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You, Me and I - Chapter 6

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Fandoms: Dandadan

Relationship: Ayase Momo/Takakura “Okarun” Ken

Characters: Ayase Momo, Takakura “Okarun” Ken, Shiratori Aira (Dandadan), Enjouji “Jiji” Jin, Vamola (Dandadan), Sakata Kinta (Dandadan), Ayase Seiko, Turbo-Granny (Dandadan)

Additional Tags: Canon-Typical Violence, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Humor, Yokarun, Youkai Takakura “Okarun” Ken, Protective Takakura “Okarun” Ken, Soul Separation, Post-Space Globalists Arc (Dandadan), Dandadan Manga Spoilers, Pre-Relationship, Awkwardness, Yokarun is too honest and Okarun attempts damage control, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Angst

Summary:

A lot of weird things had happened in Okarun’s life since he met Momo.

Befriending ancient ghosts, stopping an alien invasion and being able to travel telephone lines.

This has become his new normal.

But seeing a version of yourself holding the girl of your heart in a tight hug and purring like an overgrown cat was still very surreal, even for his new standards.

Could you be jealous of yourself?

I have returned to this story! My first ever DanDaDan fanfic! xD Never forgot it, but Yokai Heart just became my main baby. Now I'm back to my roots and give you some emotional damage!

Please be aware that this chapter has a detailed description of a panic attack and suicidal thoughts, please read with care!

AO3 Link

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'This is so awkward', Okarun thought.

Usually, situations like this were awkward because Aira would constantly babble away while simultaneously fawning over him, leaving him overwhelmed and hopelessly lost.

But right now, both of them were quiet, with her sitting at her desk, all prim and proper with closed eyes, while he stood at her side, visibly out of place as he rubbed the back of his neck, not knowing what to say.

As soon as school had ended for the day, instead of rushing to Momo's classroom (because who knows what Yokarun had been up to all this time), he asked Vamola to let her know that he would be a few minutes late. After the mess that idiot made during lunch, Okarun felt like he had to apologize to his friends for the harsh words of his other self. Kinta and Vamola had been the first, though the latter had not received any real negative feedback and was not bothered at all. To earn Kinta's forgiveness, he had to promise to assist him with a Gunpla project of his in the near future…a punishment that actually seemed kind of fun, to be honest.

Now, he was in Aira's classroom, most of the other students having left already, and with their absence, there was practically nothing to fill the uncomfortable silence between the two. From what he could tell, Aira had been hurt the most by Yokarun's harsh, painfully candid words.

"I am ready to receive your apology, Takakura," Aira spoke up, still facing forward with closed eyes and slightly lowered head. The suddenness of her words made him flinch, before his neck rubbing became almost frantic, the skin already itchy from too much contact.

"Y-yes...so...I'm...I'm very sorry for what Yokarun said to you, Shiratori-san. I-it was uncalled for, and he shouldn't have been so blunt about it," Okarun managed to stammer, then bowed before her, "Please forgive him and myself for the rudeness."

Staying there with his head lowered, his eyebrow twitching with tension, he finally heard Aira sigh deeply.

"I'm…disappointed that you broke your promise to keep my secret," she let out a quiet huff, "but I suppose I can forgive you for that, since it was not truly you who spilled it. And whatever this 'Yokarun' individual said, it's not true, after all."

Confused at that statement, Okarun lifted his head to look into Aira's usual angelic smile that would've had any other guy caught swooning in seconds. As for him, he only felt dread forming in his stomach at her insinuation.

"W-well..." he mumbled when returning back into his usual almost straight but still hunched over posture, one hand fiddling with his glasses.

Aira tilted her head with that sugared tone he had grow familiar with, "You would never ever think such mean things about me, right Takakura? You're too kind, and you couldn't speak up with Ayase and that pale imitation of yours around. It makes sense that you were too shocked to correct it in the moment!"

From the corner of his eye, he could see that she was batting her eye lashes at him, her main method for gaining sympathy. Internally he grumbled frustrated, outwardly he just let out a small whimper.

His intention had been to apologize to Aira, not make things potentially worse. But he couldn't waste this opportunity Yokarun had given him, begrudgingly enough. For the sake of peace, he had never dared to speak up about Aira's behavior towards him, but it became more and more insufferable to deal with, and he knew, despite their squabbling, just being their way of friendly interaction, that Momo disliked it greatly when Aira was blatantly flirting with him.

It had taken him quite some time to figure out that this was what she had been doing all this time, Yokarun pointing it out earlier helped with that realization, and while he was partially flattered (what guy wouldn't be, honestly?), he couldn't tell how genuine she was, given how their first interaction went.

Did she really harbor feelings for him? Was it just a bit to annoy Momo and be playful? Or was she not able to tell herself and just went with the most romantic interpretation of her emotions?

Of course, Okarun couldn't tell. Heck, he had no friends at all just a few months prior, and now it felt like he had speed-run his emotional journey with Momo from friendly to very close to absolutely infatuated with his best friend. He didn't know where this emotional maturity came from. Maybe seeing Taro's confession to Hana helped, or the fact he had felt so dead inside when he thought Momo was gone during that battle…but he knew with all of his being that he was truly in love with Momo, no doubt about it, Yokarun being an undeniable proof of that, with how obviously smitten he acted around her.

(A fact he was still so incredibly jealous about. Wait, was it even logical to be jealous of an entity that was almost completely made of parts from yourself in the first place?)

Before he lost himself completely in his inner debate, Okarun focused back on the here and now, grasping for that tiny sliver of courage that wandered through his mind and wanted to set things right.

"I'm sorry, Shiratori-san," he said with no tremble or stutter, but still hesitant to look at her. "but there is no denying that Yokarun feels the same way as I do…just that…h-he can voice those feelings out loud." Taking in a deep breath, he finally managed to look at her with a determined glint in his eyes, "It's not that I don't enjoy having you around, because I truly do! But as a friend. A friend that respects my boundaries and does not cling to me, like you do." Seeing how shocked the girl looked at him, his boldness was rapidly slipping away, so the last words were more a murmur. "It...does make me feel uncomfortable..."

Okarun knew it had to be said. A tiny part of him groused over the fact how unmanly it was of him to admit that a girl's closeness made him uncomfortable. More importantly, however, he felt awful for potentially hurting his friend's feelings even further. But…there simply was no scenario where nobody ended up hurt, he knew that. In the short time since meeting Momo, he had learned that friendship wasn't always just sunshine and rainbows. Conflict was part of it, and he prayed that this was one that could be resolved sooner than later.

While he had not outright said it, he hoped that putting an emphasis on seeing her as a friend would make it clear that there was no romantic interest from his side without being too harsh about it…

Man, how did an occult nerd like him even end up in such a situation like this in the first place? Not even in his wildest dreams had he ever even considered the possibility that he would be in the position to reject a girl, especially one that was as pretty and popular as Shiratori Aira.

It was just....she wasn't Momo...

There was another stretch of silence in which he couldn't bare looking at his friend, the last of his courage having completely vanished. He could hear her breathing unevenly and he worried that she would start crying any second now. However, to his relief, nothing of the sort happened, and she gradually seemed to have calmed down.

"I...I see." Aira's own words were just above a whisper, Okarun wondering for a moment if she had actually said something at all. She was staring down at her desk again, but before he could come up with words of comfort or just anything at all, she was suddenly standing up and grabbing her schoolbag. "In that case, it is my turn to apologize." She turned to him with an expression of elegant neutrality that he hadn't thought was possible coming from her, and bowed to him, "You are right. A true friend and leader should know not to impose herself on others. I hope you can forgive me for this transgression."

The way she spoke so formally didn't sit quite right with him, but he had pulled the rug under her feet in a way, so it might've been just her way of dealing with the situation and whatever she was currently feeling. He mustered up a smile as best as he could.

"Of course, all's forgiven."

Barely showing a change in emotion, Aira nodded at that, when she straightened up again. She walked past him to leave the classroom- unexpectedly, she stopped after a few steps. Ever so slightly, she turned around, not enough for him to see her face in full.

"I may have lost this battle, due to my premature actions and lack of proper experience, but I am not giving up on this war."

Not elaborating any further, Aira mumbled a quick goodbye and left a totally dumbfounded Okarun all alone in the classroom.

For a few seconds, he just stared after her, before he let out a quiet keen, running his hand through his hair.

Maybe he should have been more clear with his words…

After somewhat recovering from that disaster of an attempted apology, his stress-level still higher than he would've liked, Okarun made his way to Momo's class. When he arrived, it was already empty, but he didn't worry too much about that. She would always stay waiting for him either at the lockers or the gate.

Not wanting to leave Momo alone with Yokarun any longer than was absolutely necessary, he hurried to the school genkan to change into his outdoor shoes.

He was surprised to find Jiji there, standing in front of his open locker and just...staring forward.

"Jiji!" Okarun called out to him as he approached his friend. The other boy visibly flinched, like his shout had ripped him right out of his deep thoughts, that tension completely unnatural to see on the normally so bubbly and extroverted teen.

"Heyyy...Okarun," Jiji greeted him back when he stood before him, a smile on his face that looked way too forced. It was even worse than the one he had put on when dealing with the Kitos. Okarun tilted his head at that and his tone.

"Everything alright?"

"Yup, everything is super duper okayo mayo!" he warbled in a way too high pitched in tone, before suddenly slamming the door to his locker a bit too forcefully, causing Okarun to flinch this time.

Adjusting his glasses, he studied his friend the best he could. Jiji was not meeting his eyes at all and his foot tapped on the ground nervously.

"Are you sure? You know you can-" Okarun tried again to coax the taller teen into spilling what was bothering him, but Jiji didn't let him finish his sentence.

"Yooo, Momo and your other half are out there waiting at the gate; probably shouldn't make them wait much longer!" he said and pointed with both hands towards the exit of the school grounds, face and tone becoming more strained by the second.

"U-uhm…yeah, probably." It was all that Okarun could utter, a bit taken aback at the interruption.

"Coolio. I have to scram. Training and such. See ya!"

Okarun just watched stunned at how Jiji practically fled the genkan, leaving him behind without a second glance. Something was definitely amiss. He was 100% sure that there was no soccer training that day. "Oh…uhm, 'kaaay…"

Trying to ignore the uneasy feeling in the pit of his stomach, his stress-level raising yet again, he quickly changed his shoes and ran to the gate.

Momo was the first he spotted, talking very animatedly while gesturing all over the place with her hands. When he got closer, the could see that Yokarun was leaning against the wall of the school gate with crossed arms. It appeared like he was listening attentively to her, nodding along and smiling…but he looked way less enthusiastic than Okarun would have expected from his other self at this point, despite having Momo's full attention.

The moment the gyaru spotted him, she stopped with whatever wild story she was spinning and waved at him.

"There you are, Okarun! We have been waiting for aaaages!" she complained in a mocking tone. Her wide, brilliant grin made his heart jump in joy. The stress that had built up over the school day simmered down to a barely noticeable annoyance in the back of his mind.

With a smile of his own, he jogged over to them.

"Sorry about that. I...had to take care of something," he explained himself vaguely, not wanting to mention his apology to Aira. Momo would probably say she deserved the trash talk she had gotten from Yokarun, and while she was not completely wrong, he would've preferred to keep the mood chill. Instead, he redirected the focus to the Yokai, who had said nothing and only watched him. "I hope he hasn't caused anymore trouble since our lunch break?"

Weirdly enough, Yokarun's face twisted into an expression that Okarun almost wanted to call guilty, like a dog knowing it was about to get caught having done something naughty, before the Yokai looked away entirely from the two.

"Not at all. He's been pretty quiet the whole time, actually," Momo answered, giving him an unsure shrug when Okarun looked at her with an eyebrow raised in confusion.

Yokarun chimed in, "Can't bother Momo-chan all day long, yo. She needs to focus on school, otherwise she'll fail." His lips curled into a small smile at Momo's indignant noise, but he cooed with that particularly weird expression on his face returning, one that Okarun refused to try to identify, "After all, we want her to graduate with us."

Even when Okarun could feel his cheeks warm up a bit, it was not the worst his other self had uttered so far; there was nothing wrong with wanting your best friend to succeed in their academic efforts! Together…at the same time…celebrating and seeing her beaming with confidence-!

"W-well, it's good to know you can behave," he stammered and adjusted his glasses, doing his best to ignore Momo's giggle.

Agreeing that Yokarun had done his dues with getting them to school earlier in the morning, Momo and Okarun pulled the cart back to the shrine together while the Yokai trudged after them. Okarun couldn't help but notice it, how his other self was giving off such opposite vibes compared to in the morning, where he seemed to be so eager to be close to Momo and shower her with affection. Now, it looked like he was content with just being in her near vicinity and keeping his mouth shut.

Not that Okarun was about to complain about that. The less he talked, the lower the chances that the idiot would spill something that could and would ruin everything.

However, there was no denying that his almost uncharacteristic silence also made the back of Okarun's mind tingle with unease…

We love listening to Momo-chan. She is so cute.

But the heavy feeling in our stomach...

What did he do? He is not honest. We should always be honest with Momo-chan.

We are in big trouble. We hurt Jiji. He will be so angry.

Momo-chan can't fail her class. We want to celebrate and start a new chapter in our lives together with her!

No more horse. Yay. That's so kind of them.

It's eating us, the bad feeling. Why can't it go away? Don't even feel like talking to Momo-chan.

Happiness. Guilt. Frustrated. Guilt. Excited. Guilt.

Guilt.

Guilt…

Despite the protests of both Momo and Yokarun combined, Okarun stood his ground. He hadn't been to his apartment in over a week and he had to check on things. Besides, the clothes he had at the Ayase house were only spares (he couldn't keep borrowing Momo's clothes all the time, knowing damn well not to mention that in front of Yokarun or risk having the idiot spill some…r-rather embarrassing truths), and his school supplies and toiletries were just the basic stuff. He needed a shower and he'd like to use his own shampoo and body wash, thank you!

There was also the other point that he wanted to keep Yokarun away from Momo as much as possible, not trusting that the other would keep quiet like this for long. Even when that meant he himself had to avoid her for a while...it was a necessary sacrifice! He could stay strong; he had to stay strong, for the sake of their friendship not getting ruined by his other half's probable unveiling!

After a lot of grumbling and even a few tears from the Yokai (he could cry??), the boys said their goodbyes to Momo at the torii gate. As soon as she was inside, they glanced at each other. For a solid minute. In silence. It was clear what unspoken question hung in the air and what the answer was.

They walked back to his...to their apartment. Side by side.

There was not a chance that Okarun would ever want to be carried around by his other self, mortified at the thought of being held or clinging to his back.

Yokarun didn't like the thought, of someone else other than Momo on his back, in the first place, so the idea of having himself there or in his arms…it made him visibly shudder, his spiritual flames sputtering briefly.

It was already an unusual and even awkward situation for Okarun to have company on his way home in general, but having no conversation take place only exacerbated the uncomfortable atmosphere. This was strange, he noticed; usually, he thought of himself as rather quiet, but now this situation forced him to realize that yeah, he did talk a lot when with friends. If it was not him rambling about the newest articles of his magazines, or one of his many alien theories that were constantly being updated with every new encounter they faced (something he mostly did with Momo), then whatever friend that was with him got a topic they could talk about that he eagerly wanted to hear and ask questions on. Understandably, one would think that with Yokarun being partially the same as Okarun, they would yap at each other immediately and endlessly.

But Okarun still didn't know what to make of this whole dilemma. Bringing up anything about aliens or cryptids seemed pointless; Yokarun had the same knowledge and viewpoints as him, after all, so it would probably be like talking to your own reflection. The only thing else he could think of was possibly talking about their friends, and right now that was something he absolutely wanted to avoid. The things the Yokai said, especially about Momo, may have been true, but Okarun had always done his best to bury those thoughts and feelings, for the sake of the friendships he was finally granted after so many years of loneliness.

Glancing over to the other him, Okarun saw that he was just staring at the ground before him, shoulders slouching even more than what he had observed so far.

He couldn't quite explain it, but...the way Yokarun looked almost felt familiar to him.

"What's on your mind?" Okarun suddenly spoke up without thinking, earning himself an ever so slightly surprised look from the other. Huh…it felt like neither part of him expected him to do that.

"Nothing..." was the Yokai's simple answer. Now, while Okarun knew from the times he had transformed that he wasn't exactly a chatterbox at all like that, the way Yokarun sounded so deflecting and how he turned his head away from view only reinforced Okarun's suspicions from earlier: something was wrong.

"I think I know myself well enough that I can tell that something is bothering you," Okarun tried again.

"Don't want to talk about it." Another evasive reply.

It was such a strange case. He knew from himself that he would not want to bother someone else with his thoughts and problems, so he understood Yokarun in that regard.

But Okarun also didn't know how to handle or even think of Yokarun. Truly as part of himself? As his own person instead? Because if the latter was the case, Okarun definitely wanted to help. Wanted to be there, like a good friend would, even when he didn't know if Yokarun was something like a friend, or just a temporary nuisance.

Well, he hoped that Yokarun was just something temporary. He couldn't imagine having to deal with him on a long-term basis. And yet…he couldn't help but want to be nice to him, because anything else felt wrong. Even when Okarun had a hard time being nice to himself normally (and Yokarun was part of himself, right?), he couldn't think about being outright cruel to his mopey other half…huh, did this mean that he was now being kinder to himself, in a sense?

… this situation was like some sort of twisted intervention, wasn't it?

Before Okarun could spiral downward into that rapidly developing existential crisis, he noticed that Yokarun had stopped walking and just stood there in the middle of the street. They had reached the residential area of Kamigoe and were to close to the apartment, but the Yokai clearly refused to take another step until he was heard.

"…you will hate us." Yokarun plainly stated, still looking down into nothingness.

Okarun's stomach churned, the rising anxiety from the statement pushing the confusion of him saying 'us' instead of 'me' yet again out of his mind.

"Yokarun..." he said with trembling voice as he stepped towards the other, "What did you do?"

The Yokai raised his eyes to look at him, expression more detached than ever with the color desaturated to near monochrome within his eyes and markings.

"I told Jiji."

Okarun's eyes widened in shock.

No further explanation was needed. He knew exactly what Yokarun had meant.

"Why...why would you do that!?" Okarun asked, at first in a whisper, but then his voice had become louder, devolving into a near screech.

"He asked me!" Yokarun tried to justify himself, but the guilt was now so palpable on his face and in his voice as he lowered his head, it was obvious he was beating himself up over his reckless decision. "I didn't think...it would be that bad..."

"You didn't-" Okarun gasped indignantly and clenched his fists tight to keep himself from screaming, his nails painfully pressing divots into his palms. "What did you think would happen? That Jiji would just accept it and not get upset over it?!"

Initially, Yokarun only answered with shrugging one shoulder, before he attempted to voice his reason.

"It just...felt right. Friends...friends should be honest to each other…shouldn't they?" His eyes flicked up to his other. "We have so much anger in us…all because of what Evil Eye almost did to Momo-chan. We can't carry it around forever and pretend it's not there. It's festering in us…it's like poison…it would've been worse the longer we waited-"

"M-maybe!! But not like this!!" Okarun now shouted, voice shrill from sheer panic. "You were absolutely blunt about it, weren't you!? That- this is such a delicate subject! Y-you can't just tell him that, cold-open, and be done with it!!" Now it made sense why Jiji had been so weird earlier and seemed like he wanted to get away from him so quickly. Without thinking, Okarun curled his fingers into his hair and pulled at a few strands. "I...I have to fix this! Apologize to Jiji...explain that it's not like what he thinks it is...he…h-he thinks I h-hate him, doesn't he…?"

He couldn't loose Jiji as a friend. Even when he knew Aira longer than him, Okarun would always consider him the second true friend he made after Momo. He didn't share his enthusiasm in sports, but he could always talk with him about his own interest and Jiji would be genuinely excited about it, and they both put in the effort to learn about each other's interests. Okarun even learned how to kick balls properly because of Jiji, which ended up saving his ass during his fights with Evil Eye! They went through so much together…

Why…why must he have such resentment towards Jiji for that one accident? Momo was fine in the end, and Jiji had just been his kind and selfless self in his attempts to give Evil Eye a chance. It was not his fault that he was tricked, and Evil Eye was even starting to behave…

Why couldn't he get over this single, stupid mistake that happened once and was likely never to happen again?

Why did he have to cling to this disgusting resentment and hurt one of his best friends so deeply? How betrayed must Jiji feel right now?

And why couldn't Yokarun keep his stupid mouth shut and instead ruin everything?!

Breathing had become a chore seemingly out of nowhere, his heart frantically beating like he had been running a marathon while standing still, hunched over and feeling like gravity was crushing him from the inside out. Every part of him was shaking, his ears screaming in high pitches in his head, his vision growing fuzzy around the outer edges…

It got worse as tears prickled at the corners of Okarun's eyes, before he squeezed them tightly shut. It was unclear if it was mostly from his fear of potentially losing Jiji, or the pain he felt from almost ripping his hair out.

Before he could actually tear any of his locks, large hands grabbed Okarun's wrists and gently moved them away from his head. Their touch was really cold, shocking him into releasing his hair with ease.

Slowly opening his eyes, Okarun looked up into the worried face of Yokarun.

"Chill, Ken. You'll end up having a panic attack, if you aren't already," he whispered in a rather unexpectedly soothing voice.

It would've been a nice gesture from anyone else, talking to him to calm him down. But coming from Yokarun? It only pissed Okarun off in a way he rarely experienced.

"And who's fault would that be, huh!?" he snarked at the other and yanked his wrists out from Yokarun's hold, barely holding back the urge to shove him away.

This Yokai...this stupid imitation of him was no friend. How could he have thought of him like that for even a second!? He was a nuisance. A curse. And as much as he wished, he couldn't send him away, couldn't even say any of the things that went flying through his head. It was just...too mean spirited, too…redirected from things he had already thought to himself.

The look on the Yokai's face said enough: he was already well aware of what Okarun was close to shouting in his face.

Taking in a deep breath, Okarun did his best to recollect himself. As angry as he was at Yokarun, he unfortunately had a point. Having a panic attack in the middle of the street would not solve anything.

"Let's just go..." he muttered when he felt he had enough of himself under control. Without waiting for the other's input and completely ignoring his irritably despondent look, Okarun managed to get his legs moving and mind churning for a way to apologize to Jiji and maybe save their friendship…

We don't want to leave Momo-chan! She is our happy place! Our comfort!

Everything is miserable without her.

We want to talk with him. But the bad feeling keeps us from it.

He is suspicious. He knows. He is right.

We were right. He hates us. Hates himself. Hurts himself. We have to stop him!

He always hated himself. We made it worse. We are the worst.

Upset. Awkward. Anxious. Pain. Self-Loathing.

The original plan had been to catch up on the school material he has missed in the past week. But after what Yokarun had done, Okarun had no ounce of patience in him to bother with his homework.

When they entered the apartment, everything was exactly the way Okarun had left it behind, only now with the addition of a thick layer of dust coating everything and making the air taste stale. Flipping on the light switch, Okarun got rid of his shoes and tossed his schoolbag into a corner with more force than was necessary. He didn't care about the contents or the possible scuff marks on the wall as he started to pace back and forth through the living room, trying to decide what to do. Meanwhile, Yokarun jumped up on the couch to perch on the armrest, quietly watching his other half with ever growing worry.

It might have been for the best to wait until tomorrow to talk with Jiji, let things blow over a bit and calm down, but Okarun knew he himself would not be even remotely able to rest until he had at least spoken to his friend and said sorry. A small part of him wanted to do nothing, give up and wallow in self-pity at the lost friendship. But a bigger part of him, the one awakened and nurtured by being around Momo, wanted to be proactive, to actually fight for his friendship and keep that bond in a desperate grapple like the lifeline it deserved to be treated as.

With a determined nod to himself, Okarun went to the small table with the landline phone. He'd at least try to call and reach out to Jiji, and whether or not Jiji would talk to him now, at least his friend would know that Okarun was trying to apologize for everything-

He was about to pick up the receiver, when he noticed a small red light blinking.

The answering machine.

Someone must've called while he had been out. But who? Nobody ever called him, hence why he had been in no rush to get a new mobile phone, even when it would be more efficient to stay in contact with his new friends now. But Momo also lacked a mobile phone, so he wanted to wait for her before he would consider getting himself one.

Shoving the topic of mobile phones out of his mind for now, he pressed the button to listen to any recorded messages.

Okarun's heart plummeted into the deepest pits of his stomach when he heard the angry voice of his father, demanding that he call back as soon as he could bother to.

The school's threat of informing his parents about his absences and bad grades came back to the forefront of his mind and he could feel his whole body begin to shake, his own personal earthquake weakening his crumbling foundation.

"Bastard..."

He barely heard Yokarun growl from his spot on the couch behind him, but ignored it.

His parents never checked on him. Never called to wish him happy birthday or a happy new year. They made calls for him only when necessary, like registering him for school or for a doctor's appointment. The only constant contact he had with them was the monthly transfer of his allowance from them.

The last time he had actually spoken to them had been at the beginning of middle school, back when he still had the courage to speak up about the other kids bullying him. That only earned him a stern lecture from his father about growing up and being a man, the child only getting belittled for being so weak and pathetic, a sorry excuse for a son. Since then, Okarun had stopped trying to defend himself or seek help from anyone, having gone practically mute…up until Momo came into his life.

Without thinking about it, his hand had picked up the receiver and his finger trembled over the button to call the number of his father back.

"You don't need to do this right now," came Yokarun's concerned voice from behind, but again, Okarun ignored it and pressed the button.

Delaying this would only make things worse.

The beep tone while waiting for his father to pick up rang through his whole body, every single buzzing sound causing his heart to beat faster. He felt dizzy from the billowing, building dread, almost hoping his father would be too busy and that he would instead get more time of peace.

Suddenly, he caught white hair in the corner of his eye and barely saw how Yokarun pressed another button on the old landline console. For a moment, Okarun thought he had stopped the call and wanted to snap at him for doing so, but then-

Clack

»Ah, my good-for-nothing son finally deigned himself to calling me back. How gracious of you.«

Well, if that wasn't a heartwarming greeting…Okarun shrunk into himself at the way his father almost spat at him through the receiver. Apparently, the pressed button had been the loudspeaker, so that Yokarun could listen in on the conversation. The moment his father's voice had come from the speakers, the Yokai's expression darkened and he looked at the phone with so much disdain, that Okarun worried he would smash it any second.

"I-I'm sorry I wasn't able to answer your call, sir," Okarun stuttered out his apology, now realizing how dry his mouth felt. Despite the loudspeaker, he refused to let go of the phone receiver, clinging to it with both hands like it was the only thing keeping his soul from leaving his body.

»Hrmpf, school should've been over two hours ago. Where the Hell have you been?«

"As if he actually cares," Yokarun muttered with a sharp bite. Okarun kept ignoring him.

"I was just...walking a friend home."

»Oh, were you now? How nice of you.« The sarcasm in his father's voice gave him the impression he didn't truly believe that Okarun had a friend after all these years, not that he could exactly fault him for that. »That friend the reason why you never show up in school anymore?«

That was a bit harsh. It wasn't like he was never at school anymore. It just had become more...frequent that he had to leave school earlier or not show up at all.

"N-No. There have been some...emergencies lately," was all he could come up with. It was not like he could tell his father that he had almost died from an alien attack and had been in a coma for several days.

(Would…would he even have cared if…?)

»Emergencies, huh? Funny way of saying you skipped school to hang out with your delinquent friends.«

"Momo-chan is not a delinquent, you-" Yokarun suddenly spoke up loudly with waves of anger rolling off of him in visible waves as the room turned red, and even though his father would not be able to hear the Yokai, Okarun slapped his hand over his mouth to keep him quiet. He looked very displeased by this, the crimson markings on his face glowing angrily like red hot coals. As much as Okarun understood Yokarun's outburst, his comments kept distracting him and he didn't want to address his other by accident when he was supposed to be alone-

A short, dismissive laugh came from the speaker.

»Momo-chan? Really, Ken?«

Both Okarun and Yokarun looked at each other with wide, surprised eyes.

Wait! How did his father even hear Yokarun over the-

… phone.

… shit.

Of course he could influence the phone in some way as a proper Yokai. His recently discovered ability to travel through phone lines was just one of the ways to do it.

'Stupid ghost shit,' Okarun thought. At least Yokarun had the decency to give him a properly apologetic look, apparently just has surprised by this as him.

»How incompetent and desperate are you that you let some hussy wrap you around her finger like that? You wouldn't have let your education slide this much had your so-called friend been an upstanding student.«

Immediately, Okarun felt Yokarun snarl against his hand, scratching his palm slightly with his sharp teeth. He heard the wood of the table creak under the Yokai's tight grip, the long nails digging deep welts into it. He was almost tempted to remove his hand and let the other speak his mind again. How dare his father call Momo...that. He didn't know her at all! He didn't know what was going on in his life, all the shit he's been through even before the supernatural became involved, and he definitely didn't know a damn thing about this wonderful, amazing and kind girl who literally saved his pathetic, lonely existence.

He wanted to set the record straight, wanted to shout at his father for being so disrespectful to his best friend, the most important person to have ever entered his life…

But he couldn't.

He could never talk back to his father.

His fear wouldn't allow it.

As absent as they were, his parents still had full control over him, up until he would come of age…and probably even after that, too. They were the ones who let him live in this apartment and provided him with the funds to be on his own, the little money he earned from his newspaper deliveries aside.

His rage and panic were fighting inside his mind, causing his whole body to shake from his repressed emotions. It felt like he was about to boil over any second.

Taking his silence as admission, his father continued talking.

»We let you have your freedom with going to a public school and indulging yourself in those silly interests of yours. But we cannot tolerate this behavior. You damage this family's reputation with your childish actions and lack of discipline.«

And there it was. The only thing his parents ever truly cared about: their reputation. To be seen as successful and perfect. The very opposite of what he was.

»If you can't show us that you're a responsible adult, we have no choice but to transfer you.«

All the air suddenly left his lungs. His body became completely still. Even Yokarun stopped fighting against Okarun's hold on his mouth and looked as shocked as he felt, despite his normally expressionless face.

"W-what?" Okarun whispered, barely loud enough to get through the speaker.

»You heard me right, Ken. If you can't be left unsupervised, then we will transfer you to a private school close by, to get you away from those hooligan friends of yours, and so your mother and I can keep an eye on you. Do you understand?«

Okarun's head started to throb. His heart pumped so loud, it almost drowned out the words of his father. Not that it mattered, the message rang loud and clear down to the very depths of his soul, strangling him worse than any curse on him could have done.

They....would sent him away. Away from his friends. Away from Momo. He…he would be all alone again. He wouldn't be there to protect her. Get her out of danger, save her from her own reckless plans. She could die for real the next time. Because he wouldn't be there…

»Do you understand, Ken?« His father repeated himself, when Okarun didn't answer for several seconds. »This is your last chance to prove that you're a man worthy of being part of this family.«

"I...I understand...sir," Okarun managed to talk past the hard lump that formed in his throat, painfully scraping from the desert dryness within. The hand that had covered Yokarun's mouth now dropped to his side. Breathing became very hard with every passing second.

»Good,« his father harrumphed. »Now if you excuse me, I have an important meeting to attend to. Wasted enough time as it is.«

And with that, he hung up.

"How dare he threaten us like this, that cruel, son of a-," Yokarun growled at the phone, his markings still glowing, but was interrupted by Okarun slamming the receiver down on the switchhook.

"…Ken?" The Yokai tentatively asked, voice more calm when he noticed how hard the boy was breathing, while grabbing onto the phone table for dear life.

But Okarun didn't hear him. His heartbeat was deafening in his ears, together with the ringing that grew louder and louder. He tried to take deep breaths, to calm himself. But barely any air went past the painful lump in his throat, the muscles all tense, his back beginning to ache from the rising stiffness, his arms and legs shuddering from the strain of keeping himself upright.

He needed to stay calm. He needed to get himself together. He could still fix this. Yeah, he could fix this! Just...just needed to get his act together. Learn more. Forgo sleep. Do all his homework and school research during the night. Apologize to Jiji. Train harder. Become stronger. End fights faster so that he didn't have to skip school.

His legs felt like jelly. The lack of oxygen made him feel dizzy.

No, now was not the time to freeze up. He had homework, didn't he? Yeah, he had to go be a perfect student…he could do that. He had to. He had to. He had to-

As soon as he let go of the table, he slumped to the ground. However, he didn't hit his head on anything, only because the pair of cold hands that grabbed him by the shoulders had carefully held and led him into an upright sitting position.

But Okarun didn't acknowledge that. It was not important. He had to stop being such a wimp. But it was so hard. Everything was just working so hard against him. Clawing at his hair, he tried to breath again, but all he managed to do was wheeze through tightened airways. His face burned with salty tears falling. He shouldn't cry. He wasn't supposed to cry. He would only get lectured again. He had to be perfect.

"...en...?"

Someone shook him by the shoulders, but Okarun couldn't see, couldn't register what was going on around him.

Why?

Why couldn't he catch a break?

Why did bad things keep happening to him?

What did he do to deserve this? Any of this??

Almost dying because he was not strong enough. Almost losing Momo because he was not fast enough. Close to losing his friendship with Jiji, all because he couldn't forgive just one tiny mistake. The threat of being taken away from the home he had finally found here, all because he couldn't manage his life.

He was so weak. So pathetic.

He would never see Momo again. Would lose her. Be alone again. Forever.

"Ken!"

His chest hurt so much. Was this what heartbreak was? His heart had felt like it splintered into million pieces back when he thought Momo had died. It had been revived when he saw that she was okay. Right now, there was no hope like there was in that moment he saw her. There was no future he could see past this looming threat.

Was he dying? He would absolutely die without Momo. He had been dead before, eaten alive by loneliness. Momo was the only one who made him feel thar he was alive. That he was someone…maybe even worth caring about, even if just for a moment in the grand, cruel scheme of things.

But he wasn't. He was worthless. Couldn't make his family proud. Couldn't protect his friends. Couldn't tell Momo how he really felt. He was dying all over again; it's what he deserved for having the audacity to think that things could be better, that he didn't have to be perfect.

He could die, and nothing would change.

He should just die-

"KEN!"

The shout startled Okarun, his heart almost jumping out of his throat. It felt like he was now hyperventilating, but at least some of his focus came back.

Yokarun was crouched in front of him, his face scrunched in distress. The red lines were not glowing anymore. Okarun realized he himself had a tight grip on his hair again, and that his other half seemed to be the only thing keeping him from digging his nails into his skull, as his arms were outstretched to hold Okarun's wrists in place once more like before.

Noticing that Okarun was finally looking directly at him, Yokarun managed to school his expression into a smile.

"Sorry, didn't mean to shout," he tried to joke a little. His voice was much quieter now, rumbling slightly as he kept his tone calm and low. His vermilion eyes flicked over to Okarun's wrists for a second, before he looked back at him. "Yo…think you can...ya know, maybe relax your grippers a bit, there? Don't wanna give Momo-chan a reason to call you baldy again."

Momo...calling him baldy?

Right. When they had...clacked teeth. They had argued. Momo insulted him with baldy. It had been so lame.

"There you go," Yokarun almost cooed at him. Apparently, Okarun had managed to loosen his death grip on his hair without noticing, barely feeling the single chuckle that had escaped him. The Yokai took the opportunity to take Okarun's hot and sweaty hands in his own, cool ones, fully encapsulating them with his gnarled fingers, rough with callouses he never really noticed were there.

If only his heart could calm down. He couldn't keep up with breathing, trying his best to get as much air into his lungs as possible, but his throat felt so tight. He wanted it to stop. Wanted to stop feeling lonely. Wanted everything to stop-

"Look at me, Ken."

The slight squeeze of Yokarun's cold hands kept him from drifting away again. His eyes found the crimson and gold ones of his other self. They seemed...so gentle…

"Breathe with me, okay buddy?"

He waited until Okarun managed a small nod and then started to take in slow and deep breaths, breathing out long and slow, purposefully letting the stream of air brush against Okarun's face so he could feel the soothing rhythm. In again, out again. Long and slow. Controlled. The teenager struggled to mimic him, but after a minute or so, it felt like some more air managed to go past his throat and into his lungs. In again, out again. His heart was still hammering, but at least it wasn't pounding so loudly anymore.

In again, out again.

In again, out again, the cooling breath slightly tickling him.

In again…out again…

Seeing that Okarun was slowly coming down to a manageable level, Yokarun stopped with his exaggerated breathing and squeezed his hands again.

"Nobody will take you away, alright? We can fix things. Fix our school grades...and fix things with Jiji." He paused for a moment, glancing to the side with a rueful expression, before he looked back at him with a smile. "You're not alone in this. You have your friends. Always."

It was...oddly comforting to hear him say that they could fix it. Not him, Okarun, alone. But them together. And that his friends would help him. Of course they would. They were all the best. They cared, didn't they? Heh, they would probably get angry at him if he tried to do this on his own. Momo alone would grapple onto him and shake him for being such a stubborn idiot…

A slight smile appeared on Okarun's lips.

His heart calmed down more at the thought of Aira forming a study plan, how Kinta would try to interfere with his own strategy, while Vamola and Jiji goofed off, trying to make studying more fun. And Momo....Momo would be the one to complain the loudest about studying, but he was certain she would be the one most determined to get his grades back on track, because Okarun knew she would be upset the most if he would have to go. They still had to go to the beach together, after all. Who would walk her home after her long shifts? And who else would be her legs in a fight when she struggled with her endearingly terrible stamina?

Cool hands squeezed his own yet again and Okarun's eyes focused back on the Yokai in front of him, face now relaxed in relief.

"You wanna go back home? See Momo-chan?" he asked.

Home...Momo...

Yes, the Ayase household was his true home. And so was Momo. The thought of seeing her smiling face, maybe even getting to hold her hands, filled Okarun with such calmness that there was no room for the usual bought of embarrassment.

With an exhausted smile, he nodded.

"Awesome," Yokarun grinned and slowly let go of Okarun's hands. He almost panicked again, fearing that with out their grounding effect, he would lose himself in his thoughts again. But nothing like that happened, as Yokarun gave him a cool glass of water that he could hold onto in the meantime.

"You take a little sip and chill out for a moment. I'll fetch some clothes and things, and the rest of your school stuff. Sound good, bud?"

Okarun tried to use his voice, but his throat was still so dry that he only managed a weak cough, before he took a big gulp of water and resorted to just nodding. Yokarun gave him a thumbs up.

"Cool. Will just take a sec, yo."

And with that, the Yokai went zipping around the apartment to gather the things he had listed.

After taking another swig of water, Okarun raised his hand to look at it. It was still shaking. His whole body was far from completely relaxed, and he felt beyond spent, completely and wholly drained. But he clung to the prospect of seeing Momo soon, to keep his thoughts from spiraling again. When he was with her, everything was possible.

Everything would be alright.

Okarun's sense of time must have been very muddled, as it felt like hours before Yokarun was standing in front of him again and handed him an old, but thick jacket.

"It's getting chilly outside. Need to keep you bundled up," he explained at Okarun's slightly confused look.

Made sense. He had felt hot before, but now a shiver crept over his back, his skin clammy and chilled.

With more effort than should have been necessary, Okarun managed to get into the jacket. What he did not manage to do was stand up on his feet. His legs still felt like someone replaced his muscles with jello, and as soon as he tried to stand, he felt sickeningly dizzy again.

Great, how was he supposed to get to Momo like this?

"Here."

Okarun looked up to see Yokarun in a crouch, arms stretched out backwards and toward him. He had Okarun's school bag on his chest and a duffel slung over to his side.

"You sure?" he managed to croak out, eyeing him uncertainly, but the other merely shrugged.

"It's an emergency, so it's fine." He turned his head around enough so that Okarun could see his grin. "Just don't make a habit out of it."

The teenager let out a small, amused huff at that. "Wouldn't…dream of it."

Taking it slow, Okarun managed to crawl onto the back of his other half and weakly wrapped his arms around his neck like Momo always did. As soon as Yokarun had a secure hold on his legs and made sure he wouldn't topple over with all the extra weight, they left the grey and lifeless apartment. Together.

He is so angry. We should stay out of his way. Give him space.

No. Not him.

He should not call. He is not ready for it now.

So stubborn. And always about the wrong things. We have to hear, we have to support him.

Hearing his voice makes our blood boil. Our so-called father. He doesn't care. He despises us.

He insulted Momo-chan! He has no right! No right to judge us, and especially not her!

Oh no, we used our powers? We got him in more trouble. Stupid.

He should be glad he is not here. We would've torn him apart!

No…no! Don't take us away! Please! We can't leave Momo-chan!

He is afraid. He is panicking. This is not good.

He doesn't hear us, doesn't see us. We have to help!

Keep calm. We have to stay calm. For his sake.

We...I need to help him.

He sees me again. Hears me again. I can help him now.

I know what to do. But I'm not enough. We need Momo-chan. Our sunshine.

No ego, no pride. This is important. I have to take care of him. I need to bring him home.

Regret. Fear. Angry. Hate. Confused. Furious. Panic. Anguish. Hope. Comfort.

#ymi

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