10 Year Yeo Ao3 Anniversary
Technically, I joined AO3 on October 13th, 2015 and I had wanted to make a post about it on the day but ... Idk. I've been struggling with it. But since it's (technically) still the anniversary month (barely) and I do want my bingo blackout for the month, I'm doing a post after all.
Just not the way I had initially planned to.
It might get rambly as I try to work through my complicated emotions and it's also getting rather personal so putting the rest of this under a cut. Feel very free to skip.
I joined October 13th but if you look at my earlierst work, it was posted on October 8th. How? Easy, I'd cowritten an RPG with a friend and she uploaded an edited fic version of it to AO3. And then added me as a co-author once I had joined as well.
It's fitting because Jo introduced me to the concept of fanfic (her gateway drug was X-files fic) and she largely got me into the hobby. I had attempted a crossover story for various scifi shows before that as a kid but that was just for myself. Fanfic as something to be shared, as a community thing, only entered my life with Jo's exploration of the world wide web as a teenager in the 90s and early 2000s.
I was there when she took her first steps in fic writing and she was there when I took my first steps. We wrote things together (like a parody journal for Inkheart) and then she introduced me to the concept of RPG and suddenly we were writing massive, epic stories. First for Iron Man and then Metal Gear Solid.
But since life is not always easy and inspiration is fickle, both projects died before completion. A fact I still mourn today.
I switched over to solo writing and was lucky to find people to encourage me. I'd done some writing on my own before of course but mostly just dabbling. With introduction to AO3, it became easier to write because suddenly there was this central hub. This was where people went to read and where people went to publish their fics (and it looked a lot nicer than fanfiktion.de tbh).
I had quickly switched over to writing in English and I've managed to publish something every year since 2015.
Jo, meanwhile, struggles. She prefers writing in German and there's no market for that. She didn't find the right community for it. She's no longer, really, writing.
Writing and sharing fanfic is a community act and there's nothing better than befriending fellow writers and encouraging each other. But during these ten years, I've watched people struggle and lose inspiration. I've lost people to the great unknown because they suddenly disappeared. Sometimes, in the good cases, they just moved on to other fandoms but are still writing.
I've seen and experienced the ups and downs. The excitement for a new idea, the excitement of finishing something, the excitement of brainstorming with others. But also the disappointment of not getting any/enough attention, the writing blocks, the dry spells of inspiration. The worry about AI and bots and purity culture.
There's only one person I ever (accidentally) got into the fanfic writing hobby and I still don't know if I did her a service with that. She doesn't, currently, write.
Maybe it would all be easier of none of us shared our stories and just wrote them for ourselves. Because then you wouldn't compare yourself with others. You wouldn't compare the success (or lack of) of your new story with the one of your old story. You wouldn't feel like you had to chase anything. There would be no deadlines. No expectations.
But then you also wouldn't have the community. The joy of receiving that one amazing comment that makes your whole week. The giddiness of receiving an update email for a fic you're subscribed to. The brainstorming and excitement. The inspiration that comes from talking to people and from reading other stories.
I have made SO many friends just from sharing my writing and from reading their writing and from talking in the comment sections. I wouldn't want to miss any of those friendships for the world. Even though some drifted apart.
Idk, maybe it's because it's October and I'm moody and introspective or maybe it's because I'm struggling (once again) with expectations vs reality or maybe it's because fic writing has always been a double-edged sword, but it's no wonder I didn't manage to write a celebratory anniversary post on the 13th.
Because some days I don't know whether to celebrate what I have accomplished or whether to celebrate that I haven't given up yet.
I don't expect I will give up anytime soon. There are still things I want to write. There is another bingo card ready for November. And I still have supportive friends who mean more to me than I could ever say.
But some days (a lot of days), it's hard. Especially on days like these, when you wake up on the wrong side of the bed and everything seems annoying or gloomy).
But ten years is ten years and that's not nothing.
I know comparing stats doesn't mean anything. There's people who've written vastly more than I have and people who have written way less than I have. People with way more engagement and people with way less.
But here's some stats. Just for today.
101 works in 14 fandoms (with Julie and the Phantoms (54) and Metal Gear Solid (28) vastly outpacing the rest)
13 of these are uncompleted (most of those being ficlet collections though)
most are rated Teen (48) or General (32), with 18 Explicit ones
95 are tagged "No Archive Warnings Apply"
most used ship tags are Alex/Willie (31) and Otacon/Snake (21)
7,763 kudos
972 comment threads
433,379 words
Hits range from 33 to 6,916 (that last one is the only long multi-chaptered fic)
Kudos range from 1 to 433
Comments from 0 to 167 (multi-chaptered longfic again)
Bookmarks range from 0 to 98
Subsciptions from 0 to 60
Word Count from 130 to 58,024
It doesn't really mean anything. But it also kind of means a lot.
Here's a cookie if you stayed and read through to the end. I'll eat one, too <3