“Will you quit moping around like a child?” Kibum exasperatedly throws himself onto Taemin’s bed uninvited. The other Slytherin boy just looks at his sprawled out form blankly, closing his Transfiguration text book with a loud snap. “It’s unattractive and petty, not to mention bloody annoying. You’re a right mess, Taemin.”
Taemin wants to argue but after two long days of doing nothing but lying in bed, working on missed class assignments, he pretty much agrees with Kibum’s assessment. He’s still mad, though, mad enough that he hasn’t had a conversation with Kibum in days and Minho whom is tired of his and Kibum’s bitching has been keeping his distance. Taemin is just tired of everything.
“I wouldn’t be a right mess if you’d erase my memory.” Not all of his memories, of course, but the memories of his feelings for Jonghyun. Taemin wanted to forget everything that had to do with the Gryffindor because he thinks he’d be better off without them. Kibum doesn’t agree and refuses to give into the request. As skilled as he was in memory charms and would love the practice, he didn’t fancy trying out the charm on his best friend. There was no reason Taemin needed part of his memories altered, and his desperate request still pissed Kibum off.
Kibum buries his face into the other’s green and silver duvet and screams. It’s muffled, but it still causes Taemin to cringe. “You don’t get it do you?” he asks once his face is not deep in the cotton fabric of the duvet, there’s a dark, curious look in his eyes that Taemin can’t make out.
“Apparently not.” His voice is dry and void of emotions as he sets his book aside. “Explain it to me,” This is the most they’ve spoken in two days, and while Taemin didn’t want to have this conversation, he needs to have this conversation. Because being held up in bed avoiding Jonghyun, and Kibum and most of the student body hasn’t been doing him any good.
“How do I say this in terms that you can understand?” he’s talking to himself and Taemin knows better not to answer because it would just be met with the most sarcastic reply and he was not in the mood. He drew his legs up to his chest, wrapping his arms around them as he rests his chin on his knee. The urge to kick Kibum off the bed was too real, but instead he held back his impulses and waited for the other to continue. “You’re one of the smartest in our year, but sweet Merlin, you are also the most oblivious person I know.”
Taemin clears his throat and narrows his eyes. “Is there a point to this, Kibum?” Because he really didn’t feel like being insulted at this present moment, not while there were still memories and feelings involving Jonghyun swarming through his mind and beating in tune with his heart.
“Jonghyun is good for you.” Taemin splutters caught off guard by the statement that Kibum stated with simplicity that sent his mind reeling with confused thoughts. Jonghyun is good for him? Good. For. Him. Him? Taemin? His stomach lurched into his chest.
“Since when was crushing on someone who hates you good for a person?” he tries to keep his voice steady, though there was a nervous edge that he knew Kibum could sense.
Kibum breathes a loud sigh of “Can you blame him?” there’s a thick seal of silence that covers the room. Taemin couldn’t blame Jonghyun for hating him giving their history, but that doesn’t mean it hurt any less. “You don’t care about anyone or anything unless they’re pureblood or can benefit you in some way. Jonghyun doesn’t like you because you’re an annoying brat who insults and hexes his friends, you walk around with your nose stuck up in the air as if you own the world and everyone should bow at your feet when you pass by, you’re friends with people like Cavanaugh, you repeatedly stick your tongue down girls throats without feeling any sort of attraction for them, and have this reputation as a manwhore. Who the bloody hell would like someone like that?”
Taemin’s quick to respond, nostrils flaring as he kicks his feet out and angrily pushes Kibum off of his bed. The boy falls with a loud bang and curses shoots out of his mouth, mixing in with Taemin’s “Get out and leave me alone.” Kibum scrambles up from the floor, holding onto his elbow as he shoots Taemin a look of pity, but the prefect turns his head and pretends not to notice. “I said get out!”
Kibum leaves with a shake of his head.
There’s food on his nightstand, like there is every night after supper. Kibum loyally brings all three meals to him because even if they’re fighting he still takes care of Taemin like a brother. If he didn’t, who else would? Well, there was Minho but Minho was busy planning for the Quidditch match against Ravenclaw in two weeks, and without his seeker present there was a lot of slack he had to pick up during practices. There was also Jieun, she had been by to visit him a few times thanks to Kibum sneaking her in. He hated that she had to see him in this state, but he played up to his whole being sick thing. The whole castle believed Taemin to be sick, why else would he miss classes and prefect duty? There was even a rumor going around that he died. Jieun was trying to hold back her tears when she told him about that one. Taemin smiled and laughed at it, mostly as a way to calm her down and reassure her that he would be perfectly fine and wouldn’t be dying anytime soon. It was only Jieun’s smile and her comment of ‘I know’ as she wiped her eyes that made him believe that maybe he really would be fine.
Kibum sits down on his bed once again uninvited, this time keeping his distance from Taemin who was biting into a turkey on rye sandwich. “You’re nasty and mean. You pretend like you don’t care about anyone and act as if you have no weaknesses. You don’t show your emotions well, you always hide behind this mask. If he were to hate you, can you blame him, Taemin? He doesn’t know anything beyond what he sees.”
It’s food for thought, but Kibum states things that Taemin had thought about earlier once he was alone and left to his own devices. Jonghyun didn’t know him, their first meeting had been at the tender age of eleven and heated words were exchanged and Taemin may have threated Jonghyun’s sister without hesitancy and regrets. Eleven year old Taemin was different compared to sixteen year old Taemin, and sometimes he felt as if he were a different person entirely. Jonghyun wouldn’t have known that Taemin changed a lot as he got older, that he had a new viewpoint and different opinions. “I’m not like tha---“
“I know,” Kibum cuts him off and scoots closer to Taemin, gently patting his leg. “I know that, and so does your other friends. Jonghyun doesn’t know it; he doesn’t know what you’re like. You haven’t shown him. You can’t blame the guy for not liking you, and you can’t get upset when he causes you to lash out or act differently because of your feelings. If you like him… you should do something about it or just let it go.”
“I’m trying to let it go! I’ve tried so hard, Kibum, but I can’t. It’s unbelievably impossible for me to do so.” Taemin sets his plate aside and crosses his arms over his chest, leaning his head back against the headboard as he looks up at the ceiling, letting out a breath. “That’s why I’ve asked you to erase my memory.”
Kibum uncrosses Taemin’s arms and takes his hand in his, his thumb rubbing over the back of Taemin’s hand in gentle circles. “I can’t. I refuse to. You’re my best friend and I will not let you fuck things up by taking the easy way out. I’m already spoiling you by bringing you food when you need to get off your arse and fucking do something with your life instead of laying here and crying about how some boy doesn’t like you.”
Taemin pulls his hand away as if he’d been burned, and maybe he had by the sheer fire in Kibum’s words which hit him hard. if there was anyone who would tell him the uncensored truth, leave it to Kibum Kim.
The next day he wakes up to the smell of waffles and Kibum shaking him with force, he only stops once Taemin’s eyes are completely open and he’s glaring daggers into him. “C’mon, don’t be like this, Taem! It’s waffle Thursday.” There was no such tradition as waffle Thursday, but allow for Kibum to create something random and completely stupid like this in an attempt to get him out of bed (because he knew that’s where this was leading).
“Fuck you and your waffles.” He lifts his blanket to cover his head and buries himself into his pillow with a groan.
“Hey now! Waffles are Jonghyun’s favorite breakfast food!” As if Kibum needed to tell Taemin that. “They’re also covered in strawberries, just how he likes it.” Taemin knew that too. He knew it because he had Kibum ask. Most of the information Taemin got about Jonghyun was secondhand, it was either from Kibum or something he had come to assume on his own. It was sad, really, because he knew all these things about Jonghyun and none of the information had come straight from Jonghyun’s mouth and into Taemin’s ears.
It almost makes Taemin feel as if he doesn’t have the right to love Jonghyun.
“What!?” it’s an annoyed yell muffled into his pillow, because he’s still tired, and he’s hurt and he wants to sleep until he feels better, but he can’t feel better until Jonghyun is no longer in his mind and for that reason he figures he must lay here and sleep until Christmas break and he can go home and sleep some more.
“Listen to me,” Taemin doesn’t move an inch and tries to stop his stomach from moving as he breathes. Maybe Kibum would think he’s dead instead of going on with some stupid shit he doesn’t care about. Didn’t he know Taemin was still mad and didn’t want to be bothered? “I know you’re used to keeping your feelings under wraps and pretending to be an emotionless git, but you’re also human; a depressing, mopey one, but human nonetheless. Humans feel things, all sorts of things even if they don’t know the name for it. Maybe you feel too much right now, and it’s hard for you to block it away and hide it… but erasing your memory is the easy way out to a temporary problem. I know that’s a lot for you to handle right now, but it’s going to be okay, Tae. You don’t always have to be strong, or be this responsible person who has to have his life in order. You’re sixteen, for fuck’s sake, you have time to figure this shit out. And you will figure it out.”
Kibum not only leaves him with much to think about, but also leaves him with an empty feeling in the pit of his stomach that not even waffles can fill. He wishes his puppy was here to keep him company because he doesn’t want to cry alone anymore, but he does anyway, only stopping when sleep claims him once more.
“So what happened?” Kibum asks again that night, sitting a bowl of soup onto his bed as Taemin quickly reaches for the spoon. He was starving; these three meals a day were proving not to be enough for a growing boy. Taemin shoots him a questioning gaze between mouthfuls of chicken noodle. “With Jonghyun… he hasn’t been that present lately.”
Taemin almost chokes on his soup and he feels his heart sinking with worry. “What do you mean?” he asks frantically, there’s a hint of panic in his tone that Kibum doesn’t miss.
“I haven’t seen him around much, and Jieun mentioned that he’s been coming back to the common room really late and she rarely sees him the time in between.”
Taemin starts to wonder if maybe Jonghyun was effected by their fight Sunday night, but maybe… maybe it had nothing to do with him. Why would Jonghyun be effected? He hated him, maybe he’s just planning a new prank. Yeah. Trying to get the finishing touches done on it so that when he sees Taemin he’ll be prepared and can humiliate him. Taemin tries to ease his mind with excuses, but his shaky hands give away just how nerved he was. “Ji’s a first year, what would she know?” but maybe she knew more than he wanted to let on. She was smart and keen and clever. There wasn’t much anyone could get passed Jieun.
“It’s just an observation.” Kibum extends the goblet of pumpkin juice towards Taemin, who takes it gratefully and sips from the cup, trying not to spill the juice because his hands were still shaking. “You’ve both been out of it since your tutoring session.”
The news upsets Taemin because he wanted to believe that Jonghyun was fine, that he was completely unaffected by their altercation and was going on with life as if Taemin hadn’t existed. Taemin was gone now, hiding himself away from the Gryffindor. It was supposed to make things easier for everyone, but apparently that was a disappointing fail too.
“We had a fight…” and then Taemin tells him everything and by the end of it he’s crying remorsefully with his face buried into Kibum’s shoulder.
It’s Friday when Taemin finally wakes up at his normal time but instead of going for his normal morning run, he settles with lying in bed until he hears the other boys in the dorm starting to wake. They shower and then they leave. It’s quiet and he basks in it for a few more minutes before he falls out of bed. He isn’t pushed like he was one morning when Minho was fed up with him lying in bed all day, but he rolls out all on his own. He stands on his own, too, and makes his way to the shower.
The hot water feels relaxing as it rains down on his skin and washes away the dirt of yesterday. Hygiene charms, while useful, didn’t compare to an actual shower. Taemin showers twice as long as usual and he’s reluctantly to leave. He has the time, however, because breakfast is still in progress and there’s an hour till his first class.
He takes his time getting ready, making sure he looks his best. It was the first time anyone would be seeing him in days and he had to make a good impression; his hair was combed neatly, tie on straight, prefect badge pinned proudly on his robes. He still had a reputation to uphold.
“I was right in what I said a few days ago. Jonghyun is good for you.” Kibum and Minho are in the doorway, watching as Taemin loads his books into his bag and places a feather light charm on it so it wouldn’t be overly heavy. The sixth year isn’t at all surprised by the company and he won’t admit it but he’s happy that they’re here and waiting for him. “You spent your whole life living in this fantasy world where your parents are royalty and you’re a prince who owns the whole world all because of your blood and how pure it is. Then you grew up and you realized that your blood status doesn’t mean much, neither does your family name. You fall in love with this boy who goes against everything you and your family stood for; he takes you out of your comfort zone, challenges you, and makes you feel all these different things, good and bad and everything in between. He practically drives you insane, if we’re being completely honest, yet you still can’t stop thinking about him and caring for him, and if this whole little dramatic episode didn’t get through to you then I don’t know what will.”
Kibum is right, like always, but Taemin would never let him know and instead turn to face his friends while slinging his bag onto his shoulder and stuffing his wand into his robes pocket. “Will you shut the bloody hell up, Kim? We’re going to be late for Potions!” and with that he struts out of the room.
“Hey,” he’s quiet as he’s walking down the steps with mild hesitancy. There’s an urge to turn back and dive into his bed and hide himself under his sheets, but he doesn’t. He decides that he has to face this, to face Jonghyun and all of Hogwarts and his professors who will want some explanation as to why he’s been skipping out on classes. They know he’s not really sick even if he’s pretending to be and if they ask he has to come up with some excuse off the top of his head because the truth will not be efficient in a situation like this. He’s not worried about his professors, but moreso worried about seeing Jonghyun again.
He bumps his shoulder into Kibum’s and flashes him a genuine smile. The other boys eyebrows shoots up before a large grin spreads across his face because he knows what Taemin is about to say and while Taemin wants to roll his eyes he doesn’t, leaning into the other as he whispers a sincere “Thanks.”