A/N: I'm not even sorry anymore. The only feeling in my bones is sleepyness.
He heard the ocean.
The soft waves hitting the shore. Yogi just threw the soft beach ball to an equally happy Tsukumo who caught it. He winked and started to walk to Gareki. Tsukumo nodded and threw the ball to Nai who caught it and laughed happily.
“What are you doing here? You should be playing with us”, Yogi complained softly and leaned down to sneak a peek of the writing in the book, checking whether it wasn’t a novel (that would have been somewhat legit in Yogi’s opinion), but it wasn’t.
“I don’t want to”, Gareki answered softly and flipped a page. He sounded odd. And it was a bad odd in Yogi’s opinion. Yogi couldn’t quite put it into words. Just this slight notion that Gareki was discontent about something. About something that was a weight on his soul or embarrassing?
Yogi took Gareki up, glad that he was so light. Worried by the same fact. Carrying Gareki to the beautiful ocean. Gareki’s fingers clawed into his bare shoulders. “You should at least enjoy the water with us for a bit”, Yogi told him, walking into the water and further.
“I don’t think it’s a good idea, Yogi.” Gareki mumbled, climbing slightly on Yogi when the water started to reach his feet.
Yogi laughed softly. “You’re not a cat, Gareki. It will be fun.” Yogi stood deep into the ocean now, making sure that Gareki wouldn’t hurt himself when he threw him in. He adjusted his grip and—
“Please.”
– let Gareki fall into the clear water. It was only then he realized that maybe it would bother Gareki more than he thought at first. He had asked, no, for Gareki it must have been like pleading. What had he done?
Gareki’s gaze just before he was dropped into the water, the desperate, betrayed gaze, ingrained itself deep into his memories. He swallowed audible. Gareki hadn’t reached the surface again. But Gareki could swim, Yogi knew that. He had seen him swimming in the pool that was in the research tower, teaching Nai in his break. But why didn’t he--?
But Yogi decided that that wasn’t important. Gareki wasn’t a merman. He wouldn’t be able to breath under the water surface. Maybe Gareki just made a crude joke, but Yogi didn’t care anymore. He took a deep breath and jumped into the direction he had formerly thrown Gareki in.
His eyes were open even though the salty water stung. Searching for Gareki, finding him quickly. Gasping for breath, panicked, eyes wide open, moving with movements that didn’t make any sense. Frantically trying to reach the surface.
Yogi grabbed his hand and pulled him up, taking him up on his arms again. Gareki’s eyes glistened, as his fingers dug into Yogi’s shoulders, probably leaving marks, coughing out water heavily. Yogi felt his stomach twisting and turning. It was his fault Gareki was in pain. Only his.
He was Gareki’s boyfriend, he shouldn’t send Gareki into panic attacks. He shouldn’t cause any pain to him…
He pulled the shivering body closer as he made his way back to the beach. “I’m sorry”, Yogi mumbled guilty. His eyes had stopped watering by now, only been exposed to the salty water for mere seconds, but Gareki’s hadn’t. When he stepped onto the sandy ground of the beach, Yogi thought about his choices. Towel or showering Gareki first?
He hoped Gareki wouldn’t panic because of a shower, he really hoped that as he carried Gareki to them. Softly setting him down, this shivering mess that had been one of the proudest persons he knew only minutes before.
He carefully peeled off the nice light blue shirt Gareki wore and threw it on the floor.
He was used to undress Gareki. But not like this. “I’m sorry”, he mumbled once more.
Gareki’s eyes looked in his general direction, not really looking at him, probably not even seeing him slightly clearly. “Why didn’t you listen?”
Yogi knew he had broken his every maxim. “Forgive me, I don’t even know.” Because he didn’t. Why hadn’t he listened? Why had he tried to pressure Gareki? He raised his hand, slowly turning on the shower, watching the soft pellets of water trailing down Gareki’s body.
Suddenly, Gareki stood up without saying a word. Yogi looked at him, sure Gareki would hit and insult him, but he didn’t. Gareki just went past him without saying anything, probably angry beyond words. Then Yogi heard a toilet stall being opened. Yogi looked up, watching Gareki walking inside, not even closing the door and then he heard Gareki throwing up.
Yogi was up on his feet in seconds. It broke his heart. Gareki was kneeling in front of a toilet, holding his stomach in pain. Throwing up his entire breakfast. Yogi slowly reached out, stroking up and down Gareki’s back.
Eventually it ended. Gareki was still kneeling, unable to stand quite up, even though he tried. Desperately. Yogi almost couldn’t bear it. It was his fault. He slowly picked Gareki up once more, carried him outside to the towels before putting him down and hurrying away to get something for Gareki to drink or clean his mouth out with.
Gareki took it without saying a word. When it was empty Gareki set it down next to the lieutenant in the sand. “Why didn’t you swim?” Yogi asked softly, stroking though the black hair.
“Panicked.” Came the short reply and Gareki crawled slightly on his lap, seeking some comfort or just getting more comfortable.
“Why?” Yogi asked then, sounding as gentle as before. “I almost drowned you, Gareki…” He was almost crying.
“Shitty four eyes almost did that too, you know? They sunk that Ship. But I don’t think they remember…” He closed his eyes. Breathing was still inconstant.
Yogi closed his eyes. He had forgotten about that piece of Gareki’s past. “I’m so sorry, I… Is there anything at all I can do for you? I…”
Gareki shook his head. “It’s fine. Go back and enjoy your day, I survived worse days.”
The lieutenant bit on his lip. “I’ll read for you until your eyes are fine again”, he proclaimed taking the book from the towel Gareki had read earlier. “I at least need to keep you entertained until you’re better. Then I’ll think about a compensation.” He looked for the picture he remembered seeing before he had pulled Gareki away and flipped a page.
Gareki looked up at Yogi. In curiosity. He hadn’t even mispronounced one single word, not any mistake. Yogi could read loud brilliantly. And hearing these words from Yogi’s mouth made Gareki want to kiss them off Yogi’s mouth.
He nuzzled more into Yogi’s tight.
“Gareki?”
“Can you read to me again tonight? I need a nap.”
Yogi nodded slightly. “Of course!”
When Gareki closed his eyes, he wondered whether he actually could educate Yogi enough to use ‘big words’ once in a while if he rewarded Yogi nicely for it.
He wondered whether Yogi even realized how sexy his voice sounded, using words like these…
Gareki fell asleep to Yogi’s finger’s caressing his raven black hair.
Hands off
Fandom: Karneval
Pairing: Yogi/Gareki
Prompt: for yoreki week (jealousy)
A/N: the circus kids play spin the bottle (disaster ensues). oops
NSFW
This is probably one of the stupidest, most pointless games Gareki has ever played in his life.
Sitting on the floor in a circle with Yogi, Tsukumo, Kiichi and Jiki, Gareki can only think that this is a bad idea. He can’t see this ending well at all, and for more reasons than he can really calculate in the space of time it takes for Jiki to suggest the idea. And of course, of course the idea came from Jiki.
Gareki keeps his arms crossed in front of him, and stares sourly at the bottle spinning in slow circles on the floor.
“They do this in books all the time,” Yogi says, touching his hand to Gareki’s knee. “It’s fun, right?”
Kiichi waits with her hands on her knees, scowling in Jiki’s general direction. Even though he’s the dumbass who suggested the stupid game, it seems like nobody really wants to have to kiss him. Which yeah, makes sense. He’s slimy, and a bastard.
The bottle slowly spins to a stop at Tsukumo, and Kiichi flushes for just a second while her thin eyebrows arch. Tsukumo sits with her feet tucked underneath her, and Kiichi leans across the small circle to give her a small, quick kiss. Gareki notices that Yogi looks politely away, like he feels they deserve privacy.
“Ah, that means it’s Gareki-kun’s turn now,” he says, stroking two fingers up and down his back. “Spin it! I hope you get me!”
“It’s stupid, though,” Gareki grumbles, reaching for the bottle. “We have sex on a daily basis. I shouldn’t have to play a dumb game just to...”
Yogi gasps. “Gareki-kun! You can’t say that out loud...”
Jiki coughs. “It’s fine.” He gives Gareki a quiet look. “It’s not like you’re ever quiet, anyway.”
Gareki glares back at him. “You don’t even live here.”
“He’s still right though,” Kiichi sniffs. “You need to behave yourselves better. Especially around Tsukumo-senpai...”
“I never notice.” Tsukumo says in her quiet, even voice. “We should move on. We don’t need to talk about this.”
“She’s right!” Yogi points emphatically at the bottle. “Gareki-kun, look. You have to kiss Tsukumo-chan.”
He heaves a heavy sigh, and before he can really think about what he has to do, leans to his right and gives her the smallest kiss on the cheek he can manage.
“Does that count...?”
Gareki turns back to glare at his boyfriend.
“What, do you want me to kiss her more?”
“It’s fine,” Tsukumo says, her face just a little red. “It was nice, Gareki. Thank you.”
Gareki doesn’t think he’s ever been so politely thanked for a stupid kiss before (well, actually, that was Yogi’s reaction the first time they kissed). He doesn’t say anything, just sighs and props his chin in his hands. It’s Yogi’s turn now.
They’ve been playing this for half an hour. Gareki guesses that Jiki just wants the damn chance to kiss Tsukumo, and apparently he couldn’t think of any other damn way to do that other than suggesting this stupid game. But it’s not often that he and Kiichi get the time to come and hang out with them (neither of them ever act like they like hanging out with then, but they must, because things like this usually happen).
Yogi spins it, and it lands on Jiki.
Gareki feels his blood start to boil.
Of course, Yogi’s already had to kiss Kiichi twice (and it was so funny, watching him try to kiss a girl that Gareki couldn’t even bother being mad about it), and Gareki once—which, fine, whatever. But there’s something about the way Jiki’s eyes slide over to Gareki when the nose of the bottle stops at his knees, and he lifts his chin up, stares at Yogi over his nose.
“Aha...that’s kind of funny, isn’t it...? Jiki-kun?”
Gareki guess that it’s funny because they’ve already kissed, back when Jiki just joined Circus and Yogi was an idiot. More of an idiot, maybe. He wasn’t particularly shy about telling him what had happened (apparently, Yogi had only had a crush on him, “that was it”, and they’d just kissed once “just once!!”), and Gareki wasn’t particularly quiet about how he felt about it (“I can’t believe you put your mouth on his mouth, he’s the slimiest fuck I’ve ever met in my entire life”).
“Just do it, then,” Gareki says crossly, glaring at Jiki. “If it’s so funny.”
Yogi blinks back at him, and it looks like he’s about to open his mouth and protest something, but Gareki turns his glare on him, and he shuts up.
This was a terrible idea. This game was a terrible fucking idea.
Yogi scoots forward just about half a foot, and stops with his face just inches away from Jiki’s. And Gareki thinks, he thinks he’s about to be able to sit through this, because right, it’s just a game, it doesn’t really matter—but then Jiki has to open his slimy mouth and say “feels familiar, doesn’t it?”
And then he pushes his hands into his hair, the shit, Gareki’s boyfriend’s hair, and kisses him. Not just a stupid, chaste little peck like they’d been doing all night, an actual fucking kiss—he opens his mouth against his and Gareki swears he can see Yogi push back into it, just a little, parting his lips, holding his hands right up above his own lap like he’s not sure if he’s supposed to be touching Jiki back or not.
Which of course, he’s not.
Gareki fucking glares.
Finally, after what feels like two entire damn minutes, Jiki pulls back and leaves Yogi looking extremely red faced and guilty.
Jiki looks back at Gareki, delicately wipes the back of his mouth on his hand, and Gareki stands up and walks away.
“Disgusting,” he says, not quietly, before he slams the door shut and leaves down the hallway.
He does regret slamming the door—he feels like it makes him look more like a petulant teenager than he wants to be, but what the fuck else is he supposed to do? Watch that piece of shit make out with his boyfriend under the guise of it being a game, when he’s pretty sure, no, positive, that he doesn’t even like boys in the damn first place.
He hates him. He hates Jiki, touching things that don’t fucking belong to him. For kissing his—
Gareki doesn’t go to his room, because he’s pretty sure Nai is there, and that’s the last thing he feels like dealing with, so he just stalks off to the kitchen to see if he can at least get something to eat before he kills somebody.
Predictably, Yogi chases after him.
“Gareki-kun,” he says, poking his head into the kitchen. Gareki’s just standing, facing the wall, his arms crossed across his chest. His heart is pounding, he’s pissed, he’s so fucking pissed, he can’t remember ever being this pissed before. Worse than that, he’s jealous—and he knows that, and doesn’t that feel stupid, being jealous of fucking goddamned Jiki. “Are you...mad?”
Gareki breathes out hard through his nose. Mad. Mad. Of all things, he feels like Yogi should be able to tell when he’s mad. And he doesn’t even want to deal with him right now, he doesn’t even want to look at his face or his swollen lips, the lips that Jiki kissed.
“Fuck off,” he says, not turning around, keeping his arms crossed.
“Gare...Gareki-kun...”
He can hear the catch in Yogi’s voice, and it hurts, but he’s so angry that it doesn’t really matter. He’s not just angry, he’s—he’s hurt.
“Yeah, I’m mad. I’m fucking pissed. But thanks for asking, I hope that makes you feel better.”
He turns around and stomps past him, knocking his shoulder into his as he goes. Yogi balks, and for a second, Gareki thinks he’s actually not going to follow him this time—but he does, he trots behind him, babbling.
“But I’m—I’m sorry Gareki-kun, I didn’t know you’d get angry...it was just a game, I—”
“Why don’t you go back and play some more, then?” Gareki says sourly. “I’m sure Jiki would just fucking love to have you back.”
“Gareki...”
Gareki wheels around, and it stops Yogi in his tracks. “Stop.” He steps forward pointing a finger at his chest. “It was a game. It was a stupid game. But if you want to make out with Jiki, then what the fuck? I don’t give a shit. Do whatever you want.”
Yogi lets out a shaky breath. “Oh, you’re really mad at me...”
It takes all of his strength not to slap him. Gareki grits his teeth, balls his fists. Maybe he’s getting too worked up, maybe he’s too mad, but—but he shouldn’t be kissing anyone else, Yogi.
He shouldn’t be.
Yogi looks down at his feet, and wrings his hands together. He makes a weird nose, and Gareki realizes—fuck, he’s crying. “I’m sorry,” he says, his voice quiet and strangled and small. “Please don’t be angry...”
“It’s too late for that,” Gareki scowls. “You’ve already fucked it all up. And stop crying. You look like an idiot.”
Yogi gives him a sad, tremulous look, and then—and then something in his face hardens. A muscle in his cheek moves as he clenches his jaw, and he presses his eyebrows, knits them together.
“You’re always acting like...like I’m the only one who messes things up, Gareki,” he says, breathing very quickly. “Like I’m the only one of us who makes mistakes, but—I said I was sorry, and I mean it, and I don’t ever remember you saying that to me!”
He’s really crying now, and Gareki would almost feel bad for him if he didn’t think he was so firmly in the right.
“You can’t...” he closes his eyes and rubs hard at his temples, trying to make sense of how he feels. Pissed. Jealous. “You can’t kiss other people like that. You’re my boyfriend, aren’t you?”
“Jiki kissed me,” he says, his voice remarkably firm. “It was a game, and he took it too far. He—Gareki-kun, you know I used to like him, and you know how he is...”
“I’m not about to say that he’s not the biggest piece of shit in this whole thing,” Gareki scowls. He really wishes Yogi would stop crying. “...Whatever. It’s stupid, arguing in the hallway. You’re gonna attract attention, sobbing like an idiot.”
Yogi wipes his face slowly with the cuffs of his sleeves, and his breathing evens a little bit.
“We can go to—we can go to my room, if you want.” He doesn’t meet his eyes anymore. “Then we can talk some more?”
Gareki huffs, but he agrees that that’s probably best. Agreeing with him is probably best, because as mad as he is—he hates seeing Yogi so sad, and he feels a little calmer now, just a little less stupid about the whole thing. He nods curtly, and Yogi walks with him down the hallway, keeping his hands deep in his pockets. Gareki reminds himself to breathe, every once in a while.
When Yogi’s door closes behind him, Yogi goes to sit down on his bed and for a second, he looks hopefully up at Gareki, who just kicks his chair away from his desk to sit there, instead. Yogi looks a bit crestfallen for a second, but he covers it up pretty quickly.
“I didn’t want to kiss him like that,” he says, his eyebrows furrowing again. “You have to believe me when I say that, of course I didn’t want to...he only kissed me like that because he knew it would make you mad! He just wanted to play the game in the first place so he could kiss Tsukumo-chan...and because he likes to see people all riled up, you know how he is.”
“I know how he is,” Gareki says. “He’s a damn bastard.”
“Ah, well, he’s actually really nice, once you—” he stops, once Gareki glares at him again. “Um. Well, I’m just trying to say that I’m sorry—it was a silly game to play anyway. You’re not—you’re not still...mad? Are you? Gareki-kun?”
Gareki heaves a sigh. He doesn’t really feel mad, just tired. He gets up from the chair and goes over to the bed to sit down, slowly.
“No,” he says quietly. “Not at you, anyway.”
Yogi smiles, wipes at his face a little more. “That’s good,” he says. His voice is still just a little cracked. “Um, can I...”
“...What?”
“Can I kiss you?”
Gareki snorts softly. He bumps Yogi’s shoulder with his, finally feeling just a bit stupid for getting so pissed off at him. “You don’t have to ask,” he mutters, smiling just a little. “Idiot.”
Yogi returns the small smile, and putting a hand on his knee, leans in to kiss him.
It starts soft, the kiss; Yogi’s threading his fingers in Gareki’s hair, and slanting his head so their mouths meet just right, and Gareki returns it, just as soft, just as apologetic—but then he decides he wants more. So he kisses him harder, puts his hands on either side of his face and pushes back, starting to breathe hard out of his nose.
“How far,” he mumbles, pushing him down so they’re both laying on their sides, legs tangling, “how far away is that room with everyone else in it?”
“Not—not far,” Yogi says, squirming just a bit closer. “Why?”
“Because.” Gareki shoves a knee between his legs, and Yogi lets out a surprised moan, already starting to gasp against his mouth. “Because I want everyone to hear. I want them to ear so they know you’re mine.”
Yogi moans again, and lets Gareki turn him onto his back so he can settle himself over him, pinning his hands down to the mattress, rolling his hips down onto his. They’re both already hard. “I am,” Yogi murmurs into his mouth, hooking a leg up and around his waist. “I am.”
Gareki kisses him, hard and slow, grinding down on his hips as slowly as he can manage, trying to draw out every loud noise from him he can possibly manage. He makes enough noise himself, groaning out his name because he knows how much Yogi loves it when he says his name.
“More,” Yogi pants, once Gareki’s got his pants around his thighs and he’s stroking his cock hard in one hand. “Gareki-kun, please, I need—”
“Do you want me to fuck you?” Gareki gasps, teeth scraping against his throat. “Or do you wanna fuck me?”
“I just need you,” he moans, tangling his fingers in his hair. “Please, Gareki, please...”
“Louder.”
“Gareki—”
“Louder!”
Yogi tips his head back and practically cries it, his beautiful, long neck exposed. Gareki sucks on a small patch of skin, hard enough to leave a mark. This boy is his, and he wants everyone to know; this beautiful, foolish boy belongs to him.
Since Yogi basically looks beside himself already, Gareki keeps touching his cock while he slicks his fingers and pushes one inside himself. He looks Yogi directly in the eyes, and watches how he shivers, how he keens for him.
It was stupid, to think that Yogi could possibly feel this way about anyone else, the way he looks at him.
Once he feels ready, Gareki kicks his pants off all the way, and gripping Yogi’s shoulders, sinks himself down onto his cock.
“Fuck,” he exhales, dropping his head. Yogi gives him another strangled groan, and throws his arm around his shoulders. He squirms, so Gareki moves his hands from his shoulders to his thighs, keeping him still—he spreads his own legs, thinking about how fucking shameless he looks, fucking himself on Yogi’s dick with his own hard cock bouncing.
“You’re so—” Yogi pants, his back arched, his golden hair messy and splayed over the pillow under his head, “—you’re so good, Gareki, you feel so g—” he breaks off in a moan, a moan that turns into a loud cry, and Gareki moves a hand back to his shoulder to brace himself again.
“Relax,” he pants, even though technically, he’s the one being fucked—Yogi pounds his hips up, and Gareki slams his ass down, and the bed just fucking bounces underneath them, making so much noise, he’s sure, positive, that all those shits a few rooms over can hear.
Gareki feels his toes curl, and he can feel a tight pressure balling up in his groin; he’s gonna come, he’s gonna come without even touching his dick, and he’s gonna do it all over Yogi’s chest—Yogi keeps gasping his name, and Gareki fucks himself down on his cock harder, until they both come, shaking, swearing.
He collapses on him, not really giving a fuck that his chest is slick and sticky with his own come. Yogi rubs his hand over his back, slowly starting to catch his breath, still murmuring slow strings of praise into his ear.
“You’re so amazing,” he says, like he says every time. “You’re incredible. I love—I love you so much, Gareki-kun.”
Gareki drags his nose across Yogi’s collarbone and buries it in his neck. “I love you too,” he says, actually nuzzling closer to him. Nuzzling. He can’t believe he’s come to this, but he can’t help it—he loves him so much, he can’t help it even if he tries. Hell, he tried being mad at him, actually mad, and he could only make that last about ten minutes.
Yogi’s just so...he doesn’t really know how to describe it. He’s not just cute, he’s beautiful, he’s charming and he’s sweet and he’s so selfless that it almost hurts, because Gareki is the most selfish person he knows. Selfish, and stupidly proud.
He picks his head up.
“I’m—sorry,” he says quietly. “By the way.”
Yogi just looks at him. “About what?”
“Earlier. Besides, you said I never do, so...I am. Apologizing. I’m sorry.”
Yogi’s face softens, and he does that thing where his eyes fucking shine and his entire expression melts.
“Thank you,” he whispers, picking his head up to kiss him on the nose.
*
The next day, Jiki and Kiichi glare at him throughout breakfast. Tsukumo just refuses to meet his or Yogi’s eyes, and sips her tea very quietly, looking at the space directly in front of her only. Jiki keeps rubbing at his head like he has the biggest headache anyone has ever had.
Gareki makes sure to catch his eye and smirk as snidely as he can at him.
Yogi knew it was stupid. And he knew that was it what Gareki would call it with a drawn-out ‘u’, because it was extra stupid and because Gareki was cute like that.
But Gareki would never agree with that.
But he was agreeing to something else.
Something Yogi didn’t even know what it was.
Something Yogi probably wouldn’t even understand when he heard what it was.
But since he didn’t even hear, there was no way he could know.
He put on a forced smile as he turned to the buffet and started to fill his plate with chocolate.
Gareki gave input into a discussion now. Looking like he was thinking hard while he spoke, trying harder than ever when he spoke with Yogi, looking so polite when he answered. Looking nothing like he ever lived on the street, looking like he always had the chance he had fulfilled now.
Being a combatant and a highly respected doctor – a medical scientist – Akari-sensei himself was proud of being the mentor off. Yogi was happy for Gareki, he really was. He was happy because Gareki was happy, because Gareki stayed with him through the years he raised in ranks.
They even kept what they had when combatant doctor became a class in Kuronomei, when Gareki’s operations became less and gradually stopped, when he was a guest teacher and when he was eventually called to the research tower to work directly under Akari.
Yogi couldn’t say he wasn’t happy for Gareki. Because he was.
The thing he wasn’t happy about was that they rarely saw each other anymore. Yogi still called Gareki every night, wrote him short messages whenever he had a free moment.
Gareki was the very reason he declined every offer he had gotten to become a Captain.
And now that.
It wouldn’t even be a problem if he had actually seen Gareki in the last weeks, the last month even, but they weren’t able to.
He swallowed down some chocolate, trying to concentrate on it. The chocolate served on occasions like these was the most delicious after all, but he was unable to. He missed Gareki. Gareki was supposed to be his date for the evening, not somebody else’s. His. After they hadn’t seen each other in a month. 4 weeks. 28 days. 672 hours. 40320 minutes. 2419200 seconds.
Yogi tried to stop thinking. But he couldn’t.
He could understand Gareki. He was just a fighter, he didn’t understand half of what Gareki told him when he spoke about work. He knew he had to be stupid in Gareki’s mind, but… he still loved Gareki so much. So much it made him want to throw up that Gareki hadn’t even told him ‘Good evening’ or asked him ‘How have you been?’ the only thing Gareki had done was pressing Yogi a short kiss on the cheek, telling him ‘later’.
Yogi didn’t know what to do without Gareki anymore.
He just didn’t know anymore.
Gareki had become the sole reason he was still breathing. Quite literally.
But now he couldn’t wait anymore, he swallowed down the last bit of chocolate, before he headed out of the ballroom to the ship. The department would be early. As was the next mission. A difficult one too. And he didn’t even have the chance to tell Gareki goodbye.
Walking out of the hall, he wished his heart would stop beating in such an agony or – if Gareki had decided against their relationship (and Yogi would understand if he did, really he could) – just stopped beating at all.
He didn’t even throw a gaze in Gareki’s direction anymore.
Gareki was semi-content. He was glad he finally finished his surprise for their anniversary, he was highly displeased he didn’t get to talk to Yogi the evening before. Yogi should have told him there wouldn’t be a later, that they wouldn’t have a cosy time later. Gareki was ashamed he didn’t look it up, that he trusted that the Ship would stay longer.
But he had finished paperwork and the present, so it wasn’t all bad. His eyes wandered to his mobile, checking whether it was turned on. It was.
Gareki placed it on his desk once more. Pulling some medical magazines, he rarely found the time to read, out of a drawer and started to read. It promised to be a slow day. A rare, nice, slow—it knocked on his office door. It promised to quickly. “Come in” he called softly.
His assistant seemed nervous when she came in. Oddly enough. She carried just a single slip of paper. Also odd. She avoided his gaze. Maybe not so odd. “I’m sorry to intrude, sensei.” She excused herself softly, shifting her weight on her feet. “You were put down as only emergency contact of lieutenant Yogi…” she trailed off.
He blinked. “Yes, I am. Why do you ask?” Gareki looked up at her, waiting patiently for an answer. This was getting ridiculous.
She nodded, seemingly regaining back some sort of courage, but not really. “Said lieutenant suffered life threatening injuries on his last mission.”
Gareki’s world seemed to stop. The only sound escaping his mouth was strangled, barely resembling a ‘no’. The pain spreading though his body, the fear, was unbearable. His hand wandered to his mobile, checking for any new messages. But no. No, there wasn’t one.
Nothing new.
‘I’m so exited to see you tonight~!’ was the latest one. Yogi had sounded so enthusiastic. So happy. Gareki was able to imagine the exact hopeful expression Yogi must have had when he send it.
And Gareki had… he had… ignored him all night. “No…” Gareki let the mobile drop freely out of his hand. “Please”, he asked his assistant, “please tell me this is a crude joke…”
“Se-sensei?” she asked softly, compassionate. “I—“ she stopped speaking for a split second and shook her head, “I don’t think I should lie to you.”
And that was it. With shaky hands and raspy breath, Gareki stormed down to the emergency ward. He didn’t even know where to go to anymore, his gaze flew over things and people, hazy. Like it was a dream. Surreal.
He couldn’t find him, Yogi’s name was ringing in his head. Yogi. Yogi. Yogi. And also ‘I’m sorry’. He saw someone who looked oddly familiar. “Gareki”, the person called him, was it Akari? His gaze hazily on the man, his thoughts running with a speed faster then light, but not reaching any conclusion. “Gareki!” The person snapped at him. Had the random noises been his name as well? “You’re not to come in.” In where? To Yogi? But he needed to apologize. He needed to. He needed to…
The door to an operation room opened, a nurse over Yogi’s lifeless body desperately trying to stop a bleeding, the bright clothes blood stained, the skin so painfully white. A hand grabbed his shoulder pulling him softly back. “Akari-sensei said you shouldn’t go in, Gareki-sensei.”
He didn’t remember the voice. He couldn’t. Was he a fighter from Yogi’s Ship or a doctor like him? A researcher maybe? He carefully pushed Gareki on a visitor bench.
There was cold coffee next to Gareki who was staring at the lamp over the room Yogi was in. Waiting for it to change. Waiting for news.
He wasn’t sure how long he had been there. Hours maybe, days? Just looking at the red light.
His body hurt, but not as much as his heart. Akari stood over him, just placing a blanket over him. Then suddenly Gareki sat up. There was a snapping sound. “Yogi?” Gareki asked, looking fearfully at Akari.
“It’s up to him now. But I will not lie to you, his condition is still critical, Gareki.” His words were carefully. And maybe that was what filled Gareki up with even more fear.
“Where? I need to… I need to…”
“You need to sleep Gareki. You can visit him when you had a few hours of sleep.” But Gareki shook his head. Akari sighed. “Stubborn child” he told him, but knew Gareki wouldn’t be able to sleep like this. He would go to Yogi and when it would kill him. “Come then.”
And Gareki was on his feet immediately.
Three weeks. Yogi had been unconscious for three weeks. And Gareki hadn’t even left the room more than a handful of times. Worrying. Akari had even taken to sit next to Gareki while the younger one at and even so, he barely ate enough. Which was even more worrying, especially with Gareki’s normally so healthy appetite.
Gareki held Yogi’s cold hand, that normally was so warm whenever it had touched him. But it wasn’t touching him now, it was being touched by Gareki’s shaking hands. “I’m sorry”, Gareki mumbled. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”
But Yogi didn’t answer. Couldn’t answer. And Gareki was sure it was his fault. His punishment.
On Yogi’s bedside, Gareki found himself praying for the first time in his life.
It was probably pure irony that Yogi woke up exactly at the time, Akari had forced – almost physically – to leave his bedside. Just a shower, a change of clothes, a nap in a bed if he felt up to it.
Yogi looked around in the cold, empty, isolated room. Remembering how Gareki had been there for every scratch, looking just the slightest bit worried. Remembering how Gareki had ignored him, how he hadn’t even had the time for a prober kiss. Wishing he hadn’t woken up again. Wishing he wouldn’t need to hear it.
He pressed at the small button on the side of his bed, waiting for a doctor to arrive. A doctor he knew wasn’t Gareki.
When Gareki saw Akari coming out of Yogi’s hospital room, his stomach twisted. He almost doubled over until he saw Akari sending a small smile in his direction. And then he felt like he could fly (which he actually could). “He’s awake, Gareki, but worried. Try not to talk about work.” And Gareki knew that and normally he would be annoyed about getting things told more than once, but not this time. He wanted to hug Akari in happiness, thank him a hundred – a thousand even – times. Akari clapped him on the shoulder. “You’re on your own then.”
Gareki nodded, hasting for the door, stopping for a split second when he was in. Just looking at Yogi. “It’s over isn’t it?” Yogi asked, voice resigned, sad.
The young doctor smiled softly. “Akari asked me not to talk about work, Yogi.” Though he wondered, it sure was unusual for Yogi to start with work related things before even saying ‘Hello’.
“I’m not talking about work. I’m talking about ‘us’.” Yogi still hadn’t looked at Gareki. His gaze was fixed on his hands, “They should have let me die, would have been easier for you that way, mh?”
Gareki’s eyes widened. Tears collected in them. Had he hurt Yogi that much? “I’m sorry…” Was that stained something really his voice? He tapped to Yogi’s bed, falling on his knees. Maybe it was only then he realized what Yogi really had said. “Never. I’d rather die myself if it would save your life.” He reached out for Yogi’s hand, just touching it, not taking. “I love you, Yogi. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I love you. I love you. Please don’t leave me. I’ll try to be nicer, I’ll call back every time, write you diary like messages if you want, but please, please, don’t leave me…”
Yogi shook his head. “I’m keeping you back, Gareki. Besides, if you really loved me wouldn’t you look forward to my messages and calls? Wouldn’t you be there when I’m injured like this? Wouldn’t you treasure every moment we could spend with each other? You’re just my boyfriend out of habit aren’t you?” The soft warm hand found it’s way into Gareki’s hair. “Do me the favour and go, Gareki.”
“Bu—“
“Please.”
Gareki wasn’t a person prone to crying, in fact he was the person who kept his cool. Always.
But not now. Lying on the bed he had loved to share with Yogi and crying his eyes out. Hearing somebody knock on his door, but he didn’t care anymore. The door clicked. Akari stepped in, it could only be him. “Care to explain?” he asked as he closed the door once more.
Gareki looked at him with misty eyes. “He broke up with me.”
“And you hide in your room when he clearly means the world to you? I always expected you to fight for him, for everything. Shouldn’t you be down there courting him or something?” Akari spoke, raising his eyebrows in disbelieve.
“I don’t love him”, Gareki told him, softly. Sorrow in his eyes.
“Best joke I’ve heard all day”, Akari declared. “You’re not seventeen anymore, Gareki. Don’t wait for Yogi to act.” With that Akari left him alone once more, leaving him to think.
Gareki stood in front of Yogi’s door. Folder in his hands. He wasn’t going to show Yogi how nervous he was.
And then he knocked, before opening the door. “I haven’t invited you in, Gareki-sensei.” Yogi told him and Gareki almost winced at the distance.
“I’ve got a proposition.” Gareki told him. “I – at least – wanted to show you why I ignored you that evening.” He fiddled slightly on the folder before pressing it into Yogi’s hands. “And I also wasn’t with you out of habit. Therefore, if you want to break up, break up with me using your feelings as reason.“
Yogi raised an eyebrow at him, before looking though the folder. “You wanted to pull me out of field duty?” He asked.
“I was worried. I camped in front of your bed. Akari pulled me out of the room just before you must have woken up, I was only away for 20 minutes.” Gareki explained. “Besides, I don’t think I could live without you anymore.”
Yogi shrugged. “It would have been long distance again.”
“No!” Gareki told him, shaking his head resolute. “I will be teaching at Kuronomei starting July as well. It would have been long distance for maybe two weeks in which you could have started to decorate our home already…” He looked at his hands. “It would have been our first shared home since the Second Ship.” He smiled sadly. “I had really looked forward to it, being able to wake up next to you every day seems like a dream.”
“Why did you never call me back?” Yogi asked, curiously.
Gareki looked up at him with hope-filled eyes. Maybe that was his chance. But the reason to this question wasn’t that easy to explain. He looked at Yogi with a somewhat embarrassed expression. “I felt stupid for calling you just to hear your voice. I know I shouldn’t have been, but I was. And sometimes I just didn’t know what to write. I thought you would understand, I didn’t know how you felt, you never told me…”
“Come here for a second”, Yogi told him, tapping on the mattress next to him in a seemingly nonchalant manner and Gareki obeyed for once, sitting down next to Yogi.
Gareki had expected many things, but not the soft embrace from Yogi he actually got. “Yo--?” he started to ask.
“Does the offer still stand? Kuronomei, I mean?”
Gareki nodded softly, “Yes, it does.” Hoping.
“I love you, Gareki, I really really do love you too.” And there surely were thousands of little explosions in Gareki’s heart when Yogi told him that and kissed his cheek carefully. “I should have know better than getting jealous.”
“Jealousy is stuuupid, Yogi. You’d have to kill me to get rid of me.” Yes, Gareki was cute like that.
Yogi laughed softly and pressed a soft kiss on Gareki’s forehead.
Title: Jealousy
Fandom: Karneval
Pairing: Yogi x Gareki
Contribution to the YoReki week
This is my very first Fanfiction I've ever written in English. I hope it's not to bad. It's a bit short as well since I only had one evening to work on it.
Hope you like it! Spread the YoReki love!!! ♥
He was pissed. Gareki stomped through the alley, trying to get as far away from Yogi as possible. "Gareki-kun!"
What happened to upset the raven haired boy that much can be summarized in one word: woman.
Every time Circus held a parade in a town, Gareki had to participate. Bored as hell he'd wander next to Nai until they reached the tent in which the show was going to be held later. So he uses the time to observe the audience. At his third parade he noticed a woman with long brown hair. She had been to the last two parades as well. Her curly hair and the eye-catching makeup. She smiles brightly every time she sees Nyanperowna and stretches out her hands, taking a candy bar, eying the yellow cat.
First Gareki thought this was only a coincidence. After spotting her on the next two parades, he started to wonder how she managed to follow Circus like that and at the eight parade he finally noticed: the woman wasn't following Circus, she was following Yogi. Her eyes were only on Nyanperowna and she even followed him through the crowd, never losing sight of him.
She only took Candy Bars from him as well, never from Nai or anyone else.
Every time Gareki saw that woman he immediately got upset. It's not like he cared about Yogi or was worried about him being stalked. She simply annoyed him. That's all.
After walking through the streets and into the tent, Yogi, Gareki and Nai went in a changing room. Gareki silently changed out of his costume. He had seen that woman again and watched her following Yogi again. Gritting his teeth he put on his normal clothes.
Yogi and Nai meanwhile chatted lively as always, talking about candy bars, cats and all the "happy smiles and laughter" (just listening annoyed Gareki even more).
"Gareki, did you listen?" A tug on his sleeve caught his attention. Nai looked up at him smiling widely. "Yogi is going to show us a nice shop!" Raising his eyebrow Gareki turned his eyes on Yogi. His intention of asking him where the hell he wants to go this time, Gareki caught sight of Yogi's bare chest. "It's an ice cream parlor, Nai-chan. They sell reeeeally good ice cream there." Yogi said happily while changing out of Nyanperowna.
Gareki looked away instantly. Feeling his face getting hot he was about to say something to him as the door flung open. Turning to the door Gareki thought he'd seen a ghost. There she was, standing in the door frame eyes darting from Nai to Gareki and finally to Yogi. Yogi who stood next to his Nyanperowna costume in nothing more than his pants. Her eyes glittered in excitement and she run past Gareki faster than expected. "I found you, Nyanperowna!" She threw her arms around Yogi and pressed herself at him. At this moment Gareki felt a stinging in his chest. Annoyance started to build up again.
Stuttering Yogi tried to push the woman away - effortless. "I- I'm not.. Nyanperowna is not... You got... Please let go of me..!" A crimson shade appeared on Yogis face.
"Don't you remember? You once saved my life! Your hole being saved me!" She clung to him looking up affectionately. "I've been following you around for so long, Nyanperowna. I've never eaten one of the precious candy bars you gave to me. And I never forgot your lovely voice! You mean everything to me!"
Completely taken by surprise Yogi continued stuttering.
Feeling anger boiling inside of him Gareki clenched his hands to fists. How could he just stand there and let that woman do something like that? Does he not see how crazy that woman is? Why is he even blushing, is he enjoying her touch?!
Nai looked around between the two of them shocked before running out of the room. Gareki still watched the two of them. Just as he started to move - wanting to tear the woman away from Yogi and probably throwing her out the window - the woman pressed herself onto Yogi even more. Her hands wandered in the back of his neck. "Please let go o--" As soon as he started she pulled him closer and pressed her lips onto Yogi's.
Time seemed to stand still. Gareki could do nothing more than to watch in horror how the woman sucked on Yogi's lips. His chest tightened from the sight and before he knew what he was doing Gareki stormed out of the room.
He could her a desperate "Gareki-kun!" but he did not pause. Even as Nai dragging Hirato with him came in sight Gareki just run past them.
Outside. Getting outside and cooling down. Trying to forget the sight of that woman kissing Yogi.
That attempt failed. Wandering around the town all Gareki could think of was that kiss. Yogi's bare chest, the curly hair of that crazy woman, Yogi's lips, the way she talked to him, Yogi's eyes, the way her voice sounded, Yogi's blush on his cheeks.
Angrily he kicked against a street lamp. Why could he not calm down? Why could he not stop thinking about Yogi? And why won't his heart stop beating twice as fast as normally?
Beside the pain which ran through his foot he kept on walking. Turning around a corner he stopped in his track. There stood Yogi. Breathless, not-shirtless, without any lips on his. As soon as he spotted the raven haired one his gloomy face light up only a little bit. „Gareki-kun, there you are!“ Those fine looking lips, he started to wonder if they tasted like that woman now.
Within a few steps Yogi stood right in front of Gareki. Lowering his gaze Gareki tried to get that image out of his head. „What's wrong, Gareki-kun...? Why did you...“ Already knowing the answer Yogi let his question drop. Garekis eyes wandered around studying the path he stood on. How did Yogi get rid of that woman? Why did he follow him?
Softly Yogi laid his hand on Gareki's arm trying to gain the teenager's attention. „Gareki-kun--“ He softly called his name, nearly gentle. Had his kiss with that woman been gentle as well? Yogi's hand reached out for Gareki's arm. „Why did you--“ Noticing his attempt to touch him Gareki stepped back. His eyes still fixed on the floor. „Don't...“ Clenching his hands to fists again Gareki could feel the anger boil up even more than before. Has Yogi touched that woman with that hand as well?
„Gareki-kun, what's wrong? Why are you so angry?“ How could he even ASK such a stupid question? Wasn't the answer to this obvious? „I'm not angry...“ Grinding his teeth again he turned around. „Just leave me alone.“
And here he was – stomping around throwing curses at Yogi. While Yogi desperately tried to get his attention back, calling his name.
„Gareki-kun, I'm begging you! Please stop!“ „No!“ No longer paying real attention to his surroundings Gareki took a sharp turn around a corner. He couldn't know that there were stairs just around the corner. Losing his balance he tried to reach for the handle. „Gareki-kun!“ Before he fell down the stairs a strong hand got a hold of his upper arm and pulled him back. Bumping with his back in Yogi's chest Gareki's heart tried to break free from his cage. Yogi wrapped his arms around Gareki and pulled him closer. „That was close!“ Tightening his grip a little bit around the shorter one Yogi took in the scent of his friend.
Feeling Yogi's breath in his neck Gareki turned red and stiffened immediately. He tried to sort out his mind. „Gareki-kun...“ Whispering in his ear causing the raven haired boy to shudder a bit. „Calm down...“ Gareki did not know where to put his anger anymore. Why was Yogi... Why was he himself... „Talk to me, please!“
Shifting a little bit Gareki loosened the grip Yogi had around him just enough to turn around in his embrace. Yogi fell silent immediately, waiting patiently for Gareki to speak up.
Gareki's mind was full of all kind of thoughts. His feelings and his heart seemed to break apart every moment if he won't say something, make a move. He wasn't good with words, he was good in taking an action. And with each passing second, the face of that woman came back in his mind.
He then looked up straight into Yogi's beautiful eyes. He could see so many emotions in them; concern about the younger one, confusion about his behavior, irritation about what has happened before. At the same time Yogi's breath in his face, his immense gaze who laied only on him, his arms wrapped tightly around Gareki's waist.
This felt so right. Gareki then took action. He gripped Yogi at his collar and pulled him close. Before Yogi could protest he closed the small distance between the two of them. Yogi's eyes were wide in surprise while Gareki kept his eyes closed, afraid of the reaction. The kiss was short, rough and shaky. But it seemed to make sense to Gareki now. Why the woman had annoyed him so much. Why he could only think about Yogi's lips. Why his heart skipped a few beats. And why he felt safe within Yogi's arms.
Just as Yogi relaxed in the kiss Gareki broke apart. Only a few inches were brought between theirs lips. As they were both catching their breaths Gareki could feel his face heat up again. While he could see Yogi thinking about what just happened, he took the chance to steal him another kiss from his lips. Those perfect lips. „THAT'S why I've been angry.“
Loosening Yogi's grip he turned around and run down the stairs. Eyes wide in shock about himself and his feelings. Heart beating as loud as a jungle drum. Face as red as a tomato. Jealousy replaced by a shaky hand on his lips. His feelings for the Second Ship's fighter as evident as the setting sun.
