"MY LOVE"
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Summary: After his accident, Yi Chan dreams about what he lost—but also all he has left.
Pairings: Yi Chan x f!reader, Yi Chan x Chung-Ah (trust),
Genre: angst, little fluff if you squint?
Warnings: implicit mention of death, grief,
Song: L'AMOUR DE MA VIE, by Billie Eilish.
AN: English isn't my first language, please excuse any grammatical errors :)
/!\ This is mostly based off my imagination and doesn't really follow the plot of the drama but there are mention of characters from the show and its twists so read at your own risk if you havent watched it :)
"I was the love of your life. But you were not mine."
It could have been a real life K-drama.
The cherry blossom trees, the golden light of the sun slowly sinking down, the grass rippling gently in the light breeze, the cool air of a sunny evening after a rainy day—mist of water making every blade of vegetation shine in the sun. Ha Yi Chan sat there, holding her hand, her eyes focused on the setting sun while his were on her. Her delicate skin, the way it caught the golden light so perfectly. She looked ethereal, like a dream he didn't want to wake from.
"You're staring."
Her voice held that playful yet soft tone she always had when she teased him. The corners of her lips curled upwards in a sly smirk that still managed to be the most beautiful one he'd ever seen.
"What if I am?"
She turned to face him, her smirk widening as her eyes shone like two dravite brown tourmaline caught in sunlight.
"Am I really that pretty?"
She asked, yet grinned like she already knew the answer. She leaned in closer, just an inch, and held his gaze as he tried to find the word to describe just how beautiful and perfect she was to him. He found none.
"You are."
She laughed—soft, real—and her whole face lit up, like an angel had given her his halo and she wore it perfectly. Despite knowing her for so long, Yi Chan's heartbeat raced upon hearing her laugh, like it always did. Like it always would.
She nudged his shoulder, looking back at the sun.
"You're such an idiot."
He smiled. She always called him an idiot for mentionning what everyone saw—except her. She didn't know even half of how long he could stare at her without getting bored, in complete awe.
For a split second then, Yi Chan thought he heard someone calling his name. A muffled scream from far, far away. She didn't move, kept smiling. It must have been his mind playing tricks. He could look around to make sure but he didn't want to stop watching her, even for a second. She was everything he'd ever wished for, he'd rather die right here than tear his gaze away.
Another muffled scream, and again Yi Chan didn't react. He watched her, admired her, like he'd never seen her before and she was the prettiest girl he ever saw. She might have been.
"They're calling you."
Her soft voice spoke, almost in a mutter.
"I don't care."
He retorted, his voice quiet yet stern. No, he really didn't. He wanted her and her only.
"They need you."
She was facing him now, her smile faded and her eyes holding something almost like sadness. Grief. He wanted to reach out, comfort her. He hated that look on her face. But he loved her so much.
"I don't need them."
I only need you.
"Yi Chan."
A silence. Their gaze were locked on each other's, neither of them ready to look away. The air between them—once so light—seemed to thicken. A sad sigh escaped her lips, and her voice came out like a murmur.
"You have to go."
"I don't want to."
"Yi Chan—"
"I wanna stay with you."
Her eyes—mirrors of her soul—seemed to break a little further. He wanted to push that pain away, hold her against him and never let go. He loved her, he wanted her.
With him, forever.
"You can't."
His heart ached. He hated this, hated himself. But not her—never her. Silence stretched between them. He felt tears welling up his eyes but he didn't care. Only she mattered.
"Please."
He breathed a plea, still holding her gaze. Her eyes, her voice, her scent, her smile. She was right before him but it felt as if she slipped away between his fingers. He couldn't let her do that, couldn't let her go.
"I'm sorry."
He sobbed at her answer. A real, raw, ugly sob. Tears streamed down his cheeks, he hiccuped once, looked down for the first time.
Her hand reached for his gently, her warmth spreading through him like a soothing balm to his painful heart. He cried, again and again, unable to stop.
"I don't wanna go." He muttered in between sobs, desperately trying to wipe the tears off his cheeks—in vain. "I don't wanna leave you, please."
He was begging, ready to bow with his forehead to the ground to be able to stay at her side. Her grip on his hands tightened, just a bit. Then her voice came again—as broken as his, yet the softest he'd ever heard.
"You have to, baby." She muttered. "They're waiting for you. They need you. Do it for them okay? For me."
His cries became louder as he leaned in her touch, her warmth surrounding him along with her arms. Yet he still felt cold, melancolic. As if she was already gone.
His hands found her shirt, gripped it as if it were the only thing keeping him anchored right now. And perhaps it was.
"I can't. I can't leave—I need you."
Yi Chan felt her grip on him tightening ever so slightly, her breath hitching. She didn't want him to either. But she knew better.
"Think of them." She whispered, her voice trembling despite her efforts to keep it steady. "The band, your friends. Think of her."
He sobbed. How could he think of her now? It felt wrong—so wrong. Not when he was in her arms. Not when he loved her.
"I don't want to." He mumbled, barely audible. "I only love you."
A broken sound. She held back a sob, tears running down freely on her cheeks. She hated this, hated herself. But not him—never him.
"No." The words ripped her heart apart. "You don't."
She breathed, sniffling.
"You love them. You love the band, you love your grandma, you love your friends. You love her. And it's okay. You deserve it. All of it."
Yi Chan kept crying, his sobs never ceasing. But slowly—oh so slowly—his heart warmed.
"I'm not here anymore." She muttered, her lips brushing against the shell of his ear. "I know you wish I was but.. I'm not. You need to go back and live your life. Can you do that for me baby?"
He wanted to scream. To cry until there were no longer tears in his body, to beg her until his knees were all bruised—but it wouldn't be fair. To her, or to them. His friends. The ones waiting for him.
So, ever so slowly, so small—he nodded. And she smiled. Through tears and heartbreak, she smiled. And she was beautiful.
"Thank you. Thank you so much."
She held him tighter, and slowly, he gathered the force to hold her back.
They stayed there, bathing in the light of the never ending setting sun. He remembered now. This was never real. Not really. The memory was. She, was.
But not anymore.
"I promise," he started, face buried in her shoulder, voice quiet. "I promise to keep smiling. To live on and make my life and youth twinkle as much as I can."
He pulled away, just enough to face her, their faces inches away. He sniffled, but smiled. Painful, but real.
"I'll still be miserable from times to times. I'll talk to you, miss you, mourn you. But I'll live. I'll keep laughing, and making others laugh. I'll keep up the band and doing what I want to. I'll become even better, just for you."
She cried, tears never ceasing to roll down her cheeks. He kept smiling, his own eyes watery.
"I'll be strong. I'll be good. I'll be the best I can, just for you. And when the time comes, I'll be able to think about you and smile. But just know, that whatever happens—"
He leaned in, his gaze locked on hers.
"I'll never forget you."
She closed her eyes when his lips met hers. The kiss was soft, salty with the taste of tears and pain. But pressed against him, the boy she loved, she smiled.
And even when he pulled away, even when the light dimmed and everything slowly disappeared—she kept smiling. Because she had got the chance to love unconditionally, and be loved back just as much.
And that was more than anything she could ask for.
"Goodbye, Ha Yi Chan."
* * *
The young boy was sitting on his hospital bed, looking out at the night sky. He didn't turn around at the sound of the door of his room opening.
When a soft hand gently touched his shoulder, he turned and smiled.
Chung-Ah stood there, watching him. She seemed a bit worried, but Yi Chan couldn't stop smiling at her sight. She looked perfect. She was his joy.
Slowly, in those small movements that made her who she was—that made her perfect—she signed.
Why are you crying?
Yi Chan chuckled softly, his hand coming to wipe the remaining tears on his wet cheeks. He signed back, in the language he'd learn for her but that now were his too.
I had a dream.
Chung-Ah tilted her head slightly, observing his face.
Was it a bad one?
Yi Chan smiled, sniffled once. Softly, he reached out and pulled her in a gentle hug, her warmth spreading through him like a soothing balm.
"No." He muttered softly—like a secret no one could hear, even himself. "It wasn't."
Out in the cold, very high in the night sky, one star shined brighter than the others. One star, amongst all others.
A reminder of the one he lost, and all the others he still had.
AN: Okay so idk what was that. I was just creating scenarios peacefully in my head and thought why not make myself cry over something i barely recovered from? so here it is. I kinda hate this but whatever keeps the fandom alive ig—also im so sorry cause I feel like this is so out of character for Yi Chan?? I don't know sorry (╥﹏╥)
Anyway glad I post something, I have a few things coming so I hope you'll like it but it might take time coming out (like all of my works... sorry again). Feel free to comment as long as you're respectful to me and others! Constructive criticism is also very welcome!! I used to feel like a good writer but now that I'm starting to read others out there i realize just how much i can and should improve—
Hope you all have/had a good day/night!
Love♡