01.01.20: Kazetsuyo Episode 22: Embrace Your Loneliness
I think the saddest thing about Yohei’s story is that he’s never given himself the chance for others to get to know the real him. How many times have people extended an invitation to him to join them, only for him to snub their offer because, perhaps, he expected preferential treatment from them? To be considered a “best friend”? He’s so attention starved, but the kind of attention he seeks is not forthcoming because he’s placed himself so high on his own pedestal that people can’t reach him even if they sincerely wanted to. He desires closeness but self-sabotages and pushes people away.
It’s not wrong to want to be seen as special, of course, but what he doesn’t realise is that friendships need to start on equal ground, and him being such a prideful creature who refuses to get down to their level is why Yohei finds it so difficult to make that connection with others. How could a friendship progress to something more, if he’s not even being true to himself? That’s why he always ends up being disappointed by others and shutting himself out.
He’s also forgotten that Haiji was the one who extended his hand to him first. (And as we all know, Haiji specifically chose these members to run the ekiden. So in every sense of the word, Yohei was considered special to Haiji too). But when he’s running, Yohei’s unable to maintain his facade of perfection anymore. He sees his own weakness, as does his teammates, and yet... he feels that connection to them because this is his shameful, authentic self. He is a nobody. Just like everyone else. And like that, he’s able to see his own value as an important member of the team in spite of his own weakness, see people cheering on the streets for him. At the end of the day, everyone is alone in their struggles, but perhaps in admitting it so, he’ll be brave enough to break out of that cycle and reach out to others the same way others have reached out to him.
Speaking of other basket cases, Sakaki.
I personally don’t think he and Kakeru will ever make up or be friends again because his high school life can’t be undone, but in spite of all that’s happened, Sakaki’s managed to get into a reputable sports college, and he’s even made it as a regular on the team. Objectively speaking, regardless of what Kakeru did that jammed the brakes on his ambitions in high school, there’s no doubt that Sakaki is back on the right track and making progress in life, except like Kakeru before, he’s hung up on the past and unable to let go of his anger.
I’m not saying Sakaki should forgive Kakeru because Kakeru has changed for the better and has reflected on his actions. You don’t get to dictate when someone should forgive you for the damage you’ve done. But the fact is that Kakeru has already moved on, and no matter how much Sakaki wants to continue to guilt trip him about their past, it won’t work on him anymore. And in spite of himself, Sakaki seems to have friends and teammates who think the world of him too. He’s got the right support system and I think he has what it takes to go further in life. Sakaki needs to let go of that anger and make peace with himself so he doesn’t miss out on the good things that he now has.
