#yjdiary

[yjdiary]

Meeting new people trying new things

[yjdiary]

I need the world

but world doesn't need me

[yjdiary]

Hey you know what, I don't love the way I look but I'm ok with it

[yjdiary]

I woke, I remembered nothing

but it came back to me as I sat in aching pain on my chest

In the dream world I was working at a church, I was preparing meals for the church people. They were having an assembly or something, there were alot of people, but not too many when I got there since I was there early. I was about to sit, then I saw Nick. I instinctively avoided him, trying to find a spot without him noticing but I was one row in front of him, and he noticed me, he looked at me, not with a hating look but with a warm look. I can't remember the last time he looked at me so peacefully and warmly in real life. He looked at me in silence, I knew his brother walked in too. I tried to keep myself as small and natural as possible, trying to act like I'm not me, so that he would just pass me up. My heart was aching. I can't be just ok knowing he's in the room. I got up later, I think the meeting was over, the background changed. Nick came to talk to me, caught me by surprise. I didn't think he'd catch me up to talk to me even if he noticed me. I didn't really talk, I just remember not knowing what to do, then I was with my working partner, learning about my work. He talked about the fortune telling octopus, and how we should tell the answers and work when it's dark so the trees are pitch black - so people can't tell if the fortune was right or wrong. We had a whole grocery store in the church for some reason - we had meat and veggies and the tables that held the octopus was just in front of these, but we went to a backroom - which wasn't exactly a back-room in the sense it was legit meat store with a whole wall of glass, and glass door in front of the counter - it just happened to be at the back of the church because the butcher knew the priest. It was dark in the room, and My partner took out some real expensive and nice meat, but the butcher was opening the door of the store in the middle to come in. My partner quickly hid as soon as the butcher's shadow appeared near the door, and so did I. The butcher was big and scary looking, with a bag on his face, so we couldn't make out a face. He almost looked like a executor, sill holding his working knife. He must've forgotten something, because he picked something up from the counter and then headed right back out. That's when I realized that we weren't supposed to be here in the meat store. My partner was panicking, and I told him it's ok, we'll just make food for the priest out of the good meat that he opened without really knowing. We'll use the cheaper meat for the others. The butcher owed the priest, so if we did that we won't get in trouble even if we got caught. One thing that I was afraid of was the butcher coming after us, because he looked into the store as if he found something strange before he went out. Next day me and partner made food and people ate. I thought everything was going well, and it was just my over -sensitive thoughts that was afraid the butcher. As soon as I thought about that though, the butcher set fire in front of the entrance. People around the fire didn't know what to do - so I told them we should take the fire out, and  they all like 5 people grabbed a stick in the fire, and ran with it, and as soon as they started running I shouted for them to stop and stomp or cover it because they're just going to spread the fire by running around with it. Thank god I did because they were already starting to set things on small fire. They stopped and put it out, some on buildings, some across the street. Then I found Rioz's brother, who said I should talk to Rioz, and I wanted to. I felt like I just am doing Rioz wrong by still not done with moving on from Nick, so I decided to break up with him. Rioz's brother was worried for me and him, but I came and told Rioz, and Rioz just happily said ok, because he was more in love with his honey (which he was holding the whole time everything was happening - a huge round glass jar full of honey) than me. Then I woke... 

[yjdiary]

I'm too selfish to date

[yjdiary]

I am my worst enemy. *sighs*