Welcome back once more
Each time I post an entry, I have ambitions to stay around and fill this page with content I can share with others. On my mind it appears easy and yet I disappear for a great length of time and come around to sneak a peak many months later. It reminds of the way I filled my diaries. I kept under my pillow or in the night stand, the drawer underneath the bed I had as a teenager and which was the bed I fell off one day and needed a recovery for a year.
I make these anecdotes, leaving a piece of me in some random post and leaving a hint like the way I plant easter eggs in unpublished drafts. Drafts that also never finish and yet the dream remains.
Today - I hope it’s different.
I would like to be around. I would like to be the person who finally fills the diary pages to have something to look back to and say that whatever happened the day, it will not be forgotten.
I want to turn a dream into a blossoming tree. One as tall as an apple tree, the one I have always been connected to, whether it was allergies or being called a Snow White (does no one know I prefer the term a “vampire ghost”). Maybe a cherry tree, to remember my Tokyo adventures and the biggest adventure of my heart. A part of me would like a bonsai, small but ancient and a lot of hard work and discipline - but lost likely I am the unidentified shrub which cut down ear year as it grows in the garbage bin corner. Yet each spring it comes back, taller as ever.
If I could be that shrub, for the first time I am proud of it. I want to be the shrub, and I want the shrub to be alive and grow this year.
My dear, I have finished a draft this year. A step closer to the dream. And with this I hope to stay, or at least make the next hiatus a bit shorter than the one before.
Y.
