a problem child burning in his eyes. “What are you waiting for? Go!”
Sangwon jumps, striding out of the room, and Taeyang finds that the eyes that are on him are incredulous.
“How did you do that?” Sehyuk asks, blinking at Taeyang. “And, are you okay?”
Taeyang pulls his hand away from his nose, raising his eyebrows at the blood collecting in the creases of his palm. “I guess so. As for the first question, I stopped being scared of him. He’s just a big fucking baby and he’s not going to kill me, I know that, because he still likes me. So whatever.”
Sehyuk shakes his head in wonder. “I could never. Even when I was his superior, he never listened to me outside of missions. Jesus.”
Taeyang smiles, wiping his hand on his pants leg. “Pretty cool, right?”
“God, I guess.”
Sangwon comes into the room again, a box of stuff in his hands. He sets it down beside Taeyang and grits out, “Now, leave.”
Taeyang turns to Sangwon, giving him his most pleasant smile as he takes the box up and holds it under one arm. “Thanks, dear. See you both. Stay safe, and in touch, Sehyuk.”
Sehyuk nods, raising a hand in goodbye as Taeyang walks out.
--
